goodone22
Rising Star
Couple months ago it was my biggest fear in my life that if i stuck in a misery and i won't be able to find any solutions to get out of it and if there is no one to help me,then what should i do?
its the worst situation i can imagine in my life.
have you ever thought about it?do you have any solution?i didn't tell this fear to anyone till now because i don't want anyone to be frightened or make their mind busy while i know most people don't know about these stuff.
i had this solution for myself that because it is irrational and we live in a rational world so that infinite misery is not possible.but we are psychonauts,we are psychedelic users and we know that nothing is impossible specially during trips.but at that time i was thinking because this type of misery has never happened to anyone who i know,so i should skip this,there are lots of phobias(irrational fears) that can come to our minds although they can be scary and mind bending,but they are not real and they never happen similar to that worst situation we were expecting.
and doctors usually just prescribe something they don't like to involve themselves to depths of every patients problems.
i know lots of psychonauts who just like to keep themeselves on the surface to keep it recreational but i think informed psychedelic users are the best persons to discuss about this type of problems because have seen similar situations and they don't easily pass these kind of questions because they know it can be themselve to experience it during trip.
so why i didn't came to ask sooner?(i mentioned it started months ago)
because last night my worst fear happened in real life.sleep paralysis...
i've heard it a lot before and i knew that it is just a temporary situation and how it looks like,and i have experienced night terror and hypnagogia and hypnopumpic hallucinations and explosive head syndrome a lot(almost every night),and i always thought sleep paralysis is an easy condition compared to those i experienced,but it wasn't.
a night before i couldn't sleep well i didn't feel tired enough to go unconscious.it is said to be a cause of sleep paralysis if we get so tired and don't sleep well so the brain can't work normal and needs to sleep more resulting to sleep paralysis.
but the important part starts when i didn't think a single bit that it could be tomorrow right on the bed to confront irrational infinite misery.a reason to this is i was imagining sexual situations before i go to sleep, no one expects this kind of stuff when he is sexually turned on.
i don't remember the dream i had but it wasn't a nightmare,it was a normal dream.
when i woke up everything was dark, i couldn't open my eyes,i was sleeping on spine and my hands were on my body very simple style.i felt a zap in my whole body and i could feel a little but i didn't know what was happening.i tried to move but i couldn't,i tried to open my eyes but i couldn't.i didn't know were i was but i knew who i was a little, i tried to ask help but i couldn't talk,after couple times of insisting suddenly my mouth moved: DAAAAD!...no one heard....
i tried more but i couldn't do it again and my body was so numb there was a tingle sensations on my hands.i thought if i were dead?(i always think about being dead almost every night because i have lots of hallucinations in my sleep cycle and even when i awake and i walk to other rooms sometimes i still think if its another world or not,cause my brain doesn't work well suddenly after waking up and i have
Dissociative disorder and depersonalization which i can't feel intensity of senses like others so i don't feel real like others.)
so there was some reasons to believe that i am dead,but i thought its more similar to being brain dead cause i feel somehow but i can't move,(this conclusion was made on sleep paralysis by adoption from a report of a 5meo-dmt user).so i started to feel misery and fear of irrational infinite misery.another time i successfully called my dad but still no one responded(he was sleep).
i thought if god have abandoned me or made me like this to punish me.(it has an intense guilt in it if you know and is a result of corrupt minded religious scholars who made people believe that god is a punisher,in my opinion)
it all took around 1 minute(i guess) but it had a siginificant effect on me when i waked from that.
i was so confused i thought about reasons behind it.the confusion lasted very long untill i started to read wikipedia and i felt how ridicously i was scared of something with no one died from it.
but the philosophical aspect of it is remained unsolved.and i am scared if the real irrational infinite misery happens anytime.
you may read it so easily but i can't say how much fear can be there if you experience on your own.
and its not like a trip where you know you have used a drug or at least you feel you are dreaming and seeing other stuff to happen and help you,it was nothing for me on sleep paralysis.
i know people have been there but they don't think like this and they are different.
when we are awake we can't imagine how it feels to be unmovable even if you try because at the end you know you can move and change this situation so you can never feel the infinite fear behind it.
