I received this report from a friend who found it on the web, intense:
et: perfect mindset, mentally ready for a breakthrough, meditated for 30 minutes, at peace with myself and surrounding.
setting: naked, candles lit in dark room, in bed with pillows behind me so I can lay back but in almost a sitting position, parents gone this time.
this report will just be a bunch of random thoughts, after the thoughts i'll summarize and explain what happened. when I came down I immediately started writing, I wasn't going anwhere with the writing, just writing my thoughts, so try and follow.
"I know what it means to die, I know what it feels, how it feels to have your whole life flash before your eyes, so real, emotions, life"
"light so bright, so beautiful, I love life, emotion, eternal happiness, unlike any emotion ever felt, I'm ready"
"I could see myself choking, drowning in my own blood, but the feeling of life, how beautiful it is"
"no control, complete chaos, no control, no control, fear, terror, I was scared at first, scared to die, but I let go, I DIED. I know what it's like to live ** years, almost ** years, and for it all to end so fast, but the beauty of death, the feeling I had, not only what I saw, but the feeling of pure happiness, death is beautiful."
"no up or down, side to side, left to right, no direction, just chaos, chaos with every emotion pounding you in the face with a hammer. unlike any emotion, unlike any chaos, so much chaos, but yet so beautiful, this is a different type of chaos, very scary, but beautiful."
"I can't read my own...." [i freaked out now because everything that I wrote became foreign words to me, it looked alien, i couldn't spell "writing" because I was writing in this alien lettering and then I finally remembered I write in english, so it all went crazy there]
[I wanted this trip to answer some questions, here's what I thought going in: "should I be with my girlfriend or not, are the problems we're having worth fixing or is this a sign to move on, is she in my future? I got my answers, and this next paragraph fixed our relationship in an instant]
"it was hard at first to think about Taylor because I was dying, but the fact, true fact that I could see her face, and put aside my feelings about myself, my family, everything, the fact that she was there in my thoughts as I was laying there drowning in my own blood, dieing, losing but yet gaining everything, I now know that she belongs in my life, forever, that I want her there beside me for the rest of my life, to share the feelings and thoughts I'm having, and to have an endless supply of mary jane, good ole DMT, big o' shroomies, pure salvinorin A crystals, and all the other goodies
I felt love, true love for the first time."
"the first breath of air I had when I came back to life was the most amazing breath i've ever taken, I was reborn, I died, but came back to life.
"fear of letting go. scared. worry too much. not ready to die yet, and not come back. I actually felt death, I didn't know I smoked DMT, all I knew is that I was dead, but happy, happy with my life, happy that I was dieing and could think about Taylor. I was dead, I dont know how long I was dead. I took the hit, it came on much slower this time, so I didn't think I would breakthrough, but then it hit me, it hit me hard, and made me see death, and accept death, and see the beauty of death, and learn from death."
[continued from the compare/contrast between light dose and breakthrough, here's the breakthrough part + some other random thoughts]
can't tell if eyes are opened or closed, everything you see turns into BRIGHT colors, then into pixels, then tiny fragments of color, everything you look at disintegrates and becomes foreign, then it hits you. eyes open or closed, it really doesn't matter, you dont have eyes anymore. you don't have your body anymore. your left with thought, and truth.
whether you like the truth or not, it's there, clearer than anything you've ever seen. I had fear, fear of letting go. you have so many choices in life, but none in death. death shows the truth, it shows what is most important. There is no God, he's just something to fall back on. I didn't see any white pearly gates when I died, or a man dressed in a toga with long brown hair, instead I saw truth. i saw what most people in this world will never see.
We, the DMT people, we are all connected to each other, we're special, we're chosen to experience this, we know what comes after life, because we experience death, or at least I did, we have our entire human life to prepare for our actual death of our body and know where we will go, where we belong, and how to navigate this vast land of hyperspace.
But god, god is a thought, he's there for people that don't know, and it will hurt them later, they will see and feel what I experienced on my first breakthrough, the terror of death, of losing everything. how would you like to spend the rest of eternity floating in hyperspace having a bad DMT trip, to be so utterly scared and lifeless, confused, so chaotic you don't know anything anymore except fear and the bad side of death, or would you like to have eternal happiness, to know truth, and the meaning of truth, to see beauty unlike anything the naked eye can see.
This substance was placed here for a reason, it's a key, a key that only a select few have the power to hold. I learned that I worry too much, I'm afraid to take risks, afraid to let go. I learned that I will keep dieing everytime I take a breakthrough dose, until I learn to not be afraid, to just let go. I guess I'm not ready for what death has to offer, but I'm learning, and that's all that matters right? I appreciate life much more now, I see life in everything, the trees, the sky, the concrete, paper, walls, metal, wood, plastic, everything, it all has life.
