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Stranger in a Strange Land

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Unheimlich

Unheimlich

Rising Star
o/ <---- that's a guy waving, see the head and the arm... whatever, I love it.

I'm not really in my element here, so bear with me.
I am a vet, having been in both Iraq and Afghanistan. The truth is I never came home. My wife puts up with it, I try to... IDK I try to do anything to change, and my kids suffer because of it. I'm left feeling like it would have been better if I had to chose Military or Family, not being allowed to have both. I can't describe how frustrating the last few years have been.

So time goes by, and I try all the meds and techniques etc etc for PTSD that they want me too. I keep getting my hopes up for a change, some progression... but nothing. This just keeps dragging on.

So my wife, being the amazing support that she is, tries and tries to help. She was reading to me studies that have been being conducted for PTSD with LSD, MDMA, DMT etc. We both laughed about being given LSD by scientists for free (my D.O.C. of many years ago). Then I watched the documentary on DMT.

Two things peeked my interest, first was that it was super natural compared to most psychotropics. It occurs in so many different places. Second was that it seems to be an experience, not a high. Maybe its wishful thinking on my part, but it almost seemed like it could be a reset button... like my psyche isn't in sync with my spirit(?) and it could re-sync them after all the things that I did and saw threw them out of whack.

So I'm thinking about it, and learning about it. My wife wanted some new plants, so I picked up some of the acacia acuminata seeds, cause regardless of anything they will make nice trees. I also found DMT tests for vets with PTSD, and I have been mulling the idea over. Funny thing is I would prefer to do it on my own terms, and on my own time, then in lab settings, which for me could just mess everything up.

My real question is, for those who have experience (either first hand or hypothetically): would you caution against it, with the amount of injured and dead that I have seen, or view it as a possible healing experience in done properly?
BTW I think part of my inability to heal is lack of dreams. I haven't had/recalled a dream in years...

Other than that - nice to meet you all. I may just be passing through and enjoying a slow glimpse into your culture... or I might find a comfortable chair in which to rest my feet. Either way, all the best.
Unheimlich**
 
wow registering was worth it just for the pics.... all the plant pRon! Since I am pretty sure I can't post to normal forums yet... just going to put out a blanket admiration for the gardens I have seen on here. Wow, so nais.
 
Hello Unheimlich,

Welcome to the Nexus. I very much enjoyed reading your well written and thought out introductory essay. Thank you so much for sharing so much.

If you read deeply into areas like our attitude links and health and safety sections you will see that not only can we not give you medical advice but that there is at least some general agreement that DMT provides at least as many questions as answers . . . .

I hope that Nexus member Dan sees your post and chooses to reply. You remind me of him. Also a vet who started here worried about DMT inducing a PTSD episode and not having any dream memories. He started a dream journal and after awhile got his dreams back. And he tried DMT and did NOT re-experience his traumatic war situations as far as I know. Hopefully he'll see this - he can tell you better than I.

I personally have found DMT very healing. The path hasn't always been easy, but in the long run it's been well worth it. I do feel it has catalyzed growth that is further along than it would have been - I openly admit I'm a very slow learner.

I'm amazed you found DMT research recruiting war vets. Do you mind my asking your country of origin? You wouldn't happen to have a link to the study or recruitment would you? I completely understand your reticence to do it in a laboratory setting.

By the way, do you have any previous experience with entheogen use? If so what did you make of it?

Anyway, I encourage you to keep looking around - the more/deeper one looks, the more there is to see. Welcome.

Peace & Love,
Pandora
 
Pandora,

Thx for the welcome. As far as the study goes, it is being done by MAPS as I understand it, MAPS dot org.
I apologize for being vague, I am not looking for medical advice, which I understand members can't give (plus I feel like I have had plenty of medical advice to last me a lifetime). I am looking for the experience and wisdom, which you give in your response, and I appreciate that.
As far as previous experience, years ago as a teenager I really enjoyed LSD, though I didn't use it extensively. Have also tried Salvia once, which was rather different but enjoyable. Mushrooms in Amsterdam. Some other odds and ends. It has been a very long time, and nothing but pills from bottles with my name on it since combat.

Unheimlich**
 
Welcome to here. I hope you find the info you need.

Here's a question I think you should research. I've heard that low dose mescaline hcl (around 100mg) FEELS almost identical to MDMA, which has shown efficacy in treating PTSD. I was wondering if mescaline or cactus has any of the therapeutic value of MDMA. If it does, maybe that would be a good starting place for you. I have barely any experience with mescaline and cactus (except for growing them) but some of the people here might e able to tell you about the therapeutic value of the substances.

I'm not discouraging you from continuing your research into DMT. It just sounds like a gentler substance might be better for you.

Once again, welcome. I'm sure you'll find a lot of good info here, and for some reason, I'm sure you'll make some friends.
 
I can tell from your writing that you are an intellectual. Regarding Pandoras aforementioned comment regarding the attitude section above; our values here fit your persona like a glove.

I hope you find the answers your looking for mate.

