Y hello thar

[BLARGLARG]

Hi,

Sorry about the title. I couldn't think of anything better at the time.

Anyway I just had my first DMT experience a few weeks ago.

Ever since that night, I've been trying to understand what happened.

DMT was like waking up and coming Home.
It was an incredibly spiritual experience that spurred me on to effect some positive changes in my life. Nevertheless, I still have trouble reconciling what I felt & saw "out there" with my normal, everyday life.
My mind, in fact, seems to actively resist it.

Sometimes, for a moment, I remember the Oneness, or the eternal "Being-ness" that I felt, and I am convinced that I experienced something fundamentally & 'objectively' real - certainly more real than anything my habitual workaday perceptions seem to allow.

On the other hand, I remain skeptical about taking any of it too literally. I try to avoid taking at face value what could very well be a delusion, lest it develop into a sort of full-blown psychosis, or at the very least, a misguided belief system (it sounds paranoid, but when it comes to powerful substances, I tend to tread carefully and treat my sanity as if it were a porcelain vase.)

So basically, I'm vacillating between cautious skepticism and profound awe, as well as intense gratitude, for having undergone such a drastic temporary change in consciousness.

Is anyone else completely confused and conflicted about what happened to them?

My trip was infinitely precious and wonderful, - healing even- but at the same time, there is a deeply weird and disturbing element to it that I can't quite shake off.

I have many questions, but I don't know how to start looking for answers.

---

I've started reading into Taoism, Hindu & Islamic philosophy, and Buddhism in order to shed some light on... well, pretty much everything: the self, death, consciousness, God - all that stuff. I'm also planning to join a Zen meditation group in my area.

I'm also reading the Spirit Molecule, the Tryptamine Palace, and some stuff by Leibniz, Alan Watts and Aldous Huxley. Any reading suggestions? All recommendations are welcome!

 

[Varox]

Hi there!

What you are feeling is completely normal and it is important that you take the time to process it properly. This applies to any psychedelic experience and not only to DMT (though DMT is by far the most intense imho). I also had my first DMT experience a few weeks ago but have experience with other psychedelics. From what I read your questions and doubts are those of a person on the correct path to integration IMHO.

I completely relate to what you say. After feeling the oneness you are talking about I also came back with questions like, if that is there, then why are we here? Why this body? and such.

What helps differs from person to person. For some it may be spiritual or religious teachings and for others may be quantum mechanics... who knows.

If you have not checked it out already then for starters I recommend you get your hands on some Terence McKenna. Even if you do not buy everything he says it will provide huge amounts of food for thought which will help you process your experiences.

A few of my favorites:

Terence McKenna ~ Dreaming Awake at the End of Time -

Terence McKenna - Alien Footprints: Leprechauns, Elves, Or Dead Souls? - Weekend Workshop, May 1993 -

The Transcendental Object At The End Of Time -

(Do not pay attention to the titles which he uses only as angles to discuss the psychedelic experience. All of these videos will provide you with something directly useful)

You should also read the FAQ on this site about integration: DMT-Nexus Wiki:Health and Safety - DMT-Nexus Wiki

Cheers!

 

[Dead man]

Welcome to the Nexus! Check out Be Here Now by Ram Dass. A pdf can be easily found online, although I recommend getting a physical copy if you have a chance. You probably shouldn't take it all at face value but there are a lot of truths in it.

I have many questions, but I don't know how to start looking for answers.

Any answers you will find will just lead to more questions. Life is a riddle that isn't meant to be solved, and it better to just be than to worry/get depresssed trying to figure it all out. Something which I personally still have much trouble with :lol:.

 

[○]

Sometimes, for a moment, I remember the Oneness, or the eternal "Being-ness" that I felt, and I am convinced that I experienced something fundamentally & 'objectively' real - certainly more real than anything my habitual workaday perceptions seem to allow.

On the other hand, I remain skeptical about taking any of it too literally. I try to avoid taking at face value what could very well be a delusion, lest it develop into a sort of full-blown psychosis, or at the very least, a misguided belief system (it sounds paranoid, but when it comes to powerful substances, I tend to tread carefully and treat my sanity as if it were a porcelain vase.)

It's funny, when we're back, talking about the experience, we can cast doubt/ question the validity; but when we're fully there, enveloped, there is literally no denying it's validity. We question afterward, ..but do we question while deep in the throws? This mode of being is outside of the linear dualistic framework that we and our world operates on. Ineffable, translinguistic (mckenna). Fully there, words just break apart; words become stumbling blocks. When Im there, I laugh, every single time, chuckling at the idea that I ever doubted the validity of such a thing.

