Waiting room mind panic

[CataractSurgeon]

Is it necessary to master this ? I use IM with IM Harmine 50 mg 45 min before - when I feel the Harmine strongly I’m ready -

I tried 30 mg IM first and ended up on a cartoon tower trying to move up and out and I was fine but my mind was in a huge panic - I wasn’t able to step back but I was extremely embarrassed at myself for creating a “bad trip” at the peak - was great later - body was perfect and knew it - this happened to me on a bad vape attempt also but it was worse back then as I had no heart beat control and breathing techniques so I thought my heart would explode etc -

I know to open my chest and say my heart is my power and that ends the heart beat silliness and I do breathing in and and slow out to combat the fake sensation of no breath - but this mind panic is extremely annoying -

So I went to lower level about 22 -23 mg a couple days later and kept saying I don’t care just DIE knowing I’m not gonna die - and avoided argument with the panic mind and tried too look around on the come up and peak - listening to silly loops like “this is gonna go on forever etc” -
I want to just be the observer and I feel this has value in day to day life to teach me to just stop fighting and observe etc - already using that in real life-

But some say 30 just too low for me and I’m trapped in the “in between “ and I’m never gonna shut this panic mind up anyway so just blast past - but I feel it’s somehow important to master this -

Thoughts ? I could use help -

All I can do now is sing or hum - expect the Come up and peak anxiety and slowly escalate dose as just be an observer and let the mind do its silly cartoon tower panic -

Advice ?

 

[CataractSurgeon]

I did 70mg IM Harnine Hcl today - WOW! 45 min later thought I would just have a relaxing time - 18mg IM DMT but wow did it teach me - I was able to observe my panic mind at this level - DMT tried to assemble a waiting room but couldn’t quite do it but enough to stirr up panic mind -I was able to observe him for like 45 min - wow - through multiple waves - he tried old tricks like “it’s gonna last forever/too long” I just told myself “I want a longer peak!: it even tried “music sounds weird - panic - I said it’s cool let’s listen - mind tried so many tricks but I was able to avoid battle and do the thing feared-finally got to see what was in front of me - be present a bit - lovely ! So happy- but can’t I do same at higher dose like 25 when my weird cartoon pink waiting room assembles- I think so but it’s gonna pull at me more with anxiety - 59 years of a controlling mind—-all my trips end with me saying “stop fighting everything “ -

 

[CataractSurgeon]

Thank you sincerely for answering - I often feel nearly alone in a battle now become an observational non-battle with my own controlling mind- I recently went through Ibogaine flood 1 gram in a clinic after psychadelics showed me my addiction had to go - it was always controlled but addiction it was - this Ibogaine and DMT has uprooted my being from top to bottom and changed everything in my life in a very short time - I’m integrating quickly.

IM is intramuscular - being I have all sterile stuff/solution and filters o.22 for sterile delivery - I am working with exact doses. Vaping was just a mess for me although I will keep trying with vapor genie - my lungs hate it - my only casualty so far despite my minds bull shit panic is my bruised butt. Too many NSAIDS post recent surgery (zero opioids during or after!).

I am as if reborn after ibogaine/ending my fruitless and no longer relevant t have no meaning or place in my current life - the physical addiction was left over from long ago and Ibo let me get rid of it -‘

it’s really a fantastic feeling my body is spent but improving daily (3 weeks since ) but my mind is amazing.

Yes this IM dose of 30 is “too low” to break the panic mind fully -and what I’m doing may be fruitless but I am trying to stop fighting and just observe it and extinguish its major tricks for future come up and come down from higher doses and because it’s about real life mostly - too much battle has been going on and it’s all stopping with this training.

Unfortunately my butt can not handle daily training - my wife is gonna need an explanation for the bruises - that will stop when I dont need nsaid pain med anymore from my surgery - yes I had to have surgery 2 weeks post Ibogaine flood and it wiped me out -

Ibogaine was different - it was just soooo long - but I was mostly grounded except for a short breakthrough where I was in a house looking at a blue sky with no fear of any kind - mostly I was in my bed with my ekg leads and IV and ataxia - and stimulating as hell - but nothing like DMT in sudden intensity- however full color 3D projections and hallucinations on Ibogaine were drivable and unbelievable when I wasn’t exhausted - first 3 hours was amazing - what fun - then I got tired….

