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Changa Musings

Trip Report:

This was from a few days ago.

A day in which I was extremely tired. But I took this journey anyway. It had been on my mind all day. Running through the same mental meat grinder of anxiety about doing so. But today was different. I navigated my own mind differently.

I've been working a lot, and taking care of a lot. At least it's a lot for me. And while I don't get as much done as I'd like or that I feel I should, I'm still putting plenty of effort forward. This matters because a common thought I have to deal with is that I don't accomplish enough to journey, which makes me think I shouldn't, and round and round I go. But what more do I need to do to be able to allow myself into the space? It's a rhetorical question.

I started mentally preparing when I got off work. Driving home in dense traffic, instead of the usual sense of hurry, I chose to be in each moment as it arose. This translated to when I got home, taking care of a few things and myself instead of simply setting my things down, prepping my altar, and taking off. I stretched, tidied my room, took care of a few other things. I lit some copal and some Paulo Santo for the session.

Sitting at my altar, gracefully opening the space, I acknowledged my "bravery," recognizing that I "had this." I reminded myself to commit and surrender.

I took the first hit. And laid down.

It wasn't enough, so I took a second hit. I laid down.

Shortly after, I redosed.

And again.
And again.
And again.

Visuals began to become more prominent with each successive hit.

While laying down after my second to last hit, there was a thought; take one more hit, see what happens. So I did. Almost immediately, a insectoid apparatus structure started unfolding out of the space. It gave me an "oh sh*t" moment. I'm still not sure what to think about it. I think it tried to touch/grab me, but we faded from each other before contact could be made. I'm not sure if the space did that due to my discomfort or if that was just how things were meant to happen. However, that doesn't matter too much to me. I'm happy with myself for having tuned everything out in order to get myself where I was trying to go. It's nice to touch confidence.

Part of my preparation outside the space was regularly asking myself "where is my attention?" This translated itself into the journey where I was able to redirect my focus when my mind would start straying somewhere that I didn't want it to be.

I wanted to say more, but I'm beat.

Thank you for reading.

One love
 
pantostao said:
Very well put. This is a constant struggle for me as well. It usually goes like this:

1.- I think "I'll have a journey"
2.- I'll go for a low dose first, to calm nerves and check if the time/mood is right.
3.- I realize that it is in fact right. I could have gone for a higher dose inmediately.
4.- Start making excuses in order to not go deeper: "It's late already / I'll do X chore first / Maybe tomorrow will be better..." Nonsense.
5.- I fall asleep, and postpone the real journey for another time.
6.- Rinse and repeat.

If I do this often, it will become easier to venture into the journeys. As soon as I stop it for a while (even a short while, like a week or two) It will become more difficult again.
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I'll do X chore first 😅
Same bro. Keep talking myself into doing chores, even ones I dislike.
 
It's interesting. As creatures, we learn from each other. Some of what we feel we learn from others are assumptions, presuppositions, and often flawed drawn conclusions from faulty perception and reasoning. As an example, I really thought more people just went the distance and that there was some isolation for me in my struggles. Come to notice, and give myself subsequent credit for my efforts, my assumptions and following conclusions were in error. It seems (and should be obvious from threads like this one PREFLIGHT ANXIETY & RAW FEAR) that it's common. Even going the low dose route as a way of training should get credit.

One love
 
Something I've been thinking about and figured why not share it.

When I try herbs for changa, I never try them alone until after I've tried them in combination with other herbs and some good ol harmalas and DMT.

Why?

Well, think about relationships you've had with others. It usually isn't until a period of time has passed before we get to know someone one on one. We seem to build relationships in relation and conjunction with other relationships. Examples are family, classmates, coworkers etc We come to know them and familiarize ourselves with them not solely from our interactions with them but also the relationships and behaviors exhibited.

With my changa blends, I feel this way about every herb I use. It removes the magic and the power of the relationship when we treat them as  variables isolating them from each other.

i understand trying them one at a time. No arguments there. Just wanted to share why I do otherwise for myself.

One love
 
Every now and then I'll turn on a movie or some music and roll and changa ash joint with cannabis or two. Added a couple more tonight.

A little reflection on some neurotic paranoia. While pleased I rolled these, I found myself worrying they may make me sick as some of this burnt changa is relatively old. However, it's been kept in a jar. That jar is kept in a box. And burnt material isn't very attractive to contaminants as far as I know. It's funny, I'm confident I have batches of changa older than anything in this jar, yet don't have the same concern about smoalking those. It's just interesting to notice.

