Why am i scared to try DMT again?

[virtualmark]

Hey. I posted here a few months back after my first couple of times. I had a nice experience, and i'm pretty sure i broke through. I wish i could explain it more, but i can hardly remember anything about it now.

The thing is, i'd like to try it again, but feel nervous about it. Sometimes when i remember a tiny glimps of my trip i get this butterflies feeling, almost like my subconscious doesn't want me to remember. Do any of you feel like this?

I say i had a nice experience, but it was a bit terrifying too. My life seemed so insignificant at the time, and the experience felt so familiar. Time was also strange, i felt as if i'd just opened an ancient egyptian tomb or something and uncovered old secrets. I didn't see any entities, so i'm not sure if i even broke through? But thoughts, shapes sounds all seemed to merge into one, almost infinitely. Very hard to explain! I saw a lot of complex geometrical shapes too, but can't remember what they looked like. Once i was over most of it, i remember the nice afterglow that lasted a few minutes.

But i know that i was curious before, and my curiosity was well and truly satisfied. I understood something, and it wasn't necessarily the answer i wanted. Maybe this is why i'm scared to try it again?

I'd be interested to hear any of your thoughts.

 

[sidefx]

I believe every level of a DMT experience is aimed towards some varied level of breakthrough.

I have only fully broken through or 'LEFT' twice, *Both times i smoked 50mg of crystal through a water bong held in smoke for ten seconds with eyes closed and lay down comfortably then opened eyes.

First time i broke through i felt my body fill with energy vibration and Thought 'I have to relax' and i did relax and then burst into the universe.

Second time i broke through i smoked it the same way but i did not even realize for days that i had left, i met my first fully formed entity and received knowledge from it, but did not feel the breakthrough, i asked my friend yesterday and he said i was silent and did not move for 14 minutes.

I am on verge of anxiety or panic preparing for a DMT venture, it comes with the territory i think.
It is not a molecule to be enjoyed so much as to become a problem, and respect and familiarity come with practice when one can traverse the heights more.

I have smoked herbal blends for six years about 20-30 hits, i have smoked crystal twice.
My last hit i was met by an entity, a mayan stone statue enforced with life by the DMT it told me that it was "Infinite, Infinity, Everything, The Connection to all, it was all Gods power in a chemical form for man to use in his life".

In my first breakthrough i had the universe shrink into my room and i was liquid in its beauty, then was travelling through a great tunnel.

And before that i had seen one glimpse of a face.
I have also seen a face take theme of the trip, a manic laughing smiling clown turn into the color of the trip. i have seen this clown face four times previous.

All the visions have taken place in the last five or six times i have ventured with DMT, i smoke at most every three months.
My most recent smoke i planned for two weeks waiting for that day and thought much about it every day leading up to it, i concluded that i had not yet seen a fully formed entity and i wanted to know what DMT was, with both i was granted access to.

I now feel i that i should approach DMT with more reason.
I am at another stage of contemplation. On how to use this Technology.

Take from my findings what you will.
I still feel DMT to be infinite always different but always driven by the same force.

 

[virtualmark]

Wow! A few of the things you said ring some bells. I was shown infinity, that was one thing i remembered. I don't know how it's possible but it made sense at the time.

Also, the face you described. I have seen something similar, although not very clearly. I have read other people saying about a face too, this is so strange.

When you said: 'Second time i broke through i smoked it the same way but i did not even realize for days that i had left'

Do you mean it felt like days to you? Or that you didn't realise until after the trip?

 

[sidefx]

I was blinded by light and color, then was having visions.
There was no feeling of breakthrough, no intensity in vibration only in visuals.

I thought i had seen all this, but believed i had not left, because the lack of an intense rush at the onset, But apparently i was silent not a movement for 14 minutes.
I visually left but the sensation was different, always is to a degree i guess.

I thought i had not broke through because i was simply comparing it to my first ever full breakthrough which was very intense at onset.

But i now believe IT IS NEVER THE SAME EXACTLY, ALWAYS DIFFERENT, POTENTIALLY INFINITE POSSIBILITIES.

It seems the more i smoke DMT the longer the gaps in-between smoking become, always re-valuating.

I am thinking now that set and setting do not have to be thought out.
BUT with preparation and thought i now believe one can grasp exactly what they want with DMT.
****Set a day and rough time and smoke it a thousand times before then****

I do not know were my feet stand on usage at this point in time, i am not sure if i should use DMT to "See were it takes me' or if i should be meditating and putting much thought into a session prior to the event.

I feel i should be putting much thought into what i want from a DMT journey, like a genie's wish from a bottle.
BUT i am also unsure if i should be trying to put all my will into controlling a Journey.

She always opens one door into Four doors. : )
But you remember the doors you took.