a/s/l? 24/f/hyperspace

[ms_manic_minxx]

So, here's a question for the Nexus.

What are relationships like for other dreamers?

Who is married, single, dating, celibate, whatever, who cares to share?

How does one's practice affect relationships? How have the relationships that have lasted evolved? Does anyone here feel the need to share experiences with a partner? What about the reality of cauldrons stuffed with leaves and branches on the stove for hours, or the constant smell of oranges and collection of mason jars?

How does one approach new relationships? When does non-disclosure become dishonesty?

This was just something floating around in my head lately. I haven't been with anyone for a long time... Went on a few not-really-dates recently that ended up being totally superficial, like people only want to go out for lunch and feign a conversation to get an ego-stroking (and worse). Bleugh. Even people, at first glance, who might seem like *projection XYZ*, oh, "I like sweat lodges!" "I am a healer!" etc. I thought maybe they would all get something or have a little bit of curiosity about the mysteries of existence, but, no.

Trust is such a big thing. Even the last person I was with, who is probably still the next person I would trust with my life (after myself ), despite the fact he has even drank Ayahuasca and is into visionary art... thought certain other things on this forum possibly deserved an "intervention." DMT scares a lot of people.

I'm not misanthropic, like some sort of psychedelic supremacist who scowls at people because they can't name 500 psychoactive plants in Latin. (Or use big chemistry words like, "DECANT"!!! j/k)

I don't know, is there anything wrong with imagining getting lucky enough to meet someone who respects himself, respects the Earth, likes the smell of oranges, nurtures a few cute houseplants in the window, and can bring me a mug of Caapi tea if I am sick in bed with the Blueberry Flu? Okay, and isn't too scared to talk about things like time, birth, and death?

IS THAT TOO MUCH?!?!?! Argh.

I pulled a David Wolfe last night and actually wrote down all the qualities I'd like to have in a partner at the back of my dream journal...

Concerning the law of attraction, I used to just be like, "Oh, I'll just ask for love! No demands or description!" Well, maybe a vague request brings vague results and proves that diction is the remedy to the addage "be careful what you wish for."

I guess I just want to meet a person with the RAW, OPEN, HONESTY and INTENSITY that the entheogenic practice brings. I used to be self-destructive, but I'm over it. Getting involved with someone who has made the choice to be self-destructive is a waste of my time (the famous, "I CAN SAVE YOU!" illusion?). I'm over going to the bar, I'm over wanting material comforts and a coroporate job and worrying about what people think of me. I want someone who is strong enough to get in my face and call me out if I am ever a disrespectful hypocrite. I don't want to go to the movies and spend $25 to see the new Harry Potter, I would rather, maybe, water my plants. Or unlock the depths of my soul.

I want someone who is bold enough to allow the intensity of feeling, like the mourning of death at a planetary level, or ecstatic joy at the birth of the universe...

And, sex on mushrooms is also some of the best sex there is to be had.

mailorderalienbrides.com?

 

[soulfood]

And, sex on mushrooms is also some of the best sex there is to be had.

mailorderalienbrides.com?

Ah!

You were almost the perfect girl... but sex on cactus is actually the best.

Sorry this post deserves attention so I will re-post later, as 4:30am on sunday is an ungodly hour....

but I'm right there with you

 

[ms_manic_minxx]

Well, that was coming from my limited experience. I've never (!) actually voyaged into cactus territory... yet...

 

[deegmt]

Celibacy for me though I didn't really choose to be. I just don't have the balls to do what guys call "spit game". Or at least that's what my ego tells me. I am a young adult virgin and I used to think this was a problem to fix. Listening to the philosophies of the great minds on this forum has changed my attitude. I am now looking for a deep connection Someplace... Somewhere...

*Pink Floyd* Is There anybody OUT there... *end Pink Floyd*

 

[۩]

I've been searching far and wide for years for my harmonic soul mate. I went through a period where I worked with Pedro a little too often while I was still alone and one night I remember how lonely I felt, I prayed that we would cross paths soon. I needed her....wherever, whoever she was.
I began experiencing what I like to call "Pedro consciousness"
It's amazing. It's hard to explain....I know there are a few other members who know what I am talking about. Synchronized magick....
Not long after this I did meet my divine lover, who I am still with right now :]
We began exploring hyperspace together, a territory she was unfamiliar with.
I watched her work through some issues she had...one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. The healing powers of the spice NEVER cease to amaze me.
One night we conducted a ceremony and something happened...maybe some of you remember my "holiest" report. Looking back on this, it feels like some sort of galactic marriage.
VERY hard to explain...it's the only way I can put it.
so beautiful. grateful. in awe. in love.

Jorkest says the meaning of life is to be with somebody :] Love you man.

