The on-going internal dilemma of a younger member of the Nexus

[Eudaimōn]

Hello all. This question is aimed at any experienced, insightful and understanding members who wish to help out and advise a younger member of the Nexus.

It has been about one year since my last DMT experience, and since then my mind has been burdened with my past. After being tossed about like a rag doll, and blasted into what I now know as Hyperspace, the spice told me, without words, that I was being too hasty, getting too ahead of myself and that I was not treating this substance with enough respect. Basically, I was vaping the spice out of a plastic and tinfoil bong, in the wind, without measuring the quantity, and spilling the spice on my lap etc.

I know that to many reading this is painful, I was the ignorant youth who did not know what he was getting himself into. The funny thing is though at the time I thought it was great, I really enjoyed the harrowing experience. It wasn't until months later that I realised the lack of maturity I showed.

Since then I have moved on and am continuing with my studies and am happy and totally over the whole experience, however DMT is on my mind almost every single day.

I am very eager to experiment with DMT again. I have grown and learned so much over the last year, and although I know the time is still not right, I am wondering will it ever be right? Can my subconscious (or the Universe?) ever forgive & forget the stains on my past? I am afraid that for every thing I have done for which I am not proud, DMT will act as some kind of retribution. I feel even typing this is solidifying the notion into my mind.

I try to be as moral and just and loving as possible in everything I do, but I still smoke cigarettes, still often fail at ignoring my ego and am plagued with all the anxieties that society tends to burden one with. As a result of this I don't feel inwardly pure. I believe that this inner purity is a state I need to reach before I try DMT again. Is a state of inner purity even possible? To what extent does perspective play? Can anyone else relate to this?

Any advise you guys could provide is sincerely appreciated.

 

[a1pha]

I am wondering will it ever be right? Can my subconscious (or the Universe?) ever forgive & forget the stains on my past? I am afraid that for every thing I have done for which I am not proud, DMT will act as some kind of retribution. I feel even typing this is solidifying the notion into my mind.

In my experience DMT is forgiving on things like this. It seems she gave you the hyperslap you needed and you've since put down the pipe to reflect. This is all that's asked.

Plan your next journey. Don't rush. When the time is right sit down and make a ritual. If pretty crystals and incense are your thing, light a stick and stare into the geometric beauty before smoking. If a warm bath and a few minutes of silent meditation is more your style, do that.

The better you treat her the better she'll treat you.

Cheers and safe travels,
a1pha

 

[expandaneum]

As a result of this I don't feel inwardly pure. I believe that this inner purity is a state I need to reach before I try DMT again. Is a state of inner purity even possible? To what extent does perspective play? Can anyone else relate to this?

There is no need to be "pure" , i think it's not about what you have done(you can't change that) it's all about how you choose to lead your life now.

I was vaping the spice out of a plastic and tinfoil bong

Although you were wasting spice with a terrible smoking method its not something that is inherently making it disrespectful or bad.

I know that to many reading this is painful

Not at all why do you think that? it's just a drug a very powerful drug.

I think the most important thing here is that you respect your own boundaries, take a break when necessarily, take time to reflect on your trips and most importantly life outside of the drug.

 

[Eudaimōn]

Thank you a1pha. Advise like this was the reassurance I was hoping for.


Peace

 

[expandaneum]

if you need reassurance then maybe you should wait some more until you are ready.:d

 

[Eudaimōn]

Although you were wasting spice with a terrible smoking method its not something that is inherently making it disrespectful or bad.

Perhaps not, but I guess this is when it boils down to perspective, and through the lens that I currently see things smoking DMT the way I was was in a way disrespectful.

Also I'm sure there are many who see it as more than a very powerful drug. Either way thank you for taking time to help ease the qualms in my mind.

 

[Global]

I think hyperspace is more forgiving than most people you will meet. You got the hyperslap, but along with that you seemed to have gotten the message. You have integrated that experience, improved in maturity and moved on. If you enter hyperspace again, except this time not out in the wind with tin foil and such, you have a decent shot of hyperspace giving you a second chance. I've journeyed with great frequency over the past few years, and the rides are up and down. I've never been told not to come back (I think they like it when I come, even if I don't) but either way, it's this back and forth game of give and take with a good measure of roulette thrown in there.

