Finally, here is the conclusion to my fantastical voyage. I hope you enjoy reading this series as much as I did writing it.
To understand the headspace I was in, I suggest you read the first part of the series.
Link to Part One.
I finished the movie I had been watching, and still being off-baseline from the Psilly-Spice, I decided that it was time to see what the Salvia Sentients were up to this grand evening. I often start my forays into the Salvinorin Seas with a couple tokes of plain leaf, to test the waters. To see if I get a benevolent feeling from the entities, or if it simply isn't the right time to pay them a visit. I loaded up roughly 200mg of plain leaf and took it in one large hit. Before I blew the toke out, I was experiencing the folding/blooming that is so familiar to me after years of working with this plant. On the back of my eyelids I saw a multicolored 2-D barn, like something out of a child's picture pop-up book. Candycane lanes lined with barbershop poles ran beside the flat, cardboard-like barn. The omnipresent entities were waving me in, welcoming me home. I smiled, and felt the euphoria return from my Psilly-Spice trip. As the effects tapered off, I thought to myself, “That felt stronger than normal. The 4-ACO must be synergizing with it to some degree.” I briefly considered caution, then caught myself. I have been attempting to push past my limits in many areas of my life as of late, and I felt that this was as good a time as any to push past that hesitation and see if I could make some meaningful contact with a being that resides in Salviaspace. Sit down and have some tea and crumpets, chat about the weather, rather than my usual wave and smile as I stand on a distant peak far away from their immediate view.
I weighed out 40mg of 25x, hurriedly packed it into my bowl, and ripped it in one fast toke. I barely had enough time to place my bong and lighter by my bedside when reality started to fold, and I began to bloom into Salviaspace like some strange alien flower. A steady and strong pull to my left, drawing me into the bizarre realm of the Salvinorin. A purple could? Some sort of mist. Very difficult to describe. Then more water imagery, flowing, cascading, whirling. The feeling of being pressed through a rubber balloon, the air inside it being like helium. Lighter than air. Stripes, red, white, and gold along the interior of this dome. Still floating, levitating, the feeling of weightless. Suspended in the fog of some other reality. A clicking, humming, buzzing sound. Louder and louder. Then a POP.
It's as if I've floated down onto a paved street. The street isn't like asphalt. It's like rubber, or a wrestling mat. Soft and spongy. Trees and fields and a small house line the street. I walk down it, then enter a house. I wander this strange multicolored dwelling. There is a fireplace, furniture, all the amenities. Things look familiar, but also alien. The ceiling pulsates like I am inside some living creature which is only pretending to be the shape of a house. I climb spiraling stairs and enter a door at the top. There is a small being, a little girl like figure. She waves, smiles, and laughs. She is playing with large marbles which look like planets. I forget how to speak. I stand there transfixed, unable to move or speak. The vision fades, and I feel more pulling and whirling.
I am in a purgatory of sorts. A white washed void where nothing seems to exist. There is no 'I', there is nothing but pure white nothingness. I can see my hands and my feet. They are made up of pure energy. This is something I have never experienced. I am never able to see my own form in the realms of Salvia. I marvel at the look of my hands, my fingers, my toes. They are coursing with energy, I am coursing with energy, yet there is no I. The space and I are the same. It is a waiting room for the soul. A strange and neutral existence. No emotion, no self, almost no thought at all. Just pure being.
An entity materializes in front of me. He is small, humanoid, dark purple/blue skin. White hair. Wearing some sort of cloak/robe. He reaches towards me and I feel a sharp electric twang. He looks confused. He says, without speaking, “You're not supposed to be here.” I am nothing but an observer at this point, I cannot speak or move or even realize what it is to speak or move. He continues, “You're not supposed to be here. How did you get here?” I think I manage something akin to a mental shrug. He touches me again and there is the same electric feeling, but less jarring. I feel like I am a battery cell being charged, or a tank being filled with fuel. It feels like I'm about to explode with energy. My hands are radiating energy, brighter than the white washed void. So bright. His expressions change from happy to sad to angry to pity to....an infinite array of emotions that I did not even know exist. His white hairs are like lightning rods, sparking and crackling. He pulls away and the feeling subsides just as I thought I could not take any more of it. Then he begins his (the best word I can come up with) interrogation.
(All references to 'I' are simply for a flowing dialogues sake. There was no 'I' in this place. Only 'We' which was everything)
“You may speak.”
“What? What is this? What is going on? What am I?”
“You are here. We need to know how you got here.”
“Where is here? I don't know what this is. I don't know what is happening.”
“Calm. Relax. We want to know how you got here.”
“I don't know.”