so what is your comment on it?do you have any related ideas?
its the worst situation i can imagine in my life.
have you ever thought about it?do you have any solution?i didn't tell this fear to anyone till now because i don't want anyone to be frightened or make their mind busy while i know most people don't know about these stuff.
i had this solution for myself that because it is irrational and we live in a rational world so that infinite misery is not possible.but we are psychonauts,we are psychedelic users and we know that nothing is impossible specially during trips.but at that time i was thinking because this type of misery has never happened to anyone who i know,so i should skip this,there are lots of phobias(irrational fears) that can come to our minds although they can be scary and mind bending,but they are not real and they never happen similar to that worst situation we were expecting.
and doctors usually just prescribe something they don't like to involve themselves to depths of every patients problems.
i know lots of psychonauts who just like to keep themeselves on the surface to keep it recreational but i think informed psychedelic users are the best persons to discuss about this type of problems because have seen similar situations and they don't easily pass these kind of questions because they know it can be themselve to experience it during trip.
so why i didn't came to ask sooner?(i mentioned it started months ago)
because last night my worst fear happened in real life.sleep paralysis...
i've heard it a lot before and i knew that it is just a temporary situation and how it looks like,and i have experienced night terror and hypnagogia and hypnopumpic hallucinations and explosive head syndrome a lot(almost every night),and i always thought sleep paralysis is an easy condition compared to those i experienced,but it wasn't.
a night before i couldn't sleep well i didn't feel tired enough to go unconscious.it is said to be a cause of sleep paralysis if we get so tired and don't sleep well so the brain can't work normal and needs to sleep more resulting to sleep paralysis.
but the important part starts when i didn't think a single bit that it could be tomorrow right on the bed to confront irrational infinite misery.a reason to this is i was imagining sexual situations before i go to sleep, no one expects this kind of stuff when he is sexually turned on.
i don't remember the dream i had but it wasn't a nightmare,it was a normal dream.
when i woke up everything was dark, i couldn't open my eyes,i was sleeping on spine and my hands were on my body very simple style.i felt a zap in my whole body and i could feel a little but i didn't know what was happening.i tried to move but i couldn't,i tried to open my eyes but i couldn't.i didn't know were i was but i knew who i was a little, i tried to ask help but i couldn't talk,after couple times of insisting suddenly my mouth moved: DAAAAD!...no one heard....
i tried more but i couldn't do it again and my body was so numb there was a tingle sensations on my hands.i thought if i were dead?(i always think about being dead almost every night because i have lots of hallucinations in my sleep cycle and even when i awake and i walk to other rooms sometimes i still think if its another world or not,cause my brain doesn't work well suddenly after waking up and i have
Dissociative disorder and depersonalization which i can't feel intensity of senses like others so i don't feel real like others.)
so there was some reasons to believe that i am dead,but i thought its more similar to being brain dead cause i feel somehow but i can't move,(this conclusion was made on sleep paralysis by adoption from a report of a 5meo-dmt user).so i started to feel misery and fear of irrational infinite misery.another time i successfully called my dad but still no one responded(he was sleep).
i thought if god have abandoned me or made me like this to punish me.(it has an intense guilt in it if you know and is a result of corrupt minded religious scholars who made people believe that god is a punisher,in my opinion)
it all took around 1 minute(i guess) but it had a siginificant effect on me when i waked from that.
i was so confused i thought about reasons behind it.the confusion lasted very long untill i started to read wikipedia and i felt how ridicously i was scared of something with no one died from it.
but the philosophical aspect of it is remained unsolved.and i am scared if the real irrational infinite misery happens anytime.
you may read it so easily but i can't say how much fear can be there if you experience on your own.
and its not like a trip where you know you have used a drug or at least you feel you are dreaming and seeing other stuff to happen and help you,it was nothing for me on sleep paralysis.
i know people have been there but they don't think like this and they are different.
when we are awake we can't imagine how it feels to be unmovable even if you try because at the end you know you can move and change this situation so you can never feel the infinite fear behind it.
so what is your comment on it?do you have any related ideas?