Jana_Ardana1229
Rising Star
PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set:Nervous, anxious, unsure.
(physical condition) Set:Normal, slightly sleep deprived
Setting (location):House of acquaintance. Not a well known or sacred space.
time of day: (early afternoon, little sunlight in house)
recent drug use: (none)
last meal: (an apple, some cashews and a muffin, taken after a day of fasting.)
PARTICIPANT
Gender: (m)
body weight: (84 kg)
known sensitivities: Known history of messianic/schizophrenic delusion with LSD and marijuana
history of use: Used once before with only slight tracer effects and calmness
BIOASSAY
Substance(s): 70 mg DMT I made from MHRB. Unknown how much was n,n or 5-meo or NMT
Dose(s): 70 mg
Method of administration: smoked/vaporized in a meth-pipe
EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:00:20 for four hits
Duration: 5 minutes
First effects: Instantly after handing pipe to sitter
Peak: instant
Come down:
Baseline:
Intensity (overall): 4
Evaluation / notes:
OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 0
Unplesantness: 4
Visual Intensity: 3
.
.
.
AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 0
REPORT
Ok, so I had smoked this stuff before, but I suppose now that it was totally bunk. I had an impossible time getting any so I decided to make some myself. I'm homeless so I had to send the MHRB to a friends house, and cook it at an acquaintances house. (The "friend" thought the drug too hardcore to be in his house)
All in all, from deciding to make it myself, to actual yield of substance, took me two weeks and about three hundred dollars, including all materials, supplies, and travel costs. I only bring this up to make known that for that two weeks, this was basically my lifes' mission. My last vestige of purpose in this world. I had all kinds of important questions I was going to ask, I was going to confront death and the spirit world and all that existentially meaningful stuff.
I was so nervous in taking the substance. I have recently, since an EPIC LSD trip I had, tried to make it a point to accept the guidance of the quiet voice in my head I call my Holy Guardian Angel, or Morpheus, or Rick (Like Rick and Morty) depending on what symbol system I prefer to utilize at the time. Except when he/me gives certain advice that I am in no way prepared to enact upon, which is getting pretty often. Regardless, he usually knows if something is generally for my benefit or not. He was saying that yea, I could try it and should if I felt I had too, but nothing after it would be the same.
After watching my acquaintance smoke it (she was a gung-ho smoker of all things that promised a high) and having a non-blast-off experience. I figured I owed it to her and myself to try it as well. I hit the pipe four good times, the last hit being monumental in thickness and duration, like I just kept inhaling more and more. I knew, without any real indication, that whatever was going to happen was close, so I handed off the pipe and leaned back in the chair.
As soon as my head hit the head-rest, I saw the world in precisely the same way as I had on my bad-ass wake-up LSD trip a year prior. Where you see everything as it IS and it all seems so fake and thick and dreamlike, but MORE, I can't explain it, but soon it got WAAAY worse.
Now, a halmark of this LSD perception, which since that trip also happened on weed, was this foreboding feeling that.. something was up. Well now that something came straight to the fore.. and everything began to fractal and zoom and complexify. I had an instant remembering of this exact state, that it was leading to an actual waking up, to a state of remembrance that would spoil every ounce of the illusion of immersion in this life of mine. I knew then what I really was, and that the very truth I had always pursued in this life was intrinsically incompatible with further existence in that life. Comprehension and annihilation were the same thing. I tried to open my eyes and cease the zoom, get off the platform before I blasted off, but I realized that having eyes open or closed were fundamentally the same thing. My body was/is a software machine and I could tell some force was seeing to its' maintenance and entropy, some alien force.
I ended up closing my eyes so tightly that they actually opened up to my current reality. This is when I knew that this life is some willful fit of refusal to truly see myself,to come to grips with what really is. I didn't want to remember, and realized that was at the crux of reincarnation. What I experienced WAS death, AND remembering, and I refused it! I just didn't want to die yet! And I didn't want to ruin this life for myself, which is already pretty void of purpose and fraught with thoughts of body/machine annihilation.
I've done almost the entire suit of psychedelics, including high extract Salvia Divinorum, and all that is so much not a thing in comparison to this.. How do you people do it and continue living life?
I've been thinking and think now that this desire to remain entranced in the delusion of life will keep me in the reincarnation cycle if I don't defeat that urge. I know during that experience I had every intention of just saving it until the ACTUAL death, but of course now that I've forgotten the essence of the thing (Which, to remember would be to experience it again I'm sure) I want to try it again and try to really let go and surrender. But holy crap, I've been reading trip reports and the nexus for years (I'm 24) and NEVER thought it would be like that.
Thanks for reading.. had to get this off my chest.