We're rarely ever apart. We always journey together.
Although she isn't exactly like me (I couldn't imagine ever meeting someone just like me...how strange...)
I think differences are important.
What's most important to me, though, is this divine entheogenic work.
She just crawled into bed and I'm going to drift off to sleep with her.
Goodnight, I know everybody here will find their infinite love mirror!!

 

[azrael]

Spent some time floating through relationships looking for the wrong things

Currently single, walking my path, and keeping my eyes open.

I'd have a hard time being close to someone without sharing any experiences with them; I wouldn't see it lasting very long if full disclosure was not an option. I have no idea how to actually approach the topic (other than veeery carefully, :lol, I'm not really even comfortable chatting directly about psychedelics in public.

I really like that idea from another thread, "there are many very open minded people out there, and they're not always who you'd suspect." Kind of lets you give everyone a shot at being a real person (or insert whatever label is most fitting for your views) without getting too specific.

My hope is to find someone that can be their own noun and not always just some adjective.

 

[soulfood]

I used to think that I was single because of my use of pychedelics.

At one point in time it was probably true. When I was 20 years old I went away to music college and my current girlfriend of the time was studying literature 300 miles north. It was always a bit of a long distance relationship, but in a way that reinforced it. She'd join in with smoking weed and on a good few occasions enjoyed the magic fungus, but around the time she started receiving late night phone calls from some young guy who'd just discovered MDMA, she seemed to just give up on the whole thing... ah! she broke it off on the phone just by pure coincidence it would be after the night I'd eaten 6 pills and 4 shots of genuine absinthe.... that's actually pretty fucking shattering btw... phew. I remember at the time I said "yeah, we're still young, it's probably for the best" this is after I've just been woken up by my house mate with the phone. After I hung up I did the biggest double take EVER. I can look back on it and laugh now, but at the time OUCH!

Anyway I haven't used MDMA for a good couple of years now. I wrote it off as a big pack of lies. No substance.

Now I'm DMT and cactus exclusive. I recently quit tabacco and only smoke weed with a friend I see once every month or so. I'm 25 now and since that relationship when I was 20 I've had 1 encounter with a girl I fell for on MDMA about 2 years ago... so fleeting and damn that stuff it set me back a good few years. But rather than blaming my singleness on the fact that I'm "different" I'm 100% sure it more because I don't get out much. Living in a small british town miles away from anything of real interest is not the best place to start a progressive thinking fanbase

However if I should stumble upon a suitable young lady, I've never been more equipped with a brighter pair of eyes than I have now, mainly thanks to DMT. The important thing is not to miss what was never there. Too many folk I know see every girl they meet to have "potential" whereas I like to probe a little deeper than what can be acheived in a quick introduction, yet I'm not quite pushy enough to squeaze in a further enquiry. I guess with the right folk you don't have to.

As for the sticks on a stove... well my house mates didn't seem too bothered about it once I disovered the orange. But all up to that... well no one likes the smell of xylene after a hard days work do they? Understandable.

In the mean time I just enjoy all beings for what they are, because you don't need to fall asleep hugging someone to love them... if that were true I'd probably take everyone to bed You just have to be a pillar of infinite understanding and maybe some day some one will return the favour.

however all that aside, Ms Minx... I like your style.

 

[ms_manic_minxx]

Late night prowls with the changuar revealed some intensely Freudian things... :shock: (My journeys always get SO FREUDIAN, does this happen to anyone else?? Sex, birth, and consciousness tend to lose distinction, and thinking about one brings insights about all of three?)

I saw my dad (we stay in touch, granted) for the first time since I began my work with Aya (he lives out of the country). One of the girls I work with asked if seeing him recently stirred up my sudden and random musings about Dream Man. I refuted the idea, but now I have to unrefute, I think it subconsciously did.

Ayahuasca/DMT have totally changed my perspective on life.

I used to be an insanely clingy person because I was terrified to be alone with myself and my problems. I had a "need" to be with someone to distract me from that background noise...

But now, I've sorted the baggage, and since I don't NEED to be with anyone, I am free to choose how and on what terms. I can't be with anyone who is still engaging relationships REACTIVELY, unconsciously (due to my steady consumption of botanicals that force me into brutally honest examinations of life ).

That's one of the reasons why my few recent dates lately have rubbed me the wrong way. These people didn't just have problems, they wanted to keep their problems, like pets, and feed them and coddle them and watch them grow big and fat. No judgement, I just don't want to be involved. Different headspace.

The other thing that sort of goes along with all my work with the molecule, is the fact that I've processed so much pain from being born into a totally screwed up family. If I have the choice between unconsciously replicating an environment that was such a painful experience, or consciously creating a space of love for a child... I can't waste my time with selfish, shallow relationships for entertainment purposes only. (Like watching TV?)