You belong here.





Kind Regards
 
Thank you all for the welcome here.
@Mister_Niles, I completely forgot about MDMA. I have very limited experience with it, but remember it being pleasant. SWIM just hates the idea of opening mouth inserting harmful chemicals. There is a signature here, perhaps by PHLUX (sorry if wrong) that says "he who fills your capsules controls your destiny." Wow what a prolific statement! To think of the number of times that a FOAF gave SWIM something and said "Feed your head" and SWIM complied. You kind of never really know.
So mescaline sounds also to be a good possibility. While I am studying SWIM has ordered blue lotus seeds, acacia acuminata seeds, acacia obtusifolia seeds, peruvian torch seeds, and a Salvia Div. plant. Really, because it takes so long to have your own garden SWIM reasons that the worst that can happen is you have a really beautiful and unique garden. Everyone here knows the best that can happen.
SWIM is concerned as to ordering MHRB, as it seems to be a less comfortable purchase for them, despite wanting to have the access when/if they become interested enough.
Anyways, I digress. I do enjoy the forum. Reading the forums and looking at X-tal pR0n etc. is enlightening, and enjoyable. I must say that the company here seems rather enjoyable.
--On another note, I just found out that Ray Bradbury died (Fahrenheit 451)... so it goes.
 
Also, thank you very much purple. I hope I find them as well. I do remember the first experience with LSD, the following Monday I passed a particular bush I always passed. I paused, and thought 'I'm no longer the same. I am different. Not worse, not better, just different.' It may be odd, but it seems that I need this "adjustment" to jump gears or something of the like. That seems to be the first goal, not worse, not better, but different. Sometimes in changing the problem you can better identify or solve the problem. Lots of hope thrown at that fire though.
 
14336.jpg

😁
 
Hey mate, I cant pretend to understand the things you would have experienced, I have never been to war and and I dont know the first thing about Post-traumatic stress disorder but I do know the horrible feeling that comes from seeing my family having to deal with my issues. My whole life I have dealt with sometimes chronic anxiety and social phobia and any medication given to me as a kid just increased the feelings of alienation.
I feel for you brother. I know you didnt come here for medical advice and I dont know if this would be considered medical advice but i am pretty sure they are getting amazing results (perhaps at MAPS) in controlling PTSD with a combination of MDMA and therapy.
Also do a little research into studies being done on daily microdosing of entheogens such as Lsd and psilocybin...and yes definitely agree with the post above re: mescaline, I think that can also be benificial and has helped me over the years...sorry I am just new here myself and cant tell you much about the medicinal benefits of DMT yet, but I do believe that ayahuasca taken with attention to SET & SETTING can be beneficial in dealing with certain issues and finally Iboga is supposed to act like a kind of 'reset button' for your brain..also a few lesser plant allies such as damiana, velvet bean, griffonia simplifica and WEED which can all help with day to day feelings of wellbeing....well thats my two-cents....5 things that keep me ticking DIET, EXERCISE, SET & SETTING and LOVE, always LOVE...welcome aboard Unheimlich
EDIT: 5HTP taken an hour or two before bed gives me crazy dreams, have you tried that?
 
o/ HBWR,
If it makes you feel better I don't know the first thing about PTSD either... well except I know that it sucks. It's hard to describe, but I haven't felt like myself in years. The only thing I really really want is to be back in Afghanistan, honestly. Hard to explain.
So I was looking at the information given, ty for that. Biggest problem for SWIM is SWIM is on Effexor (pure evil in a capsule) and hates it... but it seems harder to get off of than cigarettes. Velvetbean seems very interesting, as does 5HTP but SWIM can't take such things due to the Effexor. SWIM also wouldn't be able to take any MAOI's due to Effexor... so it makes things tricky tricky.
Also SWIM is a horrible insomniac... and was thinking of trying blue lotus for aid in this area. Weed doesn't agree with SWIM (well atleast back when he last did it... 8 years or so ago).
Diet and exercise is always an important part of every day. The problem with love... is well you have to feel it. When you just don't feel stuff... its all very hard to explain. I know I love my kids, but I don't feel it. Same with my wife. I know I should be happy (I do have a very good life) but I don't feel it... It's like wearing a life condom... everything should be awesome and feel great... but instead you just get frustrated at what you could/should be feeling. It's all very hard to explain.
Thanks for the information!
Unheimlich**
 
wow! just googled effexor..........jeeeeeeeeeeeeez thats pretty gnarly man, doesnt sound like much fun to come off either. how are you if you miss a dose? It sounds like its hard to tell whether that stuff is part of the problem or part of the solution...I dont know how doctors can prescribe drugs like these so often..I sometimes wonder what treatments of psychiatric conditions there would be if the war on drugs didnt stifle the study of entheogens for so long and if the big pharma companies drowned in a vat of aids or something similar. i hope you find your solution because lifes too short to not be enjoying it to its fullest..

my mate swim prescribes himself a 'heroic' dose in a dark room with some nice tunes at least once every three months
 
