Disappointed with myself

[hug46]

I don"t think you should be dissappointed in yourself Baby Bonnie, although i totally relate to this. I have had the heart slowing down scenario that Mr Peabody describes and i knew that when it finally slowed to a complete halt it would lead to breakthrough city (i also have had the slow down thing with my breathing). But, on occasions, i fight it (because it is an un-natuaral feeling to feel you are just about to go pop!) andso i fail to surrender, leading to me being quite frustrated with myself.
I might add that it did take a while for me to find my sealegs which still can be a liitle unreliable in holding me up (or down) in these situations.

 

[DMTripper]

...I'm a weak and cowardly person - no wonder I have an inferiority complex when so much of what could potentially be a good person is totally ruled by fear. There isn't much about me that I like...

Hahaha I like you already You're funny and very honest. And let me tell you the same thing that others here say. You should fear DMT. I think it's not normal to not fear it at all. If you have no fear for DMT you don't know DMT.

But to fully enjoy what DMT has to offer you will need to step into that fear.
I did DMT for the first time 6 years ago after reading about it for 10 years or so.
Last time I did DMT was a week ago or so and I had diarrhea before blasting of because of the anxiety and fear. I hadn't done DMT for a long time so anxiety had a long time to build up. But I decided to step into that fear and had a very positive and good experience. I smoked changa and just started with a little smoke to adjust to it. Then I did a big one and another. Very good trip and I've been feeling super good since

Just keep going there and you'll get used to the fear You probably won't get rid of it but you learn to deal with it.

Good luck with future journeys

 

[camel]

I think it's not normal to not fear it at all. If you have no fear for DMT you don't know DMT.

Agree 100%. It's a fear out of respect for what you know it's capable of.

Regarding fear, one of my favorite quotes:

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

 

[some one]

Great comments!

I think the fear we feel is our ego. It has a hard time letting go. This is what makes DMT so different from other substances. Normally, the ego wants more, it causes addiction. With DMT the reaction is the opposite. I'd say that DMT is not just non-addictive, its anti-addictive. Users find it hard getting themselves to use it, instead of the usual trying to limit their use.

Why do people keep on using DMT if its anti-addictive? It's the same reason people climb Mount Everest instead of going to Bali. It can be tough as hell, but the reward can stay for life. Thats the experience we seek.

I have the following advice:

1) Don't be hard on yourself and follow all advice given so far

2) Mentally preparing to the extent that you do is usually good, but in some cases it might be counter productive. The more you prepare, the more you inflate the scenario, the bigger the mental step is, the more resistance and fear arises. Sometimes its better to 'just do it'. Take a couple of minutes to mentally prepare before you light up and just go.

3) Preload with harmala (eg. 25 mg dose of Harmine taken sublingual 20 min prior to smoking DMT). This will get in a mellow state before you take off, eliminating some pre-flight anxiety. During the journey it will act as a warm blanket. With a pre-dose of Harmine I have no trouble accepting anything happening during the trip (including the fast onset), which I find difficult to do without.

4) Don't smoke freebase. Try changa (or enhanced leave) instead. I find the onset to be slower and easier on my mind. I don't like freebase anymore. It hits too hard. Most experienced smokers tend to stop using freebase after a while. For a reason.

5) (As already mentioned) start off with smaller dose first (eg. 15-20 mg).

6) Give it time. The more you do it, the more used you will get. A bit of fear will always stay, but it will become less.

 

[Baby Bonnie Hood]

Thanks for all the advice.
I've finally got my milligram scale (the most common one that everyone around here seem to have) so now I can dose properly and start off with something I know isn't THE BOMB

Changa: I don't find this very interesting actually. Extending the duration of the high sounds like a bad thing and not a good thing in case things get too intense. But I guess I'm not fully understanding the concept and the effects.

I have considered mixing freebase DMT with some cannabis (by using acetone and dissolve the DMT in that, then pour it on a small chunk of herb). What are the main differences between freebase and that combo?

 

[Binary Drool]

I've grown pre-dose anxiety. A while back if I felt like smoking, I'd smoke. But recently there has been this change where well, obviously in a small way I fear the come up, but also the OCD-ness and ritualistic tenancies regarding setting, lighting, music, position etc. I don't know why I've become so anal when it comes to smoking. It bothers me because I know what's on the other side of that toke, Love and the describable. I haven't smoked in months and I'm long over due. Hmm...

 

[Jin]

a good way to do it is to load a breakthrough dose , hold the pipe in your hand and let your heart beat faster , keep holding the pipe as your heart beats faster and faster and wait until the heart slows down again ......it can take upto a minute or more , just relax and don't smoke till your heart is beating fast ....just hold the pipe in your hand

now promise yourself you're not going to smoke till your heart is beating so fast ,infact say to yourself you might not smoke atall at that time , in a few mins the heartbeat will slow down , at that point inhale your full dose in one hit , hold it for 10-15 seconnds ...........

