Circus magic, nursery visuals and a subtle erotic feel

[PsyDuckmonkey]

I have a strange feeling these days when I trip on DMT. I've had a pretty wide range of experiences from DMT, but these days it seems that I visit the same "conceptual space" every time, the same feelings, experiences, visual feel...

There's this circus or nursery theme. It's like there are paper cutouts of childish drawings of animals, medical instruments, baby toys, magician's cylinders and wands and clown faces, and a folding space of checkered wallpapers in garish colors.

Then there is this unmistakable erotic feel. Not lovey-dovey erotic, but "strangely violating but feels nice" erotic. Last trip I had my eye and brain "sexually" penetrated by a bell-curve growing from a wall, while my neck elongated and spun into loops. It makes me recall people who said that they were raped during alien abductions. No entities though, just vague feelings and faceless energies.

Along with the circus theme, it makes me think of being put in a stage magician's disappearing box... Or being trapped in the land of faerie, and washed along on a river of magic, transformation and arousal.

I wonder if anyone else can relate to this flavor of experience.

 

[Sunnyside]

There's this circus or nursery theme. It's like there are paper cutouts of childish drawings of animals, medical instruments, baby toys, magician's cylinders and wands and clown faces, and a folding space of checkered wallpapers in garish colors.

Then there is this unmistakable erotic feel. Not lovey-dovey erotic, but "strangely violating but feels nice" erotic. Last trip I had my eye and brain "sexually" penetrated by a bell-curve growing from a wall, while my neck elongated and spun into loops. It makes me recall people who said that they were raped during alien abductions. No entities though, just vague feelings and faceless energies.

Along with the circus theme, it makes me think of being put in a stage magician's disappearing box... Or being trapped in the land of faerie, and washed along on a river of magic, transformation and arousal.

I wonder if anyone else can relate to this flavor of experience.

There was a period for me a few years ago. I would be reflecting on a recent exploration, and what you describe sounds similar to my feeling.
Yes circus-like. Yes some kind of clown.
I would 'feel' a calliope, in my reflection of the experience, and 'see' large incredibly happy heads... and here I go, sounding like a mad-man again...
To this day, I still get the un-folding checkerboards.

So more recently, I ask myself about those times, and what was different. I only come up with two things. One was my less efficient ingestion - I only knew of the crack-pipe, I did indeed travel, but nowhere near as deep as I could have been going. The other difference, at that time I only had acacia confusa from which to extract.

As far as eroticism, I don't recall that until I started deeper explorations, with a dab rig or GVG. It is not uncommon for me to see a magnificent woman perched on the ceiling, and she is erotic and the feeling is erotic and amazing.

One time a friend and I were adventuring together, he enjoyed a laugh and I asked what had happened. He said he first heard me exclaim "F*** me!" and then shortly later heard me mutter "... careful what I say here..." . I had no specific recollection to enlighten either of us...

 

[FranLover]

Yep thats DMT!:d I dont know why but thats what happens. Totally impossible.

Circus or nursery are probably some of the nicest spots in hyperspace. What a concept...or archetype. Absolutley perfect. Its so complex why this out of all things is what consciousness produces, but it makes sense...shakespeare said the life is a stage, and everyone and their granmmas feel a tingle when the county fair or circus comes to town.

Another recurrent motif or concept for me is this one;

 

[JKW]

I've been to the cosmic circus/carnival/candyland a couple of times. It's my favorte place to be on DMT, though it doesn't happen too often. I've noticed that only acacia gets me there. Never with mimosa (at least not yet). Mimosa is a different experience.

 

[Sunnyside]

...Its so complex why this out of all things is what consciousness produces, but it makes sense...

Indeed - why this one...?

From the moment I learned of the work of incedigris, I immediately and still do and always will recognize it and know it, though I have never seen it. I only feel it.

Particularly this example, MiniMe

ENTITIES GALLERY — INCEDIGRIS

www.incedigris.com

I hear the pipe-whistle-music of the calliope just looking at it.

 

[dragonrider]

The circus is familiar indeed. A weird place...i always got the feeling they where not showing half of what they're/it is capable of, even.

 

[PsyDuckmonkey]

Thanks for the Incendigris reference. I haven't known this artist, and this is so cool. Though the one you linked is personally less familiar to me.

This one though, I feel like I somewhere understand and know this phenomemon... ENTITIES GALLERY — INCEDIGRIS It's like when I'm going up, there's this sense of "whoa this is weird and I'm not sure I like it... wait a minute this is how it's always been, I just haven't seen it in an earth human mindstate."

And these kinds of "set pieces", like this... ENTITIES GALLERY — INCEDIGRIS, it's SO familiar! It always makes me wonder if it's something that's actually there, or it's some form of symbolic communication... Sometimes a DMT trip gives me the sense of a directed recording / performance, maybe for indoctrination, or communication. With the paper cutout hand-drawn motifs, almost visibly waved on wires...