I've always thought - regardless if the experience is quoteonquote "real" or "non-real" doesn't particularly matter because in the end - the experience is still the experience, still every bit as profound. The terms 'real', 'non-real' are pretty frail concepts imo, aside from being semantical. Mostly irrelevant imo.

So basically, I'm vacillating between cautious skepticism and profound awe, as well as intense gratitude, for having undergone such a drastic temporary change in consciousness.

Is anyone else completely confused and conflicted about what happened to them?

Not so much anymore. Im at peace with it; at peace with not ultimately knowing. When in doubt.. smoalk moarr~ :twisted:

My trip was infinitely precious and wonderful, - healing even- but at the same time, there is a deeply weird and disturbing element to it that I can't quite shake off.

Disturbing how so? It most certainly can be, given someones particular worldview. Trust me, the deeper you go, only gets infinitely more weird, shattering any 'level/s' you think you might have reached. The experience is most excellent at breaking the copacetic mindset.

Embrace your weirdness. Embrace hyperspace.

I have many questions, but I don't know how to start looking for answers.

I stopped looking for answers. The act of looking seems to get in the way, ime. Accepting the experience and all it brings, without actively trying to seek or impose any particular mindset has brought the most progress, ime. As was said above - linear words/ideas/concepts - they're stumbling blocks when attempting to put a hold on something that ultimately can't be held.

 

[PH0Man]

DMT can often leave one rather in gloomy awe. Its simply SO incredible that everyday reality loose a certain "specialness" or value. IMHO, the best way to cope/fix with this is to consider that both the everyday reality and the DMT reality are two sides of many-sided coin. Maybe look at the brain as a useful filter, and DMT takes away the filter?

In any case, repeating the experience a number of times, at least for me, allowed a much greater understanding and appreciation of we as humans ability to even think and consider the universe etc., and therefore a greater appreciation of both the DMT and everyday sides of the coin.

A few things for your consideration, written on DMT:

Looking at a star, contemplating the fact that there's a photon, created by some divine force, that took hundreds of thousands of years to escape it's stars' "body", and then took perhaps thousands of years rushing here at the speed of light, just to fall on my cheek. I only began existing a fraction of an instant before it hit me! Truly, the mere fact that I can try to comprehend it's struggle is what makes being human so amazing.

Psychedelics can easily amplify everything great about being human.

 

[BLARGLARG]

Thanks for the welcomes, the input, and reading/listening recommendations, everyone!

@PH0Man: I wouldn't characterise my post-DMT awe as "gloomy". On the contrary. I find myself much more appreciative of the mundane even a month after the fact. I don't for a second think that I've reached some kind of heightened spiritual state- on the contrary. The memory of the trip sometimes imbues me with a sense of dread because it stands in such stark contrast to my regular conscious mind - ruled by depression, anxiety, and loaded with all kinds of crap. I still carry all that weight - DMT lifted my burden only for a few minutes - and my moments of dim mindfulness are fleeting at best. But ever since the trip - and I don't know how long this'll last - they come more often. So that's something, I guess.

DMT "showed" me what I needed to see. I have no desire to go back into hyperspace until I put the lessons I learned there into action in my daily life. In fact, I have a deep urge to do so. It's unnerving. Part of me - borne entirely out of pre-existing fears, I'm sure - is terrified by the prospect of dying before I can put these lessons to use.

I know that while under the influence, it seems so obvious that one need not strive, or want, or grasp, etc., and that 'progress' of any kind, spirituality included, is a bit of an illusion... but I feel like I have to proceed from that paradigm in order to grow as a person

@Tattvamasi:

Disturbing how so? It most certainly can be, given someones particular worldview.

I suppose - aside from how utterly alien the experience is for the ego - it sometimes feels disturbing because of the realisation that I'm completely responsible for my perceptions, delusions, and so on, and that they're all totally unnecessary. Also disturbing because a sort of hell exists/can exist that's entirely of my own making, and I'm the only one who can get myself out of it.

I guess I'll have to post my trip report to answer your question. It might make more sense afterwards.

 

[DmnStr8]

Hi,

Sorry about the title. I couldn't think of anything better at the time.

Anyway I just had my first DMT experience a few weeks ago.

Ever since that night, I've been trying to understand what happened.