DMT life is the most amazing experience ever, but human life is amazing as well. Human life is only a small stepping stone towards the afterlife. DMT helped me see the afterlife, it let me see my own death, not only see it but experience it, it wasn't a hallucination of death, or feeling of death, it WAS death, and it gave me the knowledge I need to prepare myself here in the human life for the afterlife that will come sooner than I think.
I learned to love, human life is short and can be lost at any given second, live life like you know you're gonna die a minute later. I worry too much, I need to just let go and live life. Experiencing death was the best thing that has ever happened to me, I'm a different person now, I have different thoughts on life now, I'm happy. This might be selfish, but I feel like I'm above people that haven't experienced death or DMT, i feel more knowledgeable, I am in no way experienced with DMT or know how to navigate hyperspace or control my thoughts and emotions, but the fact of experiencing it makes me proud, it's something I wish everyone could do, but this isn't for everyone, that's for sure.
the visions were unlike anything I've seen before. Its still hard for me to recall everything I was seeing because the emotional aspect of the trip effected me so much.
From what I remember the visuals went like this.. I'm laying in my bed, took the hit, the colors of my pipe began moving and increasing in brightness. I kept my eyes open for about 10 seconds. if I took a picture of my room and put it on a black piece of paper, that's what I saw sober, no black, only the picture of my room.
As I was coming up it was like I cut the picture into 4 equal squares and the outline of black underneath was visible, a second later cut those 4 squares into 4 more, another second cut each square into four more and so on until all I was left with were microdots of my room floating around.
From there I don't know if my eyes were opened or closed. All the tiny dots moved at lightning speed and came together to form another scene. I was in a square room, the walls were gridlike, very complex patterns but basic coloring, one wall being a pastel purple, another a bright green, and a red, I couldn't see the wall behind me. I knew the room was square, but it started transforming into shapes I've never seen before. The walls were always moving and changing shape at lightning speeds, but yet I could sit there and analyze each shape and understand it, it went through hundreds of shapes.
In the middle of the room was an orb. It was an off white, kind of creamy color, just floating there. At the peak I had absolutely no sense of direction and it scared me, I had no frame of reference because the shape of the room was constantly changing. The orb grew tentacles, maybe about 10, at the end of each tentacle was a black hole, I could see through each hole at the same time and each one led to a different place. That's when it started getting chaotic, the changing shapes, so much information going through my brain, the tenticles wrapping around me and pulling me in every direction, I didn't have a body at that time, but I had a confined space of energy, the tenticles were grabbing this energy, sucking it down the black holes.
I could feel each part of my energy being sucked down into each tube, I was peaking at this time, it was total chaos, during the pulling of my energy was when I felt dead. When all my energy got sucked down the tubes, it all met up in the core of the orb, a huge burst of energy hit me, colors blasting in every direction, kind of like setting off 100 fireworks in your face at the same time. The light was so intense but yet I wasn't blinded by it, it was beautiful.
This is when I came back to life, I could feel the tenticals repairing my energy, and then slowly building my human body back the way it was. When they were done repairing my body all the tenticals impailed my body, shocking me with electric currents, this is when I took that amazing first breath I wrote about. The tenticles went back into the orb, the orb slowly disintegrated, the walls and shapes collapsing on each other, everything turning back into pixels, everything slowing down and becoming more peaceful, I opened my eyes and sat there enjoying my room lit up with colors, all the surfaces liquified, slowly hardening and deepening with more 'normal' color, then I wrote.
I guess a good way to explain the intensity of this experience is this.. imagine yourself skydiving, you're happy and feel on top of the world. you're freefalling down the sky at normal speeds. Then somehow this strange force pulls you towards earth at speeds that takes your breath away. You're going so fast your parachute slips off you. you panic, pure terror, you're looking death straight in the eyes, you see the ground, a split second before you hit your life flashes before you, then the truth hits, you splatter into a pool of guts and gore. You're dead, but then this strange force shows you things that are unbelieveable, unexplainable, once you understand, the force repairs your body, and sets you free to walk away alive, appreciating life. That's how it felt for me, that plus the visuals was one hell of a fucking ride!
I didn't really even think about the visuals until you asked, thanks!!