 

[f1]

Quotes from: 'The Cosmic Serpent: DNA and the Origins of Knowledge'

"had told me that tobacco attracted the maninkari"

"I was surprised by the degree of correspondence between shamanic notions of tobacco and
neurological studies of nicotine."

"The Ashaninca word for "healer," or "shaman," is sheripidri—literally,
"the person who uses tobacco."

"I could now conceive of a neurological mechanism for my
hypothesis. The molecules of nicotine or dimethyltryptamine, contained in tobacco or
ayahuasca, activate their respective receptors, which set off a cascade of electrochemical
reactions inside the neurons, leading to the stimulation of DNA and, more particularly, to its
emission of visible waves, which shamans perceive as '"hallucinations."

any goes on from there... don't feel so bad about smoking just get some natural 1's

 

[DreaMTripper]

I think youre worrying too much yes the method and setting was a bit too casual for such a powerful drug but doesnt sound too disrespectful as such and now you know how powerful it is and have learned the lesson to ensure set and setting are suitable.
Quit smoking while you can im 17 years into my addiction and it has a very firm hold.
You dont have to be 'pure' just consider set and setting carefuly. From what you write you seem thoughtful so just make sure next time its experienced in a comfortble calm place and you feel calm and ready.

 

[Entheogenerator]

There's no admission exam or prerequisite standard of "purity" required to ingest DMT. If you are content with your life, do it when you truly feel ready. If there is a lot of guilt or shame on your conscience, it may come up during the experience.

Be honest with yourself, do your research (as it sounds like you have been), and if it feels right then go for it! :thumb_up:

 

[Eudaimōn]

Thanks everyone. I've taken all this on board and will let you know how my next experience goes, whenever it may be.

Peace !

 

[Trypfinite]

Hope this doesn't sound too flippant my friend, but, you needn't worry so much. When you get to the place of worry in your next sojourn, remember that whatever retribution hyperspace may hold for you will only last a few minutes, and is likely nothing less than you deserve if your past actions are of a truly selfish nature. Be at peace with the turbulence and accept the teachings, both the high and the low. Do not give up. Work on yourself. Work on your soul. Meditate on the healing light. A wise friend once told me an even wiser mantra, "You cannot defeat the healing light."

 

[tsiwt]

Do I think Hyperspace holds a moral evaluation of our actions on earth? Nope
it is an emotional thing that only counts on your own emotions. the better you FEEL in life the better you will trip.

 

[downwardsfromzero]

Morals count for nothing. The past can be rewritten. There is only now. Relax. Think less. Practice mindfulness.

You will know when you are ready, no-one else can tell you so.

 

[Molech]

Ahhhh young Padowan.

Yes, i think i can help.

Sounds like it's asking of you, it asks of me too. It challenges you, and by challenge i mean you will fail. But getting back up, dusting yourself down, squaring up again for another crack is what it's all about. My first expirience brought up allot of my past, it was like all the mental barriers i'd created for myself had in an instant become useless.

These things have not been dealt with. Medetate on them, it's going to be uncomfortable but Dimitri has removed obsticles and given yourself focus. Address these things as best you can, try to be wise and compassionate, the world isn't black and white. Put these things to rest, deal with them, whatever, move on.

Then you'll be ready for lesson two.

 

[RedThread]

In my experience DMT is forgiving on things like this. It seems she gave you the hyperslap you needed and you've since put down the pipe to reflect. This is all that's asked.

"HYPERSLAP" hahaha, oh man I love this, and I agree. During my one experience, I found there was a strong trickster element to the entity who was showing me around (I was only vaguely conscious of this entity but I do remember this feeling of... kind of a hyperspace fractal ninja who could navigate in unfathomable ways). The tricks were benevolent, for my own good. HUMBLING, INDEED, but benevolent. I think you got humbled, and it was for your own good and perhaps the good of the spice itself since you were inadvertently wasting it through your method.

My 2 centzzz!