Urge to murder

[jivangilad]

My friend invited me for a trip.
In the last year he told me strange things, like he is reincarnation
of jesus, but I didn't pay to much attention.

We took Shroomahuaska( Syrian rue + mushrooms).

He told me I need to believe in him, and this way, I will be saved, and he will be able to save the world.
Also said other strange things about bad Freemasons controling the world and good aliens.

I had a strong urge to murder him, and this way proof him he is wrong. I don't know how I managed not to do it.

I dont think it was anger but more animalistic desire.
Like killing can satisfy me. maybe similar to sexual drive.

I realized that my friend is in a bad condition, addicted to psychadelics and psychotic.

But for me I dont know how to digest this experience, that I wanted to kill.
Also I am left with the desire to kill, and that it could satisfy me in some aspect.
I don't think I will do it, but maybe with psychedelics.
I don't understand what it is and what to do with it.

I thought to go to a psychiatrist , to get diagnosys, so I know how to work with it. But then, I dont know if they can help.
It is pretty shocking still for me, and I want to figure out what is this primal urge to kill. I didn't know it exsits.

e.g.
My friend wrote me that he stops hallucinogenics for some time. Other friends and family are aware of his condition, and try to help him.

 

[Bisy]

wow! one has to take this very seriously. this is a community of mature responsible people, and we care about your experiences and are here to help eachother.. if what you say is sincere, DO NOT take anymore mind altering substances and resolve the issue. if youre messing around and fishing for some kind of entertaining dialogue, this isnt the place for it.

 

[endlessness]

Please stop consuming any and all psychoactive drugs and search immediate professional help. To want and seriously consider killing someone is a huge red flag. You need help ASAP.

Violating someone's right to life is obviously a big no-no, and the consequences of such actions keep rippling out, it would not only end his life but destroy his family's lives, cause a lot of suffering, and destroy your life and of those close to you too.

 

[Tomtegubbe]

This is what the psychedelics do. They bring forth what is buried inside you.

As for what your friend has experienced: I believe the feeling that you have been given some very meaningful prophetic-like truths is very common experience with psychedelics. And I think it's not necessarily all delusional. However, what you need to learn is to hone your perspective and give time for these inner revelations to mature. In the gospels it is told that Jesus did his work in secret at first. He also told not to cast pearls to swines, that is, to exercise discretion in what you say and who you talk to.

As a rule of thumb, whatever comes up on your trips, it's good idea to give some time to the ideas.

Psychedelics open up the whole spectrum of the spiritual realm. There are all the colors of the rainbow and there are the dark hues too.

Ever heard of the Jungian shadow? This is a psychological concept of the dark aspects of our personality, the ones we actively repress. Very often it consists of lust, aggression, power, maybe dark arts if you are so inclined. It's scary to get confronted by it, but it is in itself a neutral thing. Seeing and feeling those things won't make you do them. Although, it is a good chance to take time and think about where do those things arise and what are the values you want to follow.

If you want to talk to someone I suggest you look for one with some training in psychotherapy. Distressing violent fantasies with no intention of doing any harm are very common theme in therapy.

Wish you well

Edit: And for the time being, yeah, discontinue psychedelics for now and focus on normal things.

 

[Bisy]

dude, i just read some of your other posts, and combined with this one, it is very concerning. im not trying to be rude and i dont want to offend you, but you are experimenting with other peoples lives, and at the expense of their faith in your wisdom. you are not a shaman, and youre experiences will be different from theirs.

its great if you find a routine that helps you with your challenges, but just appreciate that for what it is.. there are many people here that are very wise, very helpful, caring, and none of them are experimenting with other people, trying to figure out why they vomit but dont have effects. not just once but several times...

syrian rue and mimosa is not ayahuasca. its a way to have an orally administered dmt experience, and not all dmt experiences are plesant.

you have no obligation to introduce this medicine to other people. if it is time for them to learn about it, their life will follow the path.

please be wise, be mindful, be good to yourself. with murderous desires, you are not strong enough to lead others.

i wish you happiness and wellness.

 

[Th3_tRuTh]

This is what the psychedelics do. They bring forth what is buried inside you.

As for what your friend has experienced: I believe the feeling that you have been given some very meaningful prophetic-like truths is very common experience with psychedelics. And I think it's not necessarily all delusional. However, what you need to learn is to hone your perspective and give time for these inner revelations to mature. In the gospels it is told that Jesus did his work in secret at first. He also told not to cast pearls to swines, that is, to exercise discretion in what you say and who you talk to.

As a rule of thumb, whatever comes up on your trips, it's good idea to give some time to the ideas.

