The last trip

[fink]

Was a month or more ago. I wanted to talk about it now as I'm building up to another trip soon. Pipe smoked changa with passion flower added. Maybe was a bit too strong of a bowl and maybe smoked a bit too eagerly. The changa was good most of the previous times.

The space I visited was dark, murky and claustrophobic. Organic and bloody. Only way I could really explain how it felt would be if you were squashed somewhere inside the body of a giant creature with blood and membranes and tubes all over. Unable to move or look around. No brightness at all. The only other memory was again really claustrophobic. Utterly scrambled geometry, dull, murky. Confusing.

It seemed to last such a long time, totally forgot that I had smoked something. Just that this is what existence is and always has been.

When the room came back everyrhing was murky and dull with a sort of yellowish brown filter. I was not really upset or scared by the whole experience. Kind of vaguely amused at willingly putting myself through it.

This has caused me to take the longest break since learning to extract. I wouldn't say it was unpleasant but I certainly wouldn't want to go back there.

Anyhow, thanks for listening.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Thank you for sharing.

For fun: maybe, just maybe you were inside an entity :twisted:

I've been in similar "dark" zones.

How did you feel after that journey? What was on your mind prior to disembarking? What kind of day did you have?

Breaks are good. It helps us to see our use in a clear manner. As often as I journey, every three months or so I take the month away from the molecule. Never bummed out about it either. How long has this break been for you?

One love

 

[fink]

Set and setting were good. If anything I was a little too eager and not at all worried about smoking too much. I think roughly five weeks off now.

Afterwards I felt ok, bit confused. To get back to baseline took at least 35 mins. The day had been good and I was generally in a good place.

It's funny you mention being inside an entity. I had a similar thought although mine was that I was inside my own body perhaps. Like I was tiny and had been eaten or injected into something. Being squashed down inside the inner workings of an organic construct.

Since you had the same instinct we are going to go with that.

I was inside something definitely.

The break has been 50% good sense to reset and 50% trepidation of going back there.

Thank you Void, your generous work here for all of us is not unnoticed.

 

[Voidmatrix]

In a certain sense we're entities as well. We just take such for granted because we're more familiar and aware of the category reside in. And while the spice is vital to space travel, it helps us look within as well.

I've found that confusion can be an aftereffect of deeper mental states. It happens to me in meditations often, where I forget things like what direction I'm facing.

If you're like me, then anxious or not, you'll go for it. Remembering this can help limit the impact of your trepidation. I definitely get it though. I've been doing this a while now, and while to a lesser degree than in the past, some nervousness is always there.

Fear is the mind killer; fear is the little death.

And thank you so much just out here trying to do my best, learn, share, and beneficially impact.

One love

 

[fink]

I made the decision to not smoke my beloved changa for the next trip. So I've been working towards building a decent emesh setup. Finally got all the hardware I need and ready to go. Really not easy to source all the bit needed these days. Determined to go freebase for a while to bring back some bright colours and fractal fun.

 

[fink]

So after some time away I broke my plan to vape some freebase and went for some moar changa. Strangely I loaded the mesh yesterday with 20mg ready for the urge to arrive. Yet still went back on myself and smoked the herbs. Scared I guess. Or some instinct insisted on this path.

Started off slow with gentle tokes. Pleasant mild effects. Then suddenly on about the 5th toke after maybe 30 mins of tripping gently it smashed me right in the face. No dark claustrophobic space this time. But ooooh so hectic. I remember thinking 'well that bit of herb must have had a decent coating'.

I was in a cubist compartment and through all the sides of it forces were trying to show me different insane things all at once. It was so frantic, almost forceful. Like multiple trips trying to compete for my attention simultaneously. Nothing very bright or colourful. I was out in the garden in darkness. Comfortably lying in the long grass with bare feet planted on the earth. Closed eyes most of the time. I remember thinking why do I want this insanity? I can see why people grow out of this substance and never go back. But at the same time I wanted to be there and I will want to be there again.

On two different occasions during the peak madness I opened my eyes and immediately saw a meteor brightly streak the whole sky. Put a big grin on my face even though I was taking a beating still.

