Ayahuasca healing

[findingmyplace]

Hello everyone,

last september i was really excited about DMT and the possibilities it could open for myself.
I mainly wanted to smoke it out of curiousity and some hope for seeing some greater truth.
When i had no immediate success smkoing it after extraction, i tried it orally.
This experience with pharmahuasca alone at home was the worst experience of my life and shocked me to the core of my beeing.
I felt to go insane afterwards and that i fucked up my whole life and never wanted to take any consciousness expanding substance ever again.
Now after some months of suffering, questioning and deep insecurity i want to give it a second try.
This time though, i want to create a relationship with ayahuasca, learn and heal.

The thing is im quite insecure about my own path and contemplate each day if its the right decision.
So i would love to get some external thoughts from people that use or used it frequently.
Maybe some words of advice?

Thanks in advance and have a wonderful week

 

[Eaglepath]

Stop thinking and start brewing!

Go slow in the beginning, listen carefully and dont rush. She is very understanding for new users and she appreciates bravery!

Creating your own relationship with "abuelita" can be a life changing relationship, at least it has been for me and I would courage everyone that have interest in these "things" to do the same. She is the mother that care for her apes and that seems to be very happy when we are visiting!

Blessings to you and good luck!

 

[Jambo Bwana]

This experience with pharmahuasca alone at home was the worst experience of my life and shocked me to the core of my beeing.
I felt to go insane afterwards and that i fucked up my whole life and never wanted to take any consciousness expanding substance ever again.
Now after some months of suffering, questioning and deep insecurity i want to give it a second try.

I think I see the problem here.

Do you have a friend that will sit with you during the experience, someone that you trust.

I wouldn't advise profound psychadelic experiences on your own at the best of times, particularly not your first one, where you are entering the unknown for a considerable period of time.

I haven't tried pharmahuaska but my one massive freak out on mushrooms came as a result of being alone for a number of hours on a heavy trip.
The mind can play funny games on you, it's always good to have support around incase things go a little wonky.

 

[obliguhl]

Most of my experiences with psychedelics no matter the strength were made alone.
It is very normal to be shocked to the core and one of the reason growth is possible.
Not sure seeing psychedelics from this ego-centric "growth perspective" is a good thing though - but they nevertheless can shock you.

I would perhaps take smaller steps next with a lower dose and see what happens.

 

[findingmyplace]

Thank you for the answers.
Its funny because im also not so sure about doing it alone and now i get different answers in this regard. Probably there is no clear answer for me.
I will start with a lower dose thats for sure and this time i will take an ayahuasca alternative and no pharma.
If i knew a person that i trust deeply and is understanding in this topic i would ask to be there for me.
But i come from a kind of conservative, close-minded environment so that i dont have these connections.

 

[Jees]

What was the dose that you took?
Low dose pharma's should be well compatible with most people. One can start out with harmalas alone to feel what that does to your body/mind. You can microdose for some days and being active in your responsibilities without problems, it can be very subtle.
What is it that people go boink as if that's the only way? What's the rush? Take it easy, it can be easy. You step in a sports car, get your mind straight and don't follow weathered pilots take on things. Grant yourself a learning/growing curve. Shamans drink boink because they drink all their life, and 'healing centers' wont make a buck on microdosing people, their business don't run that way, they have to offer something 'substantial' in return for money. But you can do it slow for yourself if a hard approach seems not to work for you.

A sitter is best when he/she is not talking or touching, but just being there, maybe in the room next but you know there is someone.

Sleep shortage is not a good offset in my personal experience. Just saying as a hint.

You get there if you want, there are some bumps in the road for everyone.
Happy trials :thumb_up:

 

[Hector]

My highest dose of ayahuasca was also one of the scariest experiences of my life. I have no experience with pharmacuasca. I guess this is a more precise method for consuming oral DMT. Anways, the best advice I can give you is to let go of fear.

The moment when you start to wonder when you'll ever come down from the psychedelics is when the trip can really take a turn for the worst especially if you are in a timeless state with the ego still somewhat intact. I will say that my trip was not all bad. My mind blossomed like a lotus flower. I questioned my worldview.

I think growing up in the western paradigm makes it more difficult to approach the experience without trepidation. It might already be tough to handle for the indegenous peoples in the amazon who consume it. The Huni Kui are a tribe that uses it traditionally.

However, they have more safeguards in place to instill an aura of community and a collective healing power unmatched in the west. I know it is not always skillful to fetishize shamans but I do think they have something which is truly lacking in our culture. Some say spirituality with entheogeons is a western phenomeon. I don't agree with this presumption. Healing psychological wounds is still within the power of those who weild this brew. The ayahaqueros interact with the plants spirits to heal.

