The irrational feeling of playing a key role

[bIRD_]

So, ive decided to create this topic about something which bothered me for years. The first times i got in touch with psychedelics it dawned upon me that i am "I", myself, god, whatever you want to call it. I think this experience is broadly known and is to be expected when going on an adventure in the psychedelic headspace.

But! Heres the thing: I somehow do feel responsibility for the world around me, like... it is weird to frame it like that, but i somehow feel like a messiah-ish creature. Its been a mystery for me since like ever, but i feel like my decisions could have a major impact on the course of this life. Dont get me wrong, im not religious, but this stillbugs me sometimes.

It could just be that my fragment of myself could in fact have this role in the bigger picture, but even if so, my ego shouldnt get attached to it in any way, because chance for impacting the world in a way could also be an illusion.

It also absolutely didnt help when other people said to me after a trip "i didnt know you were THAT guy" like WHO? Such memories make me think about that i might be blind to something about myself.

I really want some input on this and would like to integrate your opinions respectfully. Do you feel the same? Does it also feel like its only raining on yourself? Its so odd because i dont really read this feeling on others but myself..... i mean...thats just alot to take in.

Thanks for sharing your opinions.

 

[Voidmatrix]

You're not alone. I sometimes wonder if prophets of the past had psychedelic experiences that led to their proselytization of religious ideals.

I think many people go through this, but instead of stating it explicitly it's rather shown in their actions and behaviors.

I'm no exception, though I did try to keep it to myself as well as delimit it. Doesn't help that some of the direct insights I received from my first DMT trip reinforced ideas that can bring about this same conundrum. It lends itself to my comments of not wanting to be put on a pedestal (though I care a lot less recently).

Often, for most of us, due to luck of the draw, we have to be fulfilled and satisfied with small impacts and changes to our immediate surroundings rather than the world at large.

They say knowledge is power, and sometimes we feel as though we've gained new knowledge and power from our downloads in psychedelic spaces. So, as Uncle Ben from Spiderman said: with great power comes great responsibility.

Stay aware, stay balanced.

One love

 

[DMT Lexus]

I think this feeling is very rational and reasonable. Everyone's playing his own role. Also, how you can know if you never try to impact? Maybe it's you, and exactly you, who should change this world to some better place. Although, I think that only you know the right answer to this question. No one can say what is better for you but your soul knows it.
If you'll follow your soul, you going to know the right answer and your own mission.
I believe that everyone has his own talents and mission. It could be hard to figure out but the harder work brings the best fruits. Just to incline from the usual state and look back in the childhood dreams may be helpful, or even trying ludid dreams may be very helpful.
I think that to find the strong sides of your own personality, listen to your inner universe (soul) and follow your own mission by soul are the most valuable things to do and it's actually the reason why you've born to this world.
Many people unfortunately forget about it and just waste their life doing unrelated and unwanted things.

With best regards
DMT Lexus

 

[fink]

Sounds like a good idea. Lets's go with it

What the plan?

 

[ShadedSelf]

There is responsibility to be taken if one wishes to, but we dont come to change the illusion, we come to love it, the world might seem crooked and broken, but its through love that it gets transformed.

There is a delicate balance because nuch can be changed indeed, but its a bit like a fluid, the harder you hit it, the more of a salid it becomes, be gentle, you are who you now you are deep down, and so is everything around you.

My understanding is that the journey is mostly internal, the deal more and more with the unseen, the material world is basically irrelevant.
To serve one is to serve all, reach out your hand to those who call knowing that everything is as it should be.
Enlighten yourself first, heal yourself first, and serve as a beacon of light.
And love, love and love.

 

[Exitwound]

Just in case you really can change things around you, I'd like humble and realistic $300K USD on my account during this year please, if that happens consider me a worshipper, bIRD_

 

[bIRD_]

Thanks for the replies so far, i really enjoyed reading them.