So I breathed deeply, held my hands out in front of me and pushed myself out of that space into a slightly more calm area. Black and white chequered softness.

Came back to manageable sanity and had another light toke, more as a gesture of defiance. Softly back down. Considered finishing the second bowl completely then thought again, tapped the last little bit into the grass and called it a night.

I guess that was what people say is a sub breakthrough to an uncomfortable level?

 

[Voidmatrix]

So after some time away I broke my plan to vape some freebase and went for some moar changa. Strangely I loaded the mesh yesterday with 20mg ready for the urge to arrive. Yet still went back on myself and smoked the herbs. Scared I guess. Or some instinct insisted on this path.

Change tends to be gentler. Sometimes we want an experience but have a difficulty in bringing ourselves to climb inside the rocket. The more gentle, but still swift take-off of the "space-jet" is easier to step towards.

There seems to be a concensus on the opinion of low-level and sub-breakthrough doses being unpleasant. I'm not of that camp; I tend to break through by accident, which is always welcome. I'm just not in a stage right now where I go that far on purpose.

One of the reasons is because I will often feel that I am somewhat duplicated in a manner that allows me to have multiple trip experiences at the same time. It becomes hard to recall when so much is going on, even if I traverse the experience fine in the moment. I guess you could say I'm building the skill to retain more of every experience. I've started taking notes on almost every DMT trip starting a couple weeks ago.

I remember thinking why do I want this insanity?

Great question! I can't put into words why I do in a way that satisfies me, but I always keep going back at some level or other. It's become a bond. There's times I'll engage just a little bit when I don't want to simply because I feel that it is "calling."

How are you feeling now? Since the experience and posting about it have you extracted any new insights? Do you think you'll journey again in some manner again soon?

Thank you for sharing

One love

 

[fink]

Thank you Void, I've read and re-read your guidance carefully and appreciate you taking the time.

I feel great. I'm happy to have journeyed again after the extended break. I didn't really get anything out of the trip itself other than one important thing. I realised I could breath and push my way out of that space into a softer area. I think by the time I managed that it was a bit too late to learn any other navigational skills.


Tangent. I genuinely think that overall I am a good person. The bad is not terrible and some of the good is pretty good. That is a facet of my born nature rather than my conscious efforts. I do love and appreciate the lifeform I was allotted to inhabit.

However I still always try to uncover things I subconsciously need to atone for or refrain from doing again. I sometimes wonder if there is something psychological or physical that I'm hiding from and perhaps my less magical trips are a punishment of sorts. I fear that there could be things I dont accept yet and perhaps that affects my DMT experiences but so far DMT has only shown me one thing that I needed to change. That one change was a great gift though. It's hard to explain, I really dont think there is any hidden trauma. But that's exactly what I would say if there was.

Tangent.

Mushrooms show me want I really want and offer me the chance to selfishly accept and grant myself

LSD shows me what I dont like and need to improve or change.

DMT I have no damn clue what the hell is going on most of the time. It's just amazing to me that one trip I can come face to face with a telepathic goddess and come back streaming tears. Another time I can be abused by who knows what and wonder why I did this to myself.



TL/DR I feel great and peaceful. Thanks for asking!

 

[brokedownpalace10]

Wild conjecture here.
Is there an effort to show something to you?
Maybe get a physical, just because that never hurts. Keep your eyes and mind open for hints in your life.

 

[fink]

Wild conjecture here.
Is there an effort to show something to you?
Maybe get a physical, just because that never hurts. Keep your eyes and mind open for hints in your life.

Thank you BDP, I appreciate your insight. Could be, cannot really say. Whatever it was certainly was not clear to my poor little brain.

I'm of the mindset that we are all slowly dying and we should not worry too much about it as long as we can continue today.

 

[fink]

There seems to be a concensus on the opinion of low-level and sub-breakthrough doses being unpleasant. I'm not of that camp; I tend to break through by accident, which is always welcome. I'm just not in a stage right now where I go that far on purpose.



One love

This part has really resonated with me. It's only by you saying it that I find myself realising I also only breakthrough by accident. I do seek it in some sense but have never really gone in with the explicit intention of breakthrough. More just see what happens and deals with it how it comes.

