Belgian k-hole resident gone DMT, hello!

[johnmuts]

Hi all,

This might be a special case, so I decided to post and hopefully help someone else with whatever I'm doing.

I'm now a 34-year old guy. I've been diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and severe depression about 6 years ago.
For those reasons, I take various medications daily: Effexor XL 150 x 2, Seroquel 200 x 2, Solian 200 x 1, Wellbutrin x 1, Emconcor x 1 (the whole bunch every evening after dinner).
These help with my OCD (partly) and the worst part of the depression. The two first disorders cannot be treated, really.

Anyway, I have experience with plenty of illegal and legal drugs. Weed, DXM, MDMA, coke, heroin (chinesed), meth, crack, speed (mountains, daily user). I've been through a serious coke-addiction (about a year long, cost me nearly everything I had, including friends and gf, I had to do coke before bed time or i couldn't sleep...) and spent about a year in detox and nut-houses after a lame suicide-attempt that wasn't one. I got kicked out everywhere, because I'm too honest. Really, apparently I cannot be reasoned with normally. Then I spent a few years with my parents again, clean. Until I met a guy, that's how it goes, we junkies smell eachother from a distance. So started speed again, daily for years now, occassionally interrupted by heroin smoking binges during which I don't feel the need for amphetamines.

I consider myself a k-hole resident. I can genuinely say I feel at home in a k-hole. I love it, I used to think it was the ultimate experience. Until... I tried DMT. I had DMT in the house since many months, but was afraid to try it. Then I saw the Drugslab episode on YouTube where Nellie does DMT and I knew there and then that I needed to do it.

So, yesterday evening (I live alone), after the Christmas party with my family, I was in a good mood (partly attributed to intoxication with some speed, a few glasses of red wine and 2 blotters of etizolam). I felt good, and decided to start the experiment.

So, I split 20mg into 2 lines of 10, then 1 of 10 into 5 times 2. I loaded 2 in a crackpipe, and tried it, just for the taste, because apparently that was supposed to be horrible. Well, I'm a heavy smoker, so DMT isn't that bad. 2mg gave zero effects tho. So after about half an hour, I loaded the remaining 8 into the crackpipe. Took a big, long toke and it suddenly began, so suddenly that I dropped my crackpipe on the floor (I have others tho, lol).

I didn't reach breakthrough, but I have seen glimpses of the other side, felt I was near to the mini-leprechauns, but had just too little of dmt in me. However, even in this stage, I had the most amazing CEV and even open-eyed was magnificent. I think I experienced ego death for about a minute at the start, during which I felt an all-encompassing love I have never felt before. It was magnificent. The colors, the geometry, it's beyond anything I ever experienced before. And that was on 2+8 mg! I can't wait to reach breakthrough, but I'm gonna slowly build up.

So here I am, the next day, wanting to tell my story. Cause I looked, but finding someone doing DMT with mental illnesses and serious meds + drug addictions, isn't easy. Well, here I am.

During the entire experience (except for the minute or two of ego death) I had music on the background that I usually enjoy a lot. But I found it very annoying during the trip, and particularly bland. On the other hand, it made me feel safe, knowing that time was passing at a normal rate and I was still alive. So I'm not sure how to handle that during my next experiments. Any tips on suitable music/visuals? Or does everyone just aim for breakthrough and go for silent+dark?

Well, that's me. Looking forward to your insights. I'm not done with this. I saw glimpses, but I want the whole thing. In a few minutes I'm trying 25mg, I'm relaxing now, want to be in a good mood.

Greets,
johnmuts

 

[Exitwound]

Wow, what a story.

You seem cautious user. Please continue so and do more reading on dmt+noncommon mental states.

Some users report that spice had cured them, some get worse.

Proceed with caution and hope you will gain what you seek

 

[johnmuts]

Thanks, ExitWound, appreciated. I try to be cautious. I'd never ever do PCP, for example. But I guess that's rather the consensus.

Also: that intro quiz is waaaaay too difficult and long.

 

[johnmuts]

I'm ready. Two glasses of red wine, two blotters of etizolam, smooth trance music, oh, and a few lines of speed (sorry, I'm addicted). I feel chill. I've got 25mg in a crackpipe, molten and solidified. I hope I can inhale enough before I launch.

Pray for me

 

[Tony6Strings]

I am praying peace and understanding and the source of all things to carry you through to better days hopefully on the other side of some of your troubles. I have been there with speed, I have had my life thoroughly torn apart by that drug, and seen family members, friends, etc... Sister just went on a run a couple weeks ago and ended in psych unit 72 hr stay. I am praying for her too. I thank the source of all things every day for helping me stay clean, I'm coming up on two years off meth and five off heroin (thank you methadone). I have found spice helpful in my recovery. Good luck to you.