I'm no exception, though I did try to keep it to myself as well as delimit it. Doesn't help that some of the direct insights I received from my first DMT trip reinforced ideas that can bring about this same conundrum. It lends itself to my comments of not wanting to be put on a pedestal (though I care a lot less recently).

This is something i experience aswell. I somehow know this deep down, but im struggling to accept it, because i dont want to put myself on a pedestal. Like, forcing myself to stay humble in a way.

I think that to find the strong sides of your own personality, listen to your inner universe (soul) and follow your own mission by soul are the most valuable things to do and it's actually the reason why you've born to this world.
Many people unfortunately forget about it and just waste their life doing unrelated and unwanted things.

My understanding is that the journey is mostly internal, the deal more and more with the unseen, the material world is basically irrelevant.

Thats what it feels like for me. Like, i dont feel like i can "change the world" through my action, my words, my participation, nothing a thought could come up with. It more feels like my inner well being is in direct contact with the well being of the world. Like, when i experience freedom, happyness, connectedness the whole world starts to aswell, like im sending out waves behind the curtains... Im just not sure how to handle this, how to transform my life into being what is inside.

What also happened many times before is, that i experienced alot of 'Pronoia' in the past, feeling like people i got to know know myself more than i do... Lifes weird man

And sorry Exitwound

Just in case you really can change things around you, I'd like humble and realistic $300K USD on my account during this year please, if that happens consider me a worshipper, bIRD_

Big grin Love

Im more of the "better life for everyone" kind of deity

 

[Tomtegubbe]

I'm in the same boat and I'm very happy about this thread. I still don't quite know what to make of these experiences.

To my experience the hyperspace tests you a lot in order for you to prove your worth before going deeper. You are presented with lots of false visions and temptations and you need to choose wisely and keep your integrity.

Maybe you are tested how you are able to handle "being special" and how much your ego is inflated with such feelings. If you are able to assess yourself and your role in your current circumstances and also your potential humbly and realistically, maybe that is a sign that you can proceed. If the idea of being a prophet or a great shaman becomes too important, you probably need several lessons before you are fit for the role.

Edit. There is some discussion in the New Testament about special spiritual powers and experiences that can lead you astray and in modern terms just boost your ego and actually hinder your true spiritual path. The same concern is raised in the Vinaya (monastic code for Buddhist monks) where boasting about spiritual powers is strictly forbidden. It seems like it is acknowledged in the ancient sources that certain practices can indeed open up very special domains of experience but the risk they carry is quite obvious too and learning a balanced and critical approach to these experiences is very important if you desire true spiritual progression.

"Let no one disqualify you, insisting on asceticism and worship of angels, going on in detail about visions, puffed up without reason by his sensuous mind and not holding fast to the Head, from whom the whole body, nourished and knit together through its joints and ligaments, grows with a growth that is from God." (Col. 2.18-19)

 

[bIRD_]

It really comforts me to see that there are people who experience similar things, that do know the tightrope walk this all is to me.

Maybe you are tested how you are able to handle "being special" and how much your ego is inflated with such feelings. If you are able to assess yourself and your role in your current circumstances and also your potential humbly and realistically, maybe that is a sign that you can proceed. If the idea of being a prophet or a great shaman becomes too important, you probably need several lessons before you are fit for the role.

This seems to be great insight, like, i know for myself that this feeling is not for "me-me", or say for me alone, my ego, my rational mind like taking the "I" in myself as a boxed in self. It feels to go way wider.... unfathomably. Holding this power only for myself feels wrong, and quite possibly wont work out anyway, like when you fall off the tightrope you end up as something which isn't what you really try to achieve deep down. Quite possibly you could e.g. end up in a hierarchical community of psychedelic consumers or sth, trying to be "the greatest" or whatever. Just one possibility where this could lead if you try to borrow this for your personal, egoistic agenda.

