The Tool's lesson today..

[anon_101]

I started my day off good. To define good would be a good mood. Ready to seize the day. I had a grip on myself, felt in control of my life I guess. So.. I see the DMT pipe before heading out the door. "Things are going good, why not hit the pipe, it always makes things better" so I sit down and listen to Alan Watts talk about dissolving the ego for a couple minutes to get myself grounded and ready. Next I sprinkle a little DMT in the gvg and hit it. But as soon as it fills my lungs "BAD IDEA, WHY DID I DO THIS, WHY, DEAR GOD WHY" and I blow out after 10 seconds and lay back. As soon as the visuals come on and I feel the pull, I open my eyes and fight it. I start moving my body, sat up, looked around, doing whatever I could to go back to where I was when I started my day. A few minutes later and the intensity and scrambling of my brain and thoughts just completely fades off. The euphoria and relaxation set in, my breaths deepen. I'm left saying "Okay, I feel okay. It's okay. Wow now I'm so relaxed"

NOW I'm ready for this, but I'm missing something. MUSIC. I need something to distract me, or just be there for me, something calming and soothing. I turn on Frederic Chopin and sprinkle some more DMT in the pipe and hit it. The intense feeling hits hardest when I'm holding in the smoke, but this time I'm ready for it. I'm too calm for anything to phase me. I blow out when I feel the full effect. Neon crystal water visuals, like water running across stained glass. My only thought ,"Just die, just let go" perfectly relaxed I listen to the beautiful piano and watch the closed eye visual display, yet focused on nothing, laying in this internal theatre. As I start to come down again, "Okay this is like therapy. Wow, the mind clarity.. This is amazing"

Back to the pipe again, sprinkled new DMT in, and proceeded to light and inhale. As I lay back again I have no thoughts, no thinking, just being. I just was. I completely let go. There was no I. Just music. Beautiful images....Existence. Co-existence.
A few minutes pass and I come down again with complete mind clarity. Not smiling. Not mind blown. Expressionless. I stare at the fire and understand the fire. I understand the unity with the world around me. I realize how everyone always wants to be something.. Wishing for happiness, digging themselves deeper with depression, looking, searching, wanting..NEEDING. For once I understood just BEING. No positives or negatives. Just existence and perfect clarity.

On that note, I start my day clear and deliberate with all of my thoughts and actions.

At the same time, I know when I go back to the pipe next time my ego is going to continue to set the alarm off. I wish I could have an easier slide into it, not so quick and abrupt. Ayahuasca is making its way to the top of my "to-do list"

This has become my therapy.

Before I was scared of using DMT like this, small amounts for feel goods, as if the next time I break through it will by a full on beat down by the entities for abusing their tool. But really every DMT experience is valuable. I know my intentions are not just for feeling good. My intention is to continue to break my ego, and to learn to live in a clear state of mind. To declutter my thoughts. I don't want to consider myself a depressed person, but the sadness that's wound up somewhere inside me is released. Like an enormous weight is lifted.

I can carry on with my life, living the way I know I should. It redirects my compass, points me to my true north.

DMT truly is an invaluable tool.

 

[ultraviolence]

I wish I could have an easier slide into it, not so quick and abrupt. Ayahuasca is making its way to the top of my "to-do list"

You should look into changa, its what youre looking for :d

 

[electro]

is to continue to break my ego

There's no need to break an ego. Ego has a purpose. Making it beautiful like a flower is the real task.

 

[concombres]

Harmalas will slow things down alot as mentioned a few posts up. Unfortunately with DMT not everyone has an easy time at first.
You do seem to be getting some valuable lessons from spice though.

You touched on clearing the mind & that is exactly why the first experiences can be scary & uncomfortable IMO.
Humans build up so much mental clutter & baggage over our lifetimes & DMT seem to release it. The first handful of experiences can be difficult because there is so much that needs to be released & worked through but with integration & new experiences more & more clutter is removed & eventually experiences become much easier as you learn to let go of it all.

Just remember, there is no rush to let go. Some move faster than others but forcing it can be traumatic. As you learn & have more experiences, it will come naturally.

 

[anon_101]

After further research, I absolutely agree, Changa seems to be the thing for me.

 

[anon_101]

Harmalas will slow things down alot as mentioned a few posts up. Unfortunately with DMT not everyone has an easy time at first.
You do seem to be getting some valuable lessons from spice though.

