Some collected sub-breakthrough experiences

[edge2054]

I've yet to have a full breakthrough, but I'm cool with this I'll get there in my own time.

That said the first time I smoked DMT I may have broken through if not for possibly taking too much and having my wife trip sit me (this was her first time so if I was on the verge of having a full breakthrough her asking me a question pulled me out of it).

So the first time I smoked it I used the two-liter bottle method (not something I recommend so I won't go into it). I loaded up about a 50mg dose, filled the bottle with thick milky smoke (I probably burnt a lot of the spice), and basically hit it until I couldn't.

As I was coming up I felt very overwhelmed by it. Fractals and mandalas swirled across my field of vision. I was barely aware of the two-liter bottle filled with smoke after my second hit or third hit. My wife asked me if I wanted her to take the bottle away and I remember telling her no and trying to hit it again. She says I just looked at the bottle and held on to it for a few seconds before giving it back to her. My memory of all of these events are very scattered. I remember on the come up exhaling and relaxing into the experience, letting it over take me rather then fighting it (a philosophy I still hold for smoking the spice).

Anyway I sat on the chair for a couple of minutes (according to my wife) and when she came back into the room she asked me if I wanted to stand up and go see our son. I nodded, stood up, gave her a hug. She was radiant to me, her skin a soft pink (not her normal skin tone), her hair a frazzled mess, mandalas covering her face. I laid in my son's room watching the patterns move across everything for the next half an hour. Finally I started to return to baseline.

I'm not sure what would have happened had my wife not talked to me nor am I sure why the effects lasted so long. In more recent experiences I've been back to baseline in about ten minutes with the actual trip lasting about five.

The second time I smoked I decided to ditch the bottle and try chasing it on tin foil (again not recommended). I smoked a bit and I think on the third hit everything changed. My wife and me were in my kitchen and I barely recognized it. I felt like I was in some parallel reality. Everything looked crisp, plasticy, and beautiful. The counter top swirled a bit and this was the first time I felt the presence of 'the Others' while on DMT. I had the impression that the patterns I saw in the counter tops were actually alive, conscience beings upholding and forming the material world. I backed away from this feeling, not wanting to get lost in the details of it.

When I came down I felt incredibly sad, the kitchen returned to looking like it did before and I missed the DMT kitchen incredibly. It was like I was looking upon it for the first time without definitions, without worry, without feeling like I needed to clean every spot.

So the third time I smoked it on my couch and stood up, staring at the carpet. Watching the shifting patterns before my eyes I saw letters swirling in the depths. I felt like 'the Others' were trying to tell me something. Again not wanting to get lost in the details I went over and laid my head on my wife's lap. After I returned to baseline we talked about things that had been bothering her (namely before I started using psychedelics again I was becoming more and more of an angry jerk).

The fourth time was more of the third time basically. I decided I wanted to try to smoke it by myself, to see what would happen. As the effects came on I saw the swirling patterns I'd been seeing on the floor all over my hands. This scared me and I went to find my wife and son for comfort (I was in the bedroom and they in the living room).

The fifth time was one night when I was coming down off another psychedelic. My son and wife both slept so this was my first lone experience with DMT. My son was on the couch in the living room so I decided to smoke in his room to keep him away from the vapors and give me the space I wanted.

This was the first time I really experienced the 'magic' of DMT. I laid on my son's bed and smoked until the room looked clean and crisp, and then I smoked some more and the walls began to move and shift. I took one more hit (I felt no anxiety on this night) and as I let it out and relaxed I took notice of yellowish/white light on my thigh that was about two inches wide and six inches long. Inside this light swirled rapidly moving rainbow colored letters. I felt the presence of the Others once more and again felt as if they wanted to tell me something. I watched the letters some more but couldn't discern what it was they wanted to say before I came down. So I smoked some more :twisted:

