Dreadful trip, please help me understand

[Varox]

Hi all,

This weekend I tried DMT for the 3rd and 4th time... Both experiences were similar between them and SO different from my first experiences and even from what I thought was possible on DMT. These were weird, fast and above all, scary... So here we go...

After a couple of failed attempts at being able to feel anything at all on DMT (bad tek, tin foil, all the donts involved) I had my first real experience like a month and a half ago. That experience was "slow" and I could actually navigate a bit. It was the stereotypical DMT experience, I saw the mandala, I broke through, I arrived at the dome and interacted with the self-transforming entities. It was very profound and beautiful and I cried and healed. This was my first experience. The second was not really a break through so I will skip.

This weekend I had a birthday we stayed over with some friends so it was time to try again. My scale broke down so we were just measuring by eye how much spice we were putting on the machine (I know, mistake n.1, I will buy a good scale asap), but it was probably between 20mg and 70mg. I torched the machine and took a little toke. Waited 15 seconds, exhaled and went for another toke. This time a full lung toke which I knew immediately it would be enough to blast off. I lay down still holding my breath, I felt the usual fast heartbeats accompanied with the high pitch soundwaves I usually hear and to my idea I just passed out... I woke up laughing, after a few minutes and had the faint idea that I had been abducted by aliens... I saw myself laying on the experiments table but it was not a lively memory but more the idea that I just had dreamed that. My friends told me this was very short, around 3 minutes. I also know I hallucinated but could not remember a thing. I did not have the idea that I just had a bad trip, just an unsatisfactory trip.

The next day I was at home and I had a couple of hours before my wife and kids would arrive. With the unsatisfactory experience of the previous day, and considering that I rarely have the time to do this, I thought I'd try again. Had I known....

This time I weighed the dose with a sub-optimal 0.01 scale and loaded around 25 - 30mg on top of the same copper mesh we had used with my friends (I am pretty positive that not much was left on the mesh). I was alone this time so I thought I'd go for a one toke breakthrough. I am actually very positive that I vaped it correctly because at the end of the full lung toke no more vapor was coming off the mesh. I layed down on the floor and again holding my breath, I felt the usual fast heartbeats accompanied with the high pitch soundwaves, only this time I immediately felt that something was not right. Instead of blasting off I felt I was being sucked in. And this was accompanied by a stream of the most scary hallucinations I have seen up to now. Of course I searched the forum for a description of what I felt and I actually did find something similar:

"After the fourth dab I was transported to a crazy world of circus-like bands, ribbons, and zig-zags. At least four godly beings inhabited this realm. They were controlling the visuals, slamming them into me, metaphorically shoving my face into them, saying "Is this what you wanted?". I felt like they were making fun of my pursuit of higher consciousness. I thought to myself "Oh God, no, please PLEASE don't ruin this for me" (My first bad trip - First steps in Hyperspace - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus).

I don't know if I saw the godly beings and for sure I did not hear them speak. I do know that I saw the same circus-like imagery and I was convinced that I was being taken away by aliens (for want of a better word) and that it was my fault because I had called them. I kept thinking: This is not what I wanted, who is going to take care of my kids? I thought I had really done this time, I was not coming back. At a certain point I slightly managed to relax and accept my fate (I even heard a voice that said that everything would be taken care of for me) but that was just and instant and then the scary stuff came back. And then just like that when I felt I was actually in the most darkest of places, BANG I was spat back into reality, I was still tripping because the OEVs were still overwhelming and I could not think straight... somehow I managed to get to the couch and stayed there until everything subsided.

After all was back to normal I had the idea that everything had just been a bad dream, could not actually recall the exact dreadful imagery which brought me back in such a way and had the idea that I had actually blacked out during the experience, though I do remember the OEVs perfectly. The feeling that remains is not one of fear but more of amazement of what is possible plus a lot of humbleness and respect for the power of DMT and the decision made to start from scratch and build up from there.

Could somedbody shed some light on this kind of experience, this was very very short in comparison with my first experiences but WAY more intense (sadly in a dreadful way)...

Did I do too much? was it too little? I know that my set and setting were off, I know that now because during the trip I thought that ages were going by and my wife and kids would find me in such a state or not find me at all which was the more frightening... So that's one thing, lesson learned. But I also believe there must be something going on with the dose... Anyways, all thoughts are welcome and I can say I just had my baptism in fire.

 

[3rdI]

Could somedbody shed some light on this kind of experience

yes, yes i can. DMT is absolutely, totally, unrepentantly bonkers and sometimes it puts you through the ringer for no apparent reason.

i wouldnt put to much faith in a single experience, reload and crack on, it can only get better, or worse or the same:thumb_up:

 

[Just Say Know]

what is your set?

what is your setting?

do you even ritual bro? (jk; but ritualism can sometimes affect your set posatively. sometimes. some people don't like it though; personally i focus more on internally preparing for a psychedelic experience; but yeah try putting in some sort of way of respecting the DMT)

ritualism can include meditation, burning incense, wearing nice or ceremonial clothing, saying and writting words of respect, mantra, musical instruments like the raddles or drums or even something else of your desire, play some music, be in nature,etc.

what are your intentions and reasons for trying DMT?

i think answering some of these questions might shed light onto your experience.

also; going to quote DiMoiTou from the chat "As it turned out, those in the rosemary-infused cubicles demonstrated significantly better long-term and working memory than those in the unscented cubicles, while those in the lavender-scented cubicles performed worse than the others in tests of working memory. Furthermore, those exposed to the smell of rosemary reported feeling more alert than the control (scent-free) group, while participants working in the lavender cubicles reported feeling less alert."

i was going to state you should try Rosemary but he also said it wouldn't affect your immediate memory. we could still test it out though! i am at least as a nootropic like effect. or maybe even actual nootropics could help? idk.

also you might consider trying ayahuasca; it's a much longer experience but from what i hear its also one of the more integratable ways of experiencing dmt and is easier to understand

 

[Spaced Out 2]

Dmt said Happy birthday:twisted:

 

[null24]

3rdi nailed it. DMT is the strangest of the strange. My last trip was eerily similar to yours, i posted about it in 'so that's a hyperslap!'. Its funny, i got the exact same "is this what you want is this what you want"over and over. Sometimes, well actually all the time, I've found that doing a 'silent integration' helps these difficult trips. That is, in the time directly after, NOT trying to make too much sense of it, but to let the meaning filter in, like gnosis. And if some pithy wisdom comes thru, and it will, write it down. Coming here and posting too, good job, ask questions, get answers.

 

[hardboiled]

Ditto with 3rdI and null24.
Some crazy experiences happening on each side of spectrum.:shock: :!:
My last two experiences where like this.
One was super orgasmic incredible explosion in my third eye and as i died universe died and at the exact same moment i was born and universe was born and i relived being squeezed trough birth canal
and being welcomed by whole universe with unlimited love.
Second and most recent was being engulfed in folding/refolding insanity of ineffable cev and propelled at such staggering speed into some thing or somewhere where i could sense and hear this multiple and singular voice at the same time calling me to get in, to enter and multiple hands pulling me toward it and just as i was about to enter there was a second voice that responded by no i don't wan't to there is no need to enter or to know just forget it go back and forget it. Keep in mind none of those voices felt like mine i was just the observer. So the voice/s that was calling me and pulling me went to sush this other voice and there was like a brief battle between this two and then the voice that said to forget it all managed to rewind the whole process and i came back to my body again.
I felt like a toy that was being played with and there was no feeling of love or acceptance etc.
But all in all good times:thumb_up: