16 Years on Chronic Weed // A Historical Anecdotal Analysis (Plans to Quit)

[Sky Motion]

I wanted to open this thread to tell you all about my journey as a chronic marijuana user who started at the age of 17 and has continued all the way until the age of 32. During this time, I can remember only twice when I had an abstinence of over 3 months, and both of these times were related to problems with the law, AKA out of necessity.. Once was for 4 months, and the other time was for 450 days (I will report on this extensively as I am sure this will be the most important learning point for me and others)

Marijuana was my introduction to all Things psychedelic at the age of 17. Not long after smoking marijuana, and I mean not even two months, I was already joining the DMT Nexus forums and reading reports on my high school benches as I skipped class to learn everything possible about mushrooms. That first year smoking can be described as nothing short of completely mystical in every experience that I had, and I can distinctly remember the first time I got high, but also ruminate deeply on the most magical times, which are my third and fourth time that led me into deep psychedelic experiences that I will still cherish to this day.

Thus, the "habit" begins..

As any Stoner knows, being someone who smokes weed a lot or being someone who smoked weed for a long time, it absolutely becomes a part of your identity if you're involved with marijuana on a regular basis. This is also superchargingly true if you work with marijuana in other realms. Marijuana definitely became a part of my identity. A couple of times a week turned into daily within a matter of half a year. I couldn't get enough, but I thought I was learning, and I thought it was something new and good for me.

Fast forward into the College Years, where I have now been smoking daily for a year and a half. I got caught and, in my shame, quit because I had to, but also because I knew my family needed me to at the time. I wish I could say that for the second time, because after the first time of quitting for 4 months (which just seemed like a necessity) and wasn't a problem, the second time was much different, and where addiction showed.

This time it had completely taken me, even though I had gone into great trouble and again great shame with my family and my friends with this experience. I decided to not take it seriously and continued to smoke even all the way up until a very important day in my life.. this is my first time I ever understood that I truly had a problem or even thought about it as a now serious issue in my life.

I won't get too much into this because it involves the law, but basically, I needed to quit, and I was able to successfully quit for 440 days. This is where things get interesting, AS IT IS THE ONLY TIME IN MY "ADULT LIFE" OF NOT SMOKING.

At first, I hated it; I lost my identity again. But then something started to click in my life that I never really understood 100%, even to this day, fully..

Some part of me woke up that was asleep for a long time, and I channeled a lot of my energy into becoming a successful musician in my city. I looked up to many of the people who played amazing shows, and I knew that I could be that one day, I just had to put in the work. I don't know if I ever had this kind of Drive in anything in my life besides the days I was also involved in music in high school, but I slayed every obstacle to get to my goal successfully. I had no crutch to lean on, so I gave myself fully to everything else in my life. In a time of youthful vigor, the energy did not go unnoticed by people, and I ended up meeting the number one love of my life, my only very serious love to this day.

So, to make a long story short, in the year that I had quit I was able to accomplish so much and see things so clearly, and I still thought that deep down I missed weed even though I was sober and everything was going great. Eventually, when you get to a point where you've been off for a year it becomes just your normal life (and things change so dramatically, oh my god, ask me about the difference between a month or two off and 350+)

At the end of the 365-day probation, believe it or not, I was still able to make it another 90 days without smoking, even though there is no quote on quote chains behind me.. I just liked who I was (shocking)

Yet when I came back to it, (sigh) there was my old "ally" once again. My girlfriend actually liked who I was as a smoker!! I was still a driven person!! and I was still doing okay!! (lies)

However, over the course of a year, things started to take a turn for the worse. My grades didn't matter anymore. smoking became way more of an escape than it did a positive way of living, and all of these little things about me that were bad started to peek through the cracks. Of course, I ignored and didn't care about any of this. Mary was with me. My dopamine. My escape.

The one thing that really hit me during this period of my life, and I still reflect on it importantly today is when me and my girlfriend finally were calling it for good and near the end she said something to me like she would have never gotten with me if I was the stoner that she knows now and that she was initially attracted to me because of the energy of not being that pothead.. she explained to me that she didn't think that I would have the same amount of drive and the same amount of energy that attracted her in the first place if I was always that person in the end smoking everyday,

and that hit home hard and still does. ..