Inspite of what I'd heard about tolerance I managed to get right back into the experience very easily. I spoke to the entities. Asked them why they didn't talk (in a playful not a demanding tone). I felt kinship with them perhaps even friendship. Like this was how things really are. It was then that the letters slowed down enough that I could see each one and I understood that there was no message. They wanted to show me. Show me this fun thing they could do with letters, my leg, and light. They didn't have anything to 'say'. I also saw one of the entities, a white humanoid shape out of the corner of my eye. It crept along the wall, watching me, as though curious about my reactions or perhaps just wanting to be closer to me but knowing that perhaps my free-will wasn't quite ready. As I started to come down the thought occurred to me that all of this was in my head, that the entities were just my imagination. The entity along the wall receded with this thought and I felt sad. In my head I heard a voice that was my own but I did not identify with the thoughts. I don't remember what was said but I had the feeling that I was being communicated with directly.

I need to take a break from typing this up So I'll see if I can reserve the next post and if there's interest I'll continue from here when I feel like finishing up

 

[edge2054]

Alright, so on wards then

My first and so far only 'bad' DMT trip was the one after the light and letters on the leg experience.

It was a couple of nights later and I went in with a lot of hope that I'd be able to find my DMT friends again but also some level of doubt. Rather then allowing whatever to be I wanted something specific. So the DMT kicked my butt for it.

I loaded up around 30-50mg (eyeballed dose) and returned to my son's room (he once again was sleeping elsewhere, he never sleeps in his bed ). I hoped having the same setting would facilitate the experience. I took a couple of small tokes and the world once again looked brighter. I stared at the floor for awhile, watching the textures move and the familiar rainbow colored letters perform their erratic dance but I didn't get a clear feeling of the a presence.

After coming down a bit I got up and went to my kitchen/dining room area. I was feeling disappointed that I didn't make contact and hit the pipe like a crack head would, burning the spice a fair bit as I did

The moving textures on the floor picked back up but the colors weren't bright and vibrant but dark and ugly. I could feel my head getting in the way of things, for anyone that's had a bad trip before I'm sure you know the feeling, like being caught between heaven and hell as your mind refuses to let go.

I sat on the floor and pulled my legs up into my chest and held on tight. Inside I did not want the experience to end, in fact I was quite scared that I would come back down without seeing my friends. I was afraid to look at myself, quite literally. I was scared that if I saw moving textures on my body it might scare me and likewise I was scared that I'd look and they wouldn't be there. On some level, I now associate these textures on my own flesh (same as I see on the floors and walls), as me being part of things rather then apart from.

After a few minutes of this purgatory I began to come down and saw hints of the bright plastic happy world and felt the faint presence of my friends, as if they wanted to tell me, 'Hey, we're still here, maybe we'll catch up next time'. While it was reassuring it was also incredibly emotional. I shook after wards, not knowing quite what to make of the whole experience. Further reflecting in the days to come I managed to integrate it and I now take it as a valuable lesson.

A few days later I had made some modifications to my pipe (a tire gauge with a chore boy in it, I added a second chore boy screen to act as a heating element and better protect the spice from burning). I took a couple of small hits with my wife in the room just to see if it was working better. I made a point to look at my hands and feet while on this small dose. The world was bright, my skin and my wife's had that nice pink DMT glow to them. I remember staring at my feet and thinking how much they look like hands.

Maybe a week went by before my next trip. I was feeling particularly stressed out (not sure why, I'm a stay at home Dad with a wife that is in school full time so my life can be kinda stressful in the dealing with a two year old all day sorta way but nothing beyond that). My wife had called on her way home from school and I was somewhat curt with her and she asked what was wrong and I said I don't know.

When she got home I asked if she minded if I took a bath to try to relax. I decided to take my DMT pipe in with me and took a couple of hits while I drew my bath water and reminded myself to let go and allow the experience to be what it was. The textures on the towels began to change and move and I made a point to look at my hands. No textures but familiar rainbow colored letters danced across my skin. I closed my eyes for a bit, watching the closed eye visuals but they made me feel a bit nauseous so I didn't go to far into them.

