Special Case: Can't break through

[Rocket3476stz]

I have already had some seriously intense psychedelic experiences. When I was about 14 in 1974 or so I dropped a 4 way hit of clear windowpane. I ate half and put the other half under my eyelid. Started hitting me in about 20 minutes. The clouds turned purple and started dripping out of the sky. I was seeing flowers bloom on peoples' faces. The dose of the acid was supposed to be 300 ug and I weighed like 120. I was seeing serious blooming patterns on everything and strange writing I couldn't quite read on any flat surface. I had tripped before but never that high of a dose till then. I tripped so hard I puked. I never puked before or after on acid. It was like a live Peter Max painting.
I used to drop acid at least once a week through high school. Then in California in the navy I did lots of good acid. My senior year we got ahold of some DMT. I broke through then. Just been almost 40 years so I can't remember that well. Even dropped some weaker acid and smoked DMT on top of it at the 77 Led Zepplin US tour.
I used to live out in New Mexico 13 years ago. Ate alot of peyote with the Native American Church. It helped with my depression. I'd eat it every month or so and got off my antidepressants for a year.
I'll try the DMT in a measured and scientific method once I get off the seroquel. I've run out of seroquel before it just kept me from sleeping. I'll wean myself off 50 mg less per day or so. I'm down to a dose of 30mg a day of cymbalta. I should be ok without MAOI's. I've had serotonin syndrome before. Doc gave me big doses of tramadol with 90 mg of cymbalta
Puking, pounding headache, and other terrible gastro effects I won't share. Luckily it didn't kill me.
In the navy, I was on a sub. Once we were as deep as we were supposed to go and sprang a leak. We started sinking deeper and couldn't stop the leak at first. I have nightmares about that, working with nuclear weapons, and stuff like that. Dropping the acid when were in port probably kept it from screwing me up even worse.

 

[Rocket3476stz]

Continuum,

I checked out the stories on both those links. They give me even more hope. I've grown shrooms before a few times. Got some spores. Might start some spawn while I'm off work next week. I can try those, too. Street MMDA knd of scares me. From what I've read less than 40% of what sold in the US as XTC contains MMDA. Lots of dangerous adulterants or chemicals kind of like XTC but more hyperthermia.
I really appreciate all that information you have given me so far.

 

[BongWizard]

Rocket, just to be clear, MMDA and MDMA are 2 different things, although they are closely related. But you're right, most x these days is not pure anything, but rather is a mixture of MDA analogues know collectively as MDxx with the odd 2-C compound thrown in there. I personally don't trust anything sold to me to be what it's meant to be unless it was made by the dude selling to me. It's for this reason that I'll only use my own drugs, only then can I be 100% certain of what in them.

 

[Continuum]

Here's one more link. This is actually what I meant to post in the other post, but it looks like there are multiple accounts from veterans on reset.me.

Anyways, let me know if there's anything I can do to help. Id be happy to tripsit via chat or shoot the shit or whatever, if it might be of service.

 

[BongWizard]

Anyways, let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

I'd love to help too, in any way I can. If you weren't half a world away I could help with the MDMA, but import/export laws being what they are, I think that's kinda out of the question :lol: But if you are ever in aus (East Coast), hit me up, because I'd love to meet you. I love old school trippers like you, they always know how to have a good time

 

[Rocket3476stz]

Continuum
I was in Fremantle and Perth a lifetime ago in the Navy. I traveled.

 

[Continuum]

That's BongWizard in Australia. I'm in the States, and sadly no MDMA for me either. I had a long period of hard drug addiction between my psychedelic days as a young adult and my more recent reawakening to psychedelics, so plant based alks I can do for myself are my options.

Speaking of which, you're aware mescaline containing cacti are available, yeah? Not peyote (its specifically controlled in the US), but some columnars (trichocereus bridgesii is the best bet) with the magic are available through live plant vendors. Super easy to prepare using this and this. The preparation in the second link id for resin, but its the same for tea; just stop reducing at the liquid volume you want to drink.

