TMI?

[Sneazy]

Hi

I have never tried dmt or ayahuasca. I am on a mission and I am just about to begin trials of dmt.

I started my journey into the dmt world about a year ago. I stumbled upon The Spirit Molecule on Netflix and it peaked my curiosity. I soon began reading about dmt and ayahuasca more and more until it became a bit of an obsession. I have long felt isolated from spirituality. I've long held the beliefs of a hardcore agnostic but felt sadness from my beliefs. When I watched and read more accounts of how people shared like experiences of meeting other worldly beings, I felt it too coincidental to be meaningless that they were very similar experiences. And then there were those whose lives completely changed by these experiences and I figured this might be my chance. This might be my chance to reconnect with a part of myself that has been missing for too long.
I've been researching with more and more enthusiasm as I go. Sometimes reading blogs, watching YouTube, and lurking dmt-nexus for hours on end. I am now convinced I have to try this for myself. I want to believe in something again. And if only to make myself question this life more will be enough. To just open the window a crack, which will allow me to trust that there is more to life than meets the eye, then this experiment will be a success.

Ideally maybe I'll discover more than just spirituality. I hope to grow from my experiences as well. I've been going through significant transformation these last few years and have been pursuing a healthier lifestyle. Physically, emotionally, and now hopefully spiritually.
It's not that I expect to find answers for all of my problems in dmt but I hope this experiment helps me grow a little into a better person. I hope to find a bit more playfulness in my life. I've lost the ability to experience joy. Not that I'm depressed. Don't get me wrong. But the childlike happiness and carelessness one feels when they still embody some innocence or any semblance of this feeling is lost on me. I feel it affects my ability to parent. So I hope to be able to engage with my son on levels I haven’t been able to do. To be able to play with him at his level and not feel the annoyance and cynicism I seem to have currently despite being very cognizant of it. I know I'm reaching. But if anything can give me hope of changing into the man I want to be my hope it spirituality holds the keys.

It may all be a pipedream. But from the sounds of it I'm not putting much at risk by trying. And even a little bit of risk is worth it if I can be a better father to my son.

Some if not all of these things maybe completely out of reach. Maybe this isn't going to help me find any answers at all. I don't know if this intro completely misses the point.

I hope to make some friends here and I hope there are some of you out there in the nexus that will help me with my Journey.

Cheers,

 

[EssCee]

Hey brother, I am posting my experience since I think we are on a similar path. We also have a similar goal "be a better part of my family" in your and my case that is being a better father. Furthermore,

We also saw this as something other than a psychedelic. Like it could answer some other question or give way for faith to go the byway to knowing.
We are both a little obsessed.

The first Aya experience I had, it made me realize I spent too much time trying to a quick fix when actually "being there" is what makes a good father. "How much time away from my son did I spend obsessing over finding an answer?" For you, it ay not be a lot, in my case it was a ton of time. Even though it wasn't when they were awake, I could have shifted my sleep to have more time with them instead of researching. "Cat's in the Cradle" and all that.

Also, I was told there are no easy answers or quick fixes from this. Those come from longterm self change.

Finally,I had to realize that the reason I was on this quest was for me alone. It was freeing in a way, saying "I want this for me".

Welcome and I think this is going to be wonderful for you. I am in the same boat, except from a religious perspective. However, I think we were searching for the same answers.


I have found a lot of peace in Alan Watts :

Feel free to jump in chat lots of us there, just a lot of times we are semi afk. So wait a few.

Welcome man,
Good luck and no way is that TMI.

 

[Sneazy]

Thanks Esscee for making me feel welcome. I feel like you and I may have a lot to talk about. I'll catch you guys in the chat Monday night hopefully. I'm at work for the meantime.

 

[entheogenic-gnosis]

I first heard about DMT when I was 14 years old.