(mind)Set:Nervous, anxious, unsure.
(physical condition) Set:Normal, slightly sleep deprived
Setting (location):House of acquaintance. Not a well known or sacred space.
time of day: (early afternoon, little sunlight in house)
recent drug use: (none)
last meal: (an apple, some cashews and a muffin, taken after a day of fasting.)
PARTICIPANT
Gender: (m)
body weight: (84 kg)
known sensitivities: Known history of messianic/schizophrenic delusion with LSD and marijuana
history of use: Used once before with only slight tracer effects and calmness
BIOASSAY
Substance(s): 70 mg DMT I made from MHRB. Unknown how much was n,n or 5-meo or NMT
Dose(s): 70 mg
Method of administration: smoked/vaporized in a meth-pipe
EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:00:20 for four hits
Duration: 5 minutes
First effects: Instantly after handing pipe to sitter
Peak: instant
Come down:
Baseline:
Intensity (overall): 4
Evaluation / notes:
OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 0
Unplesantness: 4
Visual Intensity: 3
.
.
.
AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 0
REPORT
Ok, so I had smoked this stuff before, but I suppose now that it was totally bunk. I had an impossible time getting any so I decided to make some myself. I'm homeless so I had to send the MHRB to a friends house, and cook it at an acquaintances house. (The "friend" thought the drug too hardcore to be in his house)
All in all, from deciding to make it myself, to actual yield of substance, took me two weeks and about three hundred dollars, including all materials, supplies, and travel costs. I only bring this up to make known that for that two weeks, this was basically my lifes' mission. My last vestige of purpose in this world. I had all kinds of important questions I was going to ask, I was going to confront death and the spirit world and all that existentially meaningful stuff.
I was so nervous in taking the substance. I have recently, since an EPIC LSD trip I had, tried to make it a point to accept the guidance of the quiet voice in my head I call my Holy Guardian Angel, or Morpheus, or Rick (Like Rick and Morty) depending on what symbol system I prefer to utilize at the time. Except when he/me gives certain advice that I am in no way prepared to enact upon, which is getting pretty often. Regardless, he usually knows if something is generally for my benefit or not. He was saying that yea, I could try it and should if I felt I had too, but nothing after it would be the same.
After watching my acquaintance smoke it (she was a gung-ho smoker of all things that promised a high) and having a non-blast-off experience. I figured I owed it to her and myself to try it as well. I hit the pipe four good times, the last hit being monumental in thickness and duration, like I just kept inhaling more and more. I knew, without any real indication, that whatever was going to happen was close, so I handed off the pipe and leaned back in the chair.
As soon as my head hit the head-rest, I saw the world in precisely the same way as I had on my bad-ass wake-up LSD trip a year prior. Where you see everything as it IS and it all seems so fake and thick and dreamlike, but MORE, I can't explain it, but soon it got WAAAY worse.
Now, a halmark of this LSD perception, which since that trip also happened on weed, was this foreboding feeling that.. something was up. Well now that something came straight to the fore.. and everything began to fractal and zoom and complexify. I had an instant remembering of this exact state, that it was leading to an actual waking up, to a state of remembrance that would spoil every ounce of the illusion of immersion in this life of mine. I knew then what I really was, and that the very truth I had always pursued in this life was intrinsically incompatible with further existence in that life. Comprehension and annihilation were the same thing. I tried to open my eyes and cease the zoom, get off the platform before I blasted off, but I realized that having eyes open or closed were fundamentally the same thing. My body was/is a software machine and I could tell some force was seeing to its' maintenance and entropy, some alien force.
I ended up closing my eyes so tightly that they actually opened up to my current reality. This is when I knew that this life is some willful fit of refusal to truly see myself,to come to grips with what really is. I didn't want to remember, and realized that was at the crux of reincarnation. What I experienced WAS death, AND remembering, and I refused it! I just didn't want to die yet! And I didn't want to ruin this life for myself, which is already pretty void of purpose and fraught with thoughts of body/machine annihilation.
I've done almost the entire suit of psychedelics, including high extract Salvia Divinorum, and all that is so much not a thing in comparison to this.. How do you people do it and continue living life?
I've been thinking and think now that this desire to remain entranced in the delusion of life will keep me in the reincarnation cycle if I don't defeat that urge. I know during that experience I had every intention of just saving it until the ACTUAL death, but of course now that I've forgotten the essence of the thing (Which, to remember would be to experience it again I'm sure) I want to try it again and try to really let go and surrender. But holy crap, I've been reading trip reports and the nexus for years (I'm 24) and NEVER thought it would be like that.
Thanks for reading.. had to get this off my chest.