After all this, from the age of 23 to 32, I've been an everyday smoker with barely any breaks unless traveling was happening, not only that, but in the height of it, it's been 8 to 10 times a day of high-quality rosin dabs. it just seems like absolute slavery, and it really is. At 24 the plant completely turned on me and this is where things get even weirder and weirder I started to develop extreme anxiety and discomfort anytime I smoked I also became allergic to marijuana if I touched it it would absolutely destroy me if I then touch my face or nose my body was literally screaming and Agony and telling me telling me very clearly that I wanted me to quit and I just literally ignored every sign.

I then hopped on valium at the age of 27 when covid started because my chronic pain was so out of control (different story) and it was the only thing that would allow me to smoke and relax my back at the same time so that I could live a functional life; this was absolutely true but I did get into it (benzo use) from a place of not wanting to quit smoking marijuana and finding something that was fixing anxiety that could be avoided if I had just had the strength to quit the fucking plant.

This is where the stake in the road is in my life with marijuana, that I added another drug into my life so that I can continue my relationship with something that was destroying me already.

It's been 5 years since I've been on Valium (currently slow tapering via Ashton manual and specialist). I'm still smoking marijuana daily, and now, unfortunately, I want to quit and go back to my dream life.... I wanted to go back to the person I was when I was off the weed so many years ago........ I have not had any good romantic relationships over the years, and I still ruminate on something that my ex-partner told me about my relationship with marijuana.

I feel like it's an important development of my life that I move on to the next stage without this plant spirit.....

The problem is when you get addicted and dependent to a drug that takes a long time to get off of, as Valium does, they recommend that you don't quit marijuana before you get off the more toxic drug, so I'm actually in a sick way forced to keep smoking because I can't go through two withdrawals at once, it's overwhelming and horrible.

But every particle of me, every part of my being wants to quit.. I had made it down to just a dab of day before I hit serious withdrawals within my already existing withdrawals and that led me back to a place of continuing to take dabs everyday as I do right now usually three to four a day because it's so important to me to get off the Valium first but I can see my future and I know my future does not include smoking marijuana everyday... it's not medicine for me anymore ....it's not an identity marker that I need to hold on to.....

I'm going to wrap this post up now because I feel like if anyone has any specific questions about the physical things about quitting, how I felt after a year of being off of marijuana, and any other personal experiences relating to chronic marijuana smoking at a high level, feel free to ask anything.

If there's one thing, though, that I would like to talk about with others on the Nexus besides answering questions here is how chronic marijuana use has affected your dream life?? And maybe.. your life in general? Do the pros outweigh the cons?

Obviously it's pretty well documented that it suppresses REM sleep and even has a suppression of the HPG axis in our brain, which can affect testosterone and other chemical balances via the CB1 receptor downregulation.

Personally, I feel being cut off in your dream life is, in a way, being cut off from your spiritual life, and that's the thing that keeps me going with my ideas for quitting soon after valium cessation .. I still dream a little bit, but I used to lucid dream often, which was amazing for me when I'm in tune with it, because living in chronic pain, a lot of the best times of my life are when I'm sleeping, so when I'm sleeping, I should be having Vivid quality dreams.. not to mention still ruminating on what my past love said.

All love to the plant Spirit of marijuana, she really is a special one, and she can help so many people in so many different ways, but for me, the journey is ending, and it's going to be a little bit sad, but it is what it is.

I know that a lot more happiness is around the corner without Mary J.

-Sky

 

[Voidmatrix]

Thank you for sharing this, friend. I have been a chronic user since I was 18 (turning 37 tomorrow) and go back and forth about my use. It's something we all have to navigate individually.

I have burnout brain, and because I wanted to get the essence of your post, I ran it through ChatGPT. At the end, it asks 3 questions, and I am going to share them because they may be helpful for you.

