~50mg, GVG, perfectly vaped. I thought I fried my BRAIN!

[anrchy]

Wow that's crazy. I used to be a huge Star Wars fan as well. I've had the same type of synchronicities. For example:

I used to watch Star Trek voyager when I was younger. I wasn't a trekky really just young and space always interests me. Anyways I have always had this strange fascination with vulcans. Something about the way they had to learn to control their emotions, it really isn't that far off from the teachings of Buddhism and I would bet that's where the idea came from. The whole idea of controlling your emotions through psychological understanding is just spot on to me. It's truly helping me.

 

[DeDao]

There is a moment in time called the mobius effect, where time becomes loop, becomes loop, becomes loop.

 

[anrchy]

It's strange coming back to this experience. When I was having the experience my mindset was enveloped by the experience. It was so influential during, but now looking back at it, the influence is in figuring out what I have learned from it. And building upon that as I am my new self now.

These experiences in the upper limits of the dose are much different in there own way, quite in the way you would view a breakthrough to a non-breakthrough IMO.

 

[SHroomtroll]

This reminds me of my dmt k hole i had a few years back, the difference is i didnt know i was in a drug bubble at the time.

I did a big line of ketamine with about 100mg of 30% changa just before falling into a khole, i was gone for about 50mins in an alien world living my normal alien life.

But the k made me forget who i was over here so i didnt realize untill i came down what was happening :shock:


But yeah these ++++ on dmt are very very intense moments and takes years to integrate ime

 

[Elpo]

It's strange coming back to this experience. When I was having the experience my mindset was enveloped by the experience. It was so influential during, but now looking back at it, the influence is in figuring out what I have learned from it. And building upon that as I am my new self now.

These experiences in the upper limits of the dose are much different in there own way, quite in the way you would view a breakthrough to a non-breakthrough IMO.

Thanks for coming back it, it gave me the chance to read your report. It really is astonishing to read. The questions you have about what it means to you now are very familiar to me as well. Often it is said by practitioners of meditation that meditating is similar to the psychedelic experience in that it shows you things, realms etc. The difference is it does so in a more easy way, because you build it up as you go along... Psychedelics are a tool that catapult you right to the highest point in no time. Practicing meditation for years and years could bring you to an experience of the same intensity as a psychedelic experience, with the difference that the subject would be more ready to handle it.

I don't really know if I believe this or not, but it always stuck to me. I just find it hard to believe that meditating could bring on such a mind altering experience as dmt or mushrooms even though I have had some strange things happen when meditating lately.

The fact that you seem to "forget" the essence of the experience is to me very interesting, I've often wondered about it. Sometimes I feel that the changes in my life have been influenced by the psychedelic experience even if I don't immediately notice it. I think the mind and body assimilate the experience and take it with them as useful baggage. Like you said you are actually already building upon it and have since the day you have had it.

 

[LRx]

Hello anrchy,

This was an intense read and something I will value when I think about the darker side of DMT. I know when you want something to end and it doesn't, you go into a panic- I know it first hand.
Thanks for sharing, that was a really great post. I have not smoked DMT in over a month as I have been dealing with my life, but I am preparing myself for my next journey.

Until next time,

 

[anrchy]

Thanks elpo and LRx.

Still the process continues. This has been a much bigger task than I thought in the beginning, when i came back from this dose. It seems that every ~2 months i notice a huge change. The biggest difference is in my view of myself and this reality. At first derealization/depersonalization was difficult to handle. Often times leaving me to wonder if I was going insane. But now those episodes have been replaced with a feeling of belonging here and motivation. Although I've been pretty lazy lately sittin on my butt playin video games hehe.

This got easier over time, noting the biggest leaps of change in approx. 2 month intervals. Today, a few days over 8 months, I still have not been able to dose. Besides the few doses I have had that were very small. I no longer have the occasional episodes of feeling out of this world and knowing something, knowing too much.

This has been such a learning experience, but has left me wondering if I will ever dose again. Only time will tell, but I can say this. If you have a very strong experience, take the time to integrate and live your life. Put psychs out of your mind for awhile. I really think that indulging slows down the integration process and can even interrupt it completely. Just my understanding anyways. Peace and love everyone and safe travels!

 

[--Shadow]

Just wondering how the integration has gone so far?, anrchy

That was an entertaining read. You managed well to articulate such a powerful experience (even if it wasn't anywhere near to explaining the detail of the experience)

 

[anrchy]

I had toyed around with the idea of dosing a year later on the day this happened, but ended up passing on it. I am still not ready to dose yet but my view has changed on it for the better. No more feelings of depersonalization or anything like that. I am pretty much back to normal, but a different normal than before the dose.