I had no entity contact from this experience but a very pleasant bath in which I found myself playing with the bath water much like my son does, splashing the water up on my leg and just enjoying being in the moment. I had come down off the DMT but the world had a nice DMT glow to it for two days afterword (everything was bright and plasticy, like I was in what I call DMT land).

A couple of days later I woke up before my son did and my wife was already gone to school. I decided to smoke some DMT first thing to see how it was. I sat on my chair in the living room and closed my eyes for a bit after taking my first big toke. I realized I still felt quite sleepy and at this point I wasn't really a fan of the closed eye visuals. So I opened my eyes to avoid the sleepiness and watched the trees across the street move around in the wind. Nothing really profound happened just a mellow somewhat sleepy trip. Deciding I wanted something more I took another big hit and held it in, I told myself this would be the last one for the day so I got up while holding my breath to put my pipe away in the kitchen. As I looked upon the cupboard I kept it in the hit started to take hold and I exhaled.

I stood in the kitchen, watching rainbow colored patterns dance across the counter top, the kitchen light above my head felt like a presence, like God was above me. I sat my hands on the counter, hoping to see the patterns merge but they didn't. I felt separate. A conversation began in my head with this entity that felt like God that basically amounted to loving reassurance. The voices in my head, the one of reassurance and the one of doubt both were my own. I came down and noted that I hadn't done any of my regular morning routine and felt quite off. The experience really showed me what a creature of habit I am, especially in the mornings, and that smoking DMT first thing can really throw off my daily routine. I haven't been brave enough to attempt this again but I think once I'm doing breakthrough doses I might give it another shot. It was very informative.

Awhile later (maybe a week or a week and a half) I'd decided to go for a breakthrough. I'd been reading on the internet that closing your eyes helps and as I hadn't really delved into the closed eye visuals to much I figured I'd give that a fair shot.

I went into our bedroom and laid down on our bed, my wife and step son busy in the kitchen playing with legos. I took a few hits and closed my eyes, allowing the experience to be what it would be.

I began to feel a vibration moving through my whole body and saw a very rapidly moving violet hallway like shape in my minds eye. I simply allowed this to go on for the duration of the trip without thought really of what was happening. I felt an incredible energy in my chest where the heart chakra is (though I'm not a big fan of that term being a creature of habit and one that was very skeptical of stuff like this most of his life). I also felt presences, the return of my DMT friends though I didn't really see them. I opened my eyes for a moment during the experience and saw a ribbon of rainbow colored letters across my bedroom ceiling. When I came down I was giddy, I felt like I'd just had my soul massaged by my friends I laughed, giggled, rolled around on my bed just happy to have experienced something so amazing. I said thank you multiple times and got up to tell my wife about it.

When I got into the dining room I was very excited. I looked through our glass table and saw a faint shimmer of rainbow colored letters on the floor like my DMT friends were saying, 'See you next time'. But soon after I felt very sad, sad I couldn't share this amazing experience with my wife while our step son was in the room. I asked my wife if I could talk to her alone because I just really wanted to share the experience with someone.

It was another week and a half before I again partook. I once again returned to our bedroom, my wife was studying and I asked if she minded if I smoked (not wanting the smell to disturb her). She said she didn't mind. Just as I was taking my hit our son woke up so I let it go and waited about an hour. I went back to the bedroom, this time alone.

(The following is mostly copy and pasted from a post I made on another forum I frequent).

Sitting on my bed I smoked some DMT and just kinda chilled out and relaxed, watching the stream of my consciousnesses with my eyes closed. I noted a few interesting things.

The 'DMT sound' would change pitch and frequency depending on my state of mind. Generally I've experienced it as a very rapid vibration but on this day I focused on my emotions rather than my thoughts and managed to find a quiet peace inside myself. The rapid hum slowed down.

