Dear Nexians,
I hope I don't offend anyone by posting such a long and personal entry. It concerns my lack of ability to breakthrough. I have read and tried the various techniques posted on this site, which all seem smart and which I hope will eventually work for me. I'm just looking for some feedback from others who had trouble breaking through but eventually succeeded (at any point in their psychonaut careers).
Been reading obsessively about DMT for about two months now. After ordering ACRB and performing extractions and countless ayhuasca-esque brews, I've yet to have a seriously profound experience outside the realm of psychedelic experiences I've already had.
Past experiences:
3.5-5g mushroom about 5 times in my life. Mild vision changes (eg: patterns swirl in a rug, a hill breathes). Introspective feelings, feeling like you've been freshly planted in the world, and most interesting so far: body-sound synesthesia. My muscles would contract and move to the exact rhythm and melody of the music, and rubbing against my bed would produce tactile sensations which would again perfectly blend to the music. I can dance better than I've ever danced, all to songs I'm hearing for the very first time. A beautiful gift I truly appreciate.
2 blotter LSD once (less powerful than mushrooms).
Salva twice. I've been transported to new realities on this, but none have been profound or life changing, more like dreams.
Ditto to a few ketamine "k-holes".
---------------------------------------------------------
Smoked DMT goo (I've smoked up to 100mg) produces effects for around 5 minutes which feels like I'm blasting off, with an intense sound, and very very mild CEVs which seem to be hidden behind a dark veil. I mostly only see them for a split second after closing my eyes, to vanish again behind the veil. I've never seen anything approaching everyday streaming visual input in clarity, depth, and real-ness. The highest dose I've gone to gave me a green screen background with some slight grey structures emerging on top, like a cheap cut and paste job... hard to describe afterwards.
Note: I've tried both vaping in a cut off 2L bottle (ala
), and rubbing the goo onto herbs and leaves and smoking in a gravity bong.
Ayahuasca seems to take me to a place similar to mushrooms. The most intense experience I've had was while listening to a song which consumed my entire conscious experience. Introspective feelings and a slight sense of time and space collapsing (Ie: I can bring back memories of past experiences and have a feeling I'm actually in that place, experiencing that reality in parallel to the one currently ongoing, feel like I can connect to friends who aren't even in the same country, etc). It made me cry with beauty after feeling like I could connect back to what I called "Source"... something akin to what Buddhists call Brahman. No visuals, no ego-loss, no break-through to a completely new reality, just a general sense of having these things close to me.
Problems I've encountered:
Ayahuasca nausea is my biggest hurdle to consuming enough to have a break through experience, I believe. Each cup swallowed requires at least half-an-hour intense concentration to avoid puking it all back up. After that half-hour to hour, when I feel safe that I've absorbed most of the goodies, the nausea lingers but it becomes more difficult to purge. If I drink more brew I can purge, but it feels like wasted brew, and so I again begin to try and hold it down for the allotted time. It seems incredibly difficult to convince myself to keep this up for more than 2 or 3 cups.
The goo I've produced and smoked is either full of contaminates (although I've done one or two re-exs and same thing), making the ratio of DMT:weight much lower than I thought, or I have a higher tolerance than normal, or something is mentally blocking me from breaking through. I usually meditate for 15-20 minutes before hand to clear my mind as best as possible and rid myself of expectations. My biggest fear is that I somehow simply lack the brain chemistry (low receptor density?) necessary for such an experience. I remember reading somewhere that ~30% of the population seem unable to have intense spiritual experiences. I'm agnostic and usually pretty rational in my way of thinking, maybe that contributes to my inability?
Again, apologies for long post-length.
I hope I don't offend anyone by posting such a long and personal entry. It concerns my lack of ability to breakthrough. I have read and tried the various techniques posted on this site, which all seem smart and which I hope will eventually work for me. I'm just looking for some feedback from others who had trouble breaking through but eventually succeeded (at any point in their psychonaut careers).
Been reading obsessively about DMT for about two months now. After ordering ACRB and performing extractions and countless ayhuasca-esque brews, I've yet to have a seriously profound experience outside the realm of psychedelic experiences I've already had.
Past experiences:
3.5-5g mushroom about 5 times in my life. Mild vision changes (eg: patterns swirl in a rug, a hill breathes). Introspective feelings, feeling like you've been freshly planted in the world, and most interesting so far: body-sound synesthesia. My muscles would contract and move to the exact rhythm and melody of the music, and rubbing against my bed would produce tactile sensations which would again perfectly blend to the music. I can dance better than I've ever danced, all to songs I'm hearing for the very first time. A beautiful gift I truly appreciate.
2 blotter LSD once (less powerful than mushrooms).
Salva twice. I've been transported to new realities on this, but none have been profound or life changing, more like dreams.
Ditto to a few ketamine "k-holes".
---------------------------------------------------------
Smoked DMT goo (I've smoked up to 100mg) produces effects for around 5 minutes which feels like I'm blasting off, with an intense sound, and very very mild CEVs which seem to be hidden behind a dark veil. I mostly only see them for a split second after closing my eyes, to vanish again behind the veil. I've never seen anything approaching everyday streaming visual input in clarity, depth, and real-ness. The highest dose I've gone to gave me a green screen background with some slight grey structures emerging on top, like a cheap cut and paste job... hard to describe afterwards.
Note: I've tried both vaping in a cut off 2L bottle (ala
Ayahuasca seems to take me to a place similar to mushrooms. The most intense experience I've had was while listening to a song which consumed my entire conscious experience. Introspective feelings and a slight sense of time and space collapsing (Ie: I can bring back memories of past experiences and have a feeling I'm actually in that place, experiencing that reality in parallel to the one currently ongoing, feel like I can connect to friends who aren't even in the same country, etc). It made me cry with beauty after feeling like I could connect back to what I called "Source"... something akin to what Buddhists call Brahman. No visuals, no ego-loss, no break-through to a completely new reality, just a general sense of having these things close to me.
Problems I've encountered:
Ayahuasca nausea is my biggest hurdle to consuming enough to have a break through experience, I believe. Each cup swallowed requires at least half-an-hour intense concentration to avoid puking it all back up. After that half-hour to hour, when I feel safe that I've absorbed most of the goodies, the nausea lingers but it becomes more difficult to purge. If I drink more brew I can purge, but it feels like wasted brew, and so I again begin to try and hold it down for the allotted time. It seems incredibly difficult to convince myself to keep this up for more than 2 or 3 cups.
The goo I've produced and smoked is either full of contaminates (although I've done one or two re-exs and same thing), making the ratio of DMT:weight much lower than I thought, or I have a higher tolerance than normal, or something is mentally blocking me from breaking through. I usually meditate for 15-20 minutes before hand to clear my mind as best as possible and rid myself of expectations. My biggest fear is that I somehow simply lack the brain chemistry (low receptor density?) necessary for such an experience. I remember reading somewhere that ~30% of the population seem unable to have intense spiritual experiences. I'm agnostic and usually pretty rational in my way of thinking, maybe that contributes to my inability?
Again, apologies for long post-length.
We have really had miraculous disappearance of nausea with ginger tea. When we drink brew, there will be a thermos with ginger tea close by. We do not like fresh ginger root, as the taste reminds us of lemon grass (which we don't like) or citronella mosquito repellent. So, what we use is ginger powder (aka: rock ginger powder) and (optional) we do add some brown cane sugar too. :thumb_up:
, I wish we could share.
