She slapped me good

[Gevurenik]

Hello people
I am going to tell you about the second time when I drank Acacia Confusa Root Bark + Peganum Harmala brew, but first let me tell you about myself a little.

I am majoring molecular biology and genetics and for the last couple years I had hardly had any motivation to pursue an academic career. I was newly introduced to psychedelics, trying to explore this new world that made me felt as if I was exploring my house or my neighbourhood when I was a little kid. And as you'd expect I wasn't studying much. One night, some random internet surfing brought me to a website which was selling MHRB and Syrian Rue `Ayahuasca kit`, along with other legal bullshit. Luckily, I decided to research on this DMT molecule and inevitably I ended up on Nexus. The respectful atmosphere and the knowledge of the people here was so amazing that I started reading almost every day. Within a month, thanks to the questionnaire, my friends were amazed how much I knew about botany, history, chemistry and application of DMT.

So only things left to do were to acquire, prepare and experience it.

Thanks to Nexus, my first try was an educational 0,7 - 0,8 dose, and was very similar to a fast affecting LSD. I almost never see very vivid hallucinations on any kind of substance so I assumed it was normal to see little on DMT too. It made me suffer for an hour but I eventually figured out that if I stopped thinking/caring about myself it would become a pleasant trip. Overall, I felt unity with the universe and wherever I looked (we were able to go outside) I became amazed that how beautiful the universe was, even the giant skyscrapers. After that day, I quitted smoking tobacco excluding spliffs.

During the time until I had my full dose, I kept researching and after finishing Strassman's DMT The Spirit Molecule, which was of course inspired by Nexus, I ultimately decided to become a master on neuropsychophamacology. In my mind, I could become the postmodern shaman, curing the mental illnesses brought by the today's system, with the tradition and nature of thousands of years.

Three days ago, I started brewing 30 grams of shredded Acacia Confusa, since I didn't know how potent the material was and also was going to drink it with my flatmate. Whole process required 10g Syrian Rue, 4 lemons, two egg whites and 8 - 9 hours. While I was sitting in the kitchen I was reading Metzner on how similar and different the contemporary psychological therapy techniques and traditional shamanic healing ceremonies. I wanted to apply what I read and decided to drink the brew in my friends room, since he would feel the safest there. We killed the lights when we were about to drink, lit a candle to imitate a fire as if we were in a peyote ceremony, also to see around us if we wanted to get up and walk. Finally, I toasted some bread slices and made lemon balm tea to fight the nausea off.

After we finished the half of the brew, I could hear the distant scream of the incoming train. We couldn't drink more due to nausea but I would see that it wouldn't be necessary. I wont be talking about my friend but he survived with a few scratches.

Now the juicy part... After starting to see the closed eye visuals which were very similar to a Tool album cover, it became more and more difficult to keep my head up. My body was forcing me to lie on the bed and spend the least energy. I could hear the whirling of the space ship which landed on the roof of the building and see the waterfalls of sentences which were in an alien language, cascading on the walls. I could feel, not see though, a very sacred being, a teacherly light from above was loading information in my brain. She was showing me, however I looked complete and strong outside, I got tons of shit I had to deal with psychologically. I could see that I was a train wreck but it didn't look desperate. I could work on this stuff and solve it eventually. The first lesson was the existence of the problems which I was hiding from myself. The next ones will be on how to solve them.

There was one other main concept during the session. The one about madness. The first time I felt crazy, like medically crazy, I was on 300-400μg of LSD and it took one month to go away. It made me think on madness. What is the definition of it and is it curable/is it necessary to cure? Is it only a chemical range break through of certain molecules?
Is madness something to hide and be ashamed of or something to use and achieve great success?
After that time I felt that I could only learn to hide my madness since I could never get rid of it. This time with DMT, I could feel the insanity again but in a pleasant way. Finally, I thought that probably some big percentage of the society is this way and I could channel this aspect into something beautiful.

I am glad that this community exist so that continuous learning from the nature goes on in a safe and progressive way.

