Luminous
Rising Star
I am glad to have found this site. I am 42 years old and my first experiences with DMT started eight years ago. I had a lot of psychedelic experiences in my youth. I would consider those early trips to be recreational but they did open me up all the same. I expected something along the lines of a heavy LSD trip when I was first going to try DMT. It was not. What it was, was something altogether different and indescribable.
I don't really like to try and explain what I have seen in all my DMT trips. It somehow loses it meaning. The more I attempted to describe it the more it lost something. What I would like to talk about is something more abstract. Something of a feeling that I have brought back after many DMT trips. It is two fold. Beautiful and Terrifying.
The utter blackness sticks in my mind. Just total and utter blackness where nothing exists. It felt lonely. I felt as if I were feeling what 'god' or 'the source' must have felt before all of creation. Before the galaxies were formed. And at the same time after all of existence. Everything destroyed and all that remains is this being in darkness. It was the most lonely feeling I could ever imagine. Just so alone. Nothing but infinite darkess to experience.
The darkness became light. It was like it was waiting for me to arrive. When I showed up, it lit up and was so happy to see me. It had no preference until I arrived. Now that I was there with it it could begin to create. It created all that is for me. It now had something to do. It now had a preference which was completely unobtainable until I arrived. Now that I am here, it constantly creates for me. It feels like the whole show, the whole creation of all existance is just for me.
The sheer joy it felt blended into me the same as the sheer loneliness had. I could not tell if I was it or it was me. Or It was me and I was it. It and I blended until I just could no longer tell any longer. I felt as if I created everything or we created it all together. We created magic! We created all that we all perceive now. A gift... for me... for it... for us.
I am not sure how to decribe what people call hyperspace or Terence Mckenna called the DMT sensorium. It is impossible. But these are the feelings I had. Loneliness, terror, bliss, love, appreciation, gratitude and a creativity that is always contagious in so many ways. I feel like creating after a DMT trip. I am filled with wonder at all that we created together. It seems as if I am dreaming it all. That any time now I will wake up and be in that darkness waiting for the next me to show up to give me preference and create it all over again.
I love how others on this site can describe what they have experienced. It gives me chills reading some of the experience reports. Something is very gratifying in reading these experiences. It feels like we all see and experience very simular things. It is beautiful!
I am left thinking that we all create this experience together. That thought gives me pause and I started looking at everything and everybody as connected. As part of me and I a part of them. Everything from planets and trees and rocks to babies and puppies and all people. This connection I feel also brings pain. I see the pain some of us humans are in right now. I see shootings and observe world events that make me want to scream out to stop. I wish I could place what I have seen and felt and experienced into them and wake them up to this concept of connectedness.
Perhaps I should not fret about it and see it as necessary in some way that I cannot comprehend. Sometimes kids just need to fall down and watch the blood come from their scraped knees. It is part of it all. I still cannot escape the feeling of compassion that I have for all those who are falling and banging their knees over and over again. I don't want to end this on a negative note. I see beauty in the world too. I see it all over the place now. It is there. It is so easy for the negative to overwhelm the senses and that becomes the stronger memory of things. What does not kill you makes you stronger as they say.
We are becoming strong. We are awaking I feel. More and more people are starting to feel this connectedness that I feel. I just wish they would hurry up. I don't mena to be impatient. It feels like raising a child and seeing them hurt. I just want them to be content and know that something loves them very much.
I hope this doesnt come across as sappy. It is just something I have been feeling lately. The feeling has become stronger and stronger. It feels like that dark and lonely place waiting for something to come along. I have a deep gratitude for all of you that have had the courage to express yourself here on this site. I thought it only right that I attempt to express what I am feeling in this moment in time. You are all so familiar and relatable and give me hope.
May we create a beautiful world together! May we all live with compassion!
Thanks for reading!
Namaste.. as I see you as you are now!!
I don't really like to try and explain what I have seen in all my DMT trips. It somehow loses it meaning. The more I attempted to describe it the more it lost something. What I would like to talk about is something more abstract. Something of a feeling that I have brought back after many DMT trips. It is two fold. Beautiful and Terrifying.
The utter blackness sticks in my mind. Just total and utter blackness where nothing exists. It felt lonely. I felt as if I were feeling what 'god' or 'the source' must have felt before all of creation. Before the galaxies were formed. And at the same time after all of existence. Everything destroyed and all that remains is this being in darkness. It was the most lonely feeling I could ever imagine. Just so alone. Nothing but infinite darkess to experience.
The darkness became light. It was like it was waiting for me to arrive. When I showed up, it lit up and was so happy to see me. It had no preference until I arrived. Now that I was there with it it could begin to create. It created all that is for me. It now had something to do. It now had a preference which was completely unobtainable until I arrived. Now that I am here, it constantly creates for me. It feels like the whole show, the whole creation of all existance is just for me.
The sheer joy it felt blended into me the same as the sheer loneliness had. I could not tell if I was it or it was me. Or It was me and I was it. It and I blended until I just could no longer tell any longer. I felt as if I created everything or we created it all together. We created magic! We created all that we all perceive now. A gift... for me... for it... for us.
I am not sure how to decribe what people call hyperspace or Terence Mckenna called the DMT sensorium. It is impossible. But these are the feelings I had. Loneliness, terror, bliss, love, appreciation, gratitude and a creativity that is always contagious in so many ways. I feel like creating after a DMT trip. I am filled with wonder at all that we created together. It seems as if I am dreaming it all. That any time now I will wake up and be in that darkness waiting for the next me to show up to give me preference and create it all over again.
I love how others on this site can describe what they have experienced. It gives me chills reading some of the experience reports. Something is very gratifying in reading these experiences. It feels like we all see and experience very simular things. It is beautiful!
I am left thinking that we all create this experience together. That thought gives me pause and I started looking at everything and everybody as connected. As part of me and I a part of them. Everything from planets and trees and rocks to babies and puppies and all people. This connection I feel also brings pain. I see the pain some of us humans are in right now. I see shootings and observe world events that make me want to scream out to stop. I wish I could place what I have seen and felt and experienced into them and wake them up to this concept of connectedness.
Perhaps I should not fret about it and see it as necessary in some way that I cannot comprehend. Sometimes kids just need to fall down and watch the blood come from their scraped knees. It is part of it all. I still cannot escape the feeling of compassion that I have for all those who are falling and banging their knees over and over again. I don't want to end this on a negative note. I see beauty in the world too. I see it all over the place now. It is there. It is so easy for the negative to overwhelm the senses and that becomes the stronger memory of things. What does not kill you makes you stronger as they say.
We are becoming strong. We are awaking I feel. More and more people are starting to feel this connectedness that I feel. I just wish they would hurry up. I don't mena to be impatient. It feels like raising a child and seeing them hurt. I just want them to be content and know that something loves them very much.
I hope this doesnt come across as sappy. It is just something I have been feeling lately. The feeling has become stronger and stronger. It feels like that dark and lonely place waiting for something to come along. I have a deep gratitude for all of you that have had the courage to express yourself here on this site. I thought it only right that I attempt to express what I am feeling in this moment in time. You are all so familiar and relatable and give me hope.
May we create a beautiful world together! May we all live with compassion!
Thanks for reading!
Namaste.. as I see you as you are now!!
