Whatis
Its a question of perspective...
Why is fear of death such a huge, primal part of our civilisation? Is it the fear of the unknown, the finality, perhaps the suffering, or the leaving of loved ones? Either way it grips most of humanity like a vice, and is a major, although perhaps subtle undercurrent, in a lot of our day to day actions.
Is all fear routed to the fear of death?
The more I venture into DMT, the more I am confronted with my fear. I have often journeyed and stared my death straight in the face. Sometimes this rocks me to my core, other times it seems gentle. And the more I am confronted with this fear the more it seems to dissipate, the more I look directly at it, the more it becomes transparent.
My fear comes from the feeling that 'I' will end. But is this statement true? On the surface it used to seem indisputable! 'I' will end, just like every 'I' before me.
But the next question then is, who is 'I'?
I'm reminded of a menacing entity, with a harlequin grin, seemingly trying to scare me, only to turn around and give me the most gregarious smile. As time goes on DMT seems to be showing me, in a very real way, that the fierceness of death is just an illusion. It's all part of the game.
I used to know this intellectually. I could rationalise that my life, an impossibly small cog in an impossibly large universe, mattered relatively little, and that humanity and life would span far beyond my death. But sometimes that thought brought with it a sense of profound sadness.
I used to hear it from spiritual teachers. 'You are consciousness everlasting, beyond ego, beyond the little me. And once you recognise this fact death loses it's sting.' But whilst I felt the truth in their words, I always felt that I could never trust in this because I had no experience of it. I didn't want to just 'believe' because belief was responsible for some pretty fucked up shit, from my perspective.
But DMT, with its vistas of infinite possibility, the familiar yet alien entities and the utterly earth shattering profoundness that it holds up to me, each time I journey, is gradually eroding the fear of death. As Terence McKenna says 'we don't know what death is!'
There is an infiniteness that we are all a fundamental part of. It is us. We are it.
Holy shit it's beautiful.
I don't know how to operate from here really. Old driving forces in my life are now just dust.
But what is gradually being revealed is a more beautiful way of existing in this world.
Namaste comes to mind.
I love you all. I love everything.
But fear hasn't completely gone. Perhaps because my mind still cannot understand the actual mechanics. It wants to know the ending to the story, before it has read the middle chapters. Sometimes it creeps up and grips like a vice, and tries to impose limits and conditions and control. But it is loosing its power. Gradually becoming transparent. I understand now what is meant by, you only have to look at it, and it's power disappears, as the harlequin esq illusion is revealed.
It's all part of the game.
Is all fear routed to the fear of death?
The more I venture into DMT, the more I am confronted with my fear. I have often journeyed and stared my death straight in the face. Sometimes this rocks me to my core, other times it seems gentle. And the more I am confronted with this fear the more it seems to dissipate, the more I look directly at it, the more it becomes transparent.
My fear comes from the feeling that 'I' will end. But is this statement true? On the surface it used to seem indisputable! 'I' will end, just like every 'I' before me.
But the next question then is, who is 'I'?
I'm reminded of a menacing entity, with a harlequin grin, seemingly trying to scare me, only to turn around and give me the most gregarious smile. As time goes on DMT seems to be showing me, in a very real way, that the fierceness of death is just an illusion. It's all part of the game.
I used to know this intellectually. I could rationalise that my life, an impossibly small cog in an impossibly large universe, mattered relatively little, and that humanity and life would span far beyond my death. But sometimes that thought brought with it a sense of profound sadness.
I used to hear it from spiritual teachers. 'You are consciousness everlasting, beyond ego, beyond the little me. And once you recognise this fact death loses it's sting.' But whilst I felt the truth in their words, I always felt that I could never trust in this because I had no experience of it. I didn't want to just 'believe' because belief was responsible for some pretty fucked up shit, from my perspective.
But DMT, with its vistas of infinite possibility, the familiar yet alien entities and the utterly earth shattering profoundness that it holds up to me, each time I journey, is gradually eroding the fear of death. As Terence McKenna says 'we don't know what death is!'
There is an infiniteness that we are all a fundamental part of. It is us. We are it.
Holy shit it's beautiful.
I don't know how to operate from here really. Old driving forces in my life are now just dust.
But what is gradually being revealed is a more beautiful way of existing in this world.
Namaste comes to mind.
I love you all. I love everything.
But fear hasn't completely gone. Perhaps because my mind still cannot understand the actual mechanics. It wants to know the ending to the story, before it has read the middle chapters. Sometimes it creeps up and grips like a vice, and tries to impose limits and conditions and control. But it is loosing its power. Gradually becoming transparent. I understand now what is meant by, you only have to look at it, and it's power disappears, as the harlequin esq illusion is revealed.
It's all part of the game.