 

[johnmuts]

Thanks, Tony6Strings!
As I said, I've been doing speed non-stop now for many years. It has lost all function, other than keeping me alive. And it's so cheap, I see no problem in continuing forever.

About yesterday's 25mg: this was another "batch", and going by the residue left in my crackpipe, less pure. I didn't even get as "far" as with the 2+8mg earlier. And another thing, at these higher dosages the smoke becomes practically unbearable to inhale, does anyone have a solution for that? It's like smoking a tractor tire, only worse.

 

[johnmuts]

OK, I discovered something... Damn, I'm an idiot.
Every quantity in mg that I used in my posts above... should be multiplied by ten.

Now I understand why 2+8 was so close to breakthrough. It was 100...

And I'm an MSc. LOL

 

[johnmuts]

Hmm, that also means that I smoked 250 (be it impure) yesterday evening without reaching breakthrough...

I must say, it's a constant in my life that I need much higher quantities of drugs than other people to feel the same effects. There are even drugs that have never worked on me, like XTC/MDMA, even before I started my current medication cocktail. Now with the meds, I don't even feel much euphoria when doing high quality coke, or heroin.

I sent a friend a message "finally a psychedelic that works on me", but seeing as the numbers are 10 times what I was thinking, I guess that's not really the case. Damnit.

 

[hug46]

And another thing, at these higher dosages the smoke becomes practically unbearable to inhale, does anyone have a solution for that? It's like smoking a tractor tire, only worse.

You are probably burning it. Burning it makes it taste foul and reduces effects. Get a more efficient vapourising device, practice a bit and sort your weighing out. There is loads of info on here on how to best smoke/vape.

 

[johnmuts]

Thanks, hug, much appreciated. Will have a look.

 

[hug46]

Thanks, hug, much appreciated. Will have a look.

No worries. As far as risking burning goes, you will be better off with something that vapourises the dmt by passing hot air over or past it rather than heating with something that physically comes into direct contact with it.

 

[null24]

As an experienced user, a person in recovery from heroin addiction and PTSD and as one who has used psychedelics as part of his practice, my advice is to not do DMT. Mine is to eliminate all drugs of abuse, and maybe even some of those scripts, i can't believe nobody has told you the risksyou are taking by combining all of these.

I completely disagree with the previous statement that you are a cautious user. You are a poly-drug abuser. No worries-uhh, i take that back- but there are options that don't involvemore and novel drugs to abuse.

Outside of an initial catalyzing experience that can give one a "spiritual" foundation from which to launch a program of recovery- that is, experientially discovering something greater than oneself- and then being left alone, i am not sure how it will help you.

From your story, I'm not sure if more drugs are the answer. I fear you've just found a new distraction. Only you will think it's providing you some other kind of benefit due to its psychedelic nature. An experience in which everything feels so damn important must be, right? Not necessarily.

I've seen far too many, in fact more than the other, people use DMT to strengthen egos, or to get "really fu##ed up" to believe it's intrinsically healthy.

 

[Johnsonptd]

The only difference between us is I’m a paranoid schizo who doesn’t trust doctors and the meds they suggest i take. Cannabis, kratom, psychedelics, SJW have all worked wonders

Just started dabbling in the sauce as well and found it’s very easy to make and turn into Changa, which is helping tremendously with depression. A lot easier to take and manage dosing. Took about 4-5 hours to make with all the right supplies. Getting more confident for a breakthrough.

With what you have left, if any, you could melt it into some ganja using this method and have it ready in a few minutes Warm water bath changa - DMT-Nexus Wiki

Thanks for coming here and sharing man it’s good to know we’re not alone, I went through an addiction crisis center in and out, halfway house, rehab, aa meetings, I need it all. Dmt is something else though. Nothing has dissolved my ego and shifted my perception quite like this

 

[johnmuts]

Outside of an initial catalyzing experience that can give one a "spiritual" foundation from which to launch a program of recovery- that is, experientially discovering something greater than oneself- and then being left alone, i am not sure how it will help you.

+

Sine experientia nihil sufficienter sciri potest

No?

The only difference between us is I’m a paranoid schizo who doesn’t trust doctors and the meds they suggest i take. Cannabis, kratom, psychedelics, SJW have all worked wonders

...

Thanks for coming here and sharing man it’s good to know we’re not alone, I went through an addiction crisis center in and out, halfway house, rehab, aa meetings, I need it all. Dmt is something else though. Nothing has dissolved my ego and shifted my perception quite like this

Hey man, sucks to be us. Thanks for the tip on the changa, but I really dislike weed, so I'm gonna pass. You should try meds tho, I'm a nervous wreck without, at least I get to live a little now and then.
As for ego being dissolved, ever tried a k-hole? Or is that comparison just totally off?