DMT was like waking up and coming Home.
It was an incredibly spiritual experience that spurred me on to effect some positive changes in my life. Nevertheless, I still have trouble reconciling what I felt & saw "out there" with my normal, everyday life.
My mind, in fact, seems to actively resist it.

Sometimes, for a moment, I remember the Oneness, or the eternal "Being-ness" that I felt, and I am convinced that I experienced something fundamentally & 'objectively' real - certainly more real than anything my habitual workaday perceptions seem to allow.

On the other hand, I remain skeptical about taking any of it too literally. I try to avoid taking at face value what could very well be a delusion, lest it develop into a sort of full-blown psychosis, or at the very least, a misguided belief system (it sounds paranoid, but when it comes to powerful substances, I tend to tread carefully and treat my sanity as if it were a porcelain vase.)

So basically, I'm vacillating between cautious skepticism and profound awe, as well as intense gratitude, for having undergone such a drastic temporary change in consciousness.

Is anyone else completely confused and conflicted about what happened to them?

My trip was infinitely precious and wonderful, - healing even- but at the same time, there is a deeply weird and disturbing element to it that I can't quite shake off.

I have many questions, but I don't know how to start looking for answers.

---

I've started reading into Taoism, Hindu & Islamic philosophy, and Buddhism in order to shed some light on... well, pretty much everything: the self, death, consciousness, God - all that stuff. I'm also planning to join a Zen meditation group in my area.

I'm also reading the Spirit Molecule, the Tryptamine Palace, and some stuff by Leibniz, Alan Watts and Aldous Huxley. Any reading suggestions? All recommendations are welcome!

Read The Tibetan book of the dead. I feel like the experience of a breakthrough is a peak at death. We see all these crazy and awe inspiring things there. Some provide an experience of oneness and happiness. Others experiences will challenge you. Challenge your fears. Like an independent entity throwing obstacles in your way. Sometimes the obstacle is the way. At least that is how I approach my DMT journeys. In the book of the dead it says you will face deities when you die. Some friendly and some not so friendly. If you recognize a deity, good or bad, as something of yourself, like a mirror you may pass on having obtained the knowledge of that particular deity. That is to say "no fear" of these entities then you pass on to the next cave. On and on you go from cave to cave meeting these deities. If you give into fear and escape into the cave you then are reincarnated with the burden of learning the lesson of that deity. You will repeat lives until you learn the lesson of each deity with the ultimate goal of enlightenment. At least that is what I took from it. Interesting read for sure. I am reading "The brotherhood of the screaming abyss" By Dennis McKenna which is a great read if you have interest in the McKenna clan.

 

[BLARGLARG]

Thanks DmnStr8.

What I don't understand is this: after death, "who" or "what" makes the decision to hide from the deities, or 'stand' before them in understanding? If my ego is gone, and my corporeal body is gone, and "I" am basically no more... then how come I still have the capacity for fear?

Is it a kind of 'karmic echo' of my life that informs/controls my actions in the moments that follow death?

Once I have slipped the surly bonds of mortal existence, why can't I just automatically realise my true nature as the divine "Am"ness? Isn't that what we are? Why jump through all these hoops to arrive precisely nowhere?

And why exactly do these disparate souls exist in the first place if they're all manifestations, or shards of this perfect God? It's a game, or a dance, sure, maybe - but if the aim is to rejoin the "Source", then that implies some form of spiritual striving & achievement, as well as the desire to attain this ultimate reunion. That desire (which must be incredibly powerful, since it defines your very existence, and keeps pushing you through countless rebirths), and that progress, must then persist across lifetimes. But I thought "progress" was an illusion, and spiritual progress doubly so? Isn't the very concept of samsara predicated on the notion of spiritual evolution?

What is there to be gained? Does this process somehow improve on God's perfection? Or is it just like strumming a few chords on a guitar? (i.e. ostensibly pointless)

And if it is a beautiful kind of pointlessness... then why would anyone ever wish to end the cycle of rebirth? Why would they want to be "reunited" with Brahman? What would that even signify, if Brahman decided to splinter itself in the first place? Even after achieving a perfect awakening in life and in death, wouldn't a Buddha eventually just end up joining the dance anew?

Why even bother with Perfect Awakening? Why not just ascend a higher godly plane, and stop there forever, enraptured in total cosmic bliss? Why is the human experience - with its Goldilocks ratio of suffering : potential for enlightenment - considered so special if it's ultimately all the same?

It's all confusing and scary, to be frank.