a new way to fix myself

[Z3R0k]

I have been doing a lot of studying about chemicals used to aid in the control of Bi-Polar, and Depression. I am even on some of these drugs (Lithium, and they have no idea how it works). I have been a big Lucid dreamer for most of my life, and when i have heard that DMT is released when you are in REM sleep, I wanted to have a conscious DMT experience. After doing more research into the experience, I have found out that it is very self enlightening, meaning that it tells you things about yourself that you may not know or want to know. I have also heard that it can help those that are dealing with past experiences that are affecting (or is it effecting...i always get those 2 mixed up) their current lives.

I have attempted suicide multiple times. I am unable to let go the fact that I attempted to kill myself. Every day I think about how horrible of a person I am for trying to end my life. I have gone to counseling but it bogs down and then i have to take a long period off because of $ reasons. I am unable to let go of my mistakes, I want to take DMT to help myself learn to move on and know that I can get on with my life.

I have more, but I just don't know how to put most of it into words at this moment, I am tired and worried and feel like everything is falling apart

thank you everyone for listening, i think it was a good experience just talking more about my past

-Z3R0K

 

[Mz.Gypzy]

Welcome to the Nexus Z3R0k.

Keep working towards that self forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes in life. You can't change the past.

Every second is a new chance to move forward and reinvent how you feel about yourself. Beating yourself up about stuff that happened in the past does not help or change anything.
Be easy on yourself. Move forward. Let go of the guilt.

There was a time in my life when I struggled with self forgivness, once I got there, my life changed. It was such a relief and I had a new lightness of being. You can do it to.
Its your decision to make.

I don't think there is any proof that DMT Is released during REM, purely spectualtion at this point.

Keep doing that research, find ways to work through what you need to work through.

Is there a possibility that DMT could help you? Yes. But, its also possible that it won't.
Thanks for sharing some of your story, I wish you all the best.

 

[Stroughn]

Hello, Z3R0k, welcome to DMT Nexus!

I know this is perhaps a little bit away from the DMT Nexus' thing, but I'm new to the Nexus myself (in fact, this is my first post) and hopefully nobody will mind me for straying.

Anyways, although I did not yet had the chance of experiencing DMT I would have to strongly recommend mushrooms. The experience detaches you from your body and it is as if you're spectating and observing yourself from behind the gallery. I discovered that shrooms are a powerful tool and a great way for one to look into oneself and really discover whichever aspect one wishes to discover.

Perhaps you could do some research about it and consider exploring this method of self-reflection before going for the DMT.

Have a good day,
Stroughn

 

[f1]

Hey Z3R0k,

Just my 2cents & we've all heard this a million times: No need to let go of your mistakes completely, learn from them. Fall down 8 get up 9. I've tried to kill myself 10+ years ago, I was angry at myself, everyone and life, and now I love myself (your ego is your greatest work of art) everyone and all of life; and I laugh at the how silly I once was. It was a valuable experience & I'm grateful I went through that; grateful for myself and for the potential support to others in the future.

I'm not a doctor nor one of the best nexians/advisors on brain chemistry etc. but I have heard here and there on the nexus that combining Spice/etc with pharmaceutical drugs can be dangerous. I am not saying that you should not take one or the other, just heads up/do your research. & I'm sure another Nexian will offer advise on this.

 

[Entheogenerator]

Is there a possibility that DMT could help you? Yes. But, its also possible that it won't.
Thanks for sharing some of your story, I wish you all the best.

There is also a possibility that DMT will amplify your troubles tenfold... It is important to keep in mind that there can be psychological risks involved when ingesting entheogens.

I'm not a doctor nor one of the best nexians/advisors on brain chemistry etc. but I have heard here and there on the nexus that combining Spice/etc with pharmaceutical drugs can be dangerous. I am not saying that you should not take one or the other, just heads up/do your research. & I'm sure another Nexian will offer advise on this

I am not a doctor either, but I have yet to hear about any dangerous interactions between DMT and pharmaceutical drugs. The two most significant interactions I am aware of are DMT + SSRI's (SSRI's can minimize the effects of DMT), and DMT + MAOI's (inhibits the metabolism of DMT in the body, potentiating the DMT and causing the effects to last much longer*). There are many psychoactive pharmaceuticals that will interact with the DMT, influencing the subjective effects in various ways, but at this time I am not aware of any dangerous interactions. However, do not simply take my word for it. Please do your own research regarding interactions, and do not use DMT (or any other drug for that matter) until you are absolutely certain that it will not have a dangerous interaction with your medication.

*There are other ways that MAOI's alter the DMT experience, but there is a plethora of information on the subject all over the forum, so I won't bother going into further detail.

 

[Z3R0k]

I understand that DMT could make me worse, better, or do nothing for my mental problems. I still believe that I will get something from it if i come to it with a positive outlook, whether it be healing or knowledge is up to it.

I have looked deeply into DMT and Lithium (the drug i am currently on) and have not been able to find something about those 2 together without some other chemicals.

