Hello there,
I've been registered in this site for long but at the time I registered I never had experienced any psychedelics. I didn't quite understood how this forum worked at the time and eventually stopped coming here. Much has changed since then and I would like to share my last 2 years experience with you which culminated very badly some days ago.
I’ve been trough an entheogenic experience recently (17/7/2016) where I’ve ingested 5g of dry, home-grown, Psylocibe cubensis var. Golden teacher. I’m preparing a detailed post about that experience but I’m still processing it so, for the purpose of this post, I’ll resume that day as the single greatest day of my whole life.
I continued my research on the entheogenic experience after I’ve had it because now I had a basis to know what I was searching for and stumbled upon the term ‘Kundalini’. Something I’ve known from my youth days but had long forgotten. I started to dig deep into the kundalini awakening (as I grow surer that I’ve had it) and I was very happy to read that my experience went so well because many of the experiences I’ve read on-line didn’t go quite as well causing terror and/or paranoia to some subjects.
I’ll like by introducing a bit about myself first:
I’m a 34 year old male father of 2 beautiful children (1 year old and 4 year old with all the missing hours of sleep it implies), happily married with my high-school sweat-heart. I smoked tobacco when I was young but quit when I reached 21. Since then till 2 years ago I’ve smoked Cannabis on very specific occasions and never more than twice a year. In August 2014 I quit alcohol 100%. From August 2014 till 1 month ago I started to use Cannabis daily (mainly because my father and grand-father deaths to cancer where I then found Rick Simpsons oil and started doing it as a preventive measure). I started ingesting Cannabis in form of RSO but then moved to olive oil and other edibles as this form is way better for your health. I also started smoking Cannabis (pure, no tobacco) at least once a week as I’ve always felt that ‘missing habit’ of smoking. I’ve always enjoyed all my Cannabis experiences and never once had a felling of fear or paranoia or anything in the like. I’ve also finished my second degree (agronomy) very recently (12/7/2016) and started to do my PhD in sciences 4 months ago (all of this just to state the mental tiredness I may have been enduring for the past years which intensified in the last weeks). I'm also doing a once a week fasting for 53 weeks now.
I’ve never done other ‘hallucinogenic’ apart from Cannabis till one year ago where I started ingesting mushrooms to try to find more about myself and hoping to see some clarity in the form of the entheogenic experience. I’ve documented myself a lot (as I always do) before starting using it. I’ve done mushrooms 4 times. one 1g trip, one 2g trip, one 3,5g trip and a 5,1g trip. All trips had a waiting time of at least 75 days in between and all have been done in a way Terence Mckenna would approve ^^ alone, in silence, in the dark and in an empty stomach (in a fasting day to be more accurate).
As I’ve read throughout the web that Cannabis may influence the shroom experience so I’ve not ingested it in any form for 3 weeks before the ‘heroic dose’ took place. After the 5g dose I didn’t had the need for Cannabis so I didn’t do it as I was completely happy and sure of my purpose in life till some days ago (26/7/2016) where I decided it was time to re-join the Cannabis world, 9 days after the entheogenic experience, where I rolled and smoked a 0,8g pure Cannabis joint of an indica strain (not home grown, I was supposed to test it's potency for a friend). Here was where the problems started.
Right from the start I could tell that the ‘high’ was quite different. I was smoking a (supposedly) 100% indica strain but couldn’t feel it’s effects on the body, only in my mind. I understand now that the entheogenic trip quind of re-wires your brain and that Cannabis is not the same after it but I didn't knew that at the time and so it was like a mini mushroom trip. In the beginning it was kinda interesting although not what I was looking for entirely.
At the middle of the joint I felt a burst of energy from the bottom of my spine to the top of my head (which I associated with the recently read Kundalini). It was strange and, for some reason, I though it would be a good idea to intone the mantra AUM (which I also had read recently). Once I did it out loud a second burst of energy flowed to the top of my head. It was very weird as this sensation was way real and felt like something had exploded at the top of my skull. After a few more puffs a third and final burst of energy came up my spine with an immeasurable force. It exploded loudly in the top of my head and I heard a very 'deep and harsh' voice telling me in English (which is not my mother tongue) “I TOLD YOU NOT TO MESS WITH ME” “NOW YOU’RE MINE” and the nightmare begun. The voice wouldn’t go away. I tried to mitigate it, focus on better things but couldn’t, the voice was just too loud, too present, it was far from my control. And it won't shut up. I tried speaking to my wife, to distract me, but the voice wouldn’t let me. After a while it got way worse. The voice in my head started to repeat incessantly the exact same word over and over again. Music, TV, speaking, nothing could shut down the damn voice. It repeated for an extended period of time which was until I got to sleep. I went to bed with the most intense fear I don’t recall ever felt. All I could think was, “if the voice remains in my head in the morning, how will I tell my wife that his husband has gone insane? How to tell my daughters that her father has gone insane for no good apparent reason but drug experiencing?” (from their point of view) It was earth shattering. At the same time the voice continued to repeat itself and started ‘demanding’ that I spread the word about mushrooms to anyone I know (as if the mushrooms were the bait in the Kundalini’s fishing rod). I swore to it never to take drugs again if I woke up sane again. At the same time I was trying to visualize the THC attacking and mitigating the kundalini effects but it was just to strong.
