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Why I'm here

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Avatar Of Infinity

Bit by bit it's becoming easier to remember that I
Quite simply, I want to go deeper within than I have yet been able to in meditation.

I've spent years and years using different kinds of meditation. I've seen some weird shit. I've had out of body experiences, experiences with telepathy, I've got entities who show up and talk to me on a regular basis (without the use of psychedelics) and I've had them give me not only good advice but poke me to do things like buy a lottery ticket that allowed me to win $600. I've had experience with telekinesis (though never consciously/deliberately; it's always been either as a result of strong emotion or waking up with shit floating above my face...)

All of this without drugs.

I'm hoping that the use of psychedelics will take me to places that I haven't been able to access so that I can turn around and gain access consciously in meditation.

I'm hoping that by gaining experience with psychedelics it'll get me more experiences with psychic phenomena and allow me to bring them online consciously.

I'm looking for a place where I can talk about all this weird shit without being looked at as a nutjob.

I'm hoping that this is the place where I can find some new, supportive friends as I dig deeper and see what I can see and figure out what I can do.
Avatar, nice to meet you. Sounds like you have found the right place friend!

Do you lucid dream much?

Much love! Xx

P.s all the best in your endevours :)
No, not as a general rule. I get processing dreams though. My dreams are mostly my mind working through or venting stuff.
Everything you said sounds perfectly reasonable except for telekinesis. Sort of akin to saying you believe in chakras or flying spagetti monsters, actually maybe worse.

You can say the dmt-nexus is a place where you can talk about all this weird shit without being looked at as a nutjob but frankly DMT doesn't give us telekinetic powers... at least not in our usualy dimension or scope of experience. if it did then your comment may seem reasonable.
I don't ask that anyone believe what I'm saying without proof. I know that I've woken up with a crystal floating above my face which fell and gave me a black eye, which other members of my family were able to see. I know that I've had telepathic communication with non-physical entities reveal information that I could not possibly have known physically. (The first time I heard a telepathic voice it pestered me to buy a lottery ticket. I had never done so at that time and pretty much viewed playing the lottery as a tax on people who are bad at math. I won $600.) I know that I have absolutely mindblowing synchronicities happening on a more and more regular basis.

Feel free to doubt that all you like. Feel free to think that I'm crazy if you must. Your doubt changes nothing. I have had the experiences and I have had more than enough others to know that what I'm dealing with is real. I don't need you to believe me.

However, this isn't about what's real and what's not. This is about whether the Nexus is a safe place for me to talk about what I've seen and experienced. This is about whether I can talk freely and honestly without being mocked by arrogant people who mistakenly assume that their lack of personal reference experiences is the same as proof that something isn't real. This is about whether this forum is full of mature adults who can handle discussions which challenge their belief structures without being dicks.

Many of my experiences have terrified me. Many of my experiences have had clear and obvious physical effects which lingered after the experience was over. Many of my experiences, particular regarding telepathic communication, have involved other people (who also were sober.) The fact that there are many reports of people experiencing communication with entities and, occasionally, having experiences with telepathic communication leads me to believe that psychedelics may well help me to ultimately master and get a conscious handle on these things.

If I can't be open and honest about what I've seen and experienced without being mocked and having my experiences compared to believing in a flying spaghetti monster; then I will go elsewhere and hopefully find people that I can talk freely around. If the community here is friendly, open minded and civil; then I will be comfortable staying here and sharing my experiences as they unfold. But, as much as I'd love to feel welcomed in a community, I'd rather keep going it alone than deal with a lot of BS.

So, I guess the question is, as a general rule, are the people here on the Nexus who have doubts able to express them in a polite and respectful way? Do the people here have the maturity and humility to acknowledge that just because they haven't seen a thing, that doesn't mean it's not real? If psychedelics do in fact lead to more experiences with telekinesis and I talk about it here, will it be greeted with curiosity and support? Or, will those whose view of reality is threatened aggressively defend their egos and make it uncomfortable for me to share? If I have a trying experience, perhaps something that scares me, and I find that I could use a friend to comfort me and encourage me as I keep pushing deeper; will I find friends here? Or are there too many immature people who don't realize that when someone is freaked out is not the time or place to express their doubts?