I am trying to let go of those things i have done in the past because i have learned from them, but i also have gained problems from my past. My suicide attempts have made me believe that i deserve to live in a state of suffering because of how horrible i was, and it's been very hard for me to get through that. I am mainly through it, but it is hard to let go of that idea. It's like an addiction.

Thank you everyone for your insight, it is the reason I have come here

-Z3R0K

 

[Synkromystic]

Slightly off topic but.....Look into supplementing with magnesium. Many people are deficient. Magnesium is required for over 300 biochemical reactions in the body and if you are deficient you can easily become depressed. Do some thorough research into magnesium deficiency (among others) and I think you will be surprised at how integral it is to a healthy system.

I think too many people overlook just how important it is to keep the physical body healthy and balanced. I know I overlooked it, and paid the price. My mental health became horrendous. Emotions overwhelming me. Serious depression for a year and a half, wanting to die almost the whole time. No energy. No hope. These problems as I have found out were based in both the physical and mental realms, so i've had a lot of work to do in both, but its going great now.

All the pain has made me what I am today, and I am very grateful for what I have learned along the way.

Dmt can be a great helper, from time to time as well. It's also caused me some serious problems....but I needed to learn certain lessons, and sometimes we must learn the hard way... I do not recommend smoking dmt if you are seriously depressed. Mushrooms might be the best answer. Some nice lovely, soft, warm Golden teachers i would recommend.

 

[DreaMTripper]

Hello Z30RK welcome to the nexus,
DMT will certainly highlight the aspects of your life and personality but the beauty of it is that its viewed from a detached perspective so you can identify parts that may be holding you back or just need freeing. It also has a knack of making you feel refreshed afterwards but bare in mind it's still a psycedelic and it could go the other way too.
Don't hold yourself prisoner because of your suicide attempts it's understandable to feel that way but it's time to let go of the past and realise you deserve inner peace.
While in a depressive state it's very hard to take on information that doesn't compound the current state and it's hard to see yourself feeling any different but it can be different but first you must entertain the idea that it can be then make small steps in that direction. Coming here and opening up is one step.
You aren't a horrible person for having attempted suicide you were ill so give yourself a break otherwise you won't be giving yourself the best chance to recover and find the happiness you deserve.
You ARE able to let go of your mistakes.

 

[obliguhl]

Most people will tell you to be careful as there could indeed be unforseeable consequences. It appears that you are on the brink of self-destruction so i can understand you wanting to go "all in".

Not too sure DMT is the right first step for you though. It sounds as if you need a longer, deeper more therapeutic "treatment". Something smoked DMT does not really offer. It does allow you to connect deeply with another "dimension", "love" and "god" but it seems you need something to heal your heart and trauma.

A quick search revealed, that lithium-other drug interactions appear to be tricky. So i won't give any recommendations here. Perhaps a doctor can weigh in here.

Whatever you decide to do, start small, with someone within reach and be very careful about drug interactions. All in all, i get a bad feeling about your plan which doesn't mean it couldn't work.

I wish you the best...

 

[anrchy]

If you do choose to indulge in DMT I strongly recommend sticking with very low doses for awhile. Don't get in a rush and jump the gun. Perfect your ability to navigate in that headspace before going for breakthrough.

I dosed a friend that has PTSD, and he didn't even get much of a dose and he jumped up and apologized and ran home. It is not a good idea for him to use it but because it was such a tiny amount it didn't have any long term negative effects. That doesn't mean a low dose couldn't cause permanent negative side effects. This was an isolated situation and should only be used as a warning that you never know what will happen.

 

[Aumbra]

Greetings Z3R0K
I can relate to what you've written, and can understand how difficult it is just to cope. I know that DMT will be part of healing as well, but it feels like it's not quite the right time for it, and when I learned about microdosing psilocybin mushrooms it was literally like a light was turned on! Just researching its potential for healing depression/anxiety gave me so much hope. Its appealing also because the subperceptual doses are so small that they don't require a sitter and can be integrated in with daily life. I do not know of any possible interactions with Lithium or other antidepressants.

I plan to take some higher doses of psilocybin, but will be starting with the microdosing, then DMT.

Best of luck to you whatever you choose to do.

 

[newconnection]

I have attempted suicide multiple times. I am unable to let go the fact that I attempted to kill myself. Every day I think about how horrible of a person I am for trying to end my life. I have gone to counseling but it bogs down and then i have to take a long period off because of $ reasons. I am unable to let go of my mistakes, I want to take DMT to help myself learn to move on and know that I can get on with my life.

I have more, but I just don't know how to put most of it into words at this moment, I am tired and worried and feel like everything is falling apart

Hey Z3R0K whats up!!! allow me to share a little something I learned while on one of my experiences... its related to suicide...

I tried to end my physical experience (commit suicide) about 4 times, and once I came very close to jumping off a building!!.. I have been there, where you are now... and at times I wonder how I got out of that place..