Psychedelics open up the whole spectrum of the spiritual realm. There are all the colors of the rainbow and there are the dark hues too.

Ever heard of the Jungian shadow? This is a psychological concept of the dark aspects of our personality, the ones we actively repress. Very often it consists of lust, aggression, power, maybe dark arts if you are so inclined. It's scary to get confronted by it, but it is in itself a neutral thing. Seeing and feeling those things won't make you do them. Although, it is a good chance to take time and think about where do those things arise and what are the values you want to follow.

If you want to talk to someone I suggest you look for one with some training in psychotherapy. Distressing violent fantasies with no intention of doing any harm are very common theme in therapy.

Wish you well

Edit: And for the time being, yeah, discontinue psychedelics for now and focus on normal things.

All this ^

 

[Voidmatrix]

If I may, having noticed your location, do you feel that some of these feelings of a violent nature are a byproduct of the unrest in your region?

Regardless, as many have already stated, stop taking and administering psychedelics. While you may feel you're being helpful and providing a service, it seems you have some inner understanding to gain.

Same goes for you friend...

One love

 

[Kumarajiva]

If I may, having noticed your location, do you feel that some of these feelings of a violent nature are a byproduct of the unrest in your region?

Please refrain from biased BS

 

[Kumarajiva]

Jivangilad, i read your previous posts. You are progressing steadily towards violence. Stop all psy and start going to synagogue at shabbat.
I have observed such spiraling out of control in my friends before. Quitting everything and seeking refuge in religion saved them from madhouse.
I dont mean you have to do it for the rest of your life. One of my friends did this for a year just to normalize his psyche and then went back to being his regular self (just no more psy, hes been holding for about 13 years already. all fine)

Also, psychiatrist wont hurt

 

[Voidmatrix]

If I may, having noticed your location, do you feel that some of these feelings of a violent nature are a byproduct of the unrest in your region?

Please refrain from biased BS

Please highlight for me what is biased or BS about my post.

One love

 

[jivangilad]

If I may, having noticed your location, do you feel that some of these feelings of a violent nature are a byproduct of the unrest in your region?

Regardless, as many have already stated, stop taking and administering psychedelics. While you may feel you're being helpful and providing a service, it seems you have some inner understanding to gain.

Same goes for you friend...

One love

We did it sometime, before the current violence has started.
Thanks, I wont introduce those thing to others then. I don't take so much
anymore.
Actually I am not becoming more aggressive in my normal life, I think I learned to communicate better, but anger is an issue that comes on hallucinogenics.

 

[Voidmatrix]

If I may, having noticed your location, do you feel that some of these feelings of a violent nature are a byproduct of the unrest in your region?

Regardless, as many have already stated, stop taking and administering psychedelics. While you may feel you're being helpful and providing a service, it seems you have some inner understanding to gain.

Same goes for you friend...

One love

We did it sometime, before the current violence has started.
Thanks, I wont introduce those thing to others then. I don't take so much
anymore.
Actually I am not becoming more aggressive in my normal life, I think I learned to communicate better, but anger is an issue that comes on hallucinogenics.

I can understand not taking much anymore after an experience like that. Do you feel you have an idea as to why psychedelics may bring out your anger? Do you think it may be something you suppress in your pragmatic life?

And it's beautiful you've learned to communicate better. Communication with ourselves and others is huge. What other benefits do you feel you've obtained that you can stay focused on?

One love

 

[Bill Cipher]

If I may, having noticed your location, do you feel that some of these feelings of a violent nature are a byproduct of the unrest in your region?

Please refrain from biased BS

Jivangilad, i read your previous posts. You are progressing steadily towards violence. Stop all psy and start going to synagogue at shabbat. I have observed such spiraling out of control in my friends before. Quitting everything and seeking refuge in religion saved them from madhouse.

Um... What was that you were you saying about biased BS...?

To the OP, I will echo what most others are saying here: please stop using psychedelics, stop facilitating psychedelic experiences for others and seek professional help.

As to the matter of synagogue at shabbat... that sounds like a personal choice that may or may not be helpful to you. Regardless, it's bizarre go-to advice in my opinion for someone wrestling with homicidal fantasies, from someone who likely doesn't know anything about your religious background or inclinations.

 

[Kumarajiva]

No more psy for at least a year is non-negotiable though.

On that much we can agree.

Edit: This is Bill Cipher. I apologize. Did not mean to delete your post, but I cannot now retrieve it, I'm sorry.

 

[jivangilad]

I can understand not taking much anymore after an experience like that. Do you feel you have an idea as to why psychedelics may bring out your anger? Do you think it may be something you suppress in your pragmatic life?