 

[BongWizard]

That's BongWizard in Australia. I'm in the States, and sadly no MDMA for me either. I had a long period of hard drug addiction between my psychedelic days as a young adult and my more recent reawakening to psychedelics, so plant based alks I can do for myself are my options.

I'm very much a natural or nothing guy when it comes to drugs these days too (can't say that's always been true). But thankfully, one can extract safrole from the bark of the camphor laurel (cinnamonum camphora) which is a noxious weed here in Northern NSW. Fairly straightforward from there to MDMA (although I can't say it's 100% natural, I made it myself from a tree and that's good enough for me!)

San Pedro (echinopsis panchanoi) is legal in the US too, correct? There is loads of info about growing and extracting those bad boys on the nexus.

I love nature! It offers us so many different opportunities...

 

[Rocket3476stz]

Sassafras tree grows here full of Safrole and isosafrole. Just have to identify the tree but they should be quite common. I used to have a large mescaline containing cacti collection when I lived in New Mexico. I had like 250 peyote cacti. Lots of San Pedro, Peruvianus, etc. Walked the Peyote Road. I'm doing the DMT because I can do it myself. Planning on growing some cubensis soon. Glad to meet so many intelligent and helpful people.

 

[Hiyo Quicksilver]

Psyhedelic Veteran here but also a military Veteran with PTSD. Done LSD hundreds of times. Various other entheogens. Did what was allegedly DMT back in the late 70's definitely broke through. Now I'm on meds so I can deal. Weaned myself off Welbutrin and mostly off Cymbalta, just on 30 mg a day instead of 90mg, so I wouldn't go all serotonin syndrome. Don't expect that is stopping the breakthrough. However my sleep regimine is more problematic. I'm taking 10 mg Ambien to sleep and 300 mg of seroquel to knock back the nightmares AND sleep. Mostly the seroquel helps me sleep. I still have nightmares. I suspect Seroquel is the block. Eventhough I smoke DMT almost 24 hours after I take the seroquel. The DMT hits, I have some mild open eye hallucinations and good closed eye ones. DMT has already helped with my depression but I think a breakthrough will really knock my PTSD back. One weird thing about the way DMT effects me is I just hallucinate but my mind is totally clear while tripping. Not like LSD, psylocibin, peyote, etc. The others I was giggly, silly, like a child on the first day of the world. DMT is a trip with a lucid mind but no breakthrough. Any ideas? Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

Actually, it's a very common case...


First off... You break through when you're ready to and when the moment is right... Not when you want to, think you need it, or take the perfect dose. The perfect dose will bounce right off an unprepared mind with little more than some vague feelings and special effects.
-Furthermore, it is often the case that people feel little head change when considered against the profound hallucinations. It won't make you silly and giggly like psilo, and won't massively alter your thought space like LSD. DMT is more psycho-spiritually inclined than those others.

If you think a "breakthrough" will help you with your PTSD, you need to reconsider what you're seeking. If you're seeking something that will balance you chemically, that will ease your nerves and paranoia and help you feel better in the long term; I would suggest ayahuasca, psilocybin, LSD, MDMA, etc... I hear that some psychotherapists are working wonders with MDMA and psilo in a clinical environment.
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A DMT breakthrough will, by its very nature, break down your reality. It will challenge you in the most difficult and intimate ways. It will push your mind beyond the limits of its understanding and utterly confound you.
DMT provides revelation and inspiration... But the real healing from DMT use comes from handling yourself in a courageous and self-responsible manner during the moments of the trip, and in integrating that trip with equanimity, acceptance and without fear of the ways the world will change and unfold before you in light of your new experience.