Dmt is an amazing battle - I haven’t tried IM without harmine first - I really like the harmine and my post peak periods are just lovely -

I do think this waiting room panic must go

I will try compassion with my ego mind as I observe it - no anger no fight as that feed the loops

Thank you again

 

[CataractSurgeon]

Thanks - yea the issue is I’m anticoaglated with all the nsaids - I’m gonna try to quit now - just Tylenol - post surgery that was a bit uncomfortable- even with a small 30g needle I get bleeding - should stop - I am a surgeon and I did a lot of chem too

- I’ve also used rx Im testosterone - thighs hurt for me -for years and some bruises are inevitable- also I’ve been doing too many shots - first harmine Hcl then flush then dnt then flush -4x per session - cuz I’m going through a 0.22 filter vs creating solution in sterile vial and doing one clean shot each - I’ll do that I’ve just wanted to simplify all the prep by injection through the filter but too many shots

- DMT probably ok a 3 days in fridge in citrate or fumarate solution in dark via maybe a week and harmine much longer but might precipitate in both cases -fresh prep best - not terrible but a few steps -

Mg scale
You need sterile syringes
Sterile vials
Microwave for dissolving harmine
Citric or fumaric acid if using free base
Sterile 0.9% saline
19g needkes
27-30g needkes
Small size sterile 0.22 um filters

And you MUST know your chems/meds

DO NOT do this - it’s complex

There are more detailed posts elsewhere that go into complexity and risks -

But the precision allows exploration of exact states for me - like I know at 18mg I’m right where waiting room starts to materialize and my panic sets in hardest - 22-25 and the waiting room will materialize- 30 and I’m fully in it -

I am extremely experienced at IM injections /
Don’t try this please !

I haven’t gone to 50-60 where I would expect mind would be knocked out as far as panic but I’m not sure I’m ready to be completely absorbed yet -that’s probably about the right level per my reading - that’s = 30 mg IV like in Strassmass studies - I’m seriously considering just IV 30 mg when I’m ready but I’m really worried about the mark and mess if I’m. Gone too fast - maybe one day….

For now working through a full crazy cartoon/fractal (for me) WR without panic is my goal - I’ve made it to the edge now at 18 and 22 mg in control - takes a lot of work - I call it a NON battle - or un battle - as the way is observe and shine light but don’t fight - just go back to being in the peak and present and tell the fear you want what it fears -

 

[Varallo]

Thanks - yea the issue is I’m anticoaglated with all the nsaids - I’m gonna try to quit now - just Tylenol - post surgery that was a bit uncomfortable- even with a small 30g needle I get bleeding - should stop - I am a surgeon and I did a lot of chem too

- I’ve also used rx Im testosterone - thighs hurt for me -for years and some bruises are inevitable- also I’ve been doing too many shots - first harmine Hcl then flush then dnt then flush -4x per session - cuz I’m going through a 0.22 filter vs creating solution in sterile vial and doing one clean shot each - I’ll do that I’ve just wanted to simplify all the prep by injection through the filter but too many shots

- DMT probably ok a 3 days in fridge in citrate or fumarate solution in dark via maybe a week and harmine much longer but might precipitate in both cases -fresh prep best - not terrible but a few steps -

Mg scale
You need sterile syringes
Sterile vials
Microwave for dissolving harmine
Citric or fumaric acid if using free base
Sterile 0.9% saline
19g needkes
27-30g needkes
Small size sterile 0.22 um filters

But the precision allows exploration of exact states like I know at 18mg I’m right where waiting room starts to materialize and my panic sets in hardest - 22-25 and the waiting room will materialize- 30 and I’m fully in it -

I haven’t gone to 50-60 where I would expect mind would be knocked out as far as panic but I’m not sure I’m ready to be completely absorbed yet -that’s probably about the right level per my reading - that’s = 30 mg IV like in Strassmass studies - I’m seriously considering just IV 30 mg when I’m ready but I’m really worried about the mark and mess if I’m. Gone too fast - maybe one day….