I hope that this is a place where I can be open, honest and sincere; but, as with so many things in life, I don't have any control of that. Only time will tell.
Hi Avatar Of Infinity! Welcome to the Nexus :)

Great story regarding your entity contacts! I was at a DMT lecture/discussion last friday, which dealt with the kind of phenomena you are talking about. Please do not feel hesitant to share those types of experiences, as it can be important to try bring back some sort of proof regarding the nature of hyperspace and how it fits in with everyday life. It can also be tough when people try to tell you what to believe, but in the end - no one truly knows all the answers. When it comes to DMT its good to keep a clear head regarding what's going on and to also keep an open mind.

Do not be put off by one post and I am sure no one meant any harm. There are some good folk kicking about the Nexus and it seems like you could be a valued addition.

Hope to see you around!
Thanks, DoingKermit!

I'm assuming that most folks are going to be friendly and supportive. I'm at least hopeful that the few that slip into mockery will back down and apologize. Hopefully the people who can say, "Yeah, I guess I was being kind of a dick. I haven't lived your life. I don't know what you've seen. While I'm not convinced, it sure would be fascinating if you succeeded and I wish you luck in your exploration." outnumber those who are more prideful and arrogant.

I certainly don't blame anyone for having trouble believing. Hell, I'm the one that's lived through it and I struggled for a long time believing!

And, unpleasant as it may be, it's probably a good thing for me to have to deal with at least some of it so that I can get more desensitized and deal with it calmly. If I ever do succeed in gaining control and mastering telekinesis, I'm going to have to deal with aggressive skepticism. There's not much point in doing it if I'm not going to go public with it and people can be brutal when you shake their worldview. But, that's a burden I'm going to have to bare. It seems to me that it would be incredibly selfish of me NOT to go public and, for example, get MRIs to see what's going on in my brain while I'm doing stuff.

Here's something I'd like your thoughts on: Based on what I've read, I haven't seen a lot of mentions of shared hallucinations or telepathic communication with other, live, humans with DMT/Ayahuasca. The reports of shared hallucinations and telepathic communication with others who are under the influence seem much more prevalent with Datura; but, for the moment at least, I'm not ready to touch that one. I'm guessing that since I get a lot of it without any substances involved (beyond what my brain cooks up on its own) that mushrooms, Yopo and Ayahuasca should be enough to take things to the next level. Do you have any particular suggestions as to what might be the best substances to explore? (Note: I'm avoiding LSD, at least for the moment, due to a desire to avoid any potential legal problems.)

How self-realized would you say you are? And would you please detail your realizations.

I might be able to help you with this:

Avatar Of Infinity said:
It seems to me that it would be incredibly selfish of me NOT to go public and, for example, get MRIs to see what's going on in my brain while I'm doing stuff.

I'm currently working on getting people together to raise money for a study. I have a tentative connection formed with the research director of the Osher Center at Vanderbilt, and in the coming year I hope to get enough luminaries behind my agenda to get it moving. If you might be interested I cam provide more detail.

As far as entheogens go, I'd imagine that aya will be plenty. It's what brings me here. I rarely smoke, but I've found that after taking up meditation marijuana's becomes a much more powerful entheogen and I can't see why aya wouldn't behave likewise. I once had an eyes open vision of the future on one puff of weed, and nowadays it's more useful for encountering subconscious fear then before.

The latter's why I'm interested in aya. The Pathwork Lectures offer the most detailed map of reality that I've found. They say that going through all one's repressed emotions makes one more psychic. In other words, if one isn't aware of one's own consciousness, then one can't have awareness of anothers. That's certainly been my experience so far. Right before I started to hear the thoughts of others I went through a very harrowing episode which allowed me to encounter a great deal of fear.

My hope is to use high dose pharmahuasca as a substitute for such harrowing experiences. If one has a fair degree of realization it becomes obvious that such experiences are caused by the same repressed patterns of thought and emotion that cause bad trips, so why not just induce bad trips rather than live through the otherwise inevitable physical manifestation of negativity? Well see how it goes.

I started meditating eleven years ago. I can verify the accuracy of the things you describe. You're only the second "person" besides myself who I've heard these sorts of things reported by. This other guy was also a meditator, so three for three there.