 

[BobDobbs]

Thank you - I really enjoyed reading your experiences and whatever that is - almost like an internal conflict about how and when to relate to DMT. Forgive me but I hope that didn't get lost in translation.

I haven't tried Changa but I'm aware of how certain plants influence the DMT experience. Recently I've been getting a lot from Syrian Rue followed by e-mesh vaped DMT - a very clean white crystalline extraction... My initial apprehension has been replaced by a feeling of invitation to go further. Some of what you described made me think of slightly burned DMT - probably hard to avoid with Changa but also easy enough to still do if you haven't dialed in your e-mesh setup. Having an intention and the approach to that is such a personal thing - and sometimes that's not enough, some intentions seem to require specific medicines. I'm finding that strong Cacao and a very light mushroom dose are my current go-to.

Journey well and I hope you'll feel like sharing more.

 

[fink]

Thank you - I really enjoyed reading your experiences and whatever that is - almost like an internal conflict about how and when to relate to DMT. Forgive me but I hope that didn't get lost in translation.

I haven't tried Changa but I'm aware of how certain plants influence the DMT experience. Recently I've been getting a lot from Syrian Rue followed by e-mesh vaped DMT - a very clean white crystalline extraction... My initial apprehension has been replaced by a feeling of invitation to go further. Some of what you described made me think of slightly burned DMT - probably hard to avoid with Changa but also easy enough to still do if you haven't dialed in your e-mesh setup. Having an intention and the approach to that is such a personal thing - and sometimes that's not enough, some intentions seem to require specific medicines. I'm finding that strong Cacao and a very light mushroom dose are my current go-to.

Journey well and I hope you'll feel like sharing more.

Thank you BobDobbs, I'm grateful for you sharing some wisdom for me to learn and nothing was lost in translation. I'm going to guess today that you are exactly correct, the herb blend was changing the DMT experience for certain.

I finished work today and immediately went out in the sunshine and vaped the freebase I had prepared a few days ago. I was apprehensive but calm. In the end the 20mg hit was pretty light. I dont have much experience with e-mesh so perhaps I did something insufficiently. Geekvape solo, mesh rda and glass drip tip. Used 11.5W setting. Seemed to get most of it in two 10 second hits.

Wanted to go again so dumped a load more on the mesh and hit it again.

Such a completely different experience!

The plants around me vibrate happily. Trees and grass moving and changing shape very profoundly. Could feel the life in everything around me bursting with joy. Insects and birds talking away. The clouds did amazing things.

With eyes closed I found a suddenly welcoming place with a faint female presence that embraced me and told me everything was alright. Beautiful faint geometry of red and oranges. So much relief that I was having a calm and beautiful trip.

More open eye beauty and oneness with the earth. Hands looked great. Whole body vibrating with the plants.

Final part was eyes closed again, the orange waves moving in and out of themselves calmly. Felt so soothing. Why have I been so slow to smoke some freebase? This was just what was needed.

So happy now.

 

[fink]

So to continue this impromptu diary from a rookie DMT traveller.

Last night decided to try my first re-crytalisation. It was nerve racking chucking 720mg of precious stuff into a vicious solvent despite knowing it was going to be ok. Took out about 20mg of planty stuff at the bottom. Came back from the freezer today and scraped up about 600mg of slightly yellow, tiny crystals.

Managed to get the whole 720mg dissolved into 35ml of quite hot naptha. Maybe too hot? Some did seem to be lost somewhere.

Loaded 23mg on the mesh and hit it in the garden just as darkness was settling in. Really pleasant experience. No real breakthrough moments. I think I was still apprehensive about the place the changa had been taking me. For that reason I failed to surrender and kept myself tethered. Some incredible visual distortions and that same feeling of all the plant life around me being vibrantly alive. The grass was kindly admonishing me for not letting go and also for the slightly harsh vapour. 13W was too high although it got the job done very quickly, better than 11.5W.

It is now without question in my mind that something about that changa mix or the way I was smoking it was causing the dark and confusing trips. Strange because 4 months ago when I first smoked it the experiences were wonderful.

In any case, forgive my rambling and I'm grateful to have this venue to vent.