For now working through a full crazy cartoon/fractal (for me) WR without panic is my goal - I’ve made it to the edge now at 18 and 22 mg in control - takes a lot of work - I call it a NON battle - or un battle - as the way is observe and shine light but don’t fight - just go back to being in the peak and present and tell the fear you want what it fears -

Here on the Nexus we place a strong emphasis on safe use. So I want to stress that intramuscular or intravenous injection of home made DMT or harmalas is not considered safe practice. Even if you are using sterile needles, pharmaceutical saline, and filters, there are still serious risks that cannot be eliminated.

The difficulty is that it is very difficult for amateurs to determine if the dmt or harmalas are fit for injection.

Anyway I’m just putting this here as a small warning on the risks involved.

Good luck with your trips and sincerely hope you move past the panic stage.

 

[CataractSurgeon]

Yes I’m not advocating for anyone else - I apologize I was just showing the prior lovely poster that it’s complex - in no way am I advising or advocating this for anyone who isn’t professional and aware of risks and isn’t an expert in chemical analysis of their substances - I apologize if that wasn’t clear - for me it’s a good way due to my own limitations on other techniques such as sinus and lung issues and nausea issues - please do not try this unless you are fully aware of the serious risks of use - it was kinda needed to understand what I’m at to express my personal dosing situation since I’m testing the space in detail vs just vaping - part of the problem I see is just that - control freak

 

[Toadster]

Yes this IM dose of 30 is “too low” to break the panic mind fully -and what I’m doing may be fruitless but I am trying to stop fighting and just observe it and extinguish its major tricks for future come up and come down from higher doses and because it’s about real life mostly - too much battle has been going on and it’s all stopping with this training.


Dmt is an amazing battle - I haven’t tried IM without harmine first - I really like the harmine and my post peak periods are just lovely -

Did you manage to find a lab-grade source or just diy?

Personally I would never consider injecting myself with diy dmt.
And that comes from someone who injects 6x a week at least.

I'm also on the quest of finding the most efficient ROA without the downsides of the juice.
Juice just kills my cardio workouts for days somehow, often feels like I'm not able to absorb enough oxygen after a good session.
However, using e-mesh or vaporizers feels sometimes under-powered compared to like a dual-coil RTA with 60/40 1:4 juice..

 

[CataractSurgeon]

Did you manage to find a lab-grade source or just diy?

Personally I would never consider injecting myself with diy dmt.
And that comes from someone who injects 6x a week at least.

I'm also on the quest of finding the most efficient ROA without the downsides of the juice.
Juice just kills my cardio workouts for days somehow, often feels like I'm not able to absorb enough oxygen after a good session.
However, using e-mesh or vaporizers feels sometimes under-powered compared to like a dual-coil RTA with 60/40 1:4 juice..

Thanks - I hate vape pens -

People don’t get that vaping is also a very efficient delivery method for whatever volatile poison chem is in their stuff - I’ve tried boof but it’s annoying too -

Oral is just as dangerous if the stuff has opiates as is vape - you die

Any toxins are going in no matter the route - your stomach won’t save you nor will your lungs or your butt -

You have to have full confidence in your stuff -

Always test and harm reduce with small doses - I know no one does this but i always have -

TLC is easily available for anyone willing to try it -

I have crystal Harmine HCL and crystal DMT - 99% on TLC plates and tested at low doses first for sure !

I guess I assume people know if they buy stuff they can get killed by fent or N Bombs - fortunately

I really appreciate you responding- in history Leary and Alpert did 60mg - probably not even sterile filter back then - yikes - and did a lot of subjects - so 30 was too low - AI failed me - but man is DMT amazing - teacher wow -

I wanted this to be a thread about my issue of overcoming mind panic I can’t be the only one?

