The feeling of this...

[webuser]

For a period of my life,once a month, I would meet a door. The key was DMT,but not the trip you hear about. No entities, no fractals, no screaming colors. Just a profound, silent, and terrifying knowing. I’d take a hit. Then another. Normally, that’s enough to blast off into the cosmos. But on these nights, it was different. I’d take a third. A fourth. A fifth. The world didn't melt away. Instead, something immense began to approach.

It was a feeling, a silent,looming pressure in the fabric of reality itself. The knowledge that something tremendous was on the other side, waiting. Not a thing, but an event. A transition. My life would flash before my eyes.Not as a story, but as a checklist. Loose ends. Regrets. Unfinished business. It felt like a final exam for my soul, administered by my own consciousness. The question was always the same: "Are you ready?" I knew,with a certainty that bypassed thought, that if I took one more hit, I would step through. I would "ascend." The person who came back, if one came back, would not be the same. The old me would be gone. Scoured clean by a light I couldn't yet see. And every time,at the precipice, I hesitated. I chose the known world over the unknown promise. I chose the familiar self, with all its flaws and loose ends. The door would fade. The pressure would vanish. I’d be left in silence, wondering what I had just refused.

Then,for months, the door disappeared. The trips returned to normal. I wondered if I had failed a test, if my chance had passed. I began to file it away as a strange chapter in my history.

Until today.Today, I smoked again. And the door was there. The same immense presence. The same silent invitation. The same chilling, life altering question. I don't know what it is.I don't know if it's a neurological event, a spiritual call, or the deepest part of my own psyche asking for radical change. All I know is that the threshold is real. And it has returned. I haven't went through with it yet, has anyone experienced this?

 

[Tripolation]

That is some pretty good writing. I can feel the tension.

Thanks for sharing this. I have not experienced anything like that. The choice is a fascinating one.

The 'old me' being gone is something that happens in every instant. Allowing the 'old me' to fall away is much like seeing past an illusion, allowing it to pass away and born into becoming something new. Somethings must be left behind and thresholds crossed for growth, otherwise it just becomes static.

I find your experience to be very interesting. Go through the door I say. If you ever do please let us know what happens. We will welcome the 'new you' if that is what occurs.

 

[northape]

We die and are reborn each night. You could argue that the one who wakes up is a new you.

When it comes to your experience with the door, I'd go through. True spirituality is the conscious death of the ego, and it's never easy. A choice similar to yours is before everyone at every moment, but we never take the opportunity.

Somehow, DMT created a visual environment where this possibility could manifest and play out. The death of the "old me" would be the birth of something more vast and alive, imo. There is nothing behind the ego, but open space anyway. Please report back if you ever go through.

Thanks for sharing your story

 

[I know nothing]

Hi Webuser Waw yes I think I can relate in a way to your experience although I may not be able to put it in words quite as well as you so for me it has happened on a few different substances. It starts once I have settled into the journey with a slow build up of energy low down a kind of white warm loving feeling then it slowly starts to flow up through the nerves until I can feel it all over becoming more and more intense until lit becomes an uncontrollable extasy at which point I just want to let go and surrender but just as I hit the peak like a switch a thought or fear free will is it really free will how can it be if I don’t truly know what if I’m just surrendering to a deeper level of illusion. After I always feel confused and a little disappointed in my self clearly not ready maybe one day I’ll lose the fear