Arousal Addiction

[jamie]

"Unless you FALL IN LOVE WITH A MIND, everything you are doing is porn/masturbation."

How does one fall in love with someone realistically if they never go out and meet anyone, and are a 30'ish year old virgin without any experience with these sorts of relations? It would be like me expecting to just instantly be with the person I am with now, but just skipping over all my other past experience that led to to her and helped me realize what real love even means to me.

I think it is good to just have some kind of mutual sexual experience at some point though. There is nothing wrong with it. It is not normal to be a virgin your whole life without any other real human contact.

Just becasue you or I or anyone else is where we are now, does not mean that we should invalidate the path that most people origionally start off on that leads them in that direction. It is not normal for someone to just fall in love with a mind without any other experience dating or being sexual with another person etc and live happily ever after. That is rare.

 

[Pandora]

Hey, I did say in my opinion. I also did say I was blessed. And yeah, I sure did get out and attended things/events that interested me to find a similar soul with similar interests. And yep, this was before any kind of consumer internet.

If it is the path of youth to stay home and just enjoy cyber-relationships, that makes me sad.

It's just my opinion. I cannot do anything to invalidate anyone else's experience other than my own. But, I sure can and do express strong opinions. I almost always take a moment to indicate they are nothing but that - just my opinions. And yeah, it's gonna be particularly strong when unimpressive jokes about nazi chicks with bad teeth or whatever ignite the thread.

All I can do is express from my own experience. We've had fun with cute folks. We've both worked in the porn industry. And yep, we both maturbate. There's nothing wrong with these things in our opinion, but they don't last truly long term. Our primary addiction is to each other. I feel I cannot live without him and he has expressed similar to me.

This is what has worked for us long term - the falling in love with a mind business. Anything else just decays, rots, falls off, changes, etc. Trust me on this as it is the truth. A setup for disappoint. I'm blessed that the only thing that will be a turnoff to me in my soulmate is death . . .

 

[obliguhl]

Sometimes i think i should get a new username to get rid of all the baggage sorrounding my name. This isn't a thread about me, even though i use my story to illustrate my point. It is certainly well meant and i appreciate that fact. But i want to keep this thread helpful for all.

There are a couple of things i want to adress. Especially one crucial hasn't been properly understood. I'm going to use a metaphor:

Imagine a car with it's stirringwheel locked sharp to the left. It can only drive in circles, right?

You can come up with 1000 different excuses, or you can just go outside right now.

...translates to "You can come up with 1000 different excuses, or you can just press the gas pedal down"

then it's maybe time to do something radical; go to another country, volunteer for the red cross

"Really put your foot on that pedal and push it down!!"

What good does that do? It makes you go faster in circles. The idea is to take the stirringwheel, unlock it, and THEN drive.

What makes you think strangers are douches? I weep for a world where we all walk down the streets, averting our eyes because we all think eachother douches.

It is sad and i project self-hatred here. This is why this behaviour needs to stop, as this hatred only gets reflected back. In result, my environment will recieve better vibes from me and i'll also have more emotional ressources. It's a win-win, it just needs practice, to weaken the faulty neural connections. That's what it's about.

And another weird thing I learned about changing behavior was when you get rid of a behavior, start a new one the same day. IT doesn't have to be related. But this new behavior will reinforce your change and set new connections in your brain.

I have recently learned, that there is a competition for "Map space" in the brain where all kinds of behavioural and sensational patterns are stored. If you want to unlearn something, it seems to be highly effective to replace a bad habbit with a good one. This way you're leveraging the competitiveness of map space because weakening a pattern + establishing a new, good one at the same time = more bang! This is supposed to work great for obsessive compulsive disorder!

Sexual experience enhanced the number of newly generated neurons in the dentate gyrus with both single and repeated exposures in middle-aged rats.

Apparantly, activation of the dopamine system aids in neuroplasticity. Falling in love and parenting are said to be the two most important periods neuroplasticity wise as we are much easier changed on a biological level.

This is my trip right now...weakening unhealthy neural connections and good, new habits.
I hope that you're benefiting from the ideas presented in this thread. This is only possible if you are willing to see behind my personal story and try to understand what this is really about: Remodeling your brain

 

[Korey]

There's nothing wrong with enjoying aesthetic/pleasure inducing attributes of life...Restricting completely natural and healthy pleasures is denying the individual of humanity, and its backed up with nothing more than some goofy dogma and fancy language.

As for addicted to masturbation? If your masturbatory habits interfere with your life negatively then you may have a problem.

 

[hug46]

What makes you think strangers are douches? I weep for a world where we all walk down the streets, averting our eyes because we all think eachother douches.

It is sad and i project self-hatred here. This is why this behaviour needs to stop, as this hatred only gets reflected back. In result, my environment will recieve better vibes from me and i'll also have more emotional ressources. It's a win-win, it just needs practice, to weaken the faulty neural connections. That's what it's about.