I am making progress but it’s suck a bizarre thing to only be afraid of yourself ! Crazy - DMT brings this out - so educational for me ! But I feel like I’m going in to battle with myself each time - knowing I can only win by not battling and I have fear of true proper dose too - sheesh

 

[new_science]

Are you physically unable to hold in a hit of vapor for 10 seconds? It's less damaging to your body than injecting impure DMT and harmalas, I promise you that. Even with the wheel filter. The faster onset of vaped DMT will increase your likelihood of cresting and getting past that stage of anxiety. Plenty of people break through on 30mg of DMT by itself.

Keep injecting if you want to. You're your own boss. Just know that the inhalation ROA with either straight up DMT or changa could give you exactly what you're seeking.

 

[CataractSurgeon]

Are you physically unable to hold in a hit of vapor for 10 seconds? It's less damaging to your body than injecting impure DMT and harmalas, I promise you that. Even with the wheel filter. The faster onset of vaped DMT will increase your likelihood of cresting and getting past that stage of anxiety. Plenty of people break through on 30mg of DMT by itself.

Keep injecting if you want to. You're your own boss. Just know that the inhalation ROA with either straight up DMT or changa could give you exactly what you're seeking.

Thanks - im
Not sure what I’m seeing yet - yes 30 mg vaped is more potent than 30 IM but I sure like the 70 minutes I get too - I have not been successful with 4 various methods of vaping - I may need someone to show me but I don’t have anyone - I’ve been sucking burned smoke and wasting chem- I can’t stand the feeling of any smoke or vapor in my lungs except maybe water vapor and I can’t concentrate on the experience I’m just in my lungs - breathing in is equally gonna get all material in your lungs or injecting it or eating it - the only difference is sterility issues and such - I’m always trying to learn- maybe it’s my age of nearly 60 or seeing smokers die of cancer that psychologically taints me - I just can’t do it but I did buy a vapor genie and I will try one last time with that device when it arrives - I feel good with exact dose control too … thank you

 

[new_science]

Sounds good man! If vaping technique is troublesome, look into making e-juice or using a mesh style attachment on a box mod. They're relatively cheap investments and solve a lot of the finicky nature of DMT's narrow vaporization window.

You can get your longform experience of DMT space when vaping by orally ingesting harmalas beforehand. It is sometimes termed "vaporhuasca." Or the aforementioned changa, which is a mix of harmalas, DMT, and carrier herb(s) vaporized together.

 

[CataractSurgeon]

I’m still working on the annoying mind panic with or without Harmine - it’s like strobe flash alarms trying to pull me in and I now don’t let it loop and redirect to presence and get to observe and then a wave hits and it shows up again and I have to use all my presence to not allow it to loop - I wish I didn’t have this issue but it’s just past of me - my understanding is higher dose will banish it and or I keep learning it’s part of the phenomenon and keep ignoring it and redirecting to presence and it will eventually extinguish- quite a struggle to not let it loop or feed it - seriously annoying quirk of my mind

 

[TransistorBass]

59 years of a controlling mind

I'm not quite up to you yet but yeah we all have patterns of control from life, letting go is harder than I think, I feel like I'm partly letting go but then need to let go some more and just 'be'.

 

[CataractSurgeon]

Mine turned out to be due to Harmine and dmt combo - it creates this visual flutter hurricane fractal feedback - I got used to it but it’s not worth it - dmt only is fine - no more panic once I get far enough - take more hits off the pen solves the panic !

 

[CataractSurgeon]

I'm not quite up to you yet but yeah we all have patterns of control from life, letting go is harder than I think, I feel like I'm partly letting go but then need to let go some more and just 'be'.

You are so right - sub break dmt + harnine taught me so much but now I’m just starting my breakthrough journey next

 

[CataractSurgeon]

The secret answer to mind panic is…..
Avoid Maoi if you get fractal hurricane and strobing
And on dmt only - TAKE MORE HITS! A revelation !