My meditation instructor noticed I had found R.e. schultes book, and that I had been reading about psychedelic plants. I randomly found the book, an old book on a library shelf, and had not been able to put it down since I discovered it (it was schultes golden guide)...Then after a meditation group, my meditation instructor pulled me aside and gave me a copy of terence mckenna - the archaic revival.

From that point on I was on a quest to experiance this DMT.

I was probably around 21 years old the first time I smoked DMT.

It had been years of study, and years of exploring nearly every other entheogen out there, when finally the time came.

3 days before this event (while dead sober) I saw two metallic spheres floating in the sky. I had just gotten up, it was around 7:15 am, the sun was cresting over the horizon in the east. I was on the 5th floor of a tall apartment, and had stepped out on the balcony to light a cigarette, I had an ultimate view of the outlying valleys in the distance. That's when something caught my eye, a glimmer above a valley in the distance, it was the sun reflecting off the side of a giant metallic sphere, it was copper colored, the color of a penny, it was metallic and gleaming liked polished chrome, smooth looking, perfectly spherical, there was a second sphere equidistant from the first, they were side by side, and remained motionless...I was baffled, what we're these? Blimps? Made of metal in the Colorado front range? No...metallic air balloons? No...I could see birds and air-planes in other is parts of the sky, and just by guessing I could tell these things were huge...I watched them for 15 minutes, then decided to go inside to grab a cell phone to take a picture, but as I was comming back out I could see one sphere had moved above the other, and before I could get the picture they zipped off...

I have experiance with nearly every psychoactive known to man, I'm also experienced in natural altered states, and I have experienced nearly every form of hallucination, this sighting was not a hallucination, a day dream, or a product of an altered state, this was not a misidentification, (i acknowledge it may have been a psychological event, but that's not how it felt, this was real) but that's really not even the strange part here...

After the sighting, life got really really strange, impossible events began to occur every minute, impossible strings of coincidences began unfolding and events that were thought of as being impossible to happen became the norm, for 3 days after I saw the metal spheres, my life was more bizzare than it had ever been...then the DMT flash transformed me completely.

I had mild depression for most of my life, it vanished after the DMT event, and has not returned (4-5 years later), before this event I was agnostic, leaning towards atheism, now I'm committed to spurituality, and feel I have an understanding of death far deeper than the average person...

Any way, here is what happened:

*note: the dose range in this report is highly inflated, there is no reason to ever dose this high*

the first time I used N,N-dimethyltryptamine I smoked 200mgs of translucent yellow crystals on top of a small amount of high-grade cannabis, I cleared it in a single hit. I held the hit in for around 5 seconds when the rush began, "I don't believe it!" I kept repeating in my head, "this is impossible".... my surroundings began to quiver and slither apart, faster than anything I had ever seen everything began moving away from everything else in a mash of brilliant color geometric form, and speed, before fully shattering the "reality" in my visual and mental field, it came on like a freight train, I remember thinking "oh fuck! Get this stuff out of me!" And frantically trying to exhale. It was pure terror, I thought "now you have done it! You killed yourself!" After brief mourning at the life I had just departed from I began to pay attention to the present, I remember feeling like I was at the bottom of a foggy mountain with dirt roads, the clouds felt like a domed ceiling, everything was wet, misty, cloudy and rainy, I was overcome with an intense feeling of panic and deja-vu, I felt like a lost child, everything I knew about who I was or my life or earth seemed like a distant dream, like I dissolved out of existence, I interpreted this as dying, I knew that I was dead, and I was emotionally overwhelmed while confronting the event of my death, just like sand slipping through finger cracks my entire identity as a human was dissolved, I remembered my name, the earth, my family, who I was, being a human, but like grabbing at smoke, it was futile to cling to all this, I had to let it go....I could not tell if I was breathing or not, I would take air in, but couldn't feel it, then noticed a pain in my chest, a giant mantis like being had its claws in my chest, it proceeded to tear open my chest and stomach removing all my organs and insides, I was about to go into shock when I saw a bright green light flash over my shoulder, it nearly hit me, it then became a beautiful geometric object, morphing and color changing, like a jewel from hyperspace, the mantis then put this object in my torn up body, he began to make billions of these objects, each one unique and radiating beautiful colored light and the mantoid filled my body with them, then I was sealed up and propelled into an orange light where I was resurrected...then I felt as if I was being pushed through a membrane, I was being born...slowly I began to recognize my surroundings, my face still covered in tears, I looked up and saw the branches of a tree next to me all slither in from all directions to take place and solidify as the tree, the world began to slither back into place, most things moved like elegant but sinister snakes, or like the dancing movements of a flame, as the world constructed itself back into the familiar, so did my conscious state and memory, I was still disoriented, and fairly traumatized, I thought I had been gone for millennia, "how long was I gone I asked?"...."about 20 minutes" was the answer ....those who were there said in reality I curled up into a ball and began to cry for 20 minutes, I was wondering why my face was wet, because it felt like I had actually just went through being born...any way the immense deep spiritual and psychological implications of this experience left me for ever transformed, reborn as a new person entirely, it was the single most meaningful thing that has ever happened to me
-eg