Next time you walk down the street, smile at a stranger. If they smile back, i guarantee it will strengthen a faulty neural connection, if they don"t theyre probably a douche so just move on to the next one. This is a small, easy step to help move away from self hatred (i can relate to a bit of self loathing, happens to the best of us). If this doesn"t work, please feel free to kick my cyber butt :thumb_up:

 

[Jin]

What makes you think strangers are douches? I weep for a world where we all walk down the streets, averting our eyes because we all think eachother douches.

It is sad and i project self-hatred here. This is why this behaviour needs to stop, as this hatred only gets reflected back. In result, my environment will recieve better vibes from me and i'll also have more emotional ressources. It's a win-win, it just needs practice, to weaken the faulty neural connections. That's what it's about.

Next time you walk down the street, smile at a stranger. If they smile back, i guarantee it will strengthen a faulty neural connection, if they don"t theyre probably a douche so just move on to the next one. This is a small, easy step to help move away from self hatred (i can relate to a bit of self loathing, happens to the best of us). If this doesn"t work, please feel free to kick my cyber butt :thumb_up:

instant enlightenment .... the awake REM method - Methods of Exploring Consciousness - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

Preferential Biosynthesis and Retention of Endogenous DMT (a progressive thread) - DMT Discussion - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

and another thing i would like to add is :lol:

 

[InMotion]

Well, I'd like to kind of turn this thread around a bit. I see a huge focus on masturbation and porn.

Personally I stopped watching porn for 30 days or more now. I noticed very little if any changes in my personality or interactions with others. If anything it made me more of a horn-ball. Nothing wrong with that but it does get a bit annoying constantly dealing with innate lust lol. It wasn't hard to make this change for me, then again I'm not a porn or masturbation addict(ITS NORMAL AND EVEN HEALTHY TO MASTURBATE DAILY GUYS AND GIRLS!).

Anyways, aside from sex, arousal addiction isn't only for pornography. How about not listening to music on computers, cellphones, ipods, etc for a month? Clearly music has just a drastic effect on people and plays into arousal addiction... Don't see people giving that one up, just the sex stuff?

Or relying on cellphones for information, locations, or text messaging/calling people daily. That definitely plays a big effect too but I don't see much mention of that.

Or heck the computer is probably the epitome of arousal addiction. Can find hundreds of pictures to look through, documentaries to watch, pages to read, at the snap of a few fingers over and over hundreds of times a day, etc.

So it seems weird(to me at least) how some things in 'arousal addiction' we seem more inclined to give up while other's its a 'no-way'. Is it guilt driven?

Maybe its more about balance? More about not wanking off to kinky hard-sex pornography 3 times a day, blasting really stimulating music 24/7, or having 30 tabs open in fire-fox at all times, and in between text messaging people about what you had for lunch.

I didn't listen to music for two days sometime last year and I remember being so calm and low in anxiety. I'd be curious to see what other people say if they choose to experiment with that.

 

[Mickey_Mouse_33]

Well, I'd like to kind of turn this thread around a bit. [...] Maybe its more about balance? More about not wanking off to kinky hard-sex pornography 3 times a day, blasting really stimulating music 24/7, or having 30 tabs open in fire-fox at all times, and in between text messaging people about what you had for lunch.

Love this post! You add some thought worthy perspective. However, to myself add yet another perspective, I must share that after abstaining from both porn and masturbation for just three weeks last month I noticed a HUGE shift within my being. Placebo or not:

- I got a lot more confident
- My minor social anxiety was oblitererad
- I got more clearheaded and I sorta went automatically with the flow easier
- Music sounded noticeable better, this side effect how unrelated it may sound, has been reported by many more over @ reddit/r/nofap. I also got a greater lust for playing music and painting.
- I got so much energy it was unbelievable and a much more positive and happier mood.

This might of course sound totally unrealistic but keep also in mind that I used to masturbate to porn at least once a day, many days two times. If you havn't experimented with this I highly recommend it, I mean, why not? Yeah it might be natural to masturbate, but how natural is porn really? How does it affect our brain to get a new prospect, a new successful human to mate with by the click of the mouse?

I didn't listen to music for two days sometime last year and I remember being so calm and low in anxiety. I'd be curious to see what other people say if they choose to experiment with that.

Intriguing! Consider my experiment with this underway.

 

[Mickey_Mouse_33]

Intriguing! Consider my experiment with this underway.

Um yeah I just smoalked a bowl and there is no way I am doing this any longer. I think I might be addicted :|

edit: Come to really think of it, how can this not be a drug? I know a drug when I see one.[YOUTUBE]

 

[Mickey_Mouse_33]

To stop listening to music was way harder than stopping masturbating or porn and I am not even remotely joking.