........and kaboom

remember don't smoke till your heart is beatin very fast , thats just a panic reaction and you don't want that to accompany you during the trip , i've smoked at times while my heart was beating like this and the heartbeat accompanied me right into the trip .....eversince i realized if i would just hold the pipe and not smoke , after some time the heartbeat goes down .........

its a good idea to even contemplate not smoking that day as you hold the pipe , trick yourself into believing you're not smoking that day and as the heartbeat lowers down just take it all in

also the heartbeat is sometimes more pronounced if you're not sitting comfortably , make sure your body is relaxed , a good posture is to sit on your bed with a backrest , the backrest should suport your back keeping you somewhat straight and you legs should be comfortably on the bed ( not hanging down ) , also keep your body in a open posture with limbs away from each other rather than close

 

[○]

Changa: I don't find this very interesting actually. Extending the duration of the high sounds like a bad thing and not a good thing in case things get too intense. But I guess I'm not fully understanding the concept and the effects.

I have considered mixing freebase DMT with some cannabis (by using acetone and dissolve the DMT in that, then pour it on a small chunk of herb). What are the main differences between freebase and that combo?

Changa ime doesn't extend the experience all that much 'more' per say, it just slows the experience down a tad to where you can take in the scenary a little bit more. The time frame is also extended initially to where you can take several tokes within a much wider time frame initially versus with straight freebase having to get all your hits within 30 seconds or so. You've basically got the jist of how to make it (dissolve dmt in high proof grain alcohol or iso and then toss in ratio'd amount of herb to dissolve into), the only thing you were forgetting is to add extracted harmala alkaloids (which you can source from b. caapi vine or syrian rue seeds) to the mix.

But if you didn't have the harmala alkaloids to add to the blend right now, you could always just make 'enhanced leaf' with the dmt, iso, and herb. Even though with enhanced leaf there won't be any harmalas, but it'll still be a GREAT method for administration. Infusing the DMT into the leaf protects the DMT greatly from getting burnt via lighter. With enhanced leaf, you can just stick some in a pipe, cherry the very tip, drag SLOW, and 2-3 tokes and theres no turning back! hehe :twisted:

Here's a link to the Nexian DMT handbook - Nexian DMT Handbook

^^ Section 14.1, i believe, of the handbook has a step by step pictorial of how to make enhanced leaf, or once you have the harmalas then changa.

tat tvam asi

tat

 

[Baby Bonnie Hood]

Tried to do some DMT today again - this time with a lightbulb-pipe.
Turned out to be completely crap. The volume of a lightbulb is just too small I think - the vapors were kinda harsh so I think I got all of it into gas form. Anyway: I didn't even get to the over-saturated colors and DMT-sounds -stage. I felt a lot more relaxed though and the heart racing didn't bother me this time. My mindset is a bit different now when I know it's perfectly normal to have a racing heart (or feel like it slowing down on the way there). Ah well... I'll have to get a proper GVG I guess - or do another try with my small bong.

 

[3rdI]

hello BBH,

its good to hear that your feeling a little calmer with the experience but i would defo stay away from the lightbulb pipe, conduction is a very poor way to vape DMT and it is likely that the taste came from burning the DMT.

If you can afford a GVG i would get one but if not i would look into infused herb as it is an easy and pretty fool proof method of delivery

 

[Baby Bonnie Hood]

Yes I knew it was going to be crap before I even finished it. But Im curious and I wanted to know myself.

I went back to my bong now and I find it much better. I've taken some smaller doses today (right now) and I feel a lot more safe during the onset than I previously did. The heartbeat I just neglect now as it's accepted as something completely normal.

Also worth mentioning:
28 hours ago I took some valium (diazepam) which I know has a long halflife (100 to 200 hours) and dampens the effect of psychedelics. I don't consider that a bad thing though: not for me, and not at this stage in my "development". I think I needed that in the system to test out the waters so to speak. I've also discovered my preferences I think: I want music for the experience - ambient or space music (sub-genre of ambient) and I want sunshine - not darkness.

Question: With DMT being so diversive - with different experience everytime - I still want to ask this: Do you guys feel that you some "specific" type of fractals? The first time I smoked DMT they were circular and mechanical in appearance - vibrating a little. This time, they looked more like elipses with sharp ends: much like certain kind of flowers.

 

[Mr.Peabody]

I've thought about this, too. My first times with DMT had very different visuals than they do these days, but it even changes from time to time. I can do it two days in a row and have two completely different times. This is how mushrooms have worked for me, too.

