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The Mass of the Phoenix - my final jouney into the abyss

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vovin said:
The feedback I seek is only so that I can feel confident I am correctly writing in a way that people are willing to read the story.
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I can only respond from my own personal reaction which is based on my own experiences dealing with these sorts of situations, motivations, and being around people who've taken the Blake advice literally to the point of dying or killing themselves. So be mindful of where I'm coming from here. I've been around as well.

The sample you provided is also outside of context of how you would introduce this in the book and how you would analyze it afterwards. So also be weary that taken on its own is what provokes my response. Posting it in the experiences section of the forums helps frame it at least, and you've mentioned (since your first post) that there's more to what you'd write than just the raw experience. I respect that.

For me, this sort of thing, presented as such (outside of context of intent other than self destructive obliviousness) honestly bores me. I don't see a fine line between exploring the outer reaches of existence and self destruction. It's a very gigantic and obvious line. That realization is something that comes with time and experience (as you've expressed since your initial post, which is why I've bothered to respond). Regardless of specific theme (drugs, athleticism, endurance, mysticism, body modification, sexuality, neuroplasticity, etc) this sort of writing lacks depth or staying power beyond the initial sensationalism and shock value leaving it vulnerable to be criticized as little more than ego masturbation, or extremist machismo so to speak.

I assume there's more to what you're trying to do here than just that so that's why I'm attempting feedback. My only advice is to be delicately mindful of your personal intent regarding every sentence you write. It's vital to create that depth and staying power.

Those without experience taking in this sort of writing will be enthralled by the sensationalist/shock aspects and run the risk of losing the forest in the trees and missing whatever greater message you're actually trying to share. Those that are experienced in digesting writing of this nature run the risk of being turned off by the sensationalist/shock aspects (discarding it as typical wasteoid prattle), and not even continuing on to find whatever deeper meaning might get to later on.

So ya, stay closely in touch with your greater intentions at all times and keep that honestly intertwined with all aspects of what you're trying to share. Stay on message, whetever that may be. I found no message in the sample you included, but I believe you have one. I guess that's my feedback.

Good luck with the book. Keep with it!
 
Amazing!!! I can't wait to read more! I love your wriings Vovin and can't wait to hear more of this story and also of your other experiments and the history of DMT. You are truley a soldier of the psychonautical planes and a spiritual warrior pushing into the void to bring back your tales for us.

Much Love Brother, Never give up hope!
 
mama mia that was a spicy meatball!!!!

i'm a bit stupified by that read....just.....stupified.....

amazing dear, courageous brother....as much as i want to go on and on about how astounding that recant was, i am slightly more compelled to simply ask you what your relationship with DMT is like today? do you ever work with the medicine anymore? how has your work (if you no longer do journey) affected the scope and direction of your life?

chapeau, vovin....chapeau...

LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!!
 
I dont mess with DMT anymore it has been several years since I have. I have moved on to other things since then.

As far as how it has effected my life. That is a difficult question to answer. I have researched many processes of spirituality hell everything I could find at some point was the peak of my interest. As a result I have definately a different view on life and human existence as a whole. I posted this just a few minutes ago. It is one of the many philosophical essays I wrote during the time. It was something that came together for me during one of my prolonged DMT experiments.


Since then I have compiled a great deal of essays and other writing on various aspects of human consciousness and other aspects of our being as well as what I call an 'atheists reason for being'. It's a logical view of what the future of humanity should be if religion and 'God" is taken out of the equation and mankind must create heaven for themselves.
 
You're lucky to be alive my friend :shock:
And I thought I was crazy sometimes ;p

And with no sitter. Not very wise to experiment like that alone. Experiments involve an unpredictable outcome.
 
Really interesting read Vovin. Can you help me with a couple of points as I read around your posts?

What was your intenion here? What were you trying to achieve other than push the boundaries?

You mentioned Thelema. I have not heard of this, but read up a little on it, and I believe the key point of it it to follow your True Will. Was this some way of finding out what that True Will is for you? Do you believe in such a thing now?

I would ask "freethinker" directly, but he doesn't seem to post here anymore. Where do you think he is coming from in his post to you in this thread? What does he mean by "The Blake advice"?
 