One love
 

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Voidmatrix said:
Every now and then I'll turn on a movie or some music and roll and changa ash joint with cannabis or two. Added a couple more tonight.

A little reflection on some neurotic paranoia. While pleased I rolled these, I found myself worrying they may make me sick as some of this burnt changa is relatively old. However, it's been kept in a jar. That jar is kept in a box. And burnt material isn't very attractive to contaminants as far as I know. It's funny, I'm confident I have batches of changa older than anything in this jar, yet don't have the same concern about smoalking those. It's just interesting to notice.

One love
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How do you find smoking these changa jounts? Of course the common view is its a bit wasteful to have in a joint but that can be minimized by puffing regularly on it. But more in a sense of do you think the headspace is conducive a chilled type of vibe that one usually associates with cannabis?
Personally I had totally given up cannabis more than a decade ago due to paranoia arising after many years of use and have no regrets about that, and the changa space is normally a more serious feeling that is not something I would imagine casually smoking a joint and passing around with friends, although I know this has been done with lower strength blends.
 
Panpsychic said:
How do you find smoking these changa jounts? Of course the common view is its a bit wasteful to have in a joint but that can be minimized by puffing regularly on it. But more in a sense of do you think the headspace is conducive a chilled type of vibe that one usually associates with cannabis?
Personally I had totally given up cannabis more than a decade ago due to paranoia arising after many years of use and have no regrets about that, and the changa space is normally a more serious feeling that is not something I would imagine casually smoking a joint and passing around with friends, although I know this has been done with lower strength blends.
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My very first time smoalking DMT it was sandwiched between two layers on cannabis so cannabis with DMT will always have a special place in my heart.

And I agree that the joint route is a little more wasteful, however, I don't mind too much because all of the changa used has been pretty burnt as it's usually remnants from the end of a bowl. I don't finish the bowl until it's ash. Reason being is that sometimes one can take a hit at the end of the bowl and end up disappointed at the very small amount that is experienced.

I do find the headspace is conducive but I think that might partly be due to such a combination already being special to me.

I have reverence for cannabis too, even if my use is more regular and sometimes recreational, so I don't find it's presence to be distracting or inappropriate.

And they're something I typically smoalk alone. I feel like passing one around could be precarious 😅

One love
 
Trip report:

I got sufficiently rocked, and it was more than necessary.

After having gone through the usual back and forth about journeying while planning to do so, I set my mind to the task of correcting certain things that go on in my subconscious relative to trauma and issues and life. Effectively, doing any amount of DMT aids in some of my hang ups.

During the day, I had been, as usual, thinking about how at some point I'd like to dive deeper. There's a thought/feeling that I seem to encounter more and more than aims me towards going for it in the near future, whether with a larger dose of DMT than I usually take or with a much bigger pull of changa than I usually do. This is important.

It was a long day, and traffic was heavy, but I was patient.

When I got home I took my time and leisure to get ready. In the past I would rush so that I'd have less time to change my mind and also because the space is daunting, and there's a part of me that wants to get the onset "over with."

I planned on finishing a bowl that I started a few days ago containing my 1:1:1 blend. I told myself to finish the bowl...

I got more than I bargained for.

Really committing, I held the flame over the bowl longer and pulled longer, for both hits taken.

At first I thought that things were going to be pretty mellow, which was somewhat what I was expecting.

While laying down, 10s of seconds after blowing out the second hit, the intensity and depth kept increasing.

I started freaking out internally.

Then it hit me that the higher amount of harmalas in the blend along with a bigger hit than I had ever taken of that blend was a teachable moment in that more harmalas really dial back the onset of the DMT to a drastic degree.

Then I freaked out more, not being aware of how deep I was about to go and not feeling "ready" for it. This seemed to be the point, however. There was a presence there, and this presence was kind of stern, but in the most productive and poignant of ways. The overall message was, "you're ready, and you've been ready, you just need to see it, and so here's THIS to help you catch the hint since the connection in your mind isn't there for you to make it for yourself."

While I saw stuff (like a weird pinkish/red lady walking away from me down a tubular tunnel), the main takeaways were as follows: I sat with my terror for a good while (complete with having to convince myself that I wasn't going to die, and no one was going to find me dead), when I hit me to "just be" things got more wild for a bit, but I settled in and navigated it better, and much recognition and acknowledgment because "I did it," in that I handled it just find, even if it was more than a whirlwind.

I'd like to think this sets a new tone. It at the very least influences one.

Thank you for reading.

One love
 
Some extra notes. I was tired yesterday.