Q1: Which aspects of his sober period stand out as most actionable for building a new recovery plan?
Q2: How might the psychological dependence differ from the physiological dependence in this case?
Q3: What support structures or practices could help him reconnect with the identity he valued during sobriety

One love

 

[Jan e Kharabat]

I myself have never had a substance addiction, but I had a serious problem with screen usage. I was extremely depressed and this was the easiest coping mechanism, video games and random scrolling. During the last 3-4 years before quitting, I was spending well over 12 hours a day in front of my laptop, quite often even more, staying awake all night, falling asleep in the morning, waking up 8 hours later to repeat the same. My life was extremely dysfunctional and had only worsened my depression. Everything, the very mundane and simple tasks were overwhelming, life in general was overwhelming. This went on for about 13 years, from the age of 12-13 to 26.

After my first few DMT experiences, I decided to quit it all and quit it for good. A voice inside me told me to call my bullshit on all the excuses I made, to be bitterly honest with me, to understand the fact that addiction makes us invent all kinds of excuses. Over the course of the next 6 months I managed to reduce my screen time to 2-3 hours and quit video games almost entirely. Within the next 6 months I quit all social media and reduced my screen time to only 10-20 min a day. During that time I had been taking DMT once a week, so the next step was to quit that. I was told to be sober and clear headed, to use the substances only in a specific, limited way. I used the help I could get, but I had to learn to function on my own. And I did that, I finished my studies, got my shit together, figured out sort of a plan for the future, and my mind just got better and better. My concentration is so much better, and I feel happy just knowing the very potential of my mind. I have a much better and regulated routine, work, practicing my music instrument, reading during commute, my chemistry experiments on weekends, spending time with other people, having diverse social connections etc. I am able to do it all now, without much difficulty.

Now it has been 4 years, in the past year and a half, I've taken DMT only 3-4 times. A couple of times a year I experiment around with new substances or ROAs, but that's all. The last 4 years have been wonderful, I am very happy and content with my life and am not easily overwhelmed by the simple everyday stuff. I know many people in my surroundings with serious weed addiction, they have similar issues, similar excuses, and similar dysfunctional patterns. The one thing I find astonishingly common is the denial, refusal to see the problem, repeating the mantra that "it's all ok" and "everybody is different, for me it works really well" and "yes but right now I need it".
I would say to you what was said to me, quit it while you still can! And you definitely still can! Make a plan and stick to it, consider it the divine will, follow it as rigidly as possible, but do forgive yourself for occasional relapse, but only for short relapses.
Addiction or dependency of any kind will rob you of your freedom, and will keep you stuck in a cycle of misery. I really hope and wish that we all overcome our addictions.

 

[blig-blug]

I know many people in my surroundings with serious weed addiction, they have similar issues, similar excuses, and similar dysfunctional patterns. The one thing I find astonishingly common is the denial, refusal to see the problem, repeating the mantra that "it's all ok" and "everybody is different, for me it works really well" and "yes but right now I need it".

I understand where you're coming from, and the following is not intended as a comment about you personally, I know nothing of the situation of those specific people addicted to weed that you mention. It's more a comment on certain patterns that tend to come up whenever this issue is discussed.

I think it's very difficult, probably impossible, to judge what trade-offs are worth it for other people, and what trade-offs aren't worth it. It's very true that addicted people will create all kinds of excuses as to how they're not actually addicted, or how they will quit soon but not now. However there's also a tendency by people who have had addiction issues to demonize the substance and it's use, judging in behalf of others that there can be no way the trade-offs may be worth it for them, in a way that brings to mind the attitude of the religious convert. To me, both the initial denial and the posterior reaction in the opposite direction are two sides of the same coin. Both get in the way of actually having a nuanced discussion about trade-offs.

Addiction is inherently negative, but it's not necessarily the worst that can happen to someone. It depends on many variables, amongst them, substance and personal circumstances. It's a matter of trade-offs, where sometimes the realistic alternative to it may be worse. So as true as it is that the addict is often blind to the negatives of the trade-off, it's also true that people judging from outside are often blind to the positives.

To talk about a specific example, I can talk about myself. I'm addicted to caffeine. Now, you may scoff at this, given the relatively weak qualities of the substance itself, but you did say "addiction or dependency of any kind". It does rob me of some freedom. I need to drink it daily if I don't want more drowsiness and a splitting headache. If some morning I can't have it, I will be drowsier than if I didn't consume any caffeine regularly. That's very true, and I would prefer for it to not be the case. Now, it also makes me more wakeful than I would be without it, something that's a big deal for me, as I have issues of excessive daytime sleepiness, particularly during the darker half of the year. So, to me the trade-off is worth it. I trade off some of my freedom in some aspects in exchange for functioning better, which brings its own kind of freedom. There are other people that have had huge problems from caffeine; despite it being generally benign it still has its share of risks, as any substance does.

