Wow. Oh my god. It had been a while since I've really gone for it, this time with some ultrapure DMT I'm in the process of cleaning. There was still a small amount of goo that collected on the blade from scraping up the pure prisms. I loaded the gooey prisms into the volcano. I did not weigh, and the prisms are maximum density, so Idk if I should guess, but I would say about 30mg. I took a big second hit and held it long, by the time I was inhaling the third hit I could feel it starting. I was calm, sitting in silence and dim lighting. I still had half the bag of vapors left when it quickly enveloped me. That's what I love about the volcano though - I had the thought mid-trip to keep hitting it and since it's already vaporized you can inhale from the bag subconsciously. I guess the pen vapes would be similar.
Anyway, the trip itself was unlike any I've had before. Beyond a trip, beyond reality. This super pure DMT is 'novel' to me so I had an open mind and interest in what might happen.
Lots of colors and geometry overlaying other hallucinations. I'd follow an undulating snake of geometry coursing its way around the outlines of some object, and in the peripheral I caught the scenery shifting, then the details shifting, and everything was transforming in and out of various states of being. I briefly opened my eyes, expecting not to be able to even see my room, but a moment's peek appeared normal. Closing my eyelids was like pulling down a projector, everything was still going on behind the lids.
I had a laser on my desk and before launch I figured what the heck, might as well see what happens. I can't remember exactly at what point I picked it up, but toward the beginning. This was a heavy trip so I only spared a couple moments to point it at the wall. I can't recall exactly why, but it did intrigue me. Compared to the moment when I opened my eyes to check the room and it appeared normal, when I checked out the laser I recall feeling a jolt of wtf? I didn't see code, but it seemed to shift my perspective in a surprising way. I remember wondering if reality was some kind of projection, and I touched my face to check if I was wearing my glasses, in case that might explain the strange optical disorientation. That's the last thing I remember before things escalated.
It became like... a singularity, a heavenly point in reality where everything made sense, but on a personal level. I was god, and DMT, particularly this DMT is like... gives eternal life. And I'm figuratively the second coming of Christ. I was holding out on this experience, refining the DMT, and that patience was an element in the experience as well as my entire personality and the nature of existence, or something. There was this feeling that I'm eternal, existence is eternal, but DMT is like a time machine. And I'm the guy that unexpectedly built it and changed the world forever. My parents don't want to even know what DMT is, and I resent them for that. But in this trip I have a dream of them coming around to realize what it is, who I am, what existence is. And not just them, I saw humanity smoalking spice like it's the eucharist. Governments collapsed, the world as we know it was upgraded to singularity. There was some good vs evil vibes, like AI was both a sign that we're close to this day, but also an evil lifeless version that the DMT singularity saved us from.
That was more heady-psychological themed, then I thought about this woman I like. Holy fuck that was intense. I've never had a trip elevate emotions so much, DMT or otherwise. She is so important to me, and in this experience was like my second half. I know that's a phrase, but I mean literally we were bonded so strongly in this vision, and I thought omg I need to wake her up to the reality that we're soul mates. She knows my feelings for her but keeps me at a distance, and I don't know why. She's become a major element in my psyche, but maybe not for her. Being together on this trip though felt so real and so good, just the idea of it apparently. And everything was very lucid, I swiped through time and played out this scenario where I just randomly ask her to marry me tomorrow.
There was also a lot of self-doubting, like wow she's going to think you're a lunatic, you must be having a psychotic break right now to be thinking like that. And you think you're god now, but why would anyone believe you? Idk, there was an over-arching theme of overcoming obstacles to reach nirvana. Like the singularity might not happen if I don't pony up and spread the good word about DMT, save the planet, marry that girl, and atone for my sins. There was also a lot of forgiveness: like forgiving my parents for doubting me, and them forgiving me for distancing, and other things I feel guilty about. In the singularity, everyone is one, and all experiences are present. There was also some theorizing about why the experience is so forgetful, and I basically concluded that attention, awareness, existence, are all tied together somehow.
I really felt like I was getting somewhere as I was coming down, and had to pee so bad, but I was holding it, holding that thought, that attention, that place. My body was quivering strongly, uncontrollably. I had a few more minutes of emotional reflection, then it started to fade. I feel totally normal now and a little embarrassed about some of the thoughts I was having. Idk whether I'm crazy or immature or what. In my life lately I sometimes feel like it can be crazy and frustrating. I don't need to get anymore into it but it's hard to describe just how much the experienced was influenced by me. In that state, me is us and it was self-evident that I was the one. It was so real and so convincing, I had the thought before writing this why bother? My life, this website, the people, are just a distraction the one dreamed up.
But yea, after finishing writing this I'm feeling pretty ungodly and trapped in physical reality again. Maybe the message to take away is to not let life pass me by and think less about it and just do the things I ought to do, then nirvana is inevitable.
Anyway, the trip itself was unlike any I've had before. Beyond a trip, beyond reality. This super pure DMT is 'novel' to me so I had an open mind and interest in what might happen.
Lots of colors and geometry overlaying other hallucinations. I'd follow an undulating snake of geometry coursing its way around the outlines of some object, and in the peripheral I caught the scenery shifting, then the details shifting, and everything was transforming in and out of various states of being. I briefly opened my eyes, expecting not to be able to even see my room, but a moment's peek appeared normal. Closing my eyelids was like pulling down a projector, everything was still going on behind the lids.
I had a laser on my desk and before launch I figured what the heck, might as well see what happens. I can't remember exactly at what point I picked it up, but toward the beginning. This was a heavy trip so I only spared a couple moments to point it at the wall. I can't recall exactly why, but it did intrigue me. Compared to the moment when I opened my eyes to check the room and it appeared normal, when I checked out the laser I recall feeling a jolt of wtf? I didn't see code, but it seemed to shift my perspective in a surprising way. I remember wondering if reality was some kind of projection, and I touched my face to check if I was wearing my glasses, in case that might explain the strange optical disorientation. That's the last thing I remember before things escalated.
It became like... a singularity, a heavenly point in reality where everything made sense, but on a personal level. I was god, and DMT, particularly this DMT is like... gives eternal life. And I'm figuratively the second coming of Christ. I was holding out on this experience, refining the DMT, and that patience was an element in the experience as well as my entire personality and the nature of existence, or something. There was this feeling that I'm eternal, existence is eternal, but DMT is like a time machine. And I'm the guy that unexpectedly built it and changed the world forever. My parents don't want to even know what DMT is, and I resent them for that. But in this trip I have a dream of them coming around to realize what it is, who I am, what existence is. And not just them, I saw humanity smoalking spice like it's the eucharist. Governments collapsed, the world as we know it was upgraded to singularity. There was some good vs evil vibes, like AI was both a sign that we're close to this day, but also an evil lifeless version that the DMT singularity saved us from.
That was more heady-psychological themed, then I thought about this woman I like. Holy fuck that was intense. I've never had a trip elevate emotions so much, DMT or otherwise. She is so important to me, and in this experience was like my second half. I know that's a phrase, but I mean literally we were bonded so strongly in this vision, and I thought omg I need to wake her up to the reality that we're soul mates. She knows my feelings for her but keeps me at a distance, and I don't know why. She's become a major element in my psyche, but maybe not for her. Being together on this trip though felt so real and so good, just the idea of it apparently. And everything was very lucid, I swiped through time and played out this scenario where I just randomly ask her to marry me tomorrow.
There was also a lot of self-doubting, like wow she's going to think you're a lunatic, you must be having a psychotic break right now to be thinking like that. And you think you're god now, but why would anyone believe you? Idk, there was an over-arching theme of overcoming obstacles to reach nirvana. Like the singularity might not happen if I don't pony up and spread the good word about DMT, save the planet, marry that girl, and atone for my sins. There was also a lot of forgiveness: like forgiving my parents for doubting me, and them forgiving me for distancing, and other things I feel guilty about. In the singularity, everyone is one, and all experiences are present. There was also some theorizing about why the experience is so forgetful, and I basically concluded that attention, awareness, existence, are all tied together somehow.
I really felt like I was getting somewhere as I was coming down, and had to pee so bad, but I was holding it, holding that thought, that attention, that place. My body was quivering strongly, uncontrollably. I had a few more minutes of emotional reflection, then it started to fade. I feel totally normal now and a little embarrassed about some of the thoughts I was having. Idk whether I'm crazy or immature or what. In my life lately I sometimes feel like it can be crazy and frustrating. I don't need to get anymore into it but it's hard to describe just how much the experienced was influenced by me. In that state, me is us and it was self-evident that I was the one. It was so real and so convincing, I had the thought before writing this why bother? My life, this website, the people, are just a distraction the one dreamed up.
But yea, after finishing writing this I'm feeling pretty ungodly and trapped in physical reality again. Maybe the message to take away is to not let life pass me by and think less about it and just do the things I ought to do, then nirvana is inevitable.
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