Fhat the Wuck
Rising Star
Finally a saturday or sunday i didn´t forget to register (thank you google) and while some days passed i found some time to say hello and introduce myself.
I´m a child of the 80s and my first childhood memories are when i looked up to the sky and felt to be a part of something much much bigger, while i was amazed by the milky way which is seen quite well in clear nights from the small village in western Germany where i was born and grew up.
While our space and rocket program was stopped in ´45 Germany has a significant lag on opportunities to become an astronaut and my eyesight did not meet the requirements to become a fighter pilot, i decided if Germany won´t let me fly planes i at least wanted to jump out of ´em. And so i did, sometimes even at night armed to the tooth and became a Sergeant in a tank busting specialized paratrooper unit.
After 4 years of service government fucked me and my live plans over with the new army structures and i started studying Aeronautical and Space technologies where i made my diploma in terminating insane amounts of alcohol and a PhD. in hook ups, while i started working briefly as a model whichnone of those, obviously, helps with becoming an engineer.
Here i also first time heard about that the guys from TooL, which i am a big fan of, are big DMT fans got me "The spirit molecule" and Meshuggah´s "Ayahuasca Experiment" didn´t became less disturbing but made more sense at least.
Then, having lost my parents in 2006 to cancer and with no other opportunity to earn money, i became part of the capitalistic hell some idiots where defending just because they where not smart enough to understand what Marx explained in "Das Kapital".
While i worked like a horse gotten payed like a pony, my wonderful live all of the sudden got a crack and got somewhat shitty.
I met a girl in Berlin, moved there, founded a company with her and learned first hand what mental abuse feels like, not that the bruises and pieces of skin bitten out of my upper body felt like a lot of fun, but after i almost ended up homeless, my inner self was best compared with Berlin or Dresden ´45.
Broke as fuck i couldn't even afford food the last days of the month and even thought i tried to get hands on DMT and while Berlin can supply you with every fucking drug out there, DMT was no where to find, even today its almost impossible to find it there.
It took me 6 years to get back on my feet again and close the wounds enough to start somewhat living again.
Started an job education as a metalworker and wielder, finally got back on an own motorcycle again, went back to school and studied mechanical engineering, which i finished this year, and got married last year in November,... 2 month after i could not work anymore because of the mental abuse i got myself back into from the woman i married then.
Something was utterly wrong with my mind, and acid, which helped me at least a bit the past years, came to it´s end with its abilities and so i got myself MHRB, extracted the shit out of it and holy mother was the first trip a kick in the balls.
While for more then a quarter of my live i felt like i have to go there my first thought when i came back was "ACH DU SCHEIßE" followed by "ACH DU SCHEIßE" and " I am never gonna do this again, ever, no fucking chance" i guess i really was walking in circles and after 45 - 60 minutes i knew i could go again right now and i maybe should but i was blocked by fear. I knew i defiantly would go for it again, but i also knew what´s to come from now on ain´t fun, ain´t fair, ain´t what i searched for but is nessecary.
That´s roughly 4 month ago, i got myself a lot more MHRB and also MDMA and Moclobemid, i work with that combination now every time the "universe" gives me to understand it is time again.
Still no Hyperspace but i could solve the trauma from Berlin in the last session, actually understood it was not even just mine but my parent´s. Getting bombed the first 4 or 5 years of living and then for 10-15 years having almost nothing to eat leaves a mark it seems.
I never saw that problem of German society but i am by far not the only one with parents that got traumatized in a way that would make them traumatizing their kids in such a subtle and almost invisible way, that it ain´t much easier then open abuse in some regards.
But now stabilized myself emotionally and my wife really tried to pushed all the triggers she found the past year and since my last trip they are gone. Sure still a lot of work to do but it feels good to know i have been right all the years, DMT is a key to reprogram not only your behavior but even your source code to become a better friend and support for the ones that love you.
This molecule has to become a part of society and all for most Psychotherapy. At least here things seem to start moving. A company in Berlin has begun to fight for it. I can share the link if there is any interest in it.
So, i hope here i can learn and share what i have learned from time to time and maybe get inspired or even can give some inspiration on some things to someone.