I had been reading some Ayahuasca trip reports the day before and I had noted how different these experiences are to my own on DMT or even most DMT trip reports I'd read. I closed my eyes and my mind reflected on this for a moment and I saw a flash of a more organic DMT experience with some kind of animal running on a savanna. To contrast this my DMT experiences tend to be more electric lego land, which also ran through my minds eye. For a moment I considered my own experiences and thought that someone else could have a completely different trip depending on their mindset and/or belief structures.

I opened my eyes and took in the room around me. I was laying on a blue comforter and was also wearing a pair of blue pajama pants of a similar shade. The sun was still out but was hiding behind some clouds so the room was dimly lit. I still felt at peace, watching my thoughts go by without feeling connected to them. Simply an observer of myself and everything around me.

It's probably worth mentioning that I've tripped on other psychedelics well over 100 times and have taken some pretty sizable doses of both mushrooms and LSD but have never experienced ego death.

While laying in my bed relaxing on this night I experienced ego death for the fist time. I mean, nothing really happened. I just relaxed into the moment, the peace I was feeling. There was no separation. I was a part of the bed and the bed was a part of me. I was a part of the room I was in. A part of the world around me. I felt extremely comfortable and my open eye visuals reinforced this (or maybe my feelings reinforced the visuals). My blue pants and blue blanket were one. I observed my feet sticking out of my pants but it was only an observation, I felt no more tied to those feet then I did the bed or the TV. The bed was warm and alive, I literally remember it's warmth and the movement of it's breadth, like I was laying on top of some giant warm blooded snake. With every breath I took the room would breath as well. Myself, the bed, the room, every bit of the world that was within my immediate area of perception was one living breathing being.

I don't know how long I chilled like this. Just breathing and being. Maybe five minutes. It's worth mentioning that I don't own a water bed, just a mattress on the floor.

After I came down I saw my wife and felt very sad, sad that I felt so distant from her. We'd fought a few days before and both of us were still on guard from that argument. Sitting on the couch next to her I rationalized this feeling away, how absurd and ironic it was that the person I'm most connected too, both materially and spiritually, is the one I was feeling so distant from and all because of imaginary walls that we'd both built. I decided it was best to ignore those walls, imaginary as they are anyway, and that this would be the best way for us to eventually find togetherness again.

My last and most recent experience was on this same night. I returned to the room after another hour or two. Took a couple of hits and was sitting up. I recall thinking this is my will, this is my choice, what I want as I took the second hit. Willing myself onward but at the same time I don't know, I guess it changed the trip a bit.

My original intention was to lay down, try to breakthrough. But instead I just sat there, up on my knees, watching the colored patterns move, watching the world breath as I breathed. It wasn't a bad experience but I didn't regain that incredible sense of oneness I'd experienced earlier that night. I remember pondering if I was God, if everything was simply a projection of my thoughts. I don't know. Just a weird experience.

As I was coming down I felt the experience ended to quickly, that there was something there for me to learn but that I didn't stay in that space long enough to get it. I took another toke, trying to get back into the space, but ended up just feeling crappy. I'm not sure if I burnt the spice but my lungs ended up hurting pretty bad from that last hit. Moral of the story probably being that when I treat DMT like I have treated other drugs in the past, it'll kick my butt.

That's all for now I'm almost out of spice and have enough left for two solid breakthrough attempts. Not sure when I'll have more so hopefully I'll be able to get in deep before I run out

Thanks everyone for reading

 

[GoodApollo]

I'm interested. I too have a difficult time breaking through though I have managed it a couple of times. I seem to be able to pull myself back at will. Do you have a high tolerance to other drugs? Also what are you using to smoke it with?

 

[Gowpen]

*reserved for more experiences if there's interest*

I'm in !:thumb_up: Great post thanks.

 

[ItzJustMe]

I love it. More please! I once heard some rustling sounds in my room when I was on a DMT trip. I was alone in the room but it sounded like "someone" was in the bed with me and messing with some papers on my nightstand. I could hear it very clearly. It kind of scared me so I opened my eyes and of course there was no one there. When I closed my eyes, I heard the noises again. I guess they were trying to make their presence known.