So I would personally like for the discussion to go more towards the personal side of weed addiction and quitting weed, and less towards judging the actions of others. That doesn't mean that there aren't people who are ruining their lives from weed addiction while being blind to it, there are. But setting ourselves as judges won't help them, and won't bring anything good, other than maybe some temporary pleasure in "not being one of those".

 

[newusername1]

Cannabis can be a great ally, and also a terrible foe. I've struggled with addiction as well, and experienced it can surely be a big bad wrecking ball of a thing.

This is the thing that really stands out to me: As an addict you're basically stressed out all of the time. And you don't put two and two together and come to the conclusion that it's your cannabis addiction that's causing it.

Because your endocannabinoïd system that normally regulates stress is simply not enough anymore by itself. It constantly needs replenishment.
Untill you simply can't keep up with with it's needs anymore, and then you're always stressed and burned out.

Cannabis may have an image of a drug for sweet and peacefull hippies that want to make love instead of war. But when you become fully dependant, the opposite is true. You're almost never at peace anymore with anything, and always grumpy, moody, sad or completely worn out.

A few puffs and you may feel OK for a few minutes. But it's never enough for someone with finite resources, wich is basically all of us.

Of all serious addictions it is probably one of the most harmless ones, because you don't die when you take too much at once. And you're not in accute danger when you suddenly quit. But that's about the most positive things about being addicted to it.

It sure is not like heroïn or alcohol. But that's not really a good bar for any of us to compare with, is it?

 

[newusername1]

P.S. for anyone who's addicted to it and who wants to quit: prepare for at least ten days of very intsense sudden emotional outbursts that seem to come out of nowhere. Maybe even a few weeks if it's really bad.

 

[Jan e Kharabat]

I understand where you're coming from, and the following is not intended as a comment about you personally, I know nothing of the situation of those specific people addicted to weed that you mention. It's more a comment on certain patterns that tend to come up whenever this issue is discussed.

I think it's very difficult, probably impossible, to judge what trade-offs are worth it for other people, and what trade-offs aren't worth it. It's very true that addicted people will create all kinds of excuses as to how they're not actually addicted, or how they will quit soon but not now. However there's also a tendency by people who have had addiction issues to demonize the substance and it's use, judging in behalf of others that there can be no way the trade-offs may be worth it for them, in a way that brings to mind the attitude of the religious convert. To me, both the initial denial and the posterior reaction in the opposite direction are two sides of the same coin. Both get in the way of actually having a nuanced discussion about trade-offs.

Addiction is inherently negative, but it's not necessarily the worst that can happen to someone. It depends on many variables, amongst them, substance and personal circumstances. It's a matter of trade-offs, where sometimes the realistic alternative to it may be worse. So as true as it is that the addict is often blind to the negatives of the trade-off, it's also true that people judging from outside are often blind to the positives.

To talk about a specific example, I can talk about myself. I'm addicted to caffeine. Now, you may scoff at this, given the relatively weak qualities of the substance itself, but you did say "addiction or dependency of any kind". It does rob me of some freedom. I need to drink it daily if I don't want more drowsiness and a splitting headache. If some morning I can't have it, I will be drowsier than if I didn't consume any caffeine regularly. That's very true, and I would prefer for it to not be the case. Now, it also makes me more wakeful than I would be without it, something that's a big deal for me, as I have issues of excessive daytime sleepiness, particularly during the darker half of the year. So, to me the trade-off is worth it. I trade off some of my freedom in some aspects in exchange for functioning better, which brings its own kind of freedom. There are other people that have had huge problems from caffeine; despite it being generally benign it still has its share of risks, as any substance does.

So I would personally like for the discussion to go more towards the personal side of weed addiction and quitting weed, and less towards judging the actions of others. That doesn't mean that there aren't people who are ruining their lives from weed addiction while being blind to it, there are. But setting ourselves as judges won't help them, and won't bring anything good, other than maybe some temporary pleasure in "not being one of those".