"Let no one disqualify you, insisting on asceticism and worship of angels, going on in detail about visions, puffed up without reason by his sensuous mind and not holding fast to the Head, from whom the whole body, nourished and knit together through its joints and ligaments, grows with a growth that is from God." (Col. 2.18-19)

Alot in there. Being one with yourself free of thought does seem to be the key to this. At the point youre trying to convince your surroundings about the things you've experienced in detail youre falling off. Atleast with a personal agenda involved. This is all personal, we have other means of spreading ourselves, or say, shine light.

 

[Voidmatrix]

This is something i experience aswell. I somehow know this deep down, but im struggling to accept it, because i dont want to put myself on a pedestal. Like, forcing myself to stay humble in a way.

Well I commend you on your vulnerability and humility in starting this conversation.

Try not to obsess about being humble. It ends up becoming "too much of a good thing" if you do and you'll end up hindering yourself. Allow yourself to slip up, since no one's perfect and no one is perfectly consistent. Learn from the fault and move on.

One love

 

[bIRD_]

Well I commend you on your vulnerability and humility in starting this conversation.

Try not to obsess about being humble. It ends up becoming "too much of a good thing" if you do and you'll end up hindering yourself. Allow yourself to slip up, since no one's perfect and no one is perfectly consistent. Learn from the fault and move on.

That seems true. This has happened before when i was young that i spouted lots of things i didnt quite get to that time, and i learned from it.

What im aiming for it seems its not like i want people to know directly what im about, or tell them upfront, but id like to have them experience it themselves and come to their own conclusions. My word probably would never encompass what its all about, but its an attempt of doing so.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Well I commend you on your vulnerability and humility in starting this conversation.

Try not to obsess about being humble. It ends up becoming "too much of a good thing" if you do and you'll end up hindering yourself. Allow yourself to slip up, since no one's perfect and no one is perfectly consistent. Learn from the fault and move on.

That seems true. This has happened before when i was young that i spouted lots of things i didnt quite get to that time, and i learned from it.

What im aiming for it seems its not like i want people to know directly what im about, or tell them upfront, but id like to have them experience it themselves and come to their own conclusions. My word probably would never encompass what its all about, but its an attempt of doing so.

Yup! Embodiment. Hold it as a part of you and those that are receptive will recognize it.

I feel like these feelings are also influenced by religious milieus, such as the elevation of Jesus. However, to tread their path, and like you've mentioned, figured it out on their own (Buddha, Jesus, etc). Treading their path is learning to tread your own.

One love

 

[Jees]

@bIRD_
Is it far fetched to suppose there is a sliver of all-being in everyone of us, in every cell, stone, manifested or latent? You might as well snif the shadow of the all creating force. A coming home feeling.

It would however be further fetched to extrapolate this realization of limitlessness freely into a limit and boundary featured dimension of existence. The segregated laden world (where yin and yang are separated) will not give in so easily. Is this what jeses felt on the cross by saying: my god my god why have you forsaken me? Quite a moment to come to such realization hanging there.

 

[RhythmSpring]

The first times i got in touch with
p̶s̶y̶c̶h̶e̶d̶e̶l̶i̶c̶s̶ tryptamines it dawned upon me that i am "I", myself, god, whatever you want to call it. I think this experience is broadly known and is to be expected when going on an adventure in the
p̶s̶y̶c̶h̶e̶d̶e̶l̶i̶c̶ tryptamine headspace.

Let's not get confused here. I know what you're talking about. But that kind of lens is not ubiquitous throughout all psychedelics. Phenethylamines, oneirogens, kappa-opioid agonists, and harmalas may offer a different, even complementary feeling of humility.

People smoke DMT or take LSD and think that all psychedelics are like that... and that makes me sad.

 

[Voidmatrix]

The first times i got in touch with
p̶s̶y̶c̶h̶e̶d̶e̶l̶i̶c̶s̶ tryptamines it dawned upon me that i am "I", myself, god, whatever you want to call it. I think this experience is broadly known and is to be expected when going on an adventure in the
p̶s̶y̶c̶h̶e̶d̶e̶l̶i̶c̶ tryptamine headspace.

Let's not get confused here. I know what you're talking about. But that kind of lens is not ubiquitous throughout all psychedelics. Phenethylamines, oneirogens, kappa-opioid agonists, and harmalas may offer a different, even complementary feeling of humility.

People smoke DMT or take LSD and think that all psychedelics are like that... and that makes me sad.

Are you saying this can't happen with the others listed?

One love

 

[RhythmSpring]

The first times i got in touch with
p̶s̶y̶c̶h̶e̶d̶e̶l̶i̶c̶s̶ tryptamines it dawned upon me that i am "I", myself, god, whatever you want to call it. I think this experience is broadly known and is to be expected when going on an adventure in the
p̶s̶y̶c̶h̶e̶d̶e̶l̶i̶c̶ tryptamine headspace.

Let's not get confused here. I know what you're talking about. But that kind of lens is not ubiquitous throughout all psychedelics. Phenethylamines, oneirogens, kappa-opioid agonists, and harmalas may offer a different, even complementary feeling of humility.

People smoke DMT or take LSD and think that all psychedelics are like that... and that makes me sad.

Are you saying this can't happen with the others listed?

One love

No

 

[bIRD_]

The first times i got in touch with
p̶s̶y̶c̶h̶e̶d̶e̶l̶i̶c̶s̶ tryptamines it dawned upon me that i am "I", myself, god, whatever you want to call it. I think this experience is broadly known and is to be expected when going on an adventure in the
p̶s̶y̶c̶h̶e̶d̶e̶l̶i̶c̶ tryptamine headspace.

Let's not get confused here. I know what you're talking about. But that kind of lens is not ubiquitous throughout all psychedelics. Phenethylamines, oneirogens, kappa-opioid agonists, and harmalas may offer a different, even complementary feeling of humility.

People smoke DMT or take LSD and think that all psychedelics are like that... and that makes me sad.

This is splitting hairs, but arent those others mentioned really classified as psychedelics? I thought for a hallucinogen to be called psychedelic there has to be activation of the serotonin receptors, which would encompass tryptamines, lysergamides and phenethylamines. For me this hasnt happened on phenethylamines thats correct, but i also have very limited experiences with them.

 

[RhythmSpring]

If you're gonna split hairs, then I would throw out the entire word, "hallucinogen," as it implies you're seeing things that are not there, that don't exist--in other words, you're entering a delusional state.

I'd rather redefine and reconstruct our language regarding these plants based on what the plants actually do (attune, cleanse, relax, tonify, balance, inform, etc.)

You used one word to question my usage of the word, but then used another word to argue your point. I'm confused. Anyway, I think it's fair to say that we can include things like Iboga and Ayahuasca under the umbrella of "psychedelics."

 

[bIRD_]

If you're gonna split hairs, then I would throw out the entire word, "hallucinogen," as it implies you're seeing things that are not there, that don't exist--in other words, you're entering a delusional state.

The word hallucinogen isnt defined by "seeing things that are not there", but is an umbrella term for substances inducing altered states of conciousness. I agree on reconstructing language on that point, the term hallucinogen is pretty wishy washy and everyone seems to interpret it differently what really falls under it or which subcategories of substances are connected to it. I didn't want to step on your toes and take the value out of your response, i just forgot that this word isn't a clear defined word.

Although i felt put off by your generalization of

People smoke DMT or take LSD and think that all psychedelics are like that... and that makes me sad.

which sounded too easy/bold to me. I think everyone does experience it differently and a generalization seems out of place.

 

[Voidmatrix]

which sounded too easy/bold to me. I think everyone does experience it differently and a generalization seems out of place.

This was why I asked my question above. The sentiment seems to be an overarching generalization. I know at least one person and have heard of others that have had synonymous experiences with themselves from phenethylamines.

One love