I recall after reminding myself to "just be" that I started to reflect and during the reflection began to feel good about my efforts. One way in which this wad evident was in the fact that I didn't ever feel the need to "call" on anything to support me. It's something I notice amongst others when times are hard, but I've never felt that something has ever impacted me beneficially or resonated with me in such a way that I thought doing so would be useful. With regards to things commonly found in esoterism and archetypal systems, my experiences with psychedelics across the board seem to land somewhere outside them in ways that make it hard to ever use anything in the space in the moment, especially with DMT or changa. It's like they apply "here" but "there" wherever the "there" that I seem to go is.

I dunno.

May add mire later. Scatterbrained today.

One love
 
The birthday journey:

I'm still sitting at my altar, basking in the afterglow. But wanted to share with all of you. People that I actually connect with. People that put up with me for lack of a better way of saying it. I hide so much of myself...

Anyway, since I'm still a bit altered, it'll probably show in my writing here. Hopefully that makes it a bit more entertaining.

Tomorrow's my birthday. I wanted to have myself a birthday journey today because I'll be getting tattooed tomorrow, and I don't feel like dealing with the intense feelings from a fresh tattoo while on my way to enter hyperspace. It feels like getting the entire tattoo all over again, except it's as though the tattoo machine is an exact shape for all aspects of the tattoo making it feel as if the whole tattoo is redone all at once instead of say line by line.

But I almost didn't journey. Some family stuff came up that left me feeling very isolated, alone, misunderstood, and defeated. Nature of the game when one refuses to "dumb themselves down," which was mentioned to me very recently among other statements that are anathema to me and that I must fight internally in order to manage and remain compassionate. For example, when someone says, "you think too much," depending on who they are, I will respond with, "no, you think too little," to which they feel insulted and then I can easily say "now you know how I feel."

Anyway (again), after taking a nap, I laid in bed for a while prepping myself to take my birthday journey. During this time I realized something that I can acknowledge that I can see my own "bravery" in: I hate the question, "how are you," because if I answer honestly it can be met with contention or bring someone down because I rarely feel like or as though I am "doing well." Considering such, I'm "brave" for entering the space as much as I do, even mildly, because my "set" is rarely what it likely ought to be for a conducive journey. I brute force past my defunct state to get into the space. So much of my self judgment has been misplaced. I do the big work and do the big work often.

That said, I got abducted again.

And I won't be surprised if it happens more regularly.

There seems to be an aspect of hyperspace that is a little frustrated with me... and experiences that lead to such observations also encourage my suspension on the ontological nature of these experiences. This is one of those times that it really doesn't feel like it's all in my head nor a byproduct of my own brain and mind. It seems like the space is alive and external.

I cleaned my room, opened the space, smudged some sage and Paolo Santo, stretched, and then sat at the altar.

There's been a very conscious and concerted effort to direct any internal dialogue towards myself rather than wherever else it goes, typically some hypothetical imaginary person, and this effort has been very useful in the moments before placing the pipe to my lips. Aside from always ending such dialogue with the reminder to commit and surrender, I've been acknowledging what internal strength I can, and finding cues to help me remember past feelings of confidence.

So, I said stuff to myself.

I took a hit. I waited. Then I took a second. Because at least two hits is "good form."

I laid down.

To my surprise, but without freaking out about it, I was somewhere else, thinking "again? It just happened again?" And feeling a slight frustration from the space, but not in any sort of unwelcome way, quite the opposite. However, as much as I try, I can't say what I saw or where I was. It was too alien, but that was apt, since the space wanted to discuss, well really talk at me, about me. In some ways "mentioning" insights it delivered in my first few journeys over a decade ago. I don't feel comfortable going into detail about the content (one could say it's "private;" it just doesn't seem like something one should really tell others), but in a simple way, it highlighted my "differences," how such is shown and endemic to my thought that molds and directs my being... synchronistically, the tattoo I'm getting tomorrow will be an alien skull...

Don't worry, it won't go to my head, and I'm less worried about it doing so.

Almost fully landing, I sat up and went back. The vibe changed. It was just good. Nothing to report. Just a mild hang out in hyperspace. It was like the space just wanted me to not feel lonely for a while after what it stated before. It was a good birthday journey. It also highlighted that despite all of the work that I've done, I have a lot more healing to do... and I have sacraments like these to help with that.

Doing more of what I want, what fulfills me, and what is needed will require being with a lot more discomfort.

I have this feeling that this year will be much more psychedelic. I want to smaolk moar. I want to try some new psychedelics and make better relationships with the ones I already know. I'd like to share more of this with others. More pharma, finally make my own and try Aya...

One love
 
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