GoneWiththeWind
Rising Star
Hello everyone,
I’ve decided to revisit psychadelics recently and I’m wondering if anyone can relate to my experiences. About 13 years ago I became fascinated with psychadelics, but never had much success growing/obtaining them. Instead, I would read about other people’s experiences and trip very rarely with low doses. Everything was put on hold during college and for several years after, while I focused on my education and finding my path in life. My schedule has recently opened up and I finally have time to explore psychadelics again, but after my first DMT experience, I’ve developed this feeling of apprehension anxiety that has created a mental barrier to picking up my pipe and jumping back in.
I tend to constantly analyze my thoughts even while sober, and I feel like I’m particularly susceptible to ego loss at very low dosages. 15 mg’s through my gvg turned my consciousness into instant static. It felt as if my normal state of consciousness is akin to a neatly stacked pile of sand, and the first rush of DMT is like a violent wind scattering it into nothingness. The visuals were consistent with a typical 15 mg trip, but the mind obliterating effects were way more profound than I expected. I’ve heard so much talk about the visuals but nobody mentions the tactile sensation of your mind scattering as you lose all control over it.
My fiancé, who smoked right after me ( her first psychadelic experience ever), ended up loving it. She’s somehow this psychadelic warrior who will smoke herself into oblivion on her second go around and then come out of it laughing histerically. I’ve never felt more jealous or emasculated in my life! I want nothing more than trip alongside her again, but the memory of my mind going straight to static leaves me paralyzed with apprehension when I pick up my pipe! I will think about it all day, and convince myself that this is going to be the night, then I chicken out as soon as I walk into my apartment! I somehow convince myself that I no longer want to do it as soon as I see the pipe... I’ve never experienced this level of fear and avoidance before.
I feel like the only way to take back my self respect is to face this fear and force the vapor into my lungs, but Im also worried that the anxiety will stay with me throughout the trip. Im sure my memory is much worse than the experience itself. In fact, I remember that I was able to remain calm and simply observe, but part of me wonders if I will be able to do that again...
Someone please convince me to stop being such a wuss...:?
I’ve decided to revisit psychadelics recently and I’m wondering if anyone can relate to my experiences. About 13 years ago I became fascinated with psychadelics, but never had much success growing/obtaining them. Instead, I would read about other people’s experiences and trip very rarely with low doses. Everything was put on hold during college and for several years after, while I focused on my education and finding my path in life. My schedule has recently opened up and I finally have time to explore psychadelics again, but after my first DMT experience, I’ve developed this feeling of apprehension anxiety that has created a mental barrier to picking up my pipe and jumping back in.
I tend to constantly analyze my thoughts even while sober, and I feel like I’m particularly susceptible to ego loss at very low dosages. 15 mg’s through my gvg turned my consciousness into instant static. It felt as if my normal state of consciousness is akin to a neatly stacked pile of sand, and the first rush of DMT is like a violent wind scattering it into nothingness. The visuals were consistent with a typical 15 mg trip, but the mind obliterating effects were way more profound than I expected. I’ve heard so much talk about the visuals but nobody mentions the tactile sensation of your mind scattering as you lose all control over it.
My fiancé, who smoked right after me ( her first psychadelic experience ever), ended up loving it. She’s somehow this psychadelic warrior who will smoke herself into oblivion on her second go around and then come out of it laughing histerically. I’ve never felt more jealous or emasculated in my life! I want nothing more than trip alongside her again, but the memory of my mind going straight to static leaves me paralyzed with apprehension when I pick up my pipe! I will think about it all day, and convince myself that this is going to be the night, then I chicken out as soon as I walk into my apartment! I somehow convince myself that I no longer want to do it as soon as I see the pipe... I’ve never experienced this level of fear and avoidance before.
I feel like the only way to take back my self respect is to face this fear and force the vapor into my lungs, but Im also worried that the anxiety will stay with me throughout the trip. Im sure my memory is much worse than the experience itself. In fact, I remember that I was able to remain calm and simply observe, but part of me wonders if I will be able to do that again...
Someone please convince me to stop being such a wuss...:?