I hit a huge new hallmark with Ayahuasca over the holidays. I originally started drinking because I was so depressed and had worked out the nuts and bolts of a painless suicide; two years later, cured, I made the conscious decision to--at some point, not now, probably in about 10 years, I have some books to publish and green businesses to open --actually accept the notion of bringing life into the world.

I NEVER wanted kids before. I used to be terrified of them, and even hated them, at a point in my past--mostly out of a lack of compassion for myself and experiences. (I don't have baby fever, I've just accepted it will be another part of my spiritual unfoldment at some point in life, instead recoiling with disgust and violent denial.)

So, before my second launch, I gave thanks and said a simple prayer for love. After being inspected by giant spider entities, I made contact with the spirit of my future child. Two hands reached out from behind a veil and held mine. Later, my heart opened immensely, and the spirits of all these suffering and needy infants came to me, I had to give them love. It was an interesting experience/response, too, that seems to indicate I've made incredible progress of making peace with myself.

I don't know, so there are a lot of deep forces stirring the pot that is my mind. I had no idea how far this was going or if it makes any sense, but thanks for letting me share, and for all the replies. I guess these are more of a reflection on the inner states that have produced my state of mind, and thoughts about Dream Man.

Definitely can't waste time chasing "potential" and things that aren't there...

 

[Ident]

Definitely can't waste time chasing "potential" and things that aren't there...

This whole question deserves a FAR more detailed answer but I just had to quickly post and agree with exactly what you've ended with there. It's the same thing I'm coming to realise right now....

 

[jamie]

I have been alone for nearly 2 years becasue of all the above stated reasons..beenthere done that...been through horrible relationships..

There hasnt even been A girl at all in my life in this time...I didnt want one..too much pressure and I hate trying to be something Im not for someone else..I have been fine all alone..I donthave many friends and im fine with that as well..I was never popular anyway and got used to being by myself alot..

Then I very randomly met a girl a month ago..and I cant stop thinking about her..its driving me insane..I dont even know why im talking about it here it feels soo strange..but its bothering me because im afraid im going to get caught up in something that gets my hopes up and then be let down...I hate that shit.

I cant read her...I dont know what this girl wants..all i know is I dont think i have ever wanted to really know another person so badly...it sucks becasue it makes me feel lonely now sitting here by myself at 4 am typing on the internet about it haha..its making my head spin in circles..

Is this what it feels like to be alive?...feels like im on a rollercoaster..uneasy.

 

[jamie]

"Definitely can't waste time chasing "potential"

..for what its worth..both aya and mescaline have told me over and over that thats something i need to actaully do more...but thats just where i am in life..i spent my whole life extremely introverted and too afraid to really go after certain things that were right there in front of me...

I think thats what life is about in some ways...

I think aya is trying to tell me to lighten up and stop being so dman stubborn with this whole spiritual thing...it actaully is starting to make me feel that I am the superficial one that only tries to meet other "spiritual" people...

I was feeling fine all alone..until i met this girl...now I feel like I want something more..but Im not even sure...im all confused...it kinda sucks...

 

[obliguhl]

I don't have any experience with this. All I can say is, that my standards are constantly rising. I've been alone for so long, that I won't settle for anyone. It makes no sense beside possible sexual relief. A lot of girls actually annoy me and I noticed that I can only tolerate them because of their physical beauty.

I'm not sure if I believe in that special someone. I sometimes really wish I would find this person, but I'm not sure if i'm not only associating things with it that aren't really there in the first place.

I'd rather like to change the things which lead me to be alone...my social incompetence for instance.

@fractal enchantment
Well, that's how it feels to have a crush on someone..:lol:

 

[Jorkest]

I think aya is trying to tell me to lighten up and stop being so dman stubborn with this whole spiritual thing...

thats what im sayin!!

 

[Dimitrius]

I don't know, is there anything wrong with imagining getting lucky enough to meet someone who respects himself, respects the Earth, likes the smell of oranges, nurtures a few cute houseplants in the window, and can bring me a mug of Caapi tea if I am sick in bed with the Blueberry Flu? Okay, and isn't too scared to talk about things like time, birth, and death?

IS THAT TOO MUCH?!?!?! Argh.

I wouldn't say that's too much to ask. I would say, "How strong would you like your caapi? and would you like me to add some tulsi? a bit of raw honey?"


I am single. 24 years here.

Haven't been in a relationship since October of 2006. It was a short, but cosmic, occurrence.

 

[Infinite I]

Ive been with my girlfriend for just over two years and we love each other very much but both of us are starting to think it may not work, well her, because of my psychedelic use. She now realises she cant control me and if she cant accept it then it will be over because I cant not be who I am. When I met her she said is there anything I should know and I told her I really like psychedelics and use them fairly reguarly in different situations and she accepted it but now that im practically living with her shes hitting out with all this bullshit, thing is I rarely take them around her and they benefit me and they can be great fun too, shes tried cappi twice and done well and seen the value in it but that was a long time ago, she doesnt have a relationship with different psychs like I do, i think shes jealous and wish she would maybe dose and appreciate these things or just chill the fuck out lol

I hear you on your social incompotance oblighul, I can be like that too

 

[obliguhl]

I hear you on your social incompotance oblighul, I can be like that too

It's not only that. I'm also coming off kinda creepy and somehow childish. It also happens pretty often, that people think I'm somewhat retarded..I certainly am in a social way to they treat me like I'm beeing dumb or something.

