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Well said bahleille,

I can relate to you a lot, especially here:

Addiction , it is the solution that we choose.

That is why it is frankly impossible to tell an addict they need to stop. Even to themselves. Because that would imply taking away the only thing left that gives meaning to their lives. This is my experience.

In the words of Gabor Mate:

This describes me to a tee, I am a textbook addict.

My addiction was expansive, but it indeed began with psychedelics. But I could not abuse psychedelics like I could other drugs, it was too difficult. Until I found ketamine, and other dissociatives. They were perfect for me, they were my solution. They brought me away like psychedelics, but I could use them as much as I liked without fear. Better, I could combine psychedelics with them, and as long as I had the dissociatives, I was safe.

As you can probably imagine, this quickly led to my impending doom.

What I have struggled with over the years, has been the use of psychedelics. I can't seem to get away from them. I've questioned this a lot, struggled more than I need to. I am just not ready to let go? Am I holding onto these for purposes of attachment? Am I substituting them for something? Are these helping me in my spiritual growth, or are they holding me back? I can never truly know for sure.

All I know is what I have experienced. I took a year off them, at the time I completely swore off them, along with everything else I had no problem swearing off (alcohol, cannabis, stimulants, mostly every abusable psychoactive).

Because I knew that It was inside of me. It wasn't in the psychedelics, it was in me. And for 6 months, it was as if I was on LSD everyday, it was amazing. Feeling like having a direct line of love, just floating, swimming with the current of the universe. I had a lot of help from mentors, a lot of guidance, I couldn't have wished for anything better.

You have no idea!! I never realized how much of a people person I am, had never known! Once I started doing it, it all seemed so obvious, I couldn't help thinking, "Why did I never learn this??" because as 'smart' as I thought I was, and what everyone had told me! I knew NOTHING!

But soon, life happened, a relationship (which never truly even was one) ended badly, despite my honest efforts, things piled on one another, and I began to close off a little. But I knew it could never be as bad as it was before, because I knew deep down it was still there.

One day, I had the spontaneous desire to eat mushrooms, and I did, all while terrified I was acting out of addiction, trying to escape the feelings, but it turned out to be an incredibly healing experience, i had never felt closer to that thing within me.

And so it goes...

Yes, sir. I believe so.

<blockquote data-quote="Mindlusion" data-source="post: 3799253" data-attributes="member: 5911">Well said bahleille,I can relate to you a lot, especially here:Addiction , it is the solution that we choose.That is why it is frankly impossible to tell an addict they need to stop. Even to themselves. Because that would imply taking away the only thing left that gives meaning to their lives. This is my experience.In the words of Gabor Mate:This describes me to a tee, I am a textbook addict.My addiction was expansive, but it indeed began with psychedelics. But I could not abuse psychedelics like I could other drugs, it was too difficult. Until I found ketamine, and other dissociatives. They were perfect for me, they were my solution. They brought me away like psychedelics, but I could use them as much as I liked without fear. Better, I could combine psychedelics with them, and as long as I had the dissociatives, I was safe.As you can probably imagine, this quickly led to my impending doom.What I have struggled with over the years, has been the use of psychedelics. I can&#039;t seem to get away from them. I&#039;ve questioned this a lot, struggled more than I need to. I am just not ready to let go? Am I holding onto these for purposes of attachment? Am I substituting them for something? Are these helping me in my spiritual growth, or are they holding me back? I can never truly know for sure. All I know is what I have experienced. I took a year off them, at the time I completely swore off them, along with everything else I had no problem swearing off (alcohol, cannabis, stimulants, mostly every abusable psychoactive). Because I knew that It was inside of me. It wasn&#039;t in the psychedelics, it was in me. And for 6 months, it was as if I was on LSD everyday, it was amazing. Feeling like having a direct line of love, just floating, swimming with the current of the universe. I had a lot of help from mentors, a lot of guidance, I couldn&#039;t have wished for anything better.You have no idea!! I never realized how much of a people person I am, had never known! Once I started doing it, it all seemed so obvious, I couldn&#039;t help thinking, &quot;Why did I never learn this??&quot; because as &#039;smart&#039; as I thought I was, and what everyone had told me! I knew NOTHING!But soon, life happened, a relationship (which never truly even was one) ended badly, despite my honest efforts, things piled on one another, and I began to close off a little. But I knew it could never be as bad as it was before, because I knew deep down it was still there.One day, I had the spontaneous desire to eat mushrooms, and I did, all while terrified I was acting out of addiction, trying to escape the feelings, but it turned out to be an incredibly healing experience, i had never felt closer to that thing within me.And so it goes...Yes, sir. I believe so.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Mindlusion, post: 3799253, member: 5911"] Well said bahleille, I can relate to you a lot, especially here: Addiction , it is the solution that we choose. That is why it is frankly impossible to tell an addict they need to stop. Even to themselves. Because that would imply taking away the only thing left that gives meaning to their lives. This is my experience. In the words of Gabor Mate: This describes me to a tee, I am a textbook addict. My addiction was expansive, but it indeed began with psychedelics. But I could not abuse psychedelics like I could other drugs, it was too difficult. Until I found ketamine, and other dissociatives. They were perfect for me, they were my solution. They brought me away like psychedelics, but I could use them as much as I liked without fear. Better, I could combine psychedelics with them, and as long as I had the dissociatives, I was safe. As you can probably imagine, this quickly led to my impending doom. What I have struggled with over the years, has been the use of psychedelics. I can't seem to get away from them. I've questioned this a lot, struggled more than I need to. I am just not ready to let go? Am I holding onto these for purposes of attachment? Am I substituting them for something? Are these helping me in my spiritual growth, or are they holding me back? I can never truly know for sure. All I know is what I have experienced. I took a year off them, at the time I completely swore off them, along with everything else I had no problem swearing off (alcohol, cannabis, stimulants, mostly every abusable psychoactive). Because I knew that It was inside of me. It wasn't in the psychedelics, it was in me. And for 6 months, it was as if I was on LSD everyday, it was amazing. Feeling like having a direct line of love, just floating, swimming with the current of the universe. I had a lot of help from mentors, a lot of guidance, I couldn't have wished for anything better. You have no idea!! I never realized how much of a people person I am, had never known! Once I started doing it, it all seemed so obvious, I couldn't help thinking, "Why did I never learn this??" because as 'smart' as I thought I was, and what everyone had told me! I knew NOTHING! But soon, life happened, a relationship (which never truly even was one) ended badly, despite my honest efforts, things piled on one another, and I began to close off a little. But I knew it could never be as bad as it was before, because I knew deep down it was still there. One day, I had the spontaneous desire to eat mushrooms, and I did, all while terrified I was acting out of addiction, trying to escape the feelings, but it turned out to be an incredibly healing experience, i had never felt closer to that thing within me. And so it goes... Yes, sir. I believe so. [/QUOTE]