Love

Gevurenik

 

[Ashakma]

There was one other main concept during the session. The one about madness. The first time I felt crazy, like medically crazy, I was on 300-400μg of LSD and it took one month to go away. It made me think on madness. What is the definition of it and is it curable/is it necessary to cure? Is it only a chemical range break through of certain molecules?
Is madness something to hide and be ashamed of or something to use and achieve great success?
After that time I felt that I could only learn to hide my madness since I could never get rid of it. This time with DMT, I could feel the insanity again but in a pleasant way. Finally, I thought that probably some big percentage of the society is this way and I could channel this aspect into something beautiful.

Thanks for your report

From my experience (I study in the psychiatric field), madness is a vague world that was used to define the difference with other people, the one who doensn't fit in the normalization process imposed since we exist. It can take many forms. In fact, it's up to the observer to decide who he considers mad or not. Let's say that for my banker, I think it regroupes many more people than my point of view. Completely subjective.

Is it necessary to cure ? It depends of the intentions of the "mad person" and the doctor who cares. It should be cured as long as it produces a vivid pain. Many schizophrenic people live in a constant fear, paranoia, even while sleeping. These people need help. That sayed, this help dosen't have to be necessary chemical, but sadly I note that professionals are not formed for good psychotherapy in this kind of situation to help the person accept this condition and canalize it. Currently, the medical consensus is the use of drugs such as neuroleptics which in my point of view destructuralize even more than the disease...

As you said, it can be used for something, as long as you are able to do so, and not just get stuck in your own fears and demons. There are plenty examples of that

 

[Gevurenik]

I appreciated your response, very helpful.

My usage of the word 'insane' or 'insanity' connotes difference rather than painful cases that you mentioned.

After all the processing I have done on the insanity concept, I believe, any person with good intentions wouldn't ostracise people depending on their differences whether it is generally accepted as a medical condition or not. Anyhow, each person is relatively madder than the next person, on some point. The idea of 'normal' is something for people to feel safe. So, realisation of ones own madness, different way of cognition and response, can cause feelings of discomfort and fear, like in my case. Also, I believe it depends on cultural background a lot, since the magnitude of the emotional impact must deviate from person to person.

Some voice inside me savagely accuses the idea of state, since it uses the fear I mentioned, through national identity and religion, unity. Besides as you mentioned,

Currently, the medical consensus is the use of drugs such as neuroleptics which in my point of view destructuralize even more than the disease...

I cant stop feeling as if the value of ones life is less significant than the denomination through drug usage in state's eyes.

 

[Ashakma]

The problem with insanity is the fear almost every people have toward it.

At the begining of the consideration of madness, it was believed to be a God's act, whether a punition or a gift. During centuries, this was the total consensus, from genuines to hysterics. It permetted to protect the social tissue from dissident point of views, to establish a "normality", this beeing just a security.
After that, perception of it changed, but not the magical thinking toward it. Maybe religions are to blame here, or the too slow evolving of Humanity. I really don't know.

Considered this, there are two ways people apprehend this so called "madness" even today : reject it, or enviate it. Both cases, it's a state of mind that is considerably difficult to apprehend and judge. We are all mad for at least someone in the world I guess. As you said there is a social, historical backgroung, but there is the personnal background too. We all live in our little movie, interacting with other movies from time to time. As long as there is no suffering, there is no problem with it, who cares ? We all do what we have to do as best as we can do, whatever people can judge mad or not. For me it's just the process of living, not madness or insanity.

I relate insanity to suffering, self dissolution not into God, but into archetypal fears, paranoia, and that's why I made this remark on the other post . In other world, the true need of the other to reassure "vis a vis" of this madness, help take the best of it, gaining confidence into this world again. It requires time before beeing able to canalize this different energy to create whatever it is, wich is gonna conquire hearts of the others with its light.
However, I think many of us considered having touched madness while on psychedelics, but I think we are/were wrong here, it's just another point of view of reality.

I'm not sure to be that clear, I really have to improve my english