I've experienced one gross and undeniable violation of the law of gravity. It was very dramatic as much more than a crystal was involved, but if you think about it, all violations of supposed physical laws are equal. I've experienced violations of the laws of motion on two occasions, and the laws of thermodynamics once. I've seen reconfiguration of matter itself on four occasions.

Only two of these occurred during meditation. One happened during a satori.

Maybe five or six years back I entered a kensho while walking down the street where all perception of time, space and matter went away. It didn't return, though the cognitive distortions which cause those perceptions continued to persist for a few years, but I think they're gone now.

I started having routine visions of the future about eight years ago. Most are symbolic to one degree or another, but a few have been literal. This generally happens a few times a day now. I sometimes see exactly how people look before ever meeting them.

Five years ago I started hearing the thoughts of others on occasion. I don't mean my imagination either, but rather there have been many confirmed instances, though most instances remain unconfirmed as I don't care to look like a weirdo. Once recently I felt someone's hidden emotional reaction in the most specific way. That was a new one. I don't have much control over any of this so far, and the capacity to hear others has possibly dimmed a bit. It seemed to be stronger at first anyway.

fathomlessness said:
frankly DMT doesn't give us telekinetic powers... at least not in our usualy dimension or scope of experience. if it did then your comment may seem reasonable.

I've never heard of DMT providing anyone with such powers either. Meditation on the other hand has been known to do so for thousands of years. See the Iddhipada-Vibhanga Sutta. Stay away from Buddhism though. I've spent many thousands of hours studying the various traditions and Buddhism has major flaws, and where it's accurate it's also relatively quite primitive.
I've been meditating consistently for close to 20 years. I'd say my self awareness is fairly advanced; although, I do still have work to do in terms of deconstructing unwanted patterns.

I, quite literally, just now, had Shiva give me a lesson in why letting go is important. The idea that we feed unwanted manifestations with fear and desperation is really starting to click and a lot of the pressure that I've been putting myself under is starting to come undone. The energy left me unable to sit or stand, I had to lie down for a while and then I had to vomit. Use the Mahamrityunjaya Mantra at your own risk. It's bloody powerful. Although, I have a tendency to overdo things and push too hard...

I honestly don't know if I actually need psychedelics at this point to go forward and break through to the next level. If singing a mantra regularly is doing this much to me, I'm pretty sure I'll get where I want to go without adding anything else.
I can't say how helpful psychedelics are to someone who doesn't meditate quite a lot, but in my very limited experience they certainly seem to be quite helpful to someone who does.

I've only really smoked weed socially, but early on after beginning to meditate it seemed to help bring out emotions from my subconscious. I'm not sure I could have processed them as thoroughly without it. On the other hand, since I've been meditating I've had everyday events trigger previously subconscious feelings of terror and horror in a sober state as well. Once this happened directly after meditation, and once it was during an extremely hectic time at work.

About a year ago I went through a situation where I was able to go through the extremely intense fear of death. At one point I was sitting in a circle with some friends of a friend at a bar. I wasn't engaging with the group, but rather was stilling my mind and letting the fear of death wash over me. Someone passed a pipe around and I took a hit. The fear then became extremely strong for awhile. Then I felt almost a pop or snap and the fear dissipated instantly, as if part of my ego had instantly died. I immediately turned to a woman next to me and gave her a very beautiful teaching, which she turned out to be really interested in.

In the coming weeks little parts of my ego which I'd never noticed suddenly seemed to be a great burden. Then, as tends to happen, I found a Pathwork Lecture which details the phenomena.

The situation couldn't have happened without a real threat of imminent death. And I'm not sure it could have happened without the weed, a mild psychedelic.

The story has a greater point though:

In the Pathwork's model of reality in order to transform one's patterns one must first become fully aware of them. This means that all one's subconscious fear and emotion must be felt through completely. The Pathwork also says this full awareness is needed to become fully psychic. It says the only way to get awareness of all subconscious negativites is to encounter the life events that they create. That must be done in full awareness. Then awareness can then be directed towards fully understanding the patterns, after which they can be transformed. Full awareness and understanding first, then transformation - generally speaking, but the process of course jumps around between the steps.