Don't get me wrong... DMT can help you. But its action is so short, and its effects so intense, that it makes poor medicine in the long term. IME, it is more useful for initiation, for spiritual and emotional exploration, and for dissolving boundaries in the mind (idealogical ones, not psycho-chemical blockages and neuroses like PTSD)
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Also: Your dose of Seroquel is freaking HUGE. I don't see how you can't suffer from hangovers and an altered thought space 24/7 on 300mg of that stuff a day. Unless you have a brutally high tolerance, or an extreme need, You may want to talk to your doctor about lowering the dose.
Seroquel is a poor choice to manage nightmares, anyway... One of the primary side-effects of the drug nightmares and sleep disturbance; one is just often too "zonked out" to even realize that he's yelling in his sleep, getting up and walking around/eating, or tossing and turning in torrential sweats. Memories of these feelings and events usually don't last past the bleary, confusing awakening... But the lingering unresolved emotions from a traumatic night's sleep most often have a poor, poor effect on the general mental and emotional health of the person taking the drug for relief... And dream work is the only real way to solve emotional issues that are generated in dream environments. It's a whole other can of worms.
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My opinion: You could benefit from some other therapy and/or entheogenic work (such as with MDMA, Psilocybin, Iboga or Ayahuasca.. Or even Mesaline if you're feeling spiritually ballsy), before exploring DMT.
While the theraputic benefits are there, DMT is best approached from a position of physical and mental health. In my experience, taking DMT in an unwell or unstable state only ends three ways: A "misfire" like you experienced, a ver strange and unpleasant trip which can be nearly impossible to integrate (or worse, a hyperslap), or a life-alteringly intense initiatory experience which will set you on a long and difficult road to vastly different new ways of thinking, feeling and living which can be hard to embrace (or you can choose not to embrace them, and be stuck in the terrifying doldrums of Chapel Perilous until you find your way out; your countenance held upon yourself, or otherwise.)
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Lots of people choose DMT for entheogenic work simply because it is accessible and DIY-friendly... But do not fall into the trap of assuming that it is the drug for you simply because it's easy to get ahold of the pure substance. That is simply folly upon folly.

I suggest working with the plants. If you want to try DMT for your self-directed therapy, it may well be more beneficial to brew ayahuasca or take pharmahuasca, than to vape DMT. The healing potential is so much more profound when taken orally with a friendly MAOI like Caapi. (But please do your homework or consult your doctor about drug interactions, etc first.)

Good Luck, and Happy Trails.

 

[Anatman]

I would try MDMA first rather than DMT for PTSD... Check: MDMA - Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies - MAPS

Cheers!

Definitely, most definitely! Wish you the best!

 

[Rocket3476stz]

Got some spores for shroomies. Just got to get some jars started. Haven't been playing with DMT much lately. I did find something weird. Hot naptha does seem to pull well for me. If I just fill the rest of the jar with room temp Naptha, shake it once in awhile, and a couple days latter I pull it out with a pipette. It's nice and yellow. Gotta evap it down about to half and then in the freezer for xtals. Weird. My solution is definitely VERY base.

 

[Rocket3476stz]

I just took three big hits of DMT through a glass pipe heated with a lighter. Full open eye hallucinations. Kind of like a good stiff LSD dose. Beautiful colots and geometric patterns
My best journey so far. I'm going to try agsin later.

 

[de]

Everything I would say has already been said, but with the talk of MDMA and you being on an SNRI I'd like to point something out. To be as safe as possible I would not recommend that you take MDMA (if you gain access to it outside of the MDMA study you're trying to get in, if you get into the study they will take good care of you and tell you exactly what to do) until at least 2 weeks after you have weaned yourself off of Cymbalta, as not doing so increases your risk of serotonin syndrome (which is at best unpleasant, at worst deadly). The risk is rather low it seems, but it is still there. A more practical consideration to doing this is that people seem to report that SNRIs dull the effect of MDMA, so you may not get the entire therapeutic effect that you need. Also as stated by a few people previous, make sure you keep your doctor in the loop.

Stay safe brother, and I wish you luck in your quest for break through.

 

[brilliantlydim]

I'm sorry if you find offence to this and I believe there is decent chance it will make you angry, but please know that my words are sincere and I wish nothing but for you to work through your problem. What I say here is only my believe and what I feel from my experience with a loved one in a similar "battle". I can only know you from what you have written on this post, but this is what I see.

but I think a breakthrough will really knock my PTSD back

I'm taking 10 mg Ambien to sleep and 300 mg of seroquel to knock back the nightmares AND sleep

Now I know know my enemy (PTSD)

I think breakthrough will kill the beast. It's wounded now.