If it's all our own mind creating the trip, then I think it's the creative, artistic part of us on overdrive, and it's really humbling to know that this visionary power is inside us, and we're often shutting it down... If it's external to us, then... well... I've seen a lot of signs pointing to the DMT trip often being something that's shown, like a movie or performance, as opposed to spontaneously experienced.

... Another aspect I thought of, reading your thoughts and experiences, is that in these specific visions, I had no face to face contact with anyone, clowns or otherwise. The clown faces I've seen were painted, and one fairy-clown-being whose magic box I flew into in an earlier trip, was not really moving or interacting with me, it was as if they were just doing some elf magic with the box, and me going inside it as a side effect, like I was just one of the specks of weird magic shit flying about. I've seen the chests of well-dressed "people", kind of like from a perspective of the rabbit in the hat, but it didn't entirely feel like those were "really there", if you know what I mean, while at the same time it felt like I'm on display and seen by multitudes, whom I'm not seeing.

[+ I thought a lot about this, there was a strange emotional component to these trips... That of complete helplessness and a removal of personhood. Like as if the trip was telling me that "you're just a toy here, not a player", and a weird sexual desire to be a good toy, along with the anticipation of what might come next. Like the next moment the magician may reach into the box, and pull me out, but then I'd no longer be me, just a string of colorful handkerchiefs... But at the same time, a feeling of "hey this is what you wanted, this is what you came here for, you're as much audience as stage prop, just enjoy!" It's hard to explain, it wasn't this "poetic" in the trip, much more a fundamental feel that can't be put into words without some really colorful metaphors...]

 

[Sunnyside]

In an exchange here on the forum, Incedigris helped me realize that all I really had were reminiscences of those drawings; I can't say I saw any single one of them, but when I saw his drawings I nearly fell out of my chair because it was so familiar...

.. Another aspect I thought of, reading your thoughts and experiences, is that in these specific visions, I had no face to face contact with anyone, clowns or otherwise. The clown faces I've seen were painted, and one fairy-clown-being whose magic box I flew into in an earlier trip, was not really moving or interacting with me, it was as if they were just doing some elf magic with the box, and me going inside it as a side effect, like I was just one of the specks of weird magic shit flying about. I've seen the chests of well-dressed "people", kind of like from a perspective of the rabbit in the hat, but it didn't entirely feel like those were "really there", if you know what I mean, while at the same time it felt like I'm on display and seen by multitudes, whom I'm not seeing.

I find your comments quite intriguing, I've contemplated a bit about this. I'm typing this, putting down paragraphs, then erasing, trying to make sense, but failing. So there won't be a real point that I'm making, just more ramblings:
At this moment in time, speaking strictly for myself, I might make a category or two.
One group, maybe like you are describing, there is no possibility for interaction. Faces which 'feel' like a drawing/painting/photo. Maybe like your clown faces.
Another group is when I ingest 'breakthrough' dosages, and probably accompanied by LSD or psilocybin. At this dosage, the magnificent gargoyles and other beings appear, perched on the ceiling. Or in or above the ceiling. Or sky. They do not feel like inanimate drawings. They seem to be in control, and eyeballing me as they survey me in their world. Interaction could be possible, and perhaps has happened, but nothing I could describe.
My final group has appeared rarely, but it is the most 'real' of all. Faeries, I suppose. They appear to be monitoring me closely, they appear to have feelings about how and what I am doing - what I am doing 'there', what I am doing in life, what am I doing in general. They, also, seem to be in control, and perhaps they could choose to interact with me. I don't know. I believe I have seen them react to me with joy and with glee and another time with what appeared to be genuine concern. I have no idea what could cause them to have any of those feelings about me.

This particular ramble is spurred by your comments, and because I read so many comments about direct interactions with beings. Folks write "They told me this, and so I told them that...".
I never experience that, no elves, no chrysanthemum...

[+ I thought a lot about this, there was a strange emotional component to these trips... That of complete helplessness and a removal of personhood. Like as if the trip was telling me that "you're just a toy here, not a player", and a weird sexual desire to be a good toy, along with the anticipation of what might come next. Like the next moment the magician may reach into the box, and pull me out, but then I'd no longer be me, just a string of colorful handkerchiefs... But at the same time, a feeling of "hey this is what you wanted, this is what you came here for, you're as much audience as stage prop, just enjoy!" It's hard to explain, it wasn't this "poetic" in the trip, much more a funamental feel that can't be put into words without some really colorful metaphors...]

There is lots to un-pack in this comment, I'm sure I will return to it. But I believe I, also, do get that feeling you describe above, the "... this is what you wanted and came here for...".

Thanks for your questions and comments, they really get me going...