Yesterday I posted about experiencing black & white CVEs:
because some others were experiencing colorless, black and white CVEs.
This morning...everything began all black. All kinds of shades, gradients, shapes, etc of black, no colors, but very vivid. It was an epic pranking! Oh, you thought only black and white CVEs was unique and peculiar? How about this! I busted out laughing. The sense of humor was very personalized for me. Then all the colors came back and the scene turned to the message or narrative for which I was there. I won't go into those amazing details of the rest of the experience, but here are some takeaways suited for this forum:
1. I have not ever had a breakthrough, and while I was very interested in trying to do so months ago, the sub-breakthrough experiences are so rich and meaningful in themselves, I am not deliberately seeking breakthrough experiences. Most experiences are between 7 to 20mg with GVG. There have been unsuccessful attempts with MAOIs, but I am not strongly pursuing that for now.
2. I am on the fence as to whether the experiences are all just hallucinations in the mind, or if it is connecting with some other reality, consciousness or whatever. Is it just our own psyche, or something more? I have not had direct interaction with entities, but there tends to be a feeling or sense of the presence of another intelligence directing or controlling the experience, such as shadows, indirect images, corner of the mind's eye.
3. Sometimes, I am just stunned with the precision and personalization of the experience towards me and my life. The insights, observations, and new ideas--(especially in regards to relationships) that probably would not have occurred to me without the experience--are regularly poignant. Why the need for breakthrough, ego death, entity interaction, and so forth of higher doses when the sub-breakthrough doses are so rich and meaningful and personal?
4. I am Christian, and in half of a year or so, these experiences have forced me to adjust my world view to try to account for these experiences. It is not a cognitive dissonance for me, but a normal healthy happy adjustment. I consider these experiences incorporated as a part of my religious practice and beliefs. Early on these experiences were somewhat sinister. It still feels like a jester is sort of running the show, but the sense of terror or fear has not been an ongoing experience. As a Christian, I have soberly sought discernment and divine guidance as to truth or falsity or deception, good or bad, right or wrong, or the meaning or purpose of these experiences. I have tried to weigh and judge the experiences in a Christian sense as to whether and what fruit the experiences bear: good, bad, inspiring, demeaning, divine, demonic, etc. My religious conviction compels me to seek further. So far, on the whole, the experiences bear good fruit in my humble opinion. There are very few experiences or aspects that could be perceived as bad, but I'm still processing their meaning. I am very mindful about the possibility of the entire thing being devilish, deceptive, demonic, or otherwise evil. If I get the clear impression that this is devilish, deceptive, demonic, opening the way for hitchhikers, bad entities, possession, or evil then I will absolutely reject it going forward, call it out, including publicly if needed. So far, that has not been the case. So far, I have not had a "bad" trip either, but as I understand it, "bad" trips can eventually be overall good for us to confront aspects of ourselves, our thinking, our habits or relationships which need to be addressed, and presumably fixed. I do believe that the experience could present, good, negative, neutral, friendly, attacking or host of other entities and experiences at any time. As to the overall effect, I shall continue to monitor and discern or judge accordingly.
5. A healthy state of mind, set and setting, intentionality and deliberateness or prayer or meditation, and processing or integrating the experience afterwards are well practiced. I was humbled this time though in that it was pointed out to me that I have been failing to journal my experiences. I am missing out on the full effect because I have not been journaling. That includes describing, interpreting and even drawing the experience. I decided to do better, to get a journal and start keeping it. While so many of us are here to share our experiences, mine are often so personal, they are often too private or obtuse for me to share on a forum like this, but they warrant to be kept in a journal. I was also confronted or humbled with my inadequacy in describing, processing and drawing these experiences. How can something of such enormity and detail be captured and depicted fairly in a journal? But I will try.
6. These experiences absolutely are not for anyone with psychosis, like schizophrenia, taking SSRIs or other questionable mental state of health. There were some negative experiences with a close friend of mine on an SSRI who did not take psychedelics but ended up spending over a week on two different occasions in a mental health unit, related to my experiences. I'm still trying to process those strange events. I suspect she may have some latent mental or spiritual abilities.
7. Perhaps we all have some weakness that might lend us to be more or less flippant about the experiences at times. Recreationally for some, I guess? I would compare it to loving wealthy parents giving a sixteen year old a very high end vehicle. How are you going to use it, abuse it, crash it, or appreciate and treasure the gift? Not that I claim any great prowess, but gratitude and humility also seem to be key character traits to making valuable use of this gift. Thank you, Father God, for this opportunity.
8. What is this experience?! As if regular life, philosophy, religion, and science were not complex or complicated enough, DMT (whether its just hallucination or a gateway to another realm, or etc) is so profound, it demands to be explored as a critical function of what it means to be human and alive.
9. I wish I had a trusted IRL peer or partner to share and confide in this experience. I likely will never attempt a breakthrough dose without a trusted sitter.
I hope this post is of use, especially for the rookies, as am I. Cheers and regards, fellow travelers.
