death in my trip

[s14sliding]

well i took the biggest dose of dmt the other night and i saw myself kill myself (yes very crazy) and i heard (didnt see like i saw myself hurt myself) my sister and mother screaming asking if i were ok and i could see myself running thru the house like a mad man screaming. i def just couldnt let go but i did calm down and saw some crazy demon faces and i was in a forest at the very beggining of the trip and saw some other crazy creatures! def still taking it all in. what do you gus think this means? anyone else ever seen themselves basically commit suicide/hurt themselves in a dmt trip? or demons? i knew i should have waited longer to smoke dmt again cause my last trip before this one was so intense that i told myself i was gong to wait awhile for next time but i was too tempted and went ahead and smoked a bowl. any of your thoughts are apprieciated!

 

[Pandora]

Hi s14sliding,

I've seen many reports of people having intense DMT visions where they believe they have killed themselves and their loved ones find their bodies, etc. I have definately had (more than once) the trip where I got slammed into hyperspace so deep and fast that I'm left thinking, "I've done it this time." I have heard fewer reports of visions involving witnessing killing oneself.

Of course this is all just personal opinion and speculation but it seems to me DMT shows us endless depths and reflections of ourselves. Perhaps there is a tiny part of yourself that seeks self destruction. I'm sure Sigmund Freud, student of the subconscious, would endorse that idea. The idea that all people have a sort of buried self destructive wish.

But, I also see DMT as medicine as well as reflection. Perhaps taking a quick look at that aspect of yourself can help you to embrace life more fully and passionately. Perhaps it can help you to try to solidify and fortify bonds and communication with family, friends, loved ones, etc.


Regarding demons: Interesting that DMT can bring them out. Especially for me, speaking as someone who absolutely does not believe in them. I've been assaulted and rushed by entities many times but he only times demons showed any interest in me was on a high dose mushroom trip where I vaped a breakthrough dose of DMT at the peak.

All I can speculate about on all of this with absolute certainty is that it sounds like you dosed yourself pretty good.

Hope you'll take some time to think over your trip and figure out what it means to you and what you should do with it. Thanks so much for sharing such a powerful experience.

 

[Pan Man]

I consider psychedelic trips to have a lot of the same properties as dreams. There are often random ideas and experiences twisted within. If analyzed correctly you can trace back to origin of where you saw of thought of them. Of course most of your life is unconsciously experienced so there's a good chance you don't even know the origin of some of these things! (where or when you saw something for instance). A lot of times these connections dawn on me a day or so later. Just a thought, keep in mind I've never personally been to hyperspace so I am talking in context of mushroom trips I've had and seen others experience, as well insight into various trip reports. Hope to have helped!

 

[Purges]

Panda - I love reading your responses, always very in depth and well reasoned.

OP - Demons, wrathful entities, internal projections, reflections, it may mean something on some level. I have encountered a variety of entities of this manner, sometimes I have taken something from the experience, others I just felt that I have bumped into this dude at the wrong time :lol:

Like Pandora, I have been belted into hyperspace so fast I thought I had died for a short while. That happens pretty regularly to my understanding, but seeing you kill yourself? My trips are usually far more abstract than that :S

On Sunday evening I was testing a batch of Changa and decided to invoke my 'guardian' just as a little experiment really. I am not sure whether I believe in Spirit Guardians etc, how ever this snarling Lions head made of light burst through the floor of my living room, it's expression seemed to change as it departed to a more friendly tone though. That was pretty intense lol, I am now mulling over the possibility that I have a big hyperspace Aslan to look after me! Any way, point being, try to focus on your intention before entering the trip, it can influence the types of entities / beings you may encounter... That was an element of the experience, the rest doesn't really seem relevent. But yes, demonic, angellic, weird, humanoid, I have sampled a bit of each. What does it mean?! You decide

 

[Jin]

its all fractals , visuals and intensity , archetypical civilizations and alien understanding , that my trips so far

however to the OP , can you tell me how did you exactly kill yourself or in your imagination ?

did you stab yourself ? jump out of your appartment window ? cut your wrist ? slit your throat ? shot yourself in the head ? drown in water ? or burn yourself ?

how did you kill yourself ? i dont care whether you imagined it , pls just tell me how ? what method did you choose ? describe it if you can ? i don't want to know how you felt ! i want to know what you saw yourself doing (even if it was imaginary)

pls try to remember the exact sequence of events till you died and describe them ...

thank you

 

[s14sliding]

from what i remember is asking myself "did i just stab myself" (their was a very sharp knife about 3ft away from me) and i can hear myself screaming and hear my mother and sister screaming asking if i was alright etc. what i think happened is that i burnt my thumb when i was lighting the pipe and the pain from the burn was integrated in my trip cause i couldnt feel the bunr on my thumb at the time but all i can think about was pain. then when i wasnt tripping anymore i realized i burnt my thumb like hell. after the screaming of myself mother and sister. i told myself everything was alright not to worry and took a deep breath and then just started to see the usual patterns, creatures and colors as normal. it did freak me out a bit. that was my first really really big dose and im not sure if i broke through in the begging because i was hit str8 into a forest right away and thats when i started to panic because as soon as i closed my eyes i was blasted into this green forest area and well then i freaked and went to the hurting myself vision. i think was just scared of how intense it was soo fast (most my trips start slow and get fast in the middle) but i also think maybe it was dmt punishing me because i did tell myself that i would wait a while to smoke it before my last trip (but temptation got the best of me) so maybe it punished me for not keeping my word to wait awhile til my nixt trip instead of only waiting 2days? im still taking it all in but it was still a nice experience after i realized it was just a halucination =D

 

[Purges]

My death trips have always turned out good in the end. I no longer fear losing my body and moving on, these things can serve a higher purpose than confusion and fear if you channel them correctly. In a way it is one of the biggest / most useful lessons I have learned from Spice so far...

 

[Jin]

from what i remember is asking myself "did i just stab myself" (their was a very sharp knife about 3ft away from me)

there is the problem , please keep sharp objects away , also be in a comfortable place possibly away from dangerous situations when smoking spice as this helps to ease the mind with the trip and such thoughts will not have to be confronted

set and setting is extremely important , the reason for this is quite clear considering that a knife just a few feet away could cause panicked feelings and thoughts