Try to establish a relationships with these medicines. And I would stick with low doses until you feel more comfortable going further with it or explore other psychedelics. I have gotten more into mescaline recently. I wish you luck

 

[Locoboy]

Cultivate a relationship with the medicine. Make a mental promise to it to respect it and let it teach you. Better to try it Pharmahuasca style first i think, there are some general guidelines on dosage and what to expect with every "dosage step" you take.

Of course it could help to have a sitter in a room nearby who will not interfere in any way in the process of trying the medicine. Unless he is told to do so by you. Just having another trusted person sitting in a room nearby.

In my case i needed some "trips" before i was able to really feel the healing process it takes place. My first Pharma trips were either very subtle or very confusing. And scary at some points, especially when i made the mistake of smoking Changa somewhere along their duration. In my case it really makes the trip frightening and confusing, for others it helps in different ways, like jump starting the trip for example.

Gradually my experimentations with Pharma started feeling "zen" if i can put it like that. A smile on my face for hours, a deep urge to connect with other people, feeling wholeness of existence, "thoughts" and feelings like these. Then with the next trip it started getting deeper and finally a sense of deep healing, like no other experienced before.

Of course a major role is played by the context of which you are treating the medicine and your deep will to let go of limiting beliefs and subconscious patterns that poison each of us in some time or even for the most times of our lives. Like feeling honestly that you want to take care of things that need to be faced, even if that means feeling really bad in the process of changing them. One has to be observant and receptive to feel it. And for sure, he/she should not be in already fragile states of mind trying it, especially in larger doses.

If each and every aspect of your life is really damaged at the same time(deep personal/relationship issues, financial issues etc) you have to take practical steps in resolving them first before diving with bigger doses into Aya/Pharma. Harmalas on their own for the beginning are good provided you don't do other drugs that are dangerous with them. Get informed about full MAO inhibition first, especially if you do it for a period of time consistently. Phenomenically benign substances like coffee are greatly potentiated and can feel really stressful.

Let it teach you, for real it has tremendous healing potential. Don't get disappointed if you don't get the "feeling" of it in the first times, keep trying, have the courage to do it. Work slowly with aya/pharma, cultivate a relationship with it.

 

[findingmyplace]

Thanks a lot for your answers.
Jees the thing is i had no real respect for the medicine and was just curious to try DMT in one way or another.
I never really understood the concept of existential depression and couldnt really imagine what kind of suffering is possible.
Till then i handled all my trips well and just seeked for some greater truth i guess.
So the scale i used to measure wasnt even that accurate. I know its unbelievable stupid to be so careless...
It showed around 100mg of DMT but i guess it also could have been 130mg. I predosed 1,5g powdered syrian rue in form of tea
and 1 hour later the DMT with 3g syrian rue again in tea.

The trip felt like getting hit by a truck formed out of pure existential consciousness
again and again for the most part of 5hours.
On a sidenote there was one part in the middle of it all when i encountered the cosmic joke i guess. Truly everything was funny for like 20 min.?maybe?.

I really appreciate your words, even more because i have noone i can talk to about these things in person.

I tend to go for the more traditional way in form of ayahuasca but you are right locoboy that i can measure the exact amount of DMT only through taking pharmahuasca. :?

 

[Sabnock1990]

One thing you may try, is adding 3 grams of dried Lemon Balm leaf tea to your Aya/Ana/Pharma-huasca mix. The Lemon Balm should smooth things out pretty well, reduce anxiety/fear/panic/terror and such, i've never really had a bad trip with Lemon Balm in the mix and it works wonderfully ime, also have gotten some good feedback from others about it as well. Only thing about Lemon Balm though, is because it can smooth things out and reduce the negatives, you may miss out on some much needed discipline/teachings that you would otherwise get by putting yourself "through the shit" so to speak, but maybe see Lemon Balm as a kind of training wheels, add it in the mix until you get your "sea legs" and then take out the Lemon Balm and face the stuff full force. Lemon Balm not only smooths out the DMT, but also cleans up how the Harmalas feel.

 

[Jees]

Findingmyplace, we learn a lot by error
Doing so the error becomes useful.
When a skydiver makes errors the stakes are much higher, you'll be well

 

[Jagube]

Not sure seeing psychedelics from this ego-centric "growth perspective" is a good thing though

Why not? The Universe wants to grow, and it grows through its 'components', such as ourselves.
Growth and healing are things we can desire for ourselves without feeling guilty for being ego-centric.

 

[Eaglepath]

Yes the ego seens to stick best to partner up and install some value updates accordingly