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Difficult Pharma Travel

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soul-explorer

Rising Star
Hi all,

Last Saturday I undertook my 5th Pharma travel.

Dosage: 250mg Harmala isolate + 80mg freebase DMT dissolved together in single glass of orange juice.
I fasted about 24hours prior to this, so no food and only water. This seems to work best for me, when I eat too a few hours prior, I will have a much longer and milder trip.


Drank the OJ around 7.30pm and went to my couch to chill under blankets and ate one apple to kickstart the digestion of the medicine. Some low volume Steve Hillage music playing in the background.
As usual after prior fasting, it kicks in quick within 20min after intake.

I was a bit nervous about the comeup, I have been relaxing most of the day, but it might have been beneficial if I had done some meditation or taken a hot bath.
It became quite strong quickly and I started to shift into states that I knew from previous trips and I didn't even remember much while sober. Felt like a Welcome Back :)

Within a few more minutes I could sense the presence of other beings, this was maybe around 8.10pm.
I closed my eyes to explore this realm and found myself floating in some space with other beings and a lot of voices that I could not understand.
Then something not so great happened, my analytical mind started to question the whole experience.
I started to question if "the universe" is all there is and if it has only my wellbeing in mind, or if it is somehow manipulating me into thinking that. This was overwhelming me and made me open my eyes. I panicked that I might be trapped in this state for the next several hours.
The voices became louder, and I tried very hard to block them out.
It took a while, but then the voices became much quieter and I was able to shut them out by conscious effort. Thought to myself, I'm not quite ready for this!
There was this strong sense, that if I would give in to the voices, talk to them, a part of me would die. I'm pretty sure it was the ego in me that was afraid the whole time. It did not want to go (die). I ended up resisting the next two hours, not letting go fully.
Kind of glad I still could, as this was really hard especially the first 30minutes. With a higher dosage this might have not been possible.
At about 10pm the DMT became weaker and I could relax more, but was pretty exhausted by this experience.
Ended up thinking a lot about the thing that made me panic in the first place. After also chatting with some of you I came to the conclusion that there can never be absolute certainty about anything, and that this is something I have to accept.
Even if humans at some point will be so advanced that we understand how the universe works much better, it could still be only a small part of something much larger and widely unknown. There will never 100% certainty, so I guess all we can do really is to trust in it. Trusting random entities is probably a different story.
I must admit that trust is kind of an issue in my normal life too, this is something I have to work on.

I got into Pharma/Ayauasca mainly to work on emotional/physical issues and to heal/resolve them. I'm not sure in how far entities and hyperspace are actually helping me with this. My dosage was always about the same, but since the 4th Trip this dosage makes me Break Through and gain access to hyperspace. In the first three trips, I felt it really helped me to release emotions and heal psychological wounds, open me up.
Should I lower my dosage? Or would it be worthwhile for healing/releasing also to be in hyperspace, talking to entities?
 
I think that you should turn your focus inwards and examine what your fears are, why you have them and the original root of them. Then, disown them. Sometimes it's not that simple and it can take a bit of time working out the kinks, but recognition is key in the first step to fixing the problem. Problem letting go, maybe connected to self doubt, self defecation, etc (same problems I have and have been working on).

I would suggest that next time, you go in laughing and smiling and just let yourself "be." It sounds difficult but if you consciously put your awareness on happiness it will come. Maybe try meditating or yoga and try practicing neutrality/unattachment to the world.

I think this is something that requires contemplation and should be fixed while sober before going back in, but you can do it!! :d
 
soul-explorer said:
After also chatting with some of you I came to the conclusion that there can never be absolute certainty about anything, and that this is something I have to accept.

Another nice report there although not much detail after the point of resisting the voices. What were you seeing or what were the voices saying? Either way I am glad it didn't leave you absolutely shattered on the way back. I can imagine resisting a pharma trip like that would be like having to hold a tug of war for a few hours and leaves u exhausted. :shock:
 
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