Chasing Demons

[resinate]

Hello all:

Ever since a young age I've wanted to learn about the ways to manipulate my mind. A fascination with substances and the culture behind them. Unfortunately, this has led me down paths I had not intended. Started experimenting with cannabis at the age of 12, and by 14 had tried opiates, psilocybin, amphetamine cocaine. Developed a heroin addiction by 16, again at 18, again at 20. I am on my longest stint of semi-sobriety and am over 3 years opiate, benzo, and cocaine free. I've learned that those drugs only detract from who I am and what I want to become, while other drugs allow my mind to expand and develop. So I've extensively used LSD, MDMA often combining with ketamine and nitrous oxide. These dissociatives have given me such profound experiences, but their addictive potential is too great I fear. I'm at the point where I feel I've done some limited bladder damage with the ketamine, and perhaps some nerve damage with nitrous and I am choosing to discontinue their use. I always find myself to be chasing demons, when all I want is truth.

I've had 5 or so experiences with DMT all of them previous to quitting heroin, but thats been years now. ~3 true breakthrough experiences. And I still hold a bit of anxiety on the idea of smoking and experiencing such intense visions. I am coming to here to find insight to see if in the end people view DMT as another demon. I've procured some ~200 mg, but haven't mustered up the courage. Honestly would prefer to do it during an LSD trip.

I hope I don't find DMT experiences to be a body or mind debilitating experience.

Anyway just wanted to finally say hi, and I will scour the forums to see if the answers I seek are already here.

_resinate

 

[IANS]

Our bodies have been breaking down and removing dmt from our systems forever, its apart of who we are. We are however spiking the levels at our will, and ingesting it unnaturally.

I may very well have indescribable side effects, but none fit the definition negative.

 

[Pandora]

Hello resinate,

Welcome to the Nexus and thank you for sharing your story with us. Your journey sounds like it has been a bit harrowing and yet it also sounds like you have garnered a lot of personal insight from it and are not afraid to face/seek even more.

I applaud you for choosing the difficult, yet ultimately healthy and insight promoting, path. Dealing with balls/ovaries to the wall addiction is no freakin walk in the park. And neither is detoxing.

Yet, it IS do-able. As you know the first few days are pure physical hell, then the real challenge begins. The psychological cravings. The body is over it but the mind is looking for any stressor, any excuse to go back.

And so often I feel, it is the addictive behavior that is hiding/shadowing the REAL wound/injury/pain or whatever. The addiction is a symptom of a deeper underlying problem and/or trauma in my opinion. Regardless of the details of your personal journey, I do hope you are finding some real healing along the way.

I also applaud you for choosing to quit the dissos. If you are using Ketamine to the point of bladder damage and/or so much nitrous that oxygen is no longer a seemingly important molecule, that is a strong indication to stop while there is still time. It is not easy letting go of the comfort of daily dopamine receptor stimulation but it IS the path to better life and more growth in my opinion.


And now you find yourself in the the potential realm of DMT without an opiate on board. I've done DMT in A LOT of combos but never with an opiate so I do not have any idea what your previous trips may have been like. . . . but in terms of what's coming, all I can say is "Strap yourself in! You're on an EXPRESS elevator to HYPERSPACE!"

Actually, screw the restraints, they don't work in hyperspace. Just try to relax, find a comfortable, centered space, meditate a bit, then smoke/vape the dose. DMT has a heavy, sometimes crushing body load. Just try to surrender and let it take you where it will.

I would also recommend being in a safe place, and near some soft cushions, like on a bed or a comfy chair or super comfy patch of moss in the forest or w/e. DMT is VERY safe in terms of physical issues, especially for a younger person. It has an immediate affect on heart rate and blood pressure, raising both of them for brief periods. These are the only potential concerns . . . . other than to your ego.

All bets are off there. DMT has well earned rep for tearing folks right out of their body and shredding their egos. So many times, I have landed in hyperspace (even remembering that the last thing I did was smoke DMT) feeling convinced I was dead. Well, the DMT had loosened my mind from my proprietive or inner body sense that is for sure. Also, I couldn't feel my skin . . . . thus BOOM I was no longer perceiving myself in my body. That is one explanation for this phenomenon . . . .


One more thing I would like to recommend/encourage. And that is to look into doing your own extration. The wiki link above will lead you to a plethora of easy to use extraction teks. Doing this removes any fears about what was done when, why and for what reason - you know as YOU are the extractor. It also tends to yield amounts in the gram range to work with. Thus, one has a bit of wiggle room to refine vaping techniques (vaping DMT is not easy and you have very little time to do it in), to gauge effects of different doses etc. Oh and invest in at least a cheap mg scale too. At least at first, I recommend measuring doses.


Finally, if you ever do experience a DMT trip during an LSD trip, it is an off the scales, truly unique experience/realm that I will certainly never forget. Many folks here believe DMT goes well with LSD or mushrooms.

Again, welcome to the Nexus.

Warm Regards,
Pandora

 

[Clockwork Maggot]

ello, resinate, mate, and welcome to nexus :thumb_up:

excuse me, I'm still a bit giddy from a low dose:lol:

demons are a form of truth in being remnants of past experience we drag around with us. Most drugs are escapism from these truths/demons but I find dmt makes you look them in the eye. I don't mean to tell you what you think and feel but it might be more of a case that you're wanting peace rather than truth. you've got truth, I've got truth... it's just uncomfortable truths possess us as demons lol.
we all want peace... inner peace, outer peace in the world we observe and I think we get that when we address the uncomfortable truths to such a degree that they have less of a hold over us and we realise that there are also nicer truths which elevate us rather than bog us down. I make it sound so easy yet I struggle myself rofl.

Is dmt a demon? well they say it's not addictive, but what does addictive really mean and are there degrees of addiction? It might not be physically addictive, but neither is watching tv... the addiction comes in routine and the state of mind we experience and want to experience again. addictions can be brief or they can be long lasting. dmt is what you make of it. I suppose heroin might be the same in a way except you are what it makes of you until you tell it no... utlimately that's what you make of it, what it makes of you is an interim thing which lasts for as long as you choose it. I've never had heroin myself so I might be talking from sheer ignorance here but this is what I think of addictions. I do have my little addictions I find hard to put down though.

oh well. me and my scatter brain. take care and be well:thumb_up:

 

[Nadja]

Resinate, I wish nothing more than that you get a drug-free and happy life.

You might want to try making pharmahuasca from your DMT. There are clinics that actually use 1-8 ayahuasca rituals to treat all forms of drug addictions. Ayahuasca is a more gentle and profound teacher than smoked DMT.

 

[resinate]

Thank you all for the kind words! I will report back when I make the plunge into hyperspace.

 

[rOm]