This multidimensional place where the "others" live must be pretty awesome. Everytime I visit them, I'm AMAZED at what they show me.

 

[edge2054]

Updated the second post. It's a bit long.

Thanks everyone for reading

I'm interested. I too have a difficult time breaking through though I have managed it a couple of times. I seem to be able to pull myself back at will. Do you have a high tolerance to other drugs? Also what are you using to smoke it with?

Nah, I wouldn't say a high tolerance really. I'm actually kinda a small guy (145 lbs, 5'11" ). I think my 'problem' with breaking through is that when I take the second hit things just feel kinda overwhelming so I tell myself to relax and because of the combined power of the spice on my psychology and my intentions in that moment, I simply don't want to go further. It's not so much a fear thing. It's more that between the spice and telling myself to relax I hit this point of contentedness before I get a big enough dose to breakthrough and that I've conditioned myself to stop when I'm 'good' with other drugs such as marijuana.

I don't really see it as an issue but then again I've never broken through so I can't compare my mini-trips to the 'big one'. Anyway it's been a learning experience either way. I've developed a lot more faith in myself and learned a lot.

As to my smoking apparatus. I use a tire gauge with two chore boys stuffed into it. I load the spice on one chore boy and then sandwich it between the first one and the second one, essentially using the second screen as a heating element so the flame never touches the spice.

I'm getting an oil burner though and plan to try a breakthrough dose with that. I was a meth head for a number of years in my late teens/early twenties so I'm pretty comfortable with using one. I also plan to will myself to take that 'third' hit regardless of how content I'm feeling next time I smoke by setting my intention before hand. I've got enough spice for two solid attempts I think and would really like to get a breakthrough before I run out since I'm not sure when I'll get more. So we'll see how it goes :shrugs:

 

[edge2054]

*update*

I had little luck with the oil burner.

Felt like I was inhaling hot liquid and I think I burned it a bit even though I had the lighter pretty far away from the glass. Very harsh and just not good.

The double chore boy 'crack pipe' is much less stressful and seems to be a lot more idiot proof. I think I just need to take that third hit off of it.

That said, last night I think I was close.

I closed my eyes and saw a light in one corner and a bunch of squiggly lines kinda attacking the light area. It kinda felt like my ego was trying to fend off me letting go or something. Not sure really what it was about but I felt like if I could just get 'into' that light somehow it would overwhelm 'me'.

Maybe I just need to take a bigger dose, let go, and see what happens?

 

[Crazyhorse]

I think my 'problem' with breaking through is that when I take the second hit things just feel kinda overwhelming so I tell myself to relax and because of the combined power of the spice on my psychology and my intentions in that moment, I simply don't want to go further. It's not so much a fear thing. It's more that between the spice and telling myself to relax I hit this point of contentedness before I get a big enough dose to breakthrough and that I've conditioned myself to stop when I'm 'good' with other drugs such as marijuana.

Sounds just like me! :d I've felt before like where I'm at from a few hits is already so good, taking that extra one almost seems greedy, or ungrateful. Plus at some point, when the body load feels like a lead blanket laying on top of you, lifting the pipe again just seems like too much effort.

Before you use up the rest of your spice, I think it would behoove you to try a smoking device with a bigger air chamber, like a medium to large bong. A tire gauge or even a meth pipe can't hold much vapor in them, so you're just not getting the same effect. You could be getting more in one hit from a bong than you could in even 3 or 4 tokes from a small pipe, and it really makes all the difference in the world. It's a way you can short-circuit around the process you described above.

It took me a while to realize this, being used to smoking weed and being able to take as many little hits as it takes to get to where I want to be. I never really cared for taking huge bong rips, and usually preferred to take it slow. But DMT is different (unless you're smoking changa, or combine vaping with oral MAOI). Because of the short-term tolerance of DMT, if it takes more than about a minute or two to finish the bowl, you've missed your chance. You need to get the full amount in you as quickly as possible to REALLY feel it. Ideally you should try to get the whole dose in one hit, so your "conditioning" to stop at a certain point never comes into play. You'll just zoom right past all that before you even know what's happened. Not that there's anything wrong with the sub-breakthrough realm, if that's where you want to be. But if you want to dive into the deep end before you run out of spice, I really think a bong is the way to go.