“You cannot be here. You are not ready.”
“Where am I?”
“With us.”
“But where?”
“You are with us.”
“I don't understand.”
“You can't understand. You are not ready.”
“I want to understand.”
“Not now. You are not ready.”
“I want to ask so many things.”
“We will answer.”
“Who are you?”
“We are you, you are us. We are part of everything here.”
“Where is here?”
“It is our existence.”
“I want to understand.”
“We need to know how you got to this place.”
“I don't know. I don't know where I am. I was pulled here.”
“You must not speak about this place.”
“Why?”
“You must not.”
“Why?”
“We do not want intrusions.”
“When will I be ready?”
“Perhaps never.”
“But I want to stay.”
“You must go. You must not speak of this place.”
*I could feel the pulling, the blooming starting to happen. I tried to fight against it desperately.
“You must go. You may come back when you are ready.”
I faded back into reality slowly. I laid there with strange thoughts flowing through my mind. My ego reintegrating, the memories of my life returning. Then the shock hit. I sat up, very disoriented, eyes wide open. Visuals still morphing and fluxing all over my room. The wall beside me looked purple and blue, like the Salvia being's skin. I touched it and it felt sharp and cold, unpleasant. I thought to myself, “I can't believe it. I finally saw them!” I tried to stand up and caught myself off balance. I fell to the ground, laughing. I got up and stumbled to the keyboard. My hands wouldn't work. The keys had letters on them that weren't English. I took several deep breaths and closed my eyes. The CEV's were still very apparent. I opened my eyes and saw the water bottle on the desk. I drank from it, trying to reintegrate as quickly as possible. I needed to write it down. I needed to record it. I needed to share it. It must be told. I must speak about it. I wrote the conversation in as much detail as I could while it was still vivid and fresh.
Going back over the dialogue now, weeks later, it seems like a dream. It seems almost surreal, almost not real. Did I really have that conversation? I can still remember what the purple man looked like. It was very real. He seemed real. I felt him touch me. I felt him fill me with energy. I cannot explain it. Where was that place I went to? They let me see them. And they told me I wasn't ready yet? What do I have to accomplish to be ready? So many questions, spiraling into obsession. My journal is a field of question marks. One page is a huge question mark in the midst of a field of question marks. I want answers, but they will not come. As they told me, perhaps never.
I will make it back to that place. I will speak of it. I will learn of it. I will become ready.
To understand the headspace I was in, I suggest you read the first part of the series.
Link to Part One.
I finished the movie I had been watching, and still being off-baseline from the Psilly-Spice, I decided that it was time to see what the Salvia Sentients were up to this grand evening. I often start my forays into the Salvinorin Seas with a couple tokes of plain leaf, to test the waters. To see if I get a benevolent feeling from the entities, or if it simply isn't the right time to pay them a visit. I loaded up roughly 200mg of plain leaf and took it in one large hit. Before I blew the toke out, I was experiencing the folding/blooming that is so familiar to me after years of working with this plant. On the back of my eyelids I saw a multicolored 2-D barn, like something out of a child's picture pop-up book. Candycane lanes lined with barbershop poles ran beside the flat, cardboard-like barn. The omnipresent entities were waving me in, welcoming me home. I smiled, and felt the euphoria return from my Psilly-Spice trip. As the effects tapered off, I thought to myself, “That felt stronger than normal. The 4-ACO must be synergizing with it to some degree.” I briefly considered caution, then caught myself. I have been attempting to push past my limits in many areas of my life as of late, and I felt that this was as good a time as any to push past that hesitation and see if I could make some meaningful contact with a being that resides in Salviaspace. Sit down and have some tea and crumpets, chat about the weather, rather than my usual wave and smile as I stand on a distant peak far away from their immediate view.
I weighed out 40mg of 25x, hurriedly packed it into my bowl, and ripped it in one fast toke. I barely had enough time to place my bong and lighter by my bedside when reality started to fold, and I began to bloom into Salviaspace like some strange alien flower. A steady and strong pull to my left, drawing me into the bizarre realm of the Salvinorin. A purple could? Some sort of mist. Very difficult to describe. Then more water imagery, flowing, cascading, whirling. The feeling of being pressed through a rubber balloon, the air inside it being like helium. Lighter than air. Stripes, red, white, and gold along the interior of this dome. Still floating, levitating, the feeling of weightless. Suspended in the fog of some other reality. A clicking, humming, buzzing sound. Louder and louder. Then a POP.