Don't rush it, take your time, it will happen, even if it takes years, you will eventually find the experiance and the compound.

I'm not telling you to expect transformation, or enlightenment, I actually think it's best if you remove any preconceptions you may have, don't expect anything.

Everybody is different, and everybody will react differently, you may be disappointed, you may be transformed, or anything in between.

Good luck, I hope your quest leads you down a rich road of personal discovery, transformation, experience and wisdom.

-eg

 

[Sneazy]

Hello EG. Thank you for sharing your experience with me and thank you for sharing your wisdom. Your words paint a vivid and profound picture. I understand completely what you're telling me. When the time is right, it will happen. I will continue to study. I am so looking forward to discovery.

 

[entheogenic-gnosis]

Hello EG. Thank you for sharing your experience with me and thank you for sharing your wisdom. Your words paint a vivid and profound picture. I understand completely what you're telling me. When the time is right, it will happen. I will continue to study. I am so looking forward to discovery.

Thanks for reading.

You have the right attitude, just be open and willing to learn.

I wish you the best on your journey, and hope you find what ever it is you are looking for,

-eg

 

[entheogenic-gnosis]

Well, my reaction to this was to go into a kind of shock of amazement and, you know, it raises fairly profound questions, like number one, 'Surely I must be dead, surely no-one can have this experience and return intact'. I mean, because, you see, it exceeds imagining, it is beyond your imagining -- even when you're looking at it, you attempt to pour the salutary waters of description over these transdimensional objects and it runs, language runs off them like water off a duck's back. And the emotional content of this kind of encounter is tremendously intense. -terence mckenna

I was a teen when I first heard of DMT through terence mckenna, though after my first experience I remember thinking "terence was full of shit"...

Terence actually did describe events very similar to my experience...my experience was that of death, which I was not expecting, but should have been had I payed attention to the proper aspects of these anecdotes...

"Aya" means ghost, spirit, or dead in quechua, and "huasca" means vine, so it is "the vine of the dead", "the vine that gives access to the realm of the dead", "vine of ghosts", "vine of souls" and so on...

So even the earliest DMT users found it obvious that ayahuasca gives one access to after death dimensions of conscious-being.

-eg

 

[Bancopuma]

Hey Sneazy,

Welcome to the Nexus, you've found a really special place here and there is nowhere better to learn about DMT.

But the childlike happiness and carelessness one feels when they still embody some innocence or any semblance of this feeling is lost on me.

As an aside to DMT, do you have any experience with psilocybe mushrooms? Psilocin, the active compound in these, is very similar indeed to DMT in structure. I would recommend giving this article a read.

