I started my day off good. To define good would be a good mood. Ready to seize the day. I had a grip on myself, felt in control of my life I guess. So.. I see the DMT pipe before heading out the door. "Things are going good, why not hit the pipe, it always makes things better" so I sit down and listen to Alan Watts talk about dissolving the ego for a couple minutes to get myself grounded and ready. Next I sprinkle a little DMT in the gvg and hit it. But as soon as it fills my lungs "BAD IDEA, WHY DID I DO THIS, WHY, DEAR GOD WHY" and I blow out after 10 seconds and lay back. As soon as the visuals come on and I feel the pull, I open my eyes and fight it. I start moving my body, sat up, looked around, doing whatever I could to go back to where I was when I started my day. A few minutes later and the intensity and scrambling of my brain and thoughts just completely fades off. The euphoria and relaxation set in, my breaths deepen. I'm left saying "Okay, I feel okay. It's okay. Wow now I'm so relaxed"
NOW I'm ready for this, but I'm missing something. MUSIC. I need something to distract me, or just be there for me, something calming and soothing. I turn on Frederic Chopin and sprinkle some more DMT in the pipe and hit it. The intense feeling hits hardest when I'm holding in the smoke, but this time I'm ready for it. I'm too calm for anything to phase me. I blow out when I feel the full effect. Neon crystal water visuals, like water running across stained glass. My only thought ,"Just die, just let go" perfectly relaxed I listen to the beautiful piano and watch the closed eye visual display, yet focused on nothing, laying in this internal theatre. As I start to come down again, "Okay this is like therapy. Wow, the mind clarity.. This is amazing"
Back to the pipe again, sprinkled new DMT in, and proceeded to light and inhale. As I lay back again I have no thoughts, no thinking, just being. I just was. I completely let go. There was no I. Just music. Beautiful images....Existence. Co-existence.
A few minutes pass and I come down again with complete mind clarity. Not smiling. Not mind blown. Expressionless. I stare at the fire and understand the fire. I understand the unity with the world around me. I realize how everyone always wants to be something.. Wishing for happiness, digging themselves deeper with depression, looking, searching, wanting..NEEDING. For once I understood just BEING. No positives or negatives. Just existence and perfect clarity.
On that note, I start my day clear and deliberate with all of my thoughts and actions.
At the same time, I know when I go back to the pipe next time my ego is going to continue to set the alarm off. I wish I could have an easier slide into it, not so quick and abrupt. Ayahuasca is making its way to the top of my "to-do list"
This has become my therapy.
Before I was scared of using DMT like this, small amounts for feel goods, as if the next time I break through it will by a full on beat down by the entities for abusing their tool. But really every DMT experience is valuable. I know my intentions are not just for feeling good. My intention is to continue to break my ego, and to learn to live in a clear state of mind. To declutter my thoughts. I don't want to consider myself a depressed person, but the sadness that's wound up somewhere inside me is released. Like an enormous weight is lifted.
I can carry on with my life, living the way I know I should. It redirects my compass, points me to my true north.
DMT truly is an invaluable tool.
NOW I'm ready for this, but I'm missing something. MUSIC. I need something to distract me, or just be there for me, something calming and soothing. I turn on Frederic Chopin and sprinkle some more DMT in the pipe and hit it. The intense feeling hits hardest when I'm holding in the smoke, but this time I'm ready for it. I'm too calm for anything to phase me. I blow out when I feel the full effect. Neon crystal water visuals, like water running across stained glass. My only thought ,"Just die, just let go" perfectly relaxed I listen to the beautiful piano and watch the closed eye visual display, yet focused on nothing, laying in this internal theatre. As I start to come down again, "Okay this is like therapy. Wow, the mind clarity.. This is amazing"
Back to the pipe again, sprinkled new DMT in, and proceeded to light and inhale. As I lay back again I have no thoughts, no thinking, just being. I just was. I completely let go. There was no I. Just music. Beautiful images....Existence. Co-existence.
A few minutes pass and I come down again with complete mind clarity. Not smiling. Not mind blown. Expressionless. I stare at the fire and understand the fire. I understand the unity with the world around me. I realize how everyone always wants to be something.. Wishing for happiness, digging themselves deeper with depression, looking, searching, wanting..NEEDING. For once I understood just BEING. No positives or negatives. Just existence and perfect clarity.
On that note, I start my day clear and deliberate with all of my thoughts and actions.
At the same time, I know when I go back to the pipe next time my ego is going to continue to set the alarm off. I wish I could have an easier slide into it, not so quick and abrupt. Ayahuasca is making its way to the top of my "to-do list"
This has become my therapy.
Before I was scared of using DMT like this, small amounts for feel goods, as if the next time I break through it will by a full on beat down by the entities for abusing their tool. But really every DMT experience is valuable. I know my intentions are not just for feeling good. My intention is to continue to break my ego, and to learn to live in a clear state of mind. To declutter my thoughts. I don't want to consider myself a depressed person, but the sadness that's wound up somewhere inside me is released. Like an enormous weight is lifted.
I can carry on with my life, living the way I know I should. It redirects my compass, points me to my true north.
DMT truly is an invaluable tool.