You touched on clearing the mind & that is exactly why the first experiences can be scary & uncomfortable IMO.
Humans build up so much mental clutter & baggage over our lifetimes & DMT seem to release it. The first handful of experiences can be difficult because there is so much that needs to be released & worked through but with integration & new experiences more & more clutter is removed & eventually experiences become much easier as you learn to let go of it all.

Just remember, there is no rush to let go. Some move faster than others but forcing it can be traumatic. As you learn & have more experiences, it will come naturally.

I've had a handful of breakthroughs as a newbie, not understating an ego but really willing to surrender myself, which made for beautiful calming relaxing trips. But my last breakthrough was definitely something close to a hyperslap, something I honestly had coming. I've been very wary about trying it out again. After a lot of time and integration, I've decided to try small amounts and see where they go, at least while I still have it on hand. I'm not trying to force a lesson out of it, and just be there in the experience. I'd like to be able to get over my need to run away on the onset, so learning meditation and using harmalas seems much more necessary for me.

 

[concombres]

Harmalas will slow things down alot as mentioned a few posts up. Unfortunately with DMT not everyone has an easy time at first.
You do seem to be getting some valuable lessons from spice though.

You touched on clearing the mind & that is exactly why the first experiences can be scary & uncomfortable IMO.
Humans build up so much mental clutter & baggage over our lifetimes & DMT seem to release it. The first handful of experiences can be difficult because there is so much that needs to be released & worked through but with integration & new experiences more & more clutter is removed & eventually experiences become much easier as you learn to let go of it all.

Just remember, there is no rush to let go. Some move faster than others but forcing it can be traumatic. As you learn & have more experiences, it will come naturally.

I've had a handful of breakthroughs as a newbie, not understating an ego but really willing to surrender myself, which made for beautiful calming relaxing trips. But my last breakthrough was definitely something close to a hyperslap, something I honestly had coming. I've been very wary about trying it out again. After a lot of time and integration, I've decided to try small amounts and see where they go, at least while I still have it on hand. I'm not trying to force a lesson out of it, and just be there in the experience. I'd like to be able to get over my need to run away on the onset, so learning meditation and using harmalas seems much more necessary for me.

^ My observations come from dealing with the very same thing. I have not worked my way through it entirely yet but that is what I have learned so far.

DMT is a funny thing. Even years later I occasionally find little things from my earliest experiences providing personal growth & new insights into life, the world & my own mind.

 

[anon_101]

is to continue to break my ego

There's no need to break an ego. Ego has a purpose. Making it beautiful like a flower is the real task.

So improving the ego is the best route? I feel that when my ego is strongest it just adds more weight to me.

 

[concombres]

is to continue to break my ego

There's no need to break an ego. Ego has a purpose. Making it beautiful like a flower is the real task.

So improving the ego is the best route? I feel that when my ego is strongest it just adds more weight to me.

It is, but you are not necessarily making the ego stronger.
What you are looking to do is see it from a new perspective & transform the parts you see as negative or harmful. Once you have the insights into what exactly it is you want or need to change, it is up to you to implement this changes & to make them stick.
Sometimes it can be real work to break bad psychological habbits.
Example. You experience something beyond the ego that allows you to feel more empathetic & compassionate towards others. This is a positive change, so you work in daily life to make that your normal way of thinking & living.

 

[anon_101]

is to continue to break my ego

There's no need to break an ego. Ego has a purpose. Making it beautiful like a flower is the real task.

So improving the ego is the best route? I feel that when my ego is strongest it just adds more weight to me.

It is, but you are not necessarily making the ego stronger.
What you are looking to do is see it from a new perspective & transform the parts you see as negative or harmful. Once you have the insights into what exactly it is you want or need to change, it is up to you to implement this changes & to make them stick.
Sometimes it can be real work to break bad psychological habbits.
Example. You experience something beyond the ego that allows you to feel more empathetic & compassionate towards others. This is a positive change, so you work in daily life to make that your normal way of thinking & living.

That makes perfect sense. I've been a very pessimistic person since my early teenage years. I've never been able to break that state of mind, as soon as I feel like I do, I wake up the same negative person the next day. Before, I saw life in the only reality I knew it as: cold, harsh and nearly pointless. A lot of depressive thoughts have crept their way back into my mind since I've returned home after years.

DMT has broken me free from that negativity. I see a whole new side of life and existence itself. It's not an overstatement to say this medicine has turned my life around.