‘Magic Mushrooms’ Trigger Lasting Personality Change | TIME.com

The psychedelic drug psilocybin (the active ingredient in "magic mushrooms") may produce lasting, positive changes in personality, new research finds.

healthland.time.com

I've also attached the study which this article is discussing if you wanted to have a read. But I would recommend you consider looking into mushrooms if you have not done so yet but are interested in exploring this terrain.

I hope you find what you seek. :thumb_up:

 

[Frogman]

Hi Sneazy,Welcome.

I am also a newby on the site, but I am an old dog on the streets of life.

Thanks EG, that was good advice. Your wisdom is apparent.

The path of spiritualty can become a lonely , icy, windy road at times. Which probably explains why so many of us avoid it. It helps to find a hobby to distract us from the intensity of the emotions. I took up sculpting. Not only does it distract, but offers an avenue to express as well. The forced "meditation time" that comes with a hobby allows the subconscious to sort things.

Being a father is a challenging experience by itself. Fatherhood taught me MANY things, the biggest of all being UNCONDITIONAL love.

You are ready for DMT. It will find you soon enough.
Know that NOBODY can prepare you for the experience you will have but:
It helps to enter this world with prominent questions that you want answers to.
Meditate on the questions beforehand. You may be shown answers in the form of pictures or symbols. REFLECT on it. Give it TIME to sink in. Read a lot of trip reports.

Bancopuma also raised a good point with the mushies. It will "ease" you into the dimension.

DMT does not play gently. It gives it to you hard and fast. I once undertook a trip with the question: "what is creation?"...I had a roller-coaster ride of magnificent and epic proportions. There is a LOT to see in a very short time. I "came back" heart pounding and breathless.

If you just want to "open the window a crack", you will find yourself peeking into what I can only described as INFINITY. Not the infinity we THINK we see when we look down a long road onto the horizon...TRUE INFINITY...ENDLESS and TIMELESS..to the point that it hurts.
Most times we return with even MORE questions.

I also HIGHLY recommend a de-briefing with an experienced user/sitter. Not only will it help to dissipate the tension if you had a rough ride, but it they can record your experience.

Another point to consider, and something thing I always ask my Shaman: What do you DO with this experience?

 

[Frogman]

Hi Sneazy,Welcome.

I am also a newby on the site, but I am an old dog on the streets of life.

Thanks EG, that was good advice. Your wisdom is apparent.

The path of spiritualty can become a lonely , icy, windy road at times. Which probably explains why so many of us avoid it. It helps to find a hobby to distract us from the intensity of the emotions. I took up sculpting. Not only does it distract, but offers an avenue to express as well. The forced "meditation time" that comes with a hobby allows the subconscious to sort things.

Being a father is a challenging experience by itself. Fatherhood taught me MANY things, the biggest of all being UNCONDITIONAL love.

You are ready for DMT. It will find you soon enough.
Know that NOBODY can prepare you for the experience you will have but:
It helps to enter this world with prominent questions that you want answers to.
Meditate on the questions beforehand. You may be shown answers in the form of pictures or symbols. REFLECT on it. Give it TIME to sink in. Read a lot of trip reports.

Bancopuma also raised a good point with the mushies. It will "ease" you into the dimension.

DMT does not play gently. It gives it to you hard and fast. I once undertook a trip with the question: "what is creation?"...I had a roller-coaster ride of magnificent and epic proportions. There is a LOT to see in a very short time. I "came back" heart pounding and breathless.

If you just want to "open the window a crack", you will find yourself peeking into what I can only described as INFINITY. Not the infinity we THINK we see when we look down a long road onto the horizon...TRUE INFINITY...ENDLESS and TIMELESS..to the point that it hurts.
Most times we return with even MORE questions.

I also HIGHLY recommend a de-briefing with an experienced user/sitter. Not only will it help to dissipate the tension if you had a rough ride, but it they can record your experience.

Another point to consider, and something thing I always ask my Shaman: What do you DO with this experience?