This time it was 14 inches of good bridgesii. At sundown I smoked a small cigar and then drank the tea, while sitting outside next to a fire pit with a small wood fire going inside of it. I chased each gulp of tea by eating a segment of sweet grapefruit. It took about 40 minutes to drink all the tea. Nausea started to set in. I took 2 puffs of cannabis to ease the nausea, and continued to take 2 puffs of cannabis per hour for the next 5 or 6 hours.
Started feeling the effects of the tea right away. A heaviness came over my body and I could sense my mind starting to slow down. The clouds in the darkened sky looked very puffy and 3 dimensional and started merging together into one grand pattern. I leaned my head back, took a deep breath, and settled back into the chair, with that familiar, dejavu feeling of entering the other side starting to engulf my body and mind.
Words don’t really do justice to what transpired over the next 12 hours. I thought about many things. I entered this trip with an intention: to better understand the source of fear and insecurity that hold me back from more fully achieving my potential as a person. But instead the bridgesii steered the night in a different direction. Perhaps it answered my intention, but in a way that still needs further processing in the deep recesses of my being.
Ultimately I saw that life is fragile and death is just around the corner for all of us. Therefore fear and insecurity are, in a sense, normal and rational, an acknowledgment of the fleetingness of it all. I lost another family member not that long ago. He was in his 60’s and had recently been diagnosed with the onset of Parkinson’s. He ended up falling down a flight of stairs and hit his head and died. I thought about him and his family. I thought about cousins and family members whom I haven’t seen in years. I thought about the legacy that I will leave behind when it is my time.
I saw the uselessness of personal judgments and of trying to impress other people. In a way, I came a little bit closer to accepting myself.
But the bridgesii was hard on my body. Lots of nausea and stomach discomfort. I did not urinate for about 8 hours. Food was an impossibility. My body felt weak and spent by the end. Spent the last few hours until sunrise laying in bed, rolling around like a wrapped up burrito, unable to tell up from down. Washed by waves of emotion, soaked in the certainty of my own mortality.
I didn’t sleep at all, and rose with the sun, to go back outside and listen to the birds and insects, smelling the fresh morning air and the smell of Springtime.
There was a definite bleakness to this trip, and a feeling that resistance is useless, and a peace to it all.
My body was weak all that next day. But in the following days I felt refreshed and strong. Many good events have transpired in the week following this trip. Oddly, I have a new confidence and peacefulness that is with me now, and I would never have expected that during the depths of that bleak night.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of this. I hope that more clarity will come over the next weeks, as I continue to think this all through and soak it in. But in a way it feels as though something has already changed. Perhaps the nature of that change is what will become more clear.
There were many visuals during this trip. Eyeballs embedded in animals, and people, and objects, all staring at me and dancing around. The flames of that fire did things that flames should not be able to do.
There is a feeling of death and rebirth to these trips. Bridgesii is very powerful. Please treat it with respect.
Started feeling the effects of the tea right away. A heaviness came over my body and I could sense my mind starting to slow down. The clouds in the darkened sky looked very puffy and 3 dimensional and started merging together into one grand pattern. I leaned my head back, took a deep breath, and settled back into the chair, with that familiar, dejavu feeling of entering the other side starting to engulf my body and mind.
Words don’t really do justice to what transpired over the next 12 hours. I thought about many things. I entered this trip with an intention: to better understand the source of fear and insecurity that hold me back from more fully achieving my potential as a person. But instead the bridgesii steered the night in a different direction. Perhaps it answered my intention, but in a way that still needs further processing in the deep recesses of my being.
Ultimately I saw that life is fragile and death is just around the corner for all of us. Therefore fear and insecurity are, in a sense, normal and rational, an acknowledgment of the fleetingness of it all. I lost another family member not that long ago. He was in his 60’s and had recently been diagnosed with the onset of Parkinson’s. He ended up falling down a flight of stairs and hit his head and died. I thought about him and his family. I thought about cousins and family members whom I haven’t seen in years. I thought about the legacy that I will leave behind when it is my time.
I saw the uselessness of personal judgments and of trying to impress other people. In a way, I came a little bit closer to accepting myself.
But the bridgesii was hard on my body. Lots of nausea and stomach discomfort. I did not urinate for about 8 hours. Food was an impossibility. My body felt weak and spent by the end. Spent the last few hours until sunrise laying in bed, rolling around like a wrapped up burrito, unable to tell up from down. Washed by waves of emotion, soaked in the certainty of my own mortality.
I didn’t sleep at all, and rose with the sun, to go back outside and listen to the birds and insects, smelling the fresh morning air and the smell of Springtime.
There was a definite bleakness to this trip, and a feeling that resistance is useless, and a peace to it all.
My body was weak all that next day. But in the following days I felt refreshed and strong. Many good events have transpired in the week following this trip. Oddly, I have a new confidence and peacefulness that is with me now, and I would never have expected that during the depths of that bleak night.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of this. I hope that more clarity will come over the next weeks, as I continue to think this all through and soak it in. But in a way it feels as though something has already changed. Perhaps the nature of that change is what will become more clear.
There were many visuals during this trip. Eyeballs embedded in animals, and people, and objects, all staring at me and dancing around. The flames of that fire did things that flames should not be able to do.
There is a feeling of death and rebirth to these trips. Bridgesii is very powerful. Please treat it with respect.