And it's beautiful you've learned to communicate better. Communication with ourselves and others is huge. What other benefits do you feel you've obtained that you can stay focused on?

One love

This are probably suppressed emotions. Maybe suppressed masculinity.
I started to do some martial arts, maybe to express it.
I have learned to feel more and hallucigenics helped in healing trauma.
I am looking for people who can help me about what I feel.

 

[Voidmatrix]

I can understand not taking much anymore after an experience like that. Do you feel you have an idea as to why psychedelics may bring out your anger? Do you think it may be something you suppress in your pragmatic life?

And it's beautiful you've learned to communicate better. Communication with ourselves and others is huge. What other benefits do you feel you've obtained that you can stay focused on?

One love

This are probably suppressed emotions. Maybe suppressed masculinity.
I started to do some martial arts, maybe to express it.
I have learned to feel more and hallucigenics helped in healing trauma.
I am looking for people who can help me about what I feel.

I am happy to help in anyway I can and discuss what you're going through with you. I think it's a great idea you've started martial arts as that is a great way to productively express and process anger. Which martial art are you practicing?

One love

 

[Bisy]

Very unique thread, extremely provoking and well articulated throughout. It really highlights how great this community is. Thanks everyone for their honesty, compassion, and candor.. its almost a psychidelic experience in and of itself without ecen consuming anything. Its really that unique.

 

[ShamanisticVibes]

What everyone else is saying! When experimenting with such powerful compounds, it is very easy to put yourself into some sort of psychosis; where the real world and the world of your fantasies bleed together. And if for anything, this is why you should stop. Perhaps some attempts at extended meditations? Of course, you will not be able to just jump right into the proverbial "healing pools" from the start. You will have to practice for quite some time before you make large progresses. But sometimes quieting your mind and allowing the thoughts to flow freely will reveal some things that you were unaware of from the beginning.

If I may, having noticed your location, do you feel that some of these feelings of a violent nature are a byproduct of the unrest in your region?

Please refrain from biased BS

I honestly agree with VoidMatrix. I do not think he was being biased at all, although I can understand why someone who is not from that area bringing it to light can seem frustrating, or disingenuous, but I can tell you the anything void suggests in coming from a place of love and reason . A person's environment has a heavy effect on their subconscious. Living in an area where there is turmoil creates inner turmoil. That is just psychology. You should always be aware of the external stimuli around you. Now, not to say that that is the entirety of the issue here, but it would be a great place to start. To confront the emotions and feelings behind the thought. To find where it comes from. And hey, it may not come from there, but who are any of us to say that this person should not exhaust all possibilities in the spirit of finding peace, getting better, and the safety on him/herself and the people close to them.

I really hope you are able to come to some conclusions, my friend. If you need an ear (or moreso, an eye and a mind, here) Just ask. We come from very different worlds, but one thing that I can say spans all ways of life here at the nexus, and that is understanding.

Blessings and good will.

 

[Voidmatrix]

A person's environment has a heavy effect on their subconscious. Living in an area where there is turmoil creates inner turmoil. That is just psychology. You should always be aware of the external stimuli around you. Now, not to say that that is the entirety of the issue here, but it would be a great place to start. To confront the emotions and feelings behind the thought. To find where it comes from.

Thank you ShamanisticVibes. That's pretty much what I was getting at by asking the question.

One love

 

[RoundAbout]

I had a strong urge to murder him, and this way proof him he is wrong. I don't know how I managed not to do it.

I dont think it was anger but more animalistic desire.
Like killing can satisfy me. maybe similar to sexual drive.

I realized that my friend is in a bad condition, addicted to psychadelics and psychotic.

But for me I dont know how to digest this experience, that I wanted to kill.
Also I am left with the desire to kill, and that it could satisfy me in some aspect.
I don't think I will do it, but maybe with psychedelics.
I don't understand what it is and what to do with it.

I thought to go to a psychiatrist , to get diagnosys, so I know how to work with it. But then, I dont know if they can help.
It is pretty shocking still for me, and I want to figure out what is this primal urge to kill. I didn't know it exsits.

My first thought is: imagine if some of the common intrusive thoughts (e.g. violent and/or disturbing) were present for the first time when taking psychedelics. For me that would be shocking... but intrusive thoughts would also be shocking when sober if I didn't experience them commonly yet never act upon them.

Then again, maybe you actually were close to murdering someone, which is enough reason to abstain from psychedelics in the foreseeable future. I have had somewhat similar feelings, but never the sense of "I don't know how I managed not to do it". That's extremely concerning to me.

Humans have been murdering each other from time immemorial, yet some find it shocking when the thought is expressed by a person. It seems likely to me that some people are just unable recognize the drive towards violence in themselves.