Hi craigrap,sorry to read of your recent tribulations.but it does go with the territory somewhat.
You had your negative expeience on you second smoke of the night.
Many peolple have reported this as a good technique for a powerful journey,and from personal experience I've found this to be true.
So,taking all things being considered,your inexperience with the outrageous effects of DMT,your greasing of the tracks,and then what was probably a very large dose,it's not surprising you freaked out.
I I've also had a doom filled experience similar to yours,where I said to myself I'm definitely binning all my stash when I come down,
and although this left me with "the fear",you can overcome this.
I've encountered few different types of people when it comes to DMT,there's the main group that are conditioned to reject any idea of inflicting such a thing on themselves,
there's others that maybe interested but would never go through with it,there's the people that will trip,be blown away,but will probably never go back, there's the small amount of people who will flirt with it have the occasional blast,and lastly there's those that have been annihilated,yet still feel the need to go back.
I'm in the last group,and reading your posts it looks like you are as well.
I've got a some theories when it comes to dmt and fear.
I think when you smoke pure dmt it initiates the Flight or Fight response,our in built mechanism where the body releases adrenaline,plus other stress hormones into the blood stream,in order to deal with a deadly situation.With these chemicals surging through us,our mind and body is super charged,operating at much higher levels than normal,I think it's the adrenaline that creates the time stretched,stand alone,crystal clear,very real trip you get with pure DMT.
But this boost is a double edged sword for a couple of reasons.
The first,is that any time we have a FoF response,it's because we've been in mortal danger,(apart from DMT)and some part of our body/subconcious that has evolved to keep us alive,remembers that,
so any time we contemplate returning to the field full of lions or the river that nearly drowned you,or the GVG the body/subconcious wants nothing to do with it,and fills us with fear,maybe evan sqeezing out a bit of Adrenalineor or whatever else.
I remember when I first got into this game,just thinking of the pipe could send my heart rate soaring
The second issue to overcome is where you obviously and understandably failed.Buy my theory you stayed in the flight part of the deal.Due to your inexperience and very large dose,you panicked.
When you should have submitted to the the trip and broken through into the super heightened sense fight zone you were trying to get away from it,this only serves to increase the flight response maybe dumping more misery molecules on you telling you to get out of there sharpish because your going to die.You even created your own visuals and other stuff to help drive the point home.
The problem when you have such an unfortunate episode is,it will strongly reinforce the first issue I pointed out.
Understanding the mechanics of the fear (or kidding myself I do) helped me to get back into it with more confidence.
Also for me I do everything I can possibly to help facilitate a smooth passage through the take off.
mg scales,good smoking device and skills
Make sure you feel totally secure and relax in your setting.
Make sure your mind set is right,happy and content not stressed or any negative.Meditation.One love.
Make sure your body is good,not tired,hungover,caffiened,too unfit.If your having multiple lift-offs make sure to keep you blood sugars up.
I feel if the body's not in the right shape it can want to refuse the trauma of the journey,pushing the flight button.
As you finish with the pipe,have a drink of water then smile,before you close your eyes and go in strong and confident,
you want to do this it can't hurt you,and you'll be back very soon having loved it,probably.
I've had many journeys,and only one,as a novice,that was seriously tainted by fear.
The other option,is to go down the Changa route.Which should be explored any way
For me good a strong harmaloid Changa doesn't activate any FoF,it's like the harmalas supress it,,
(Adrenaline is a monoamine so shouldn't it be the other way round,)
because there's no adrenaline rush no need to submit no confrontation of fear,so it has none of the negative connotations mentioned above.
Though I do very much enjoy Changa,and it is good in many ways that pure spice isn't,for me without the rush to boost it,it can't compare with breathtaking reality that is
a pure spice breakthrough.
I don't know if this theory holds any water,but when I read your post and it resonated strongly with my own experience, I thought you may get something from this.
Good luck
Spicegnosis