Now that I think about it, this orb with tenticles must be death, it stripped me of every emotion, ripped my body and soul into millions of pieces, showed me hyperspace, and brought me back to life just the way I was. I saw this exact same thing on my first breakthrough. I know there's more visuals for me to see. I just think once I'm not afraid of this orb, or "death", anymore then I can travel to the landscapes I saw when looking through the tenticles. I just need more experience with dmt before I can venture that far into hyperspace. I think this orb is just getting me prepared for more.
et: perfect mindset, mentally ready for a breakthrough, meditated for 30 minutes, at peace with myself and surrounding.
setting: naked, candles lit in dark room, in bed with pillows behind me so I can lay back but in almost a sitting position, parents gone this time.
this report will just be a bunch of random thoughts, after the thoughts i'll summarize and explain what happened. when I came down I immediately started writing, I wasn't going anwhere with the writing, just writing my thoughts, so try and follow.
"I know what it means to die, I know what it feels, how it feels to have your whole life flash before your eyes, so real, emotions, life"
"light so bright, so beautiful, I love life, emotion, eternal happiness, unlike any emotion ever felt, I'm ready"
"I could see myself choking, drowning in my own blood, but the feeling of life, how beautiful it is"
"no control, complete chaos, no control, no control, fear, terror, I was scared at first, scared to die, but I let go, I DIED. I know what it's like to live ** years, almost ** years, and for it all to end so fast, but the beauty of death, the feeling I had, not only what I saw, but the feeling of pure happiness, death is beautiful."
"no up or down, side to side, left to right, no direction, just chaos, chaos with every emotion pounding you in the face with a hammer. unlike any emotion, unlike any chaos, so much chaos, but yet so beautiful, this is a different type of chaos, very scary, but beautiful."
"I can't read my own...." [i freaked out now because everything that I wrote became foreign words to me, it looked alien, i couldn't spell "writing" because I was writing in this alien lettering and then I finally remembered I write in english, so it all went crazy there]
[I wanted this trip to answer some questions, here's what I thought going in: "should I be with my girlfriend or not, are the problems we're having worth fixing or is this a sign to move on, is she in my future? I got my answers, and this next paragraph fixed our relationship in an instant]
"it was hard at first to think about Taylor because I was dying, but the fact, true fact that I could see her face, and put aside my feelings about myself, my family, everything, the fact that she was there in my thoughts as I was laying there drowning in my own blood, dieing, losing but yet gaining everything, I now know that she belongs in my life, forever, that I want her there beside me for the rest of my life, to share the feelings and thoughts I'm having, and to have an endless supply of mary jane, good ole DMT, big o' shroomies, pure salvinorin A crystals, and all the other goodies
I felt love, true love for the first time."
"the first breath of air I had when I came back to life was the most amazing breath i've ever taken, I was reborn, I died, but came back to life.
"fear of letting go. scared. worry too much. not ready to die yet, and not come back. I actually felt death, I didn't know I smoked DMT, all I knew is that I was dead, but happy, happy with my life, happy that I was dieing and could think about Taylor. I was dead, I dont know how long I was dead. I took the hit, it came on much slower this time, so I didn't think I would breakthrough, but then it hit me, it hit me hard, and made me see death, and accept death, and see the beauty of death, and learn from death."
[continued from the compare/contrast between light dose and breakthrough, here's the breakthrough part + some other random thoughts]
can't tell if eyes are opened or closed, everything you see turns into BRIGHT colors, then into pixels, then tiny fragments of color, everything you look at disintegrates and becomes foreign, then it hits you. eyes open or closed, it really doesn't matter, you dont have eyes anymore. you don't have your body anymore. your left with thought, and truth.
whether you like the truth or not, it's there, clearer than anything you've ever seen. I had fear, fear of letting go. you have so many choices in life, but none in death. death shows the truth, it shows what is most important. There is no God, he's just something to fall back on. I didn't see any white pearly gates when I died, or a man dressed in a toga with long brown hair, instead I saw truth. i saw what most people in this world will never see.
We, the DMT people, we are all connected to each other, we're special, we're chosen to experience this, we know what comes after life, because we experience death, or at least I did, we have our entire human life to prepare for our actual death of our body and know where we will go, where we belong, and how to navigate this vast land of hyperspace.
But god, god is a thought, he's there for people that don't know, and it will hurt them later, they will see and feel what I experienced on my first breakthrough, the terror of death, of losing everything. how would you like to spend the rest of eternity floating in hyperspace having a bad DMT trip, to be so utterly scared and lifeless, confused, so chaotic you don't know anything anymore except fear and the bad side of death, or would you like to have eternal happiness, to know truth, and the meaning of truth, to see beauty unlike anything the naked eye can see.
This substance was placed here for a reason, it's a key, a key that only a select few have the power to hold. I learned that I worry too much, I'm afraid to take risks, afraid to let go. I learned that I will keep dieing everytime I take a breakthrough dose, until I learn to not be afraid, to just let go. I guess I'm not ready for what death has to offer, but I'm learning, and that's all that matters right? I appreciate life much more now, I see life in everything, the trees, the sky, the concrete, paper, walls, metal, wood, plastic, everything, it all has life.
