BundleflowerPower
Rising Star
As Ive allowed my trauma to heal, I’ve encountered extremely entrenched resistance in me from what I call “the get over on people shit.”
It’s the idea that one must get over on others so that others don’t get over on one’s self. It seems at least related to the idea that the world is out to get me.
I think it’s a combination of being traumatized as a child and the control that goes along with that, and certain things about society which seem to have been running like programs in me since childhood. So there’s individual and collective aspects of it that I’ve experienced.
The collective aspects have made it tricky to heal the individual aspects. When I’ve gotten close to the gold in healing my own trauma, the trauma has basically “gotten over on me,” by diverting my attention collectively, either to collective trauma, or to perceptions of the mindsets of others, friends say, who may not have shown many signs of desiring their trauma to heal. And that’s where the part of me who still wants to fit in with others comes in. The common thought has been, why heal if no one else around here does? And other such thoughts. So I have this duality, where I want to heal, yet part of me hasn’t so far.
I think at some of it is rooted in the covering up of the shame of being bullied, or abused, or shamed for whatever reason during the course of my life.
Just desired to exercise some of it at least by writing about it.
It’s the idea that one must get over on others so that others don’t get over on one’s self. It seems at least related to the idea that the world is out to get me.
I think it’s a combination of being traumatized as a child and the control that goes along with that, and certain things about society which seem to have been running like programs in me since childhood. So there’s individual and collective aspects of it that I’ve experienced.
The collective aspects have made it tricky to heal the individual aspects. When I’ve gotten close to the gold in healing my own trauma, the trauma has basically “gotten over on me,” by diverting my attention collectively, either to collective trauma, or to perceptions of the mindsets of others, friends say, who may not have shown many signs of desiring their trauma to heal. And that’s where the part of me who still wants to fit in with others comes in. The common thought has been, why heal if no one else around here does? And other such thoughts. So I have this duality, where I want to heal, yet part of me hasn’t so far.
I think at some of it is rooted in the covering up of the shame of being bullied, or abused, or shamed for whatever reason during the course of my life.
Just desired to exercise some of it at least by writing about it.