I have found a fairly strong detachment from certain things. Like things, I feel like stuff is just things and it seems more of a hassle to have things. I sometimes feel like I want to get rid of all the things lol. I am also able to just SIT and kind of clear my mind a little. I think meditation is more within grasp for me than ever and is on the list of things to integrate into my everyday lifestyle.

I almost feel like I migrated to a different body, not physically or anything crazy like that. I have recently changed quite a few things in my life, certain hobbies, goals, ect ect. I am doing things differently and I think this is all for the good. It makes me feel almost like a different person, but at the same time I am still me and I wouldnt change who I am for anything.

It has been quite awhile since I dosed, and a part of me misses that. Eventually it will be time again and when that happens I am going to take it easy and work my way up slowly. I can't believe its been over a year. I have a feeling this summer is going to be epic.

 

[aetherbound]

Wow...That was quite a read, sorry I missed it first time around! I had a very similar experience when trying to perfect my technique. I accidentally stacked doses thinking I was clearing it each time. I vaped between 40-60 in one scary breath. I instantly though I had stroked out, brain broken. All the air in the room seemed to be getting sucked out and I sat bolt upright in the bed and fought it. I was stuck in a loop of the room being folded over and over again like a salvia loop. The roaring was deafening and my room stopped imploding but looked like a perfect example of itself, crystaline and alive. I fought my way down the hallway and looked outside and everything was perfect stained glass and I wondered if my neighbors were walking outside to experience the perfection that I was somehow responsible for. As I stared out the window the luster started to fade and everything started morphing back into it's less perfect state and I was relieved and bummed at the same time.

 

[--Shadow]

Hey anrchy,
Sound like you worked out how to integrate the experience for the better. This Nexus community is a great outlet to help people integrate some of these powerful and profound experiences. Very therapeutic. I have never been judged on here (except maybe not using the search engine once when I really should have )

I had a similar experience on LSD when I was a young adult, with my cousin and a mate. My cousin flipped out and became a born again christian from that night. Fortunately that didn't happen to me, but I was left for months after the experience feeling a little 'off' from reality. I felt weird in my skin. It was like I never came all the way down from the bad trip. I had previously done LSD maybe a dozen times before (which were all great), so one day I ended up having half a rainbow dolphin, and I had a great experience. It was so good and liberating having an experience with LSD that was positive again, that it brought me all the way back down to normal once it was over (not even a come-down from it).

I was completely back to my normal self from that day forward...

Mung-beans for all!

 

[anrchy]

Ya I think if I didn't have this community available to me after having an experience like the one I had things wouldn't have turned out as good as they have.

So many members have helped me by just being who they are and knowing what they know. This place is invaluable and a mighty fine example of how psychedelics can be safe to use as long as certain guidelines are followed.

I am glad you found your way. It can be a difficult road traveled but with the correct tools you can come out on top of the world.

 

[Mister_Niles]

Anrchy - Wow. I missed this when you originally posted it.

I was talking to a friend a couple of months ago about this trend I'd noticed on the Nexus of people recommending lower and lower doses. It seemed that you were involved in this push, and I didn't understand it. I used to always put ~40mg's in my GVG. Seemed reliable for a strong experience, usually. Then I took a break for a couple of years and used my GVG for cannabis only. Every evening, pretty much. I like to use my already vapid bud to make oil, so I really try to just toast the plant material. I've been using an arc torch. I worked hard at not burning my weed.

Apparently all of the practice paid off.

I recently felt the call, and loaded the GVG with 37mgs of spice, and managed to get pretty much all of it in one hit. I proceeded to have the most beautiful, unimaginable experience of nested breakthroughs. It was far more intense than any previous experience, and if it had taken a wrong turn, I could have been in real trouble.

Integration has been going well, but in my daily life, the membrane between our world and hyperspace feels incredibly thin. I see everything from psychedelic perspective. I swear to you that... and I'm not exaggerating... that I nearly broke through a couple of weeks later, sans chemicals, just from looking at The Third Hit by Cyb. That either says a lot about Cyb's artistic abilities, or the effect that those 37mg's have had on me. Or both.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, for your harm reduction efforts. You are doing good work. I appreciate it and applaud you for it.

PAY ATTENTION to what Anrchy is saying here people! It is important and well informed information.

 

[Orion]

You described perfectly how I felt with pharmahuasca that one time I took far too much - STUCK. It's a challenge indeed.

I don't know if it's because I'm sick or what but I find peoples zany, scary experiences much more enjoyable to read

 

[f1]

I once called my Mom at 4 in the morning for support...

On 2 other occasions I loaded up some left overs, hard black lava-like dmt/weed in my volcano (no way of knowing dosage) but the small & condensed amount was left overs from 5+ grams. To my surprise the bag filled up with perfect colored vapor, I not only thought I broke myself but the Universe and consciousness itself...