The point is that perhaps the use of entheogens, and the disturbing trips that they can induce, can be considered to be life events created by one's negativities. In fact if the Pathwork's model - which is also present to one degree or another in Buddhism and Hinduism - is correct, negative trips can only be created by one's own negativities. So, if someone was fully enlightened, they'd have nothing but 100% positive trips.

But unlike cancer, or an unforeseen bad relationship, perhaps it's possible that entheogens can be used to face one's negativities proactively, rather than waiting for them to mature into more typical negative manifestations like cancer, a bad relationship, or even a bad day.

Just a theory.

You wouldn't happen to have any reasonably solid connections to spiritual teachers?
The pathworks model seems pretty accurate based on my experience. Although, there are other ways to bring unconscious patterns to the surface in order to address and release them. While life experience is the biggest thing, I can do the same work with hypnosis; and, generally, cut the unpleasantness down significantly. Also, regular kundalini raising and chakra clearing work will bring everything to the surface.

And, no, I unfortunately don't have any solid connections to any (other) guru's or teachers. At the very least none that I've found that are farther along than I am. I know a lot of mystics, mediums and energy healers; but, I'm the one they turn to when they can't break through something. I'm the one who has spent years looking at the common advice to not rush or force kundalini and responds with "Screw that. It may suck; but, I'd rather it suck and get it done faster and become more powerful." So, because I push myself harder, I've got more power to throw around.

I'm already at the place where I've got daily telepathic communication with Shiva and occasionally with various Archangels. Everything I need to go forward I've already got. (Everyone does, really.)
~Velkommen friend!~

Intriguing thread you've started here, and I look forward to reading more about your experiences. The words "real" and "reality" cannot be defined by anyone as each has his own version of what's real to him. Freaky shit happens to people, entheogens, or not! Though I am particularly curious to see what comes of your psychedelic exploits - I lived in the world of drug addiction and irresponsible use of these powerful medicines for many years and (thankfully) proceeded into the much more fascinating and rewarding search to know the self, with the help of these medicines in a more respectful manner of course :) . I have a dedicated spiritual practice which includes entheogens as I am called to do so, and I can say without a doubt that they have helped my spiritual growth in many ways, as well as forced me to question everything. I hope you find what you are searching for in this community and in your personal growth. :thumb_up:

Peace and Love
While "Know thy self" is important, its also a first step. Sure, you've got to know what you're thinking or feeling and how those thoughts are influencing your behavior; but, a lot of people get stuck there. "That's just how I am." Which, in a world where people can and do learn, grow and change; is a load of crap. (Though a very convincing load of crap, especially since awareness of patterns so often becomes belief that those patterns are real and that belief holds the patterns in place.)

If someone has cancer, for example, the knowledge that there is a disease is essential; but, that's because that knowledge opens them up to getting treatment and to the possibility of healing. If the illness goes unacknowledged, it spreads. Ignorance isn't bliss, it's poison. And, in the unlikely event that YOU knew that someone else had cancer and you could somehow convince someone to undergo treatment without the knowledge of why, just that it would help them, the knowledge of why they were being treated would be irrelevant.

The thing is the True Self is formless. The Void of Creative Potential lies at our core. We are our potential more than we are any iteration of the self. Know THAT and recognize the ego as an illusion. You know very well that you are not the same person that you were when you were a 5 yr old; and yet, in that moment, that felt like who you were. The ego is a mental construct. It's our brains trying to figure out, to analyze and understand; and yet, whatever you observe about yourself is ultimately changeable. A person may not be very athletic; but that doesn't mean that they can't become an athlete. And, conversely, an athlete may be injured or simply become focused on other endeavors and no longer be very athletic. No definition of the self is actually accurate. I may say "I'm a mystic" or "I'm a hypnotist" and, as far as such things go it's accurate. It's certainly a useful way to convey information to others; but, those things don't really define me. Nothing does. I am my potential.

When you know that you are nothing and everything, that you ARE potential; then you know the freedom to become whoever you want. That's a big part of enlightenment. That's the self that you want to really get to know.