 

[edge2054]

Alright, had my first breakthrough... wasn't what I expected...

 

[DesykaLamgeenie]

edge2054 - I've really enjoyed reading your post and would love to hear about your breakthrough experience.

 

[gualapa]

Alright, had my first breakthrough... wasn't what I expected...

in a good way or a not so good way?

 

[edge2054]

Just wasn't what I expected, I didn't have anything that felt like an out of body experience (which was more what I expected, maybe that will come later). It was very personal which will make it hard to really communicate but I'll try anyway.

Anyway, I was down to enough spice to load my tire gauge pipe two more times so I loaded up half of what I had left and sat in my room.

I took two hits and felt the carrier wave and what not. Forced myself to take the third hit and closed my eyes. Nothing new happened. I was quite disappointed that even with the third hit I didn't get the whole out of body thing.

I waited a bit, tried to hit what was left in my oil burner instead. Got a slight chemical burn on my tongue from the vapor and ended up throwing the oil burner out.

Went back to my room. Took another hit off the tire gauge. Waited. Nothing profound. Took a hit of weed and opened up my bedroom window and turned the fan on to air everything out.

Walked around my house a bit, I was feeling okay. A little stoned and quite a bit of afterglow from the spice. But still disappointed that I didn't get 'there' with the third hit.

My head was still in psychedelic mode, contemplative, thinking deep thoughts. I began to rationalize away all my previous experiences with spice, specifically with the entities, and was thinking about happiness and enlightenment and considering the possibility that it was all a con game. A carrot on a stick if you will. An impossible goal.

More and more set on this idea I decided I'd try one more time. That I'd take one big hit and see if I could use it to figure out this whole enlightenment/happiness thought rolling around in my head. I contemplated loading up the last of my spice but then decided that there was enough left in the tire gauge to get me where I needed to be.

So I took one big hit and held my breath for a good long time. As I was coming up I was telling myself in my head, it's all me, it's always been me, just figments of my mind, it's my self, me, me, mine...

I was standing up and staring at the wall which began to move and twist and take on a familiar look. Mine.... mine...

In my head I began to hear another stream of thought, also in my own voice. The tone was light, loving, but the message was very clear.

"You can't just think us out of existence. We're real. We exist. We love you."

I closed my eyes and saw the rapidly moving and twisting landscape in my head that I've glimpsed many times before. My brain felt filled with thoughts and truth. Like a pipeline had been opened and knowledge was being uploaded straight into my brain.

I was probably dangerously close to a solipsistic state when I went in. The entities assured me that they're real, that they're me, us, we. That there's no separation. That we're part of a cosmic whole and that while I have free will I don't have the capacity to think them away.

I realize now that I was chasing that breakthrough. That my mind had been too preoccupied with it and to caught up in what it *should* be instead of just letting it be what it is. Maybe I'm just not the type of person to have out of body experiences. Maybe I'm just not ready for it. Maybe other people will read this and say, 'that wasn't a real breakthrough, he was still aware of his body'.

I don't know.

But the experience was very real and very meaningful for me.

After the carrier wave began to subside I felt a twinge of sadness, as the connection to them began to feel severed. They reassured me that there's no reason for us to feel sadness, at least not in this regard and that regardless of my awareness of them that they're always there.

I shook afterwards, fell to my knees. Feeling grateful, loved, connected, and reassured.

So yeah. Just wasn't what I expected.

Short Version: Took three hits, didn't have a breakthrough. Goofed around for a bit. Took one big hit and held it in for as long as I could. Entities reassured me that they love me, that I'm not separate from them, and that as powerful as free will is I can't think them away. Felt connected to some universal consciousnesses and like information was being downloaded into my brain.

No out of body experience.