Almost all the positive effects I’ve had from the mushroom experience (better person, more understanding, more social, more caring, more for the better) were gone in the morning but, luckily, so was the voice. All that remained was a headache and a very clear sensation like if my head was ‘patched up’ in the top of my skull (maybe the THC won the battle as I was sleeping? ^^)
Anyhow all I have now is an intrinsic fear that the voice might come back for no reason at all and I go fully insane. I also fear that it will appear and remain in my head for ever if I miss my sworn oath of never doing drugs again so, although I’ld like to continue my psychedelic journey (I had a Banisteriopsis caapi + Psychotria viridis (ayahuasca, bought in form of bark and leaves) and mescaline (home grown cacti) trips on the horizon for the next months/years as well as other mushrooms and Cannabis trips) but I cannot remove the fear of going insane from my mind. I’m so sad for this (although very happy for not being presently insane).
I've gone from one extreme to another. After the entheogenic experience all I though was "I have to tell my children about this when they came of age. They have to go through this. This is a blessing" to "OMG I'm terrified, horrified. I don't want anyone to go trough this never mind my children".
What do you guys make of this? Was it (as I’ve read) ‘just’ an incredible state of paranoia caused by the cannabis and my recent readings? Is it something else? We sure are dealing with something beyond our comprehension but aren’t we also toying/playing with dangerous stuff?
Thanks on any insights. Best of luck to you all on your trips.
I've been registered in this site for long but at the time I registered I never had experienced any psychedelics. I didn't quite understood how this forum worked at the time and eventually stopped coming here. Much has changed since then and I would like to share my last 2 years experience with you which culminated very badly some days ago.
I’ve been trough an entheogenic experience recently (17/7/2016) where I’ve ingested 5g of dry, home-grown, Psylocibe cubensis var. Golden teacher. I’m preparing a detailed post about that experience but I’m still processing it so, for the purpose of this post, I’ll resume that day as the single greatest day of my whole life.
I continued my research on the entheogenic experience after I’ve had it because now I had a basis to know what I was searching for and stumbled upon the term ‘Kundalini’. Something I’ve known from my youth days but had long forgotten. I started to dig deep into the kundalini awakening (as I grow surer that I’ve had it) and I was very happy to read that my experience went so well because many of the experiences I’ve read on-line didn’t go quite as well causing terror and/or paranoia to some subjects.
I’ll like by introducing a bit about myself first:
I’m a 34 year old male father of 2 beautiful children (1 year old and 4 year old with all the missing hours of sleep it implies), happily married with my high-school sweat-heart. I smoked tobacco when I was young but quit when I reached 21. Since then till 2 years ago I’ve smoked Cannabis on very specific occasions and never more than twice a year. In August 2014 I quit alcohol 100%. From August 2014 till 1 month ago I started to use Cannabis daily (mainly because my father and grand-father deaths to cancer where I then found Rick Simpsons oil and started doing it as a preventive measure). I started ingesting Cannabis in form of RSO but then moved to olive oil and other edibles as this form is way better for your health. I also started smoking Cannabis (pure, no tobacco) at least once a week as I’ve always felt that ‘missing habit’ of smoking. I’ve always enjoyed all my Cannabis experiences and never once had a felling of fear or paranoia or anything in the like. I’ve also finished my second degree (agronomy) very recently (12/7/2016) and started to do my PhD in sciences 4 months ago (all of this just to state the mental tiredness I may have been enduring for the past years which intensified in the last weeks). I'm also doing a once a week fasting for 53 weeks now.