And then there's the other thing... That GOD is Infinite and nothing is in any way separate from the Infinite; and so, really, you are God (or more accurately an avatar of God, thus my username.) Your consciousness and potential are a projection of God's consciousness. So, even more so, self is an illusion. Duality is an illusion. There is only Oneness. There is only the Infinite.

And really integrating THAT knowledge is quite a challenge. (But, the more you do it the more psychic you become and the more synchronicity and magick become a part of your life, which rocks.)

I prefer to focus on Self knowledge (awareness of Oneness with God) over self knowledge (awareness of the nuances of my ego.) Honestly, I don't much care what's lurking in my unconscious anymore. If I need to know, it comes up. Mostly, I just focus on channeling kundalini fire to burn away ego and illusions. I usually become aware of what it was once I have/Shiva has already broken it. It's easier that way. (If you don't push too fast like I tend too...)
Ok, thanks anyway. It never hurts to ask about connections, but I should also ask: You're clearly quite advanced, so if you don't mind, pm me your email address, and if I get my studies funded I'll get in touch with details to see if you'd like to participate as a subject. If that's too much, I'll try to hit you up on pm at the nexus. If you're interested, and if sharing your email seems a bit much, maybe see if you can get email alerts on pm's from here.

edit: there is an option under "Edit Profile", near the bottom: "Receive an email notification when you get a new private message?"

And please keep us posted if SWIY has any illuminating entheogenic experiences. I don't know if SWIM will have the time to get around to it anytime soon, so it would be wonderful to hear what SWIY thinks of the of value entheogenic work. SWIM is most interested in using larger aya doses as a way of putting the pedal down towards further self-awareness, looking to see if there are any dark corners SWIM isn't yet aware of, pain and fear which can be made aware.

I'd love to hear if SWIY can reach "deeper within."
I'd love to hear more about the study you've got planned. I'll turn on the e-mail alert for PM's as I don't want to anger the mods by sharing personal information.
Psychic phenomena investigation and research has and is a highly interesting subject located super close to the being I am. Sadly this world is parted into 2:

1-the absolute believers in everything(in hoaxers, missidentifications and some small real sources)
2-the absolute scientific debunkers that debunk just everything.

Both are wrong. This subject is a GIANT. A TRILLION TON MAMMOTH. It took me more than 15 years of hard personal research journey to finally starting to understanding the truth. I consider myself to know more about this insane phenomena then the average people.(I mastered some skills in my early teens but they are lost now: macro psychokinesis) I am still a newbie though in this path, but at least I am at stage 1 unlike stage 0. You or anyone who love to discuss psychic phenomena can talk with me anytime. My concluding final opinion about WHAT psychic phenomena is will be at conflict even with psychic phenomena researchers.

Last note: Just the curious fact that not even a lot of DMTers/psychonauts are psychic-power believers takes this phenomena to an even grandier scales, it just goes to show how strange and unfitting it is to our modern world thinking.
truthseeker1 said:
Sadly this world is parted into 2:

1-the absolute believers in everything(in hoaxers, missidentifications and some small real sources)
2-the absolute scientific debunkers that debunk just everything.

Both are wrong. This subject is a GIANT. A TRILLION TON MAMMOTH. It took me more than 15 years of hard personal research journey to finally starting to understanding the truth. I consider myself to know more about this insane phenomena then the average people.

Not true! The world has moar then just these two (2). Why not kindly avoid stating such 'ideas' as established facts and truth that you know moar better then anyboday else? Thank yous.
Of course the world has more sides. You are right. But im speaking generelly and indeed, most of the people when it comes to such topics of the paranormal are eaither debunking completely or misunderstandig the phenomena, this aplies to ufos and ghosts forexample as well. I have seen this behaviour all throughout my research, reading, analysing and talking with all kinds of people. I didnt mean that i know more about everything then anybody. I just mean that when it comes to this subject that i know more than an average person who may have gotten the information from the widespread non accurate literature. Its perhaps my fault i didnt explain in more detail. Peace and love. I may not talk about as i realise now but thank you.
truthseeker1 said:
(I mastered some skills in my early teens but they are lost now: macro psychokinesis)

Care to share some details of what you did? How you learned to do it? Or how you think you lost the skill? Sounds really interesting.
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