Ayahuasca Breakthrough/ Be careful what you ask for

[Tmcgee]

*In a previous post I was asking people information on dosage for an ayahuasca breakthrough.
Well I got what I asked for and im also lucky I took a smaller dose than planned. with 250 mg harmine/harmaline and an unknown but obviously pretty large dose of acrb I had about an hour breakthrough/ near death experience. I forgot to breathe several times and I almost peed and pooped myself. I confronted multiple demons and all I did for an hour and a half was pray to God that it would end and I wouldn't die. Luckily my wife was there to help talk me down because I kept slipping back in. It was so intense that I didn't enjoy it at all and I wouldn't wish that kind of experience on my worst enemy, I felt like I was literally in hell. It went beyond terror, it made all my smoked dmt breakthroughs look like childs play. This was the worst experience of my entire life but also one of the most important as well. It completely changed me and I cant look back or unexperience it. I would not suggest anyone do this in fact I would fervently oppose doing what I did, especially alone. My wife had to do deliverance on me and spoke to one of the demons inside me. It was the scariest thing ever, and im pretty sure that if I was alone I would have died. It was completely different from any dmt experience ive ever had.
Do not do what I did. I feel like an idiot because I got what I asked for. Furthermore im so humbled right now. It made me feel like my life was being wasted up until now and I felt so small and weak coming out of this that it was almost unbearable. I probably said oh my God more than a hundred times. This will be my last post. please be cautious if you are going to mess with this stuff.

 

[Hyperspace Fool]

For what it's worth Tmcgee, most of the hardcore psychonauts here know what you went through and can sympathize. I understand your terror and the reaction to it perfectly.

While I do think that you probably had an NDE, I don't think you would have died. Without any other substances involved (stimulants, SSRIs, anti psychotics or the like) it is likely you just would wish you were dying... and those breakthroughs can be at least partly outside of time in spaces that seem to last forever. Having a horror trip that seems to go on for ages and eons is no joke.

Dark entities can really ruin your day. Any serious psychonaut needs to prepare for and train up their ability to avoid such encounters and rid themselves of such demonic presences in their life. It is hard enough when you know how to protect yourself... I really can't imagine how people with no such ability handle it. I am guessing they just block it out and choose not to remember these things.

Anyway bro. I really hope this is not your last post. I think you should avail yourself of this community. We are here for you. And... I seriously doubt you will find a better group of folks to help you process and integrate your experience. Even talking about this stuff to "normal" folk only makes them worry about your sanity.

Just know that we are here and we love you.

HF

 

[jamie]

Been there more than once. I always say never again, but give it time and it happens again accidentally. I managed to get close again 7 days ago for the first time in over a year with tea..smoking really is psychologically easier to deal with. When your stuck there for over an hour peaking you can have total breakdowns. It does feel pretty damn good though once it starts to let go.

When you take it that much orally you really learn to just respect your sober life and how grounding it is.

I think most often these dark entities are manifestations of our own fears etc during such harrowing experiences and they seem to take on a life of they're own. We do not live in any kind of culture that prepares us even in the slightest way for that kind of experience. The other ones, well I don't know where they come from. It is hard for me to accept that every entity is some manifestation of my mind.

Did you spin out when you laid there with eyes closed? I'm curious because it happens to me every time I dose too much ayahuasca like that..I get insane fractals and I get this sensation of spinning in circles or in a vortex as if I am drunk but more real and powerful. It is also like being swept away into a salvia vision in how the spinning rips me out of myself..then the buzzing tone increases and I get lost in that spinning void of geometric light. If my body moves at all when this is happening I get insane nausea and if I open my eyes I am just insanely disoriented. The spinning translated through all my senses and leaves visual and auditory trails.

My highest ayahuasca dose was also the worst experience of my life. I literally cried and screamed, at the same time and still 18 months later have not fully been able to integrate it. I went back into that space smoking a large dose of DMT sitting in front of a giant alter full of tools and I was able to let it happen that time but it was brief and then faded. I think it takes a long time to really come full circle with the lessons from experiences like that.

 

[Tmcgee]

Well it sure has been a long time, but I'm back and thinking of revisiting ayahuasca. I have been tripping a little bit lately, but mostly on some homegrown p. cubensis, and hbwr. Probably in a couple days I will be taking some shrooms and san pedro, or some rue and acrb and some shrooms.
I still have an extremely vivid memory of the experience aforementioned. When I began to peak initially with eyes open everything had a layer moving around incredibly fast, fractals, faces, spatial distortions. I had a pillow that was blue leopard print and it would first look out, or normal, then i would be looking into an infinitely deep leopard hole... haha. I thought i was staring at a tree but it was a telephone pole, the bark was slithering constantly and the branches were swaying in the wind and becoming hands, tentacles, etc. it was crazy. When i closed my eyes i saw a jester i suppose with two horns infinitely growing from his head smiling and grinning with huge fangs, all of which were rainbow fractals in multiple directions constantly moving all the while taunting me and sneering at me. I can't give it justice with words but this is as close as i can get.
I think my mistake was eating some nuts midway through. I should have been patient. I ate to kick it in, and oh boy did it do the trick. I purged on purpose because i hoped that i could make it end quicker. That was dumb too. I would not do that again, eating especially nuts, or forcing myself to puke. I only eat fruit now. I wish i would have had more liquid to drink, like juice or water, I lost my cup only 2 feet away and couldn't find it.

 

[maranello551]

And... I seriously doubt you will find a better group of folks to help you process and integrate your experience.

I meeeeaaaaaaan......the Ayahuasca Forums ain't no joke either tho