I’ve never done other ‘hallucinogenic’ apart from Cannabis till one year ago where I started ingesting mushrooms to try to find more about myself and hoping to see some clarity in the form of the entheogenic experience. I’ve documented myself a lot (as I always do) before starting using it. I’ve done mushrooms 4 times. one 1g trip, one 2g trip, one 3,5g trip and a 5,1g trip. All trips had a waiting time of at least 75 days in between and all have been done in a way Terence Mckenna would approve ^^ alone, in silence, in the dark and in an empty stomach (in a fasting day to be more accurate).
As I’ve read throughout the web that Cannabis may influence the shroom experience so I’ve not ingested it in any form for 3 weeks before the ‘heroic dose’ took place. After the 5g dose I didn’t had the need for Cannabis so I didn’t do it as I was completely happy and sure of my purpose in life till some days ago (26/7/2016) where I decided it was time to re-join the Cannabis world, 9 days after the entheogenic experience, where I rolled and smoked a 0,8g pure Cannabis joint of an indica strain (not home grown, I was supposed to test it's potency for a friend). Here was where the problems started.
Right from the start I could tell that the ‘high’ was quite different. I was smoking a (supposedly) 100% indica strain but couldn’t feel it’s effects on the body, only in my mind. I understand now that the entheogenic trip quind of re-wires your brain and that Cannabis is not the same after it but I didn't knew that at the time and so it was like a mini mushroom trip. In the beginning it was kinda interesting although not what I was looking for entirely.
At the middle of the joint I felt a burst of energy from the bottom of my spine to the top of my head (which I associated with the recently read Kundalini). It was strange and, for some reason, I though it would be a good idea to intone the mantra AUM (which I also had read recently). Once I did it out loud a second burst of energy flowed to the top of my head. It was very weird as this sensation was way real and felt like something had exploded at the top of my skull. After a few more puffs a third and final burst of energy came up my spine with an immeasurable force. It exploded loudly in the top of my head and I heard a very 'deep and harsh' voice telling me in English (which is not my mother tongue) “I TOLD YOU NOT TO MESS WITH ME” “NOW YOU’RE MINE” and the nightmare begun. The voice wouldn’t go away. I tried to mitigate it, focus on better things but couldn’t, the voice was just too loud, too present, it was far from my control. And it won't shut up. I tried speaking to my wife, to distract me, but the voice wouldn’t let me. After a while it got way worse. The voice in my head started to repeat incessantly the exact same word over and over again. Music, TV, speaking, nothing could shut down the damn voice. It repeated for an extended period of time which was until I got to sleep. I went to bed with the most intense fear I don’t recall ever felt. All I could think was, “if the voice remains in my head in the morning, how will I tell my wife that his husband has gone insane? How to tell my daughters that her father has gone insane for no good apparent reason but drug experiencing?” (from their point of view) It was earth shattering. At the same time the voice continued to repeat itself and started ‘demanding’ that I spread the word about mushrooms to anyone I know (as if the mushrooms were the bait in the Kundalini’s fishing rod). I swore to it never to take drugs again if I woke up sane again. At the same time I was trying to visualize the THC attacking and mitigating the kundalini effects but it was just to strong.
Almost all the positive effects I’ve had from the mushroom experience (better person, more understanding, more social, more caring, more for the better) were gone in the morning but, luckily, so was the voice. All that remained was a headache and a very clear sensation like if my head was ‘patched up’ in the top of my skull (maybe the THC won the battle as I was sleeping? ^^)
Anyhow all I have now is an intrinsic fear that the voice might come back for no reason at all and I go fully insane. I also fear that it will appear and remain in my head for ever if I miss my sworn oath of never doing drugs again so, although I’ld like to continue my psychedelic journey (I had a Banisteriopsis caapi + Psychotria viridis (ayahuasca, bought in form of bark and leaves) and mescaline (home grown cacti) trips on the horizon for the next months/years as well as other mushrooms and Cannabis trips) but I cannot remove the fear of going insane from my mind. I’m so sad for this (although very happy for not being presently insane).
I've gone from one extreme to another. After the entheogenic experience all I though was "I have to tell my children about this when they came of age. They have to go through this. This is a blessing" to "OMG I'm terrified, horrified. I don't want anyone to go trough this never mind my children".
What do you guys make of this? Was it (as I’ve read) ‘just’ an incredible state of paranoia caused by the cannabis and my recent readings? Is it something else? We sure are dealing with something beyond our comprehension but aren’t we also toying/playing with dangerous stuff?
Thanks on any insights. Best of luck to you all on your trips.