 

[Swinjin]

I've grown pre-dose anxiety. A while back if I felt like smoking, I'd smoke. But recently there has been this change where well, obviously in a small way I fear the come up, but also the OCD-ness and ritualistic tenancies regarding setting, lighting, music, position etc. I don't know why I've become so anal when it comes to smoking. It bothers me because I know what's on the other side of that toke, Love and the describable. I haven't smoked in months and I'm long over due. Hmm...

I'm very anal about these things too. I always have a candle lit, and all other lights in my house off. During my ritualistic preparations I ALWAYS have intense anxiety, and fear. It's strange because I really love the experience, but the fear is overwhelming. I am always glad that i did it though. I honestly do not know why I am so scared every time I do it. BBH, please if you have the means, pick up a GVG. It's amazing.(duh lol)

 

[Baby Bonnie Hood]

... BBH, please if you have the means, pick up a GVG. It's amazing.(duh lol)

Already ordered one!
Unfortunatly the scale I got a few days ago was completely sideways (made errors of up to 400 milligrams) so I have to send it back It's one of those gemini ones that people recommend.

But yea I've ordered a GVG in order to progress further down the DMT-path. And once I have my breakthrough experience I will write it down and share with you guys.

 

[DeDao]

I know your fear. My heart races, my body is hot, and I am dizzy. This is from ayahuasca though. Last time I took ayahuasca I took more than I had previously intended and ended up, I believe, either breaking through or almost breaking through. I was completely being taken under by the experience. I thought I was going to die.

I am not necessarily coming here to try to make you feel better. I am more so coming here to let you know that I think I understand your fear. People here are saying that it's a normal thing and that the fear of letting go from this reality 100% CAN FEEL like death, but in fact is part of the experience. Maybe I'll stick with cacti from now on. Hehe Probably not, but hey, it's one step at a time and I think that you and I are going at our own, perfectly fine, rate. :thumb_up:

Love and light
-Dao

 

[River of Thoughts]

Don't worry you are not the only one. Pure DMT doesn't jive well with me... I just can't handle it... I can handle heroic doses of Aya, Shrooms. and LSD but something about pure DMT that I just can't get. However, I found that Changa is my solution to hyperspace exploration. Changa is very special! I LOVE IT!! You choose how deep you want to go and the onset isn't as extreme as pure DMT. Take a low dose of changa meditate and take a bigger dose and off you go.

 

[Hiyo Quicksilver]

You needn't worry about the onset. If you're very alert and anxious about it, it will likely be more rough than otherwise. The way you perceive reality is about to be blown to smithereens, the momentary blast is nominal compared to what it precedes... but if you tense against it, sometimes it just won't work.

You may want to play with set, setting and your smoking method and see what you can do to alter how you interact with the drug. I've found that bongs give a much more powerful onset than vapor pipes or bowls of laced herb, and that the onset if often much gentler with yellow, NMT-laden spice than the fluffy white stuff. Additionally, the set and setting of your trip has a huge effect on how you pay attention to the onset, which is key in tailoring your "entry". This all may be totally different with you, but hopefully you can find a few ways to get the "launch" you're looking for.

Also: Acid.

Happy Trails!
Hg

 

[Swinjin]

BBH, have you tried your gvg?

 

[ZenSpice]

Might be a bit late to this thread but it took me 3+ weeks between sessions, at the point where I actually wanted to go beyond the initial stages you mention. Similar situation wherein my heart would just go nuts thinking about it.

In hindsight I think/feel it was a combination of two things. One being that I wanted to be in slightly better health (I was staying up real late, lots of energy drinks etc) and general state of mind. The other I think I also kind of subconsciously knew that the next time would be THE time and while I had no real idea what that meant, the little dabbles I had taken indicated it would be mind-blowing (it was lol). So I got to getting a better diet (somewhat, far from perfect) and a bit more meditation, contemplation etc and awaited the right moment.

As everyone here says and I echo also, it sure sounds to me like you got your head properly screwed on regarding your approach.

If your experience is anything like mine (and many others on here) then when your time comes and you are ready I have no doubt the spice will see the respect and reward accordingly.

I wish you the most amazing and enlightening of times

 

[Dr_Sister]

Hey there Bonnie

Welcome to the club. Sister has bailed on 90% of her appointments with herself to visit hyperspace. Windows of opportunity will open up, a hyperspace trip will be scheduled, but when the time arrives, Sister often finds herself frittering away the time until the window of opportunity no longer exists. Anxiety, who knows ...

For Sister tripping alone has never had that much appeal. These days she prefers to trip with friends and it usually as a nightcap after other festivities that Sister indulges. Somehow with friends the leap doesn't seem as daunting

Go with your gut instinct, it is seldom wrong ...