DMT life is the most amazing experience ever, but human life is amazing as well. Human life is only a small stepping stone towards the afterlife. DMT helped me see the afterlife, it let me see my own death, not only see it but experience it, it wasn't a hallucination of death, or feeling of death, it WAS death, and it gave me the knowledge I need to prepare myself here in the human life for the afterlife that will come sooner than I think.
I learned to love, human life is short and can be lost at any given second, live life like you know you're gonna die a minute later. I worry too much, I need to just let go and live life. Experiencing death was the best thing that has ever happened to me, I'm a different person now, I have different thoughts on life now, I'm happy. This might be selfish, but I feel like I'm above people that haven't experienced death or DMT, i feel more knowledgeable, I am in no way experienced with DMT or know how to navigate hyperspace or control my thoughts and emotions, but the fact of experiencing it makes me proud, it's something I wish everyone could do, but this isn't for everyone, that's for sure.
the visions were unlike anything I've seen before. Its still hard for me to recall everything I was seeing because the emotional aspect of the trip effected me so much.
From what I remember the visuals went like this.. I'm laying in my bed, took the hit, the colors of my pipe began moving and increasing in brightness. I kept my eyes open for about 10 seconds. if I took a picture of my room and put it on a black piece of paper, that's what I saw sober, no black, only the picture of my room.
As I was coming up it was like I cut the picture into 4 equal squares and the outline of black underneath was visible, a second later cut those 4 squares into 4 more, another second cut each square into four more and so on until all I was left with were microdots of my room floating around.
From there I don't know if my eyes were opened or closed. All the tiny dots moved at lightning speed and came together to form another scene. I was in a square room, the walls were gridlike, very complex patterns but basic coloring, one wall being a pastel purple, another a bright green, and a red, I couldn't see the wall behind me. I knew the room was square, but it started transforming into shapes I've never seen before. The walls were always moving and changing shape at lightning speeds, but yet I could sit there and analyze each shape and understand it, it went through hundreds of shapes.
In the middle of the room was an orb. It was an off white, kind of creamy color, just floating there. At the peak I had absolutely no sense of direction and it scared me, I had no frame of reference because the shape of the room was constantly changing. The orb grew tentacles, maybe about 10, at the end of each tentacle was a black hole, I could see through each hole at the same time and each one led to a different place. That's when it started getting chaotic, the changing shapes, so much information going through my brain, the tenticles wrapping around me and pulling me in every direction, I didn't have a body at that time, but I had a confined space of energy, the tenticles were grabbing this energy, sucking it down the black holes.
I could feel each part of my energy being sucked down into each tube, I was peaking at this time, it was total chaos, during the pulling of my energy was when I felt dead. When all my energy got sucked down the tubes, it all met up in the core of the orb, a huge burst of energy hit me, colors blasting in every direction, kind of like setting off 100 fireworks in your face at the same time. The light was so intense but yet I wasn't blinded by it, it was beautiful.
This is when I came back to life, I could feel the tenticals repairing my energy, and then slowly building my human body back the way it was. When they were done repairing my body all the tenticals impailed my body, shocking me with electric currents, this is when I took that amazing first breath I wrote about. The tenticles went back into the orb, the orb slowly disintegrated, the walls and shapes collapsing on each other, everything turning back into pixels, everything slowing down and becoming more peaceful, I opened my eyes and sat there enjoying my room lit up with colors, all the surfaces liquified, slowly hardening and deepening with more 'normal' color, then I wrote.
I guess a good way to explain the intensity of this experience is this.. imagine yourself skydiving, you're happy and feel on top of the world. you're freefalling down the sky at normal speeds. Then somehow this strange force pulls you towards earth at speeds that takes your breath away. You're going so fast your parachute slips off you. you panic, pure terror, you're looking death straight in the eyes, you see the ground, a split second before you hit your life flashes before you, then the truth hits, you splatter into a pool of guts and gore. You're dead, but then this strange force shows you things that are unbelieveable, unexplainable, once you understand, the force repairs your body, and sets you free to walk away alive, appreciating life. That's how it felt for me, that plus the visuals was one hell of a fucking ride!
I didn't really even think about the visuals until you asked, thanks!!
Now that I think about it, this orb with tenticles must be death, it stripped me of every emotion, ripped my body and soul into millions of pieces, showed me hyperspace, and brought me back to life just the way I was. I saw this exact same thing on my first breakthrough. I know there's more visuals for me to see. I just think once I'm not afraid of this orb, or "death", anymore then I can travel to the landscapes I saw when looking through the tenticles. I just need more experience with dmt before I can venture that far into hyperspace. I think this orb is just getting me prepared for more.
