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Underestimated the sheer intensity

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Rising Star
How goes it folks, my recent experiences with DMT have left my mind completely blown and I needed to join the community so that I could share with you all

I recently acquired some DMT from a trusted friend that does his own extractions, I have no doubt of it's quality. Researched the best methods for vaping and purchased myself a classic vapor genie with a concentrate pad. Unfortunately when I ordered they were out of the GVG but the classic seems to work just fine and I like the fact that it looks less l8ke illegal paraphernalia and more like a regular tobacco pipe.

Anyway, shortly after receiving, I put what I believe to be about 20mg in the VG and attempt to vaporize it. Please note that the scale I was using at the time was a cheapie probably not entirely accurate, I will be purchasing a more precise one shortly. I felt the effects but did not break through and didn't quite have process of using the VG down. I had vaped it in the middle of a barren field and was immediately stunned by the besuty of what was around me, it felt similar to a high dosage LSD trip but without the stimulation and slightly more alien, for lack of a better word. I closed my eyes and was met with some beautiful swirling and geometric visuals. The experience was in no way intense, very pleasant besutiful and relaxing.

The next day I meet a friend of mine who has long been interested in trying DMT. I Don't quite feel like trying to teach him to properly use the VG since I didn't really have it down nyself. At this point I've recognized that my scale isn't the best so in an effort to be more accurate, I weigh out a half gram and divide it into ten nearly identical piles for about 50mg each. We use an "oil rig" or a hash oil dabbing apparatus with a titanium nail which we heated with a torch and let cool significantly before pouring the spice over it with a creased business card.I went in first to ease his apprehension. Again I did not break through but this time the trip was much more intense. I laid back, closed my eyes and was met with astoundingly beautiful visuals. I ooened my eyes and as I did wave after wave of the most joyous and pleasurable euphoria crashed over me every few seconds for minutes on end. I had the biggest corniest banana grin on my face the entire time and was in an absolutely excellent mood for the rest of the day.

Next day, in the evening after getting home from work I decide to go in once again. This time for a mellow experience. I hand roll a cigarette and sprinke about 20mg throughout. Smoke it while walking and enioy a nice scenery change in the sky and trees. Very pleasant

Next day, I believe that I've got it all figured out now. I decide to give the VG another shot and shoot for a breakthrough. I load it up with about 50mg, lay back on my bed and vape away. I've finally gotten the gist of the VG. The entire dose vaporizes instantly in one long pull and I was utterly unprepared for the sheer intensity that of the experience as soon as I began to exhale. I will try my best to describe it, but words will do no justice. I immediately broke through and my ego was VIOLENTLY ripped from me, likely because it was uncomfortable and I tried impulsively to resist it and ground myself. A few seconds pass and I'm overcome with absolutely pure raw fear and terror, I fight to ground myself and pull myself back and apparently do a decent job of it because at this point I fell off my bed, though unaware at the time. My mind is racing a million miles an hour, not able to make sense of any of it and not able to complete even a small portion of a full rational though. The terror is so deepy embedded in me at this point that it is almost truly unbearable, if there was a maximum about of fear and terror that a person could endure, this would gave been on the cusp of that limit. At this point, after the fear truly peaks and reaches it's limit, the experience completely flips and comes at me from a different direction, working off of my deepest and most sincere internalised fears. Whereas before the fear was without real reason, now it has. I imagine myself a psychedelic mess as my mother walks in to find her only son psychologically mamed my drugs. An incoherent mess that will never properly function in society again. And as if it can't get anyworse, an alarm clock that I had set on my phone starts sounding at maximum volume. Through my own negligence I had forgotten to turn it off. This alarm clock is loud as hell and mimicks the sirens that go off in movies during a nuclear reactor melt down. Now on top of the baseless terror and more reasonable fear that my mother has found me in this state and that I may be permanently damaged (keep in my mind I have my own place and there would be no way that this coud actually occur) The sirens disorient me further andmake me thing that the local police are now involved in the situation. Exhaustive terror to the root of my being. Shortly after I manage to piece the vital essence of my soul back together and open my eyes, I quickly register that everything is not as I had thought but I am still tripping hard and the environment of my room is dark and gloomy and evil. I stand up and turn.my alarm off and start pacing back and forth muttering "oh my god" to myself for a minute or so and slowly everything fades back to reality. I go outside and enjoy a cigarette and try to make some sense of what happened.

That experience quickly put an end to my "honeymoon phase" and I now have a much deeper respect for this mysterious and mind blowing tryptamine. This all occured several weeks ago and I've been too scared to even consider going back in. Though I know I must because my curiosity outweighs my fear. Though I think I'll wait quite a while longer.

I've read here that the faces and personalities are endkess and infinitely uniquie and I've now confirmed that in under 5 experiences.

I am still in awe and am amazed and excited about the potential that this compound has for expanding my mind but I will proceed sure footedly and very slowly with very gradual dosage increases and several weeks between each experience to allow for enough time to fully process and comprehend each hand shake.

Thank you for taking the time to read, any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated!
Welcome. :)

Yeah, when you finally get it right, and it happens - there's little stopping it from what it wants to do. Best to just go with it, easier said than done though.

It doesn't even appear to be the same substance nor experience - when you get just enough..

Experiences like that can and will pull into question everything previously thought, showing you that your everyday reality, and your place within it - is much......much stranger [albeit beautiful] than we can comprehend.
I hope the integration has been progressively better since. Those beastly experiences truly do scream into who we are. Quick suggestion: If you're still dealing with uneasiness maybe listen to Alan Watts lectures, he may not be an aficionado of psychedelics but he sure as hell can bring in some philosophical comfort. In relation to your dive this may be helpful in dealing with some shards of the experience that still float about your mind.

Best of Luck!
I'll certainly look into them. I plan to rid myself of the apprehension simply by waiting and experimenting a bit more with sub break through dosages to reset my palette and remind myself how comforting and beautiful it can feel
I may look into obtaining some MAOI's and giving it a shot orally. I'd imagine the come up would be much slower and less intense and then might familiarize me with what's to be expected a bit more before I once again shoot for a break through dose via vaporization.
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