Yeah, I hate hate hate effexor. I miss doses on purpose trying to stretch out my bodies dependence on it. At first if I was half a day late I would become disoriented, confused, detached etc. Now I go about 2 days before the punishment begins. The worst part of withdrawals is the electrocution... its like someone attaches a faulty shock collar to your brain stem. Every time you move you get disoriented and an electrical storm through your body. This intensifies as time goes on. The longest I have made it during this portion of withdrawals was almost 2 days. The headaches and irritability... it sucks.
I was looking at some people who have been using 5-HTP to come off of Effexor. I might try that. I have to meet with a doc because they want to change my meds... so I will see what comes of that. Can't help feeling like a guinea pig.
FOAF was asking how viable and fast growing Psychotria viridis is? There seems to be a lot of conflicting information on it. Is it a viable plant, say for FOAF to cultivate while starting their Acuminatas?
Very cool to have all the convo here in the site. I am enjoying it.
 
My mate swim has a p. viridis(nexus) growing in a pot on the balcony which he has made every mistake in the world with from over-watering, under watering, over-fertilisation and the wrong potting mix yet it still seems to be powering on and I think it may do well come next grow season:) . There are some good tales on the 'corroboree' at SAB(a link below) of people growing these indoors under lights and my mate swim plans to try this himself soon

Growing psychotria under ideal artificial conditions

My mate swim bought his cutting from:


Herbalistics is an Aussie distributor that my mate swim has purchased a few ethnobotanicals from and I cant praise them highly enough. I do know they send orders internationally but I would be concerned about the health of the cutting over a long distance maybe you would be better buying locally but Darren at herbalistics really seems to know his stuff and it wouldnt hurt to drop him an email first and see if its viable.
 
Welcome to the Nexus brother, I hope some more senior members chime in here for you.

I cannot give you medical advice, but I would suggest that you look into finding out how to get off of the Effexor with minimal withdrawals ASAP. I have no idea how this would be achieved, but I am sure with some thorough research you'll be able to find the way.

Ayahuasca, Iboga, Peyote, and Cannabis would be the main plant teachers I would suggest communing with. Have you tried Cannabis since the PTSD?

As you already know, plenty of sunlight, walking/swimming in nature, healthy food and water, as well as music based in High-vibrations such as Reggae will do wonders.

Are you still in the Military? Do you hang out with any close friends? Your Daily Routine?

I wish you the best brother, If there is anything we can do we will try.
 
Hey buddy, let me first off say that you are not alone. I'm a vet myself, a young one at that. I'm only 22 but ive seen some things in my short time on this earth. Long story short, I nearly almost lost my leg do to a car bombing in the mid east. I had a near death experience that day, which is what got me interested in spirituality. I did some research and found out dmt and NDE can be very similar. That how I got my start in to dmt.

I had bad bad bad ptsd for a good year, i was also on the same medication you were, it seems to be the norm for treating ptsd. It was hard but I quit it, and believe it or not i felt better.

I've never had ANY military/war trips on dmt. Most of the time its quite the beautiful and uplifting experience, however of course, there are always those hard ones that you learn from, but at the time are devasting.

As Pandora said, I couldnt remember my dreams or my dmt experiences. basically at night i would black out and just wake up in the morning and the same thing when i smoked dmt.

There was a lot of info oyu put in this thread and i did my best to skim through it and answer all I can at the time. I'm a bit busy and I'll reread this whole thread and post whatever i left out.

Please dont be afraid to PM me for some 1 on 1 talks, I've been there brother, but DMT and other entheogens pretty much changed my life and I havent looked back, its truely remarkable really.

Hang in there buddy, one day at a time, one step at a time. The more you dwell on things, the worse you make them.

Try to get out and about, enjoy nature, take a walk, ride a bike. Hobbies help a lot too, busy hands are happy hands.

be well,

Dan
 
@Kronas, I'm trying to get off Effexor... and hope that comes soon. Haven't had Cannabis since, but SWIM offered to partake with his wife if she decided to try it again. lol I do listen to a lot of German/French Raggae amongst alot of other music such as Tool, Deftones, Iron&Wine, Senses Fail, Rise Against... etc. I do try to get out, and my office is right next to a window looking out onto the lake.
Daily routine can get ugly, sometimes its waking up at 5 to hit the gym and I seem to have a decent day. Other times due to insomnia its 5 by the time I get to sleep. Some weeks I accomplish things... some weeks I can barely make myself eat.
@Dan, nice to meet you. Sorry to hear about what happened to you. I saw a lot of that being MEDEVAC... it was like a year of bad days. Always sucked seeing the younger ones, 18 and such. I guess one of the reasons of being so interested in DMT is seeing so many dead and dying... and developing such terror of it.
How'd you get off the Effexor? Did you just power through it? I have heard that Tramadol is used with withdrawl symptons. Did you get many of the side effects? Have trouble sleeping on it? When did your dreams come back?
Thanks again for all the input from everyone.
Unheimlich**
 
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