The goal was to push far past the breakthrough experience to see just how far down the rabbit hole really went and with hope make the altered state of mind under the spice a permanent one. I wondered if a regular breakthrough experience was not just the outer peel of the onion and that with effort and willingness to take a major leap one could enter deeper levels. I was right. I just didn't know that the deeper level was the unyielding horror of the abyss.

Blake advice I can only assume he meant the great poet and writer William Blake who some say I have allot in common with in philosophy.

Thelema is a den of thieves. But in a good way they seek to take all the old traditional spiritual aspects of any religion and work to integrate them into a system of study without taking any of the dogma. In thelema if it works it's good if it's based on faith it is of no use to us. They have developed some systems of study that have outright amazing results. Those in thelema tend to be highly intelligent it's not a wannabee cult by any means. There is a occult aspect to it but that really isnt modern thelema anymore. This was to be my abremelin project as once you reach a certain level in thelema you are sequestered and spend 6 months in deep meditation. I thought I could fast forward this.

As far as if I believe in it. I believe in it more than I believe in myself. In all that I do I ask the question 'to what end'. When I am asked why I do the things I do I can only say I seek only to fulfill my purpose here in this world. It is my nature to do so.
 
uhmmm...wow...your a madman dude and I like your style. :lol:

I try to push the envelope also but in comparison to you its laughable.

I wish you the best and hope you find what your looking for.
 
Vovin,
Don't worry to much about your writing skills! I just burned my lunch while reading this, and I was hungry!:lol:

:shock: The cd playing and water pouring contraptions:shock:!! Genius at work!!

When will your book be available?
 
Hillbilly Engrineerin' at it's finest. As far as my book I came into some big fundamental issues on it. Basically I had writings on pretty much everything I could think of so getting it all together in a coherent book just wasnt working out. So I turned it into a blog. As far as pushing the envelope its simply my nature, not really a choice for me.

I have tons more to put up I just have a hard time putting stuff out there. I always feel everything I write is like 95% complete. Plus I like to sit on what I write for awhile and then re read it to ensure I wasnt insane when I wrote it. Dont laugh I delete about 60% because of that.

If you want to check out the site its:http://www.shamanisticblue.com/

Still in the beta stages. I'll be putting more up this month.
 
Truly inspirational. I have to say I've contemplated doing something similar to this but I've always had my reservations. The possibility of taking it soo far I never come back to tell the tale has always concerned me but I have nothing but respect for people that attempt to find the end of the tunnel.

This story really makes me wonder how many people have pushed it so far they went over the edge.. never to return to ordinary Consciousness.

Dmt has a very special place in my heart and I always want to have it as a part of my program for personal and spiritual growth, hence I don't want to go soo deep as to become too traumatized to do it again. ( Ive gone deep but nothing like where you went)

cheers to you brother.
 
The cold dark truth of why I myself did this as well as so many other wreckless things is that I had nothing to loose and everything to gain. So what if by some supernatural chance I did transition to the other side would I look back over my shoulder. Back then I would have I love you all but I am out of this madhouse today I would just give the world the finger and laugh as i went. I was perfectly content not existing for 13.7 billion years and was having a pretty good time of it till you assholes brought me kicking and screaming to this lunatic asylum you call a planet I would jump at the chance to get off this planet by whatever means. Imma building a spaceship made of tin foil and popsickle sticks in my garage now.
 
What was gained through this experience thats what i want to know..

Seems like wreckless self torture to me, I think you could get more out of just smoking a reasonable amount of dmt.

Yeah there is something past breakthrough... blackout/overdose

Just my 2 cents, i dont see why this type of endeavor is so glorified, sounds horrible
 
Long upon reflection on the event and the aftermath I see this experience as a transition of perception. Through drug induced hysteria or overwhelming desire my ego shattered into a thousand pieces. The actions thereafter reflect this in my chaotic and unpredictable actions for some time forward. I had shed the conditioning of society but in doing so I felt distinctly separate from the human entity. A sense I carry to this day. Through friends and philosophy I began to reform my ego and through the filter in which I see the world. Still to this day imperfect it is but it is malleable. Regardless I found the experience to be a distinct turning point in how I fundamentally perceive life and all therein.
 
Damn man... I think maybe you were, like the Phoenix, reborn with this experience. It sounds extremely intense, and I for one must say that your balls are the size of watermelons for attempting something of this magnitude. Hats off to you sir. I enjoyed it a lot. Especially the bit of writing at the end about the abyss.
 
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