• Members of the previous forum can retrieve their temporary password here, (login and check your PM).


I am in me
The highest dose of shrooms I have done is 5.6 grams of psilocybin cubensis Z-strain. This trip was special. I have done far higher doses of LSD, but LSD has never affected me so personally. I am fearless towards LSD (perhaps too much), but shrooms demand respect from me. And they got that respect on that fateful day I decided to trek up into a pine forest on a cold, humid day.

Now, I'm not going to write a report of this trip here (though perhaps some other time in the appropriate thread, since it was a very interesting trip). No, all I want to do is share this little gold nugget it gave me.

The first time I had a psychedelic experience was on two tabs of LSD, back when I was 17 (three/four years ago now). I instantly felt like there was something forgotten being slowly remembered when I began that journey. My life is like a room I have just entered into, forgetting why I am there; just like when I absent-mindedly open the fridge, trying to find out what I was trying find.

This forgotten thing is slowly revealing itself to me, and my intuition tells me it has something to do with home; perhaps what some people call source, God, Atman, etc, which is not implying these suggestions need to be the same as each other. It's all very mystical and confusing.

But after I began suspecting this thing was perhaps my real home, DMT became EVEN MORE alluring, because what better candidate is there for this home than hyperspace? Perhaps I'm way off, as I have yet to have a breakthrough experience, nor have I taken freebase DMT.

In the absence of DMT, I thus began trying to get to this place by taking ever higher doses of LSD and shrooms, with varying success. I still don't feel like I have found "it", nor decided if it is indeed my home I am looking for. However, the most recent development on my psychedelic quest was this aforementioned shrooms trip. After ingesting the shrooms, I had a pretty fast come-up, which eventually led me into a dreamy state.

A lot happened in this state, and I found myself convinced of a few different philosophical views that had been, and still are, swirling my head. One of these views is that I am the universe (and that you are too). Equivalently, we are also God, though more developed views on this might have a more granulated terminology.

As the universe, my quest for "my home" was absurdly hilarious. I laughed hysterically: I AM MY HOME!

Lots of love,
Last edited:
Love this! When you realize you define yourself, and you accept yourself as a person and feel at home in your body - that's really it. That's the end goal. Coming to this realization that no matter where you are or what situation you're in, everything is okay because you are you is one of the most profound and difficult to reach conclusions ever. It's something I've barely come to accept.

I think this is why so many people are unhappy with themselves, because they spend their whole life searching for this thing, a thing that goes by many different names - God, heaven, nirvana, a higher power, love, faith, even just happiness, and some never realize that despite all their searching, it's in themselves. It's like looking for your car keys for half an hour and then realizing they were in your pocket the whole time. All it takes is thinking to look at what we already have to find what we're looking for.

I had a similar epiphany that I wrote as a dialogue, I'll paste it here - maybe you'll be able to extract some meaning for yourself from it. But after all, we're the only ones who can truly understand our own thoughts. "I am my home" means something different to you than it does to me, and to anybody else who might read it, and that's a beautiful thing, isn't it?

The sound of the water filled my ears.

What sound of water?

The sound that gives it shape.

Shape defines meaning.

What is the shape of water?

Listen. Do you hear its music?

The music is all.. distorted.

If that’s how the wave reaches you, is that not what it is?

...My space is my meaning.

But do you know what your space is?
"I am my home" means something different to you than it does to me, and to anybody else who might read it, and that's a beautiful thing, isn't it?
Yes, in fact, I think it imports a lot of its beauty into the beauty of conscious beings interacting. I see relationships as unfolding puzzles of uncovering each other's maps of meaning, thus in-turn discovering each other's territories; but do you know what your territory is? ;)

The dialogue you shared was stunning and very much in the philosophical vein I am, and have been, exploring. But you gave me another and new way to see why we are our environment, and that I must thank you for! :giggle:


Just like the container takes care of its contents, its contents ought to take care of the container, lest their symbiosis degrade; in our case, loving the world and others is the same as loving ourselves, so we've struck a nice two-for-one deal!

One love,
Top Bottom