It's as if I've floated down onto a paved street. The street isn't like asphalt. It's like rubber, or a wrestling mat. Soft and spongy. Trees and fields and a small house line the street. I walk down it, then enter a house. I wander this strange multicolored dwelling. There is a fireplace, furniture, all the amenities. Things look familiar, but also alien. The ceiling pulsates like I am inside some living creature which is only pretending to be the shape of a house. I climb spiraling stairs and enter a door at the top. There is a small being, a little girl like figure. She waves, smiles, and laughs. She is playing with large marbles which look like planets. I forget how to speak. I stand there transfixed, unable to move or speak. The vision fades, and I feel more pulling and whirling.
I am in a purgatory of sorts. A white washed void where nothing seems to exist. There is no 'I', there is nothing but pure white nothingness. I can see my hands and my feet. They are made up of pure energy. This is something I have never experienced. I am never able to see my own form in the realms of Salvia. I marvel at the look of my hands, my fingers, my toes. They are coursing with energy, I am coursing with energy, yet there is no I. The space and I are the same. It is a waiting room for the soul. A strange and neutral existence. No emotion, no self, almost no thought at all. Just pure being.
An entity materializes in front of me. He is small, humanoid, dark purple/blue skin. White hair. Wearing some sort of cloak/robe. He reaches towards me and I feel a sharp electric twang. He looks confused. He says, without speaking, “You're not supposed to be here.” I am nothing but an observer at this point, I cannot speak or move or even realize what it is to speak or move. He continues, “You're not supposed to be here. How did you get here?” I think I manage something akin to a mental shrug. He touches me again and there is the same electric feeling, but less jarring. I feel like I am a battery cell being charged, or a tank being filled with fuel. It feels like I'm about to explode with energy. My hands are radiating energy, brighter than the white washed void. So bright. His expressions change from happy to sad to angry to pity to....an infinite array of emotions that I did not even know exist. His white hairs are like lightning rods, sparking and crackling. He pulls away and the feeling subsides just as I thought I could not take any more of it. Then he begins his (the best word I can come up with) interrogation.
(All references to 'I' are simply for a flowing dialogues sake. There was no 'I' in this place. Only 'We' which was everything)
“You may speak.”
“What? What is this? What is going on? What am I?”
“You are here. We need to know how you got here.”
“Where is here? I don't know what this is. I don't know what is happening.”
“Calm. Relax. We want to know how you got here.”
“I don't know.”
“You cannot be here. You are not ready.”
“Where am I?”
“With us.”
“But where?”
“You are with us.”
“I don't understand.”
“You can't understand. You are not ready.”
“I want to understand.”
“Not now. You are not ready.”
“I want to ask so many things.”
“We will answer.”
“Who are you?”
“We are you, you are us. We are part of everything here.”
“Where is here?”
“It is our existence.”
“I want to understand.”
“We need to know how you got to this place.”
“I don't know. I don't know where I am. I was pulled here.”
“You must not speak about this place.”
“Why?”
“You must not.”
“Why?”
“We do not want intrusions.”
“When will I be ready?”
“Perhaps never.”
“But I want to stay.”
“You must go. You must not speak of this place.”
*I could feel the pulling, the blooming starting to happen. I tried to fight against it desperately.
“You must go. You may come back when you are ready.”
I faded back into reality slowly. I laid there with strange thoughts flowing through my mind. My ego reintegrating, the memories of my life returning. Then the shock hit. I sat up, very disoriented, eyes wide open. Visuals still morphing and fluxing all over my room. The wall beside me looked purple and blue, like the Salvia being's skin. I touched it and it felt sharp and cold, unpleasant. I thought to myself, “I can't believe it. I finally saw them!” I tried to stand up and caught myself off balance. I fell to the ground, laughing. I got up and stumbled to the keyboard. My hands wouldn't work. The keys had letters on them that weren't English. I took several deep breaths and closed my eyes. The CEV's were still very apparent. I opened my eyes and saw the water bottle on the desk. I drank from it, trying to reintegrate as quickly as possible. I needed to write it down. I needed to record it. I needed to share it. It must be told. I must speak about it. I wrote the conversation in as much detail as I could while it was still vivid and fresh.
Going back over the dialogue now, weeks later, it seems like a dream. It seems almost surreal, almost not real. Did I really have that conversation? I can still remember what the purple man looked like. It was very real. He seemed real. I felt him touch me. I felt him fill me with energy. I cannot explain it. Where was that place I went to? They let me see them. And they told me I wasn't ready yet? What do I have to accomplish to be ready? So many questions, spiraling into obsession. My journal is a field of question marks. One page is a huge question mark in the midst of a field of question marks. I want answers, but they will not come. As they told me, perhaps never.
I will make it back to that place. I will speak of it. I will learn of it. I will become ready.