 

[hug46]

From your story, I'm not sure if more drugs are the answer. I fear you've just found a new distraction.

My story maybe a little different from the OP but i would say that one of the things that helped me kick my habit was that,as far as my interactions with DMT went, i had another drug to distract me from heroin. This helped me due to it being a far less toxic relationship that i was having with the drug.
I cannot speak with any authority on problems that may arise from jonmuts mixing his/her meds with DMT but i have read accounts from plenty of addicts and poly drug users that have benefited from doing DMT.
Also, for me, any kind of self improvement that may have taken place from doing psychedelic type drugs haven't had much to do with a perception of something greater than myself but more to do with having my ingrained faults being wheeled out into the cold light of day and being put under a painfully powerful magnifying glass. There's more than one way to skin a cat.

Then again people may just want to do DMT because it's interesting rather than for self advancement or spiritual reasons , and there ain't nothing wrong with that.

 

[johnmuts]

Thanks, hug46.

I just wanted to add that you can't let a guy feel all-encompassing love and happiness and then expect him not to do it again.

As for interactions with meds: I'm no physician, but I do research whatever I'm doing. I know that I cannot take MAO-inhibitors or I would die. I also know there is a risk of serotonine syndrome, which is why I slowly build up dose. At least, I thought I was doing so. Hehe.

Yesterday I bought a Yocan Evolve Plus XL, and today I have it in front of me. Looks like fun. Unfortunately no spice left, so I'll have to wait until the Gods provide me with something.

In other news: my dog was put down today, because of a crushed vertebrate + paralysed back. So I wouldn't be doing any DMT anyway, I can only cry atm.

 

[PsyDuckmonkey]

At first I was worried that you might be only trolling, what with the troll flag you're flying as your avatar, and your rather extreme life story that at first sounded like fishing for reactions... but I'll give you the benefit of doubt, you sound friendly and down to earth, so welcome at the Nexus.

Now the topic of mental illness and psychedelics comes up time to time, and while the safe advice is "stay clear of tryptamines", I know I'd really really want to experiment if I was in your place. So here are the facts, and then you can decide on what to do.

DMT may help you, especially as a single, definitive experience that you can then rely on, as Null24 mentioned... However, the chances are really stacked against you. Odds are, it will fuck you up all the way, bring out and turbocharge the worst parts of your psychosis. It has happened to people before, not once, not twice. It has happened and been chronicled on this very forum multiple times, over and over again.

So for you, and others with schizoid tendencies, DMT, or any tryptamine, is kinda like going to Vegas when in debt. You might hit the jackpot, and come out rich. However, at times you might feel like you hit the jackpot and are king of the world, and keep playing... And in the end, bets are on that you'll end up completely broke.

 

[johnmuts]

At first I was worried that you might be only trolling, what with the troll flag you're flying as your avatar, and your rather extreme life story that at first sounded like fishing for reactions... but I'll give you the benefit of doubt, you sound friendly and down to earth, so welcome at the Nexus.

...

Now the topic of mental illness and psychedelics comes up time to time, and while the safe advice is "stay clear of tryptamines", I know I'd really really want to experiment if I was in your place.

I'm not a troll, I can tell you that. The frog is a symbol of redpilled/alt-right/4chan-oldfags right? Or do other people see something else? I did not intend to troll.

I'm currently on a (very familiar) k-hole binge because they just killed my dog, after giving him k, so I figured that was a fitting tribute. And to numb, yes, I am an abuser. And the Gods have DMT lined up for me, I can feel it, and I'm quite sure I will not be able to resist. So I really would appreciate tips and tricks.

 

[johnmuts]

At first I was worried that you might be only trolling, what with the troll flag you're flying as your avatar, and your rather extreme life story that at first sounded like fishing for reactions...

You know, I get this kind of reaction a lot. In real life, I mean. People always seem to think I'm joking when I'm being honest. That's part of the illness, I think.

 

[johnmuts]

...Odds are, it will fuck you up all the way, bring out and turbocharge the worst parts of your psychosis.

...

So for you, and others with schizoid tendencies, DMT, or any tryptamine, is kinda like going to Vegas when in debt...

@PsyDuckmonkey As far as I know, I don't have any psychosis or ever had. Schizoid is just a personality disorder. In fact, I actually take anti-psychotic medication (Seroquel) because of its sedative properties, not because I am or ever was psychotic. Would your "Vegas in debt"-comparison still be valid knowing this? Not trolling, valid question (at least I think so )...