My comments were more of an expression of the pain I feel watching the people around me, people I love and hold dear, in a vicious cycle of suffering. I know one person who smokes very excessively but is farthest away from being a pothead. He is highly functional and doesn't seem to have most of the drawbacks which most other people suffer from. But for the vast majority, this doesn't seem to be the case. I smoke weed once a month or two, I have had astonishingly good experiences with weed. But I know that once it becomes a daily routine, or worse still, multiple times a day, it seriously impairs your mind and body. This is the point where I would say one has to adopt a zealous attitude, for practical reasons.
I don't really know much about caffeine dependency, I've had it for a while, quit it, it was a week of pain and fatigue, but after that I was all good. I might be wrong but I think regular caffeine intake doesn't impair you the way weed does. Specially when it comes to stress tolerance and memory. But even with caffeine, you can get off of it, if you make it through a week or two. Your concentration and wakefulness become better with time.

 

[blig-blug]

Yes, as I said it's not that much directed to you specifically, it's more of a heads-up, as those attitudes I mention have a tendency to appear in these conversations, and often in an emotionally-charged way.

But for the vast majority, this doesn't seem to be the case

It's likely not the case, yes. But not only it's difficult for anyone else to know if it's a worthy trade-off: if it's not, it's them who have to realize that. Often, trying to get people to see the issues they deny makes them deny it even harder.
The case where a more proactive attitude could make sense is if it's a closed, loved one who you know well, and thus know more about that person's values, situation, and trade-offs. And have higher chances of being listened, although even then it's difficult.

I might be wrong but I think regular caffeine intake doesn't impair you the way weed does

You're not wrong at all, for most people (including me) it's not really impairing. I just wanted to bring it up as an example about how it's difficult to generalize about addiction. I also wanted to bring it up because it's a case where I know the trade-offs and I'm okay with them. Many years ago, I used to be extremely addicted to my phone, and I definitely wasn't happy with those trade-offs, once I was able to see it clearly for what it was.

 

[fink]

Being addicted to anything, even exercise, becomes a detriment to life.

Weed just wants you to play hard to get. As soon as we entertain her every day she stops helping and starts to hold us in contempt.

If we have a haircut once every two months we notice the benefit. If we cut our hair every day, the benefit drops to zero. Getting a hair cut every day would be clearly ridiculous.

Treat haircuts and blunts as the same thing, should solve it.

 

[EmeraldAtomiser]

Cannabis can be a great ally, and also a terrible foe. I've struggled with addiction as well, and experienced it can surely be a big bad wrecking ball of a thing.

This is the thing that really stands out to me: As an addict you're basically stressed out all of the time. And you don't put two and two together and come to the conclusion that it's your cannabis addiction that's causing it.

Because your endocannabinoïd system that normally regulates stress is simply not enough anymore by itself. It constantly needs replenishment.
Untill you simply can't keep up with with it's needs anymore, and then you're always stressed and burned out.

Cannabis may have an image of a drug for sweet and peacefull hippies that want to make love instead of war. But when you become fully dependant, the opposite is true. You're almost never at peace anymore with anything, and always grumpy, moody, sad or completely worn out.

A few puffs and you may feel OK for a few minutes. But it's never enough for someone with finite resources, wich is basically all of us.

Of all serious addictions it is probably one of the most harmless ones, because you don't die when you take too much at once. And you're not in accute danger when you suddenly quit. But that's about the most positive things about being addicted to it.

It sure is not like heroïn or alcohol. But that's not really a good bar for any of us to compare with, is it?

This fits with my experience precisely.
It is quite painful looking back at just how my mood and attitude has been governed by my addiction. From obliviousness, clarity was quite traumatic to come to terms with, especially as subsequent attempts at abstinence have always remained just that. An extra spoon-full of guilt on my already overflowing plate, please.
I have recently been involved in a couple of projects, and when occupied with these, I have been able to easily resist the temptation to smoke, just enjoying an evening smoke before bed, but when I have nothing to occupy myself with, I find the lure of the green goddess simply irresistible. Unfortunately, chronic usage leads me nowhere beneficial.