 

[jamie]

When I go out with people to bars and such..well get dragged to these places:d ...people are always asking me if I am bored..thinking I am bored etc..becasue I am not into it..and to me thats just like them telling me that I am boring..which i probly am to them..which is fine..Im just not into discustingly rediculous men getting hammered and trying to grope every needy girl that walks by...I mean clubs where guys have to pay a cover charge, but all girls get in free WTF is up with that?..what the hell is wrong with people?...dont they get the message that sends?

If thats social incompetance than sure..il put a checkmark in that box!...god I hope im deeper than THAT...

Reading my lasts posts make me feel weird and EMO, haha..now that ive sobered up anyway..since I ended up at one of THOSE places last night..luckily there were others there that felt DRAGGED there as well...so I wasnt all alone...

Im not a drinker..I dont like it...but SOOSOSOOO many people are...they like rely on it to meet people...on the most shallow level of personal interaction..i HATE it...I dont want some half assed relationship with some person that doesnt get me at all..someone that i have to PUT ON A MASK for...and do some rediculous dance that isnt me...

I want something that is like cosmic or nothing at all...when I tell people that they tell me I am being to picky..but it's better than being with someone and and feeling more alone than ever before...thats the worst stiuation possible..to be with someone yet feel a million miles apart the whole time...with that giant cavern only becomming wider and wider..I dont know how people do it..perhaps they just drink a little bit more..

People always tell me Im to quiet as well..some girl told me that last night...but I felt like I could have basically asked her why the hell she felt the need to be so damn loud and talk and talk and talk and dress like freakin paris hilton...like maybe stop talking and open your ears for a second...I find that people REALLY like to talk, yet rarely listen...its such a turn off...seems like if you dress like paris though all problems are solved...

And yes I always make sure that a girl knows about my entheogenic use...I dont need to tell other random people...but if I like a girl I couldnt hide that from them...its too big a part of my life...the medicine path number 1 in my life..and any girl that is going to be with me needs to accept that 100% or it will NEVER work...I dont care if they take them with me...but they NEED to accept me and respect me for the things that make me who I am...otherwise they are not even really looking at me...I dont want to playthe role of someone else's illusion..been there and done that..never ends well..


Same with sex...I just dont care at all anymore about it unless I find someone I love..it just ends up being a huge distraction..I havent had sex in over a year and really I dont even care anymore until I find someone that I want to have sex with...I cant imagine just sleeping with some random girl that I dont really care about...thats one of the things that entheogensreally showed me..I dont want to have random sex with girls..Id rather make love to someone Im in love with...its just 101000000000000 times better...

Anyways i realize im ranting..im finished now:d

 

[L_Star]

21/M/ here. My partner is a no go for anything that is classes as prohibited in our country. But thats good, as i dont want to date someone similar, i want opposite for the varity of life hopefully, as they say opposites attract.

R&R
L

 

[jamie]

"as they say opposites attract"

Yeah i find thats very true...

BTW soulfood..that was a very beautiful post!

 

[VisualDistortion]

People always tell me Im to quiet as well..some girl told me that last night...but I felt like I could have basically asked her why the hell she felt the need to be so damn loud and talk and talk and talk and dress like freakin paris hilton...like maybe stop talking and open your ears for a second...I find that people REALLY like to talk, yet rarely listen...its such a turn off...seems like if you dress like paris though all problems are solved...

20/m/california

Reminds me of a line from fight club, "When people think that you are dying they really listen to you instead of just waiting for their turn to talk." Of course what you are saying has nothing to do with dying, but that quote always sticks with me.

I for one consider myself a very social person, but I have a hard time finding a girl I am really into. It seems as if people have no depth. I met a girl a few years back and we were pretty wild for each other but she moved soon after. I lost touch with her but I still think of her now and then. Early in childhood I was not good in social settings and didn't get over that for a while because I was home schooled for a period of time. I worked hard to cure myself of that. Now I have no problem meeting people and making friends.

My biggest problem in common social settings like parties is that there is not alot of conversation of substance happening. Alot of what people are saying is just mindless small talk. I just can't seem to do that. I feel that if I'm going to speak it should be something worth saying. Another thing I hate is the constant pressure to get laid. I want to find someone that I really WANT to have sex with, not bang every random nightcrawler at a party. That is how you get a disease, lose meaningful connection with people, and eventually objectify women.