Wish you all a great day, good yield and even better trips.
I´m a child of the 80s and my first childhood memories are when i looked up to the sky and felt to be a part of something much much bigger, while i was amazed by the milky way which is seen quite well in clear nights from the small village in western Germany where i was born and grew up.
While our space and rocket program was stopped in ´45 Germany has a significant lag on opportunities to become an astronaut and my eyesight did not meet the requirements to become a fighter pilot, i decided if Germany won´t let me fly planes i at least wanted to jump out of ´em. And so i did, sometimes even at night armed to the tooth and became a Sergeant in a tank busting specialized paratrooper unit.
After 4 years of service government fucked me and my live plans over with the new army structures and i started studying Aeronautical and Space technologies where i made my diploma in terminating insane amounts of alcohol and a PhD. in hook ups, while i started working briefly as a model whichnone of those, obviously, helps with becoming an engineer.
Here i also first time heard about that the guys from TooL, which i am a big fan of, are big DMT fans got me "The spirit molecule" and Meshuggah´s "Ayahuasca Experiment" didn´t became less disturbing but made more sense at least.
Then, having lost my parents in 2006 to cancer and with no other opportunity to earn money, i became part of the capitalistic hell some idiots where defending just because they where not smart enough to understand what Marx explained in "Das Kapital".
While i worked like a horse gotten payed like a pony, my wonderful live all of the sudden got a crack and got somewhat shitty.
I met a girl in Berlin, moved there, founded a company with her and learned first hand what mental abuse feels like, not that the bruises and pieces of skin bitten out of my upper body felt like a lot of fun, but after i almost ended up homeless, my inner self was best compared with Berlin or Dresden ´45.
Broke as fuck i couldn't even afford food the last days of the month and even thought i tried to get hands on DMT and while Berlin can supply you with every fucking drug out there, DMT was no where to find, even today its almost impossible to find it there.
It took me 6 years to get back on my feet again and close the wounds enough to start somewhat living again.
Started an job education as a metalworker and wielder, finally got back on an own motorcycle again, went back to school and studied mechanical engineering, which i finished this year, and got married last year in November,... 2 month after i could not work anymore because of the mental abuse i got myself back into from the woman i married then.
Something was utterly wrong with my mind, and acid, which helped me at least a bit the past years, came to it´s end with its abilities and so i got myself MHRB, extracted the shit out of it and holy mother was the first trip a kick in the balls.
While for more then a quarter of my live i felt like i have to go there my first thought when i came back was "ACH DU SCHEIßE" followed by "ACH DU SCHEIßE" and " I am never gonna do this again, ever, no fucking chance" i guess i really was walking in circles and after 45 - 60 minutes i knew i could go again right now and i maybe should but i was blocked by fear. I knew i defiantly would go for it again, but i also knew what´s to come from now on ain´t fun, ain´t fair, ain´t what i searched for but is nessecary.
That´s roughly 4 month ago, i got myself a lot more MHRB and also MDMA and Moclobemid, i work with that combination now every time the "universe" gives me to understand it is time again.
Still no Hyperspace but i could solve the trauma from Berlin in the last session, actually understood it was not even just mine but my parent´s. Getting bombed the first 4 or 5 years of living and then for 10-15 years having almost nothing to eat leaves a mark it seems.
I never saw that problem of German society but i am by far not the only one with parents that got traumatized in a way that would make them traumatizing their kids in such a subtle and almost invisible way, that it ain´t much easier then open abuse in some regards.
But now stabilized myself emotionally and my wife really tried to pushed all the triggers she found the past year and since my last trip they are gone. Sure still a lot of work to do but it feels good to know i have been right all the years, DMT is a key to reprogram not only your behavior but even your source code to become a better friend and support for the ones that love you.
This molecule has to become a part of society and all for most Psychotherapy. At least here things seem to start moving. A company in Berlin has begun to fight for it. I can share the link if there is any interest in it.
So, i hope here i can learn and share what i have learned from time to time and maybe get inspired or even can give some inspiration on some things to someone.
Wish you all a great day, good yield and even better trips.