On another occasion, I was pushing how much/ often I could dose and well I reached my physical limit. I ended up HARDCORE coughing while very dosed & with each cough I was seeing spiderweb like structors; galactic in size. Thought I was going to die. (lesson learnt)

On a more positive note, you mentioned your affinity towards Buddhism, the last 2 visits to Hyperspace my only visuals were a massive Buddha, black backdrop, black buddha with vibrant purple and green outlines.

Welcome back from Central Light Anrchy!

 

[wide-eyed]

anrchy - thanks for posting + bumping this, it really spoke to me. I had a pretty difficult experience recently, which was not as intense as yours, but shook up my reality in a similar way as yours. It was my first breakthrough actually (beforehand I wondered how I would know if I was through the doors - ha!)

I won't get into it too much but essentially I was shown that its possible to time travel using the spirit as your vehicle. I wasn't shown a methodology per se, but just catapulted into the experience completely unexpectedly. It has been hard to integrate and I definitely have that feeling occasionally of "knowing too much", but at the same time it fills my life with meaning. I'm glad to hear that it has affected so much positive change in your life. Much love.

 

[HumbleTraveler]

I thought 20mg almost fried AND killed me in one fell swooop lol.

I cant imagine 2x that. All I can imagine is that even a year later, people would walk up to me and be like hey dude whats goin on? Id just reply 'Im dead still this isnt real brb' and just walk away lol.

 

[anrchy]

Integration has been going well, but in my daily life, the membrane between our world and hyperspace feels incredibly thin. I see everything from psychedelic perspective.

I nearly broke through a couple of weeks later, sans chemicals, just from looking at The Third Hit by Cyb. That either says a lot about Cyb's artistic abilities, or the effect that those 37mg's have had on me. Or both.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, for your harm reduction efforts. You are doing good work. I appreciate it and applaud you for it.

I definitely understand what you mean about reality and hyperspace being present. That one was difficult cause I wasn't sure if that was permanent or would go away eventually. There would be many times where I would stare off into things, and with sunsets and other things I would feel like I was tripping.

Cybs work def has an effect. He's that good.:thumb_up:

I appreciate your thanks. It means a lot. Knowing first hand how a large dose can take you by surprise but more importantly effect your everyday life is big motivation to help keep others from doing the same on accident.

Orion- funny, I feel the same. I think the hardcore experiences bring out that extra emotion that makes reports such a great read.

F1– I find the feeling you get when you think you broke the universe/consciousness ect pretty interesting. After it happened of course not during Hehe.

Wide-eyed- your welcome brotha. The knowing too much thing, IMO, is fairly attached to your memory of the experience. As your memory fades so will that sensation.

Some don't follow this idea but, I feel its much easier and quicker (possibly necassary) to halt psychedelic use during integration. Also I think its important to not give in to any overwhelming feelings/thoughts.

HumbleTraveler- it really is unimaginable Hehe.

I believe the biggest mistake that people are making by thinking they can handle a large dose is mostly the ignorance that the hard part is the possible months of being effected.

Once you are out of the experience its not over. Often times you will carry around with you baggage from the shock or terror that you experienced. I literally had a low grade form of PTSD. It would had been worse but somehow I was able to go into an autopilot mode. I just knew what to do somehow.

2 of my friends have experienced a dose of close to the same size. 1 friend took somewhere around 50 or 60mg. For months he was asked constantly if he was OK by people that had no idea what he had done.

Another friend loaded an unknown amount (we think around 100mg+) the night that I dosed for my first time. While I was in he hit the bong hard. No idea how much he got. A couple minutes in he jumped up and yelled "western society is not ready for this!". I had to accompany him outside and help him feel right again. He experienced a couple months of fairly strong social anxiety.

I experienced a lack of emotion for more than a few months. I found it difficult to cry after a friend of mine died. Fortunately this has returned, although it came in bursts but felt very good.

The brain is a lot more fragile than I once thought Hehe.

 

[HumbleTraveler]

Totally agree. I havent touched it since my experience several months ago which I mentioned in my previous post. The damn GVG is so unforgiving haha. Its not that I dont want to go back, Ive just been very very busy lately and havent really had the time or calling so to say to delve in. It scarred me a bit too really as someone with no experience with any form of drug aside from my prior few beautiful dmt experiences.

That last one though went way further and way more aggressively than I could have ever imagined. Lots and lots and lots of processing time was needed. Plus I have a few other things Id like to try when I do it again. When I finally do, I want to be outside on a nice warm day as opposed to in my room. I think a natural environment will yield better experiences.

 

[anrchy]

I highly recommend experimentation. Trying different set and settings can yield many different things.

Outdoor open eye is def an experience everyone should try at least once. I prefer closed eyes but there are different ways to experience this molecule.