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a poem i found that i wrote a few months ago

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mindash

mindash

Rising Star
enjoy




recycle
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heaven in my head
hell in my heart
wearing thick armor
to hide internal nothing
drowning in the apathy
this quicksands indifference

inside i experience
a place where life once lived
gouged out through expressions untold
nothing allowed to refill the void

stricken by diseased terror i take flight
long since the willows fell and the days grew dim
a reminder of sacred places untouched
gripping my heart before i cast it into the nothing
i vouch for my deeds
why need a reality check when one is constantly checking reality
flaunting the decisions to leave i break hold
diving i grasp desperately for a handhold
the walls are smooth and slick
blood drenches me sailing downward in a fetal haze
SHINING FIRES ILLUMINATE!
THE FEAR LIFTS!
THE BIRD RISES FROM THE ABYSMAL ASHES!
but once again it is consumed in its own enlightenment
a repeatable daze a mindless venture combating its own nature
did you cry on the first sunset?
did you know it would return tomorrow?
did the clouds bring you uneasy sensations of insecurity?
only those who were there know for sure
 
Connected through that which separates us

staring, daring, proceeding with this plan
disciplined, the nature of your kind forgotten
oblivious, evolution of an ignorant past
problematic apathetic futures to come

do you still think of me?
your blasphemy and loss of productivity
what a waste......
you gave up your gifts for pleasure
i tried to confront your destructive nature...
you denied my privilege as your confidant
blocking my desire to obtain your trust,
what a lie......what a disappointment...<sigh>

i drop my head thinking about what i thought you were
now realizing our facade and your guiltless shame
screaming,why wont you fade away, get out of my mind!!?!
please..... why do you even lie
i know who you are more than you ever will... my sweetest failure
my lovely disease

eventually you let me in
i found the poison molding your exterior
i sucked it from your bones and you cried
you couldn't accept that it changed you
made you into something else
something putrid with plague
you faked a smiled to lead me on
i thought i had brought you back if only for a moment
i was blinded and wrong

awake in a sorrowful reflection..i pick my scabs from our battle
dreaming, delusionally distant
locked in my mind of possibilities forgotten
to think i thought could have saved you
but theres nothing to save in the source of pestilence
the origin of your sociopathic nature
but i continue to ponder if only you did change
but thats not a possibility i will ever confront

come back to yourself its been so long,
you whom i had given up on,time and time again
rest your head upon my pillow as i taste your potential
and come with me into retrospective oblivion, to finally shatter the space between
finding connection through our separation
or we can split apart into infinity and find the end of time
if not in life then in death we shall be one
and then you will understand as will i
the space between is what binds us
 
i am the monster you've helped make of myself
i am the lover whom rips apart that witch he cares for most
i am the hysterical laughter saturating sorrow sown from many tears
i am the crying of joy that come from the laughter of backwards insanity
i am the paradox dead yet living
i am the pain that will never loose mobility
i am nothing , i am only one thing, yet i am everything
i am the end that comes before it has even begun
i have no momentary moments
i have no now yet here i am, am i here?
i'm all the past was and the future will once be
i am the bright light you see as you go blind
i am the darkness you perceive whilst your eyes still see
i am the ringing sound you hear when all is silent
i am the ambient deafness you can only find when sound is deafening
i am the compassion that can only compromise cold resolves
i shouldn't exist yet i write this should i exist
i write this incoherently yet know coherent what it is witch i write
i cannot be fixed for that would break me
i am simply i am , when i am gone will i have ever been
i am the one who worries about what you think
i am the one who has no concern of your opinion likewise
i am the one who knows nothing
for nothing is something that cannot be known
it takes something to know it and something cannot exist staring into what is not there
i am the foolish sage of hypocritical wisdom
i am the socialite hermit locked in the cage of societies dead dream
i am dualistic extremes , no center of balance
i am the the center with no boundaries with witch to measure
i am the question answered before it was spoken
i am the subjective existing without the objective experience.
wheres the sense in all of this, how can ONE be ALL of these yet nothing at all
theres the great mystery demystified with added mystery


pt2
the grieving
the consumption of delirious perspective feeds my desire to move forward
locked in an embrace of my own design i quiver insanity bleeding
dictating my defense for an attack not yet planned i live paranoia incarnate
this foolish game of back and forth dealing my own death hand i speak
where has the memory of memories been hiding drifting so far away
our separation has guided a new vision, a dangerous decay of material possession
i own only my thoughts unless they are bastardized brainwashing im unaware of
this semantic game of conversational exchange bores and brightens me
where can i find that which cannot be found if not but within myself
tell me father do you speak to the unborn, can you see their past in your own memories?
drift and mangle my my lubrication for this hinge is rusty and dry
no turning in its next moments only stagnant alterations seemingly stubborn and sick
the final words to be spoken will never be know for finality is something not of our experience
 
baffled mesmerizing distant tids belittles the dieing dream of dazed momentary delusionism, fragmenting conscious decisions to tear a raging chasm within and without the baffled sloth.

a redeemed particle sings to the laughing jester feeling a small remorseful disposition towards the sheepish flock, torn between a diffused proposition i ask myself, where did i place my mind?

tasting the acidic smile of yesterdays sins, partly because the frequency of laughter is a shattering mind fuck, melding into the soft repertoire of amalgamated solids it says to the mother "where has the time gone, where are we seeking to shelter ourselves from the onslaught of tomorrows siege" simply she replies as anyone would "i seek not shelter in the minds of men but in the hollow depth of atrophy and detained subliminal sequence" triggered by the confusion of this reply they wonder the desert of forgotten blasphemy and multifaceted mirrors wondering why such a journey has to come so soon, alas the bending of this gravitational influx has crushed their very instincts allowing them only but a small cup of true life from which to drink. When will the daughters of the masculine and sons of the feminine reply to the call from the hermaphroditic minded, when will this conglomeration of subsequent desires refuse to take root and move to a more humbling abode. only the watchers know as much as only the expressionists can determine said outcome. this be the word of that witch has not been said i simply state. i am , am i

exploding on the scene with such bewilderment is a dieing ghost of forgotten memories, tied together by the simplest of emotions it drags down all that which is not connected, breathing the mighty flame of disharmonious deformities,
blissful apparition as it feeds from the breast of mediated menstruation telling the children not to fear the end of the beginning. simplistic in its mind complex in its movements it cries like a wounded beast seeking comfort from the darkness of implosive radiation.
when will solace become the safeguarding arms for which it seeks such an embrace from. timeless telling of a tale without time, a moment of momentary nothingness secreting organic trust. this has been the dealing of the hand that has fractured all witch binds, although holding together the separation is simply what is not
 
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