Suicide is your soul's way of trying to end this illusionary separation, and returning to ONENESS!!! returning to the place where YOU and ME, are all ONE element!! one energy! one light!! ONE god!!!... so suicide isn't bad!!, it's your soul's way of letting you know that it dislikes this disconnection...

HOWEVER, suicide isn't necessary!!.. that full feeling of love, and peace, of oneness will come to all, eventually!.... We are in a gigantic conveyer belt thats slowly moving towards the death of the physical body! (which scientifically isn't really dead neither, just lest orderly)

So what Im trying to say is, that "death" will come to us all!, and eventually you feel get that feeling again.... BUT there is a purpose to this experience man... the reason why sometimes you struggle, why sometimes you feel sad, you cry and you suffer, its because those are lessons!!

Those are situations that are gonna teach you certain qualities that you need to exist in a higher dimension!!! Like Humility, compassion, strength, love, etc!!....

If you choose to opt out, guess what man?? you're just gonna come RIGHT back here, to repeat this all over again UNTIL you get past those lessons and obtain those qualities that come from hardship and confusion!!!..

We are god, broken down into millions and millions of pieces so small, that they've forgotten who/what they are!!... in order to experience itself over and over and over!!! this is the life continuum!!... you are in it right now, but you must learn these lessons so you can move onto the next level....

I was shown this on a trip and I was very very grateful, and I was told that I was supposed to share this....

Suicide isn't necessary, it's just your souls way of shocking you a bit, to remind you of who you really are!!!... Depression can be a sign of mental mal-nourishment!! so READ, STUDY!, WATCH, RUN, PLAY, LAUGH , LOVE!!!! Do all things that keep your brain occupied and intaking NEW information!!!... I hope you work your way to having a DMT experience soon man...

It will help, and at the very least, give you a different side of reality =)

LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!! We are the same brother/sister and we will be whole!!! LEARN!!

#PEACE #LOVE

 

[f1]

So what Im trying to say is, that "death" will come to us all!, and eventually you feel get that feeling again.... BUT there is a purpose to this experience man... the reason why sometimes you struggle, why sometimes you feel sad, you cry and you suffer, its because those are lessons!!

You sure about that? Certainly people are dying today and for the next ____ years. But my suspicion is that we are in for a big surprise. #transhumanism #immortality #singularity

So stick around! Live on.

 

[Continuum]

Hi Z3ROk, and welcome to the DMT Nexus. I empathize with you situation and will be supporting you with good thoughts and energy from a distance in moving past it (and am always a PM away if you ever need it:wink: ).

I certainly don't underestimate the power of DMT to help you, but like others have mentioned, it is definitely a brave method of trying to release all the old crap you're carrying around. It is possible to use the fear of what may come out on a DMT breakthrough as a mirror to help see what needs fixing, even before ingestion, and I would recommend beginning with some more gentle methods of releasing what needs to be let go in the beginning.

There are tons of techniques, some very woo-woo, some based out of religion, but remember, you don't have to believe any one technique is the end-all be-all truth to reap the benefits. Personally, reading Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now, yoga coupled with visualizing releasing stored negativity as my muscles broke open, and learning to breathe deeply have been the best help. My situation was not exactly like yours, but I had made many mistakes, as had those around me, and I was carrying a back-breaking load of anger, regret and fear around when I started. It got ugly in the beginning, but I saw someone here say, "When you're going through hell, don't stop," and am glad I pushed through.

 

[newconnection]

So what Im trying to say is, that "death" will come to us all!, and eventually you feel get that feeling again.... BUT there is a purpose to this experience man... the reason why sometimes you struggle, why sometimes you feel sad, you cry and you suffer, its because those are lessons!!

You sure about that? Certainly people are dying today and for the next ____ years. But my suspicion is that we are in for a big surprise. #transhumanism #immortality #singularity

So stick around! Live on.

We said the same thing brother =) ... #love #peace

And Continuum gave some very good advice!, try.. just TRY to see if you can rid yourself of some of that weight on your shoulders before your initial DMT experience.

 

[DreaMTripper]

And Continuum gave some very good advice!, try.. just TRY to see if you can rid yourself of some of that weight on your shoulders before your initial DMT experience.

I have to echo this sentiment please please don't take dmt when feeling suicidal it can make things worse by amplifying how you feel and then you become aware of this and it creates a feedback loop making you feel worse.

I've used low doses before to perk me up during a depressed period and it works well but I was only moderately depressed not severely depressed so please be very careful and make sure the doses to begin with are small, even 5mg administered efficiently could have good effects for a first timer.

 

[Anarkid]

Welcome. Don't let life get you down man. I'm assuming you are young. By young, I mean under 50 years old. So if you ever get to thinking that way again just remember, this too shall pass. Even if it takes 2, 5, 10 years for you to overcome your current situation its no big deal. I know in the moment patience can be hard to find. I know that in the moment something that is a year or more away seems very far off. In the grand scheme of things, it isn't a long time at all. Just hold on. It will get better. It always will.