You are at war with yourself, and I think as long as you are you will continue to have these symptoms. I don't think your PTSD symptoms are the problem, they are the symptoms. They are the resulting dynamic of your "system" dealing with the problem. They are defence and healing mechanisms, and you must find a way to work through them not "kill" or "knock them back". Something many here may understand is a reference to a bad trip that is ultimately healing. In order for the healing, you have to confront the "beast" and embrace it. Fighting it is a never ending losing battle, because you are only fighting yourself.

An analogy could be a fever when you are sick. The fever isn't the problem, its your body's response when dealing with an infection. The fever is what you feel, the fever signals to you that you are sick. The fever can feel like it is going to kill you, and could in fact. But the fever is there to protect you, because by raising your body temperature it creates an inhospitable environment for the real problem, the infection. Your body functions increase speed, blood can move antibodies faster, your toxin elimination pathways become more efficient. The fever is a defensive and healing mechanism.

Blocking symptoms is only going to hinder your "systems" ability to heal it self. I am not saying substances can't be used as tools, but they should be used to work with your "system", not to fight it. I wish I knew what the answer was for you, but all I can tell you is there is no quick fix. There will be no magic pill you can take. Just like any health problem, the only true way to heal is at the core of the problem. It will take time, work and it will be hard. But when you do it, you will be liberated in a way you could have never imagined.

I wish you the best possible outcome.

 

[Rocket3476stz]

I found that very interesting. But I do have some pretty terrible symptoms. Nightmares almost every time I sleep. Some so bad I roll out of bed and hurt myself trying to get away from them. I've had this gradually getting worse for over 35 years. It is like a wound that won't heal all the way that is inside my mind. Also it is now known that PTSD sufferers have actual changes in brain structure that are probably irreversible. The HPA axis of the brain if I am remembering correctlly.
I've been in psycho therapy for years. I have some victories. The guilt is pretty much gone. The depression and nightmares linger. I have "faced" my demons. But using DMT seems to help for awhile. Looking forward to giving a longer lasting psychedelic a try. Thank You and Peace to You.

 

[Rocket3476stz]

Sorry I forgot something. Without the ambien and seroquel I sleep maybe 3 or 4 hours long term. That's after I've weaned myself off the ambien and seroquel letting my system return to as normal as is possible for me. The long term consequences of the sleep deprivation gets me really crazy. Now they put me on prazocin (a blood pressure med that's supposed to help nightmares.). I've been on it over two weeks and can't tell any difference in the nightmares. I am at war ewith myself. You're correct. Thank You.

 

[Rocket3476stz]

Big breakthrough! 2 nice DMT hits and I was a insectoid type alien with a spacesuit on. There was so much going on that I didn't even remember I was in my own house. Very intense open eyed hallucinatiins.Everythimg wss a different hallucination.
II

 

[brilliantlydim]

Big breakthrough! 2 nice DMT hits and I was a insectoid type alien with a spacesuit on. There was so much going on that I didn't even remember I was in my own house. Very intense open eyed hallucinatiins.Everythimg wss a different hallucination.
II

Glad to hear you are having some success.

I didn't mean to imply that these tools couldn't help you and definitely didn't mean to down play the severity of your symptoms. I think it makes a lot of sense when you say " It is like a wound that won't heal all the way that is inside my mind". You will find a way to heal it my friend. You sound like you are an intelligent person with and open enough mind to look at things from different angles. Thank you for allowing me to share with you my perspective. As others have stated, the interactions between substances can cause some unwanted outcomes, please be careful and take care.

 

[Rocket3476stz]

I've weaned myself down to 30 mg of Cymbalta a day. Ok to smoke freebase DMT. No serotonin syndrome symptoms. I've experienced it when I was on 90 mg of cymbalta and doctor gave me tramadol for pain. Pounding headache, sweats, vomiting, diarahea. Nasty. With only 30 mg cymbalta I'm good. No maoi's would be safe though. Just smoking DMT.