 

[EmeraldAtomiser]

The way I have used to break the cycle is to do a 5 day fast/cleanse, using bentonite clay and psyllium husk.
Quitting everything at once, as well as dealing with the emotional effects of fasting, means that I'm not noticing the jonesing for weed as much, as I'm jonesing for everything, and it gives me a great motivational reset.

 

[Voidmatrix]

I was thinking about this thread in a current heartbreak state. Part of that state comes with equal parts wrath and rage...

That said, and I've talked about this before, but deep down, I am angry. Lots or reasons, lots of sources has made this a kind of partial default mode with my overall internal being and there in an internal landscape to it.

I'm sharing this because that's what thing cannabis has always helped me with: managing my anger. Part of me wants to say that there are some instances in which I don't know what I would do if I hadn't been at least a little stoned, but that highlights a trust I need to earn with myself. I never want to unfairly make someone deal with or engage it, but that has only caused me to stifle it more than anything instead of expressing it in some healthy way that has an actual impact on the angry state. This is especially prevalent on my mind because I can't squat or deadlift heavy right now, if ever again, and those were things that helped me translate my pain, anger, and rage into something else.

Regardless, it's like the little rasta in me smokes to stay in line... All the same, I am going to stay curious about my relationship to cannabis and augment honestly and accordingly. Much love for the conversation of the thread.

One love

 

[Sky Motion]

Being addicted to anything, even exercise, becomes a detriment to life.

Weed just wants you to play hard to get. As soon as we entertain her every day she stops helping and starts to hold us in contempt.

If we have a haircut once every two months we notice the benefit. If we cut our hair every day, the benefit drops to zero. Getting a hair cut every day would be clearly ridiculous.

Treat haircuts and blunts as the same thing, should solve it.

real

@Voidmatrix hows your dream life and what's your current ROI / Use?

 

[Voidmatrix]

real

@Voidmatrix hows your dream life and what's your current ROI / Use?

Dreaming is uncomfortable and has been since childhood. I don't often remember them. Last night was different...

I smoke some amount everyday. It depends on the day. Sometimes a it's just a dab before bed. Generally though, I don't smoke until some point in the afternoon.

One love

 

[fink]

I have been addicted again for about five months. Only smoke late evenings, so have not slipped too far down. The gradual decline of the path is familiar to me by now. The diminishing returns also are obvious by five months.

To get any real spiritual work done while stoned I need to not smoke for at least a week or two. A year or two would be better

 

[ShadedSelf]

Might be a weird take on this, but I kinda feel like to some degree I have to give up on my dream life. Ive had those experiences where quitting all your bad habits suddenly leads to your life becoming that which you always wanted, the dream becomes the reality. I sometimes wonder if this is actually sustainable, though it very well might be, but I do wonder if it is a bit of a misleading contrast, in the same way that the first weed experiences were so incredibly deep and meaninfull, soberty becomes the new drug to seek, and a powerful one it is.

That said, soberty certainly does seem to come with huge benefits, It might truly be the way to build the dream life. Personally Ive found some amount of solace in not stressing too much on that though, a mediocre life is okay too, at least in the meantime.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Might be a weird take on this, but I kinda feel like to some degree I have to give up on my dream life. Ive had those experiences where quitting all your bad habits suddenly leads to your life becoming that which you always wanted, the dream becomes the reality. I sometimes wonder if this is actually sustainable, though it very well might be, but I do wonder if it is a bit of a misleading contrast, in the same way that the first weed experiences were so incredibly deep and meaninfull, soberty becomes the new drug to seek, and a powerful one it is.

That said, soberty certainly does seem to come with huge benefits, It might truly be the way to build the dream life. Personally Ive found some amount of solace in not stressing too much on that though, a mediocre life is okay too, at least in the meantime.

I really feel like this is such a subjective thing and really depends on the context and the person. I really like what I do with cannabis and psychedelics because I am an intense person and things stay dynamic. Sober moments are more interesting. But sobriety overall, forever... why? I personally just don't see the point for myself. Life can be greatly enriched with the power of substances, depending on how one goes about using them.

Granted, while not my identity, they have informed my identity in a great way, and honestly, the ball is really starting to get rolling again.

For me it's more about a sense of self-control.

I'm glad you mentioned the magic of the first time smoking cannabis. While I don't have that experience anymore, obviously, I don't need to have the experience again. Every dab is special, every bowl is magic, it's always medicine. While I am comfortable in my approach to it, I am not flippant about it.

One love

 

[fink]

Might be a weird take on this, but I kinda feel like to some degree I have to give up on my dream life. Ive had those experiences where quitting all your bad habits suddenly leads to your life becoming that which you always wanted, the dream becomes the reality. I sometimes wonder if this is actually sustainable, though it very well might be, but I do wonder if it is a bit of a misleading contrast, in the same way that the first weed experiences were so incredibly deep and meaninfull, soberty becomes the new drug to seek, and a powerful one it is.

That said, soberty certainly does seem to come with huge benefits, It might truly be the way to build the dream life. Personally Ive found some amount of solace in not stressing too much on that though, a mediocre life is okay too, at least in the meantime.

Agree with all of this Shaded. I think what we seek is the altered state. Being sober itself can be an altered state after a period of addiction, just as fresh and new. In a life written as chapters it's usually beneficial to make any change at all rather than stagnate.

 

[Jan e Kharabat]

I really feel like this is such a subjective thing and really depends on the context and the person. I really like what I do with cannabis and psychedelics because I am an intense person and things stay dynamic. Sober moments are more interesting. But sobriety overall, forever... why? I personally just don't see the point for myself. Life can be greatly enriched with the power of substances, depending on how one goes about using them.

Granted, while not my identity, they have informed my identity in a great way, and honestly, the ball is really starting to get rolling again.

For me it's more about a sense of self-control.

I'm glad you mentioned the magic of the first time smoking cannabis. While I don't have that experience anymore, obviously, I don't need to have the experience again. Every dab is special, every bowl is magic, it's always medicine. While I am comfortable in my approach to it, I am not flippant about it.

One love

How can one know that this sense of self control is real? Specially if it depends more or less on a certain substance? You mentioned that you fear that you'll lose control over your feelings of anger without weed, does that mean you are in control? I also wonder if those feelings are, at least in part, exacerbated by weed. Regular use does effect our emotional regulation and how we perceive and respond to things. Is it not possible that some of your feelings might be a heightened response caused by weed?

I would not desire a life completely devoid of psychedelic substances. But I personally find it difficult to see any good in chronic and regular usage. I have my little vacations every now and then, MDMA once a year, 2cb once a year, DMT twice or thrice, this year I had 2 experiences with DPT and 5meo-mipt. The greater part of this vacation takes place around Christmas, the time of the year officially designated for drugs. And they are wonderful and magical, but I think this would never be so if I took them regularly.

 

[EmeraldAtomiser]

SO much resonating as I read people's experiences and perspectives.
I've been smoking on and off since I was 20, with long periods of daily usage.
I, too, very rarely remember my dreams when I'm smoking. They do start to come back after a few weeks of abstinence.
I also tend towards an angry response, and I wonder if this could have something to do with the lack of dreams over the longer term?
I have had a number of psychedelic experiences, the first being my first Aya ceremony, where someone behaved in a way that made me very upset. When we were all sat in the kitchen, in the early hours of the morning, and the culprit was trying to justify their actions, I could feel my anger rising, but it was crushed by the realisation that my anger would drown out the message, and I proceeded to demolish the guy's arguments, and put him firmly in his place, but in such a loving, constructive way, that he actually thanked me for my words (He still carried on being a dick, but hey ho). Normally, I would have tended towards a more profanity laced approach, which may still have its place, but is most definitely less effective.

I see MJ as a Master Plant, and when I have been abstaining for a while, it most definitely brings me to places and perspectives I simply would not be able to achieve while sober. But, and it is a very big green BUT, my continuing usage robs me of the motivation to actually act on most of these seeming revelations.

I am planning on doing another cleanse in the near future, and then giving the carnivore diet a try for a couple of months. I know a couple of people who have had amazing results banishing chronic inflammation by totally cutting